Feeling guilty - need some advice. (very long sorry)

JenHunt

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There are 3 things I guess that I need to make decisions about, and I don’t know if I’m just being selfish.

I’ll describe the situation at the moment and then describe the dilemmas.

My horse (Ron) and my sister’s horse (Tom) live at my parents house.
My sister is at Uni in Plymouth and I live 20 miles from mum and dad.
All winter mum and dad have been doing the boys mon-fri and OH and I have been doing them over the w/ends. I have been going up to ride during the week whenever I can, but I don’t get up there even 1 night some weeks.
We have been unable to get anyone reliable to help me exercise Tom, and there’s only so often you can ride and lead up the same tracks before everyone is bored.
OH can’t ride Tom as a) sister won’t let him and b) he would be more weight than tom is used to carrying (sister is about 8 1/2st, OH is about 13st) and c) Tom has side bone so we try not to let him carry too much. Weight anyway.
Every Saturday morning I have been complaining as it looks like they haven’t been mucked out all week, but parents say they have. It also looks like they haven’t done feet cleaning or rug changes all week.
Tom is a pain in the backside when left on his own, throwing himself around the field, at the fence and gate. Often come home from a ride/day hunting with Ron calmer, and fresher than tom who’s been in the field. He’s even worse in a stable. We have seriously tried everything to help him calm down about it.
We didn’t move Ron before the winter because a) we had just moved into our new house and parents said they wanted us to make sure we could afford that before worrying about keeping Ron. And b) we couldn’t leave tom on his own.
The cost of moving him is irrelevant due to an arrangement with where I would be moving him to, but it would save me 80 miles a weekend!
OH would get more involved if Ron was nearer, but he works the wrong side of home to get up there before me at the moment.

So…. Tea break anyone?

Now I have a few dilemmas…
1) I have seen a yearling filly that I would love to buy, I can just about afford her.
a) do I buy her and keep her at parents and move Ron?
b) Do I buy her and keep them both nearer to my house?
c) Neither – please suggest?
2) Do I move Ron anyway and
a) leave the responsibility of finding tom a friend up to my parents and sister?
b) Try to find a pony on loan or something?
3) Do I leave things as they are and make more time to go up during the week and make sure things are done the way I want? – This is really difficult as I am away 3+ nights with work.
4) Do I just put up with things?

At the moment I feel really guilty about not spending enough time with Ron, and expecting him to go hunting at the weekends. I am fortunate that he is a naturally fit horse, but I still take care that he is only out as long as he is fit enough for, and we’re usually still bouncing back to the trailer!

Am I just being selfish in wanting to move him nearer to home? What would you do?

if you've got this far, have a hug from me, then go get creme eggs and a big cuppa tea!
 
If it was me I'd give my sister a couple of months warning then move Ron closer to home. Finding a companion for Tom is her responsibility & by giving her warning then she has time to do something about it.

As for the filly, personally I'd be reluctant to get another one until I know how things work out keeping Ron closer to home. If you can only just about afford her then it only takes a couple of unexpected costs before you're running into problems. If you do buy her then keep her close to you, youngsters are better for regular experienced handling & if you keep her with Tom then you'll only have this problem again when she needs breaking & riding in a few years.

Oh & make sure you're parents realise it isn;t a criticicm of them in any way!
 
parents know how i feel about it all, and i have made sure they know it isnt a criticism. they are just not helping me in making any decisions.
not really letting me make it or helping me sort it out either... grr...

right - am off to see if i can ride before the light goes!
 
Hmm, tricky. I'd agree with above really, give them plenty of warning and then move Ron. Its really up to your sister to sort out a companion for Tom.
Its not fair to ask Ron to hunt at the weekends if he hasn't been ridden all week, IMHO. I know you don't do much whilst you are out, but still, you can't keep him that fit which isn't fair on either of you.
The whole situation seems unfair on your parents who are doing their best and not getting much appreciation, in fact quite the reverse!!
So your sister probably needs to take responsibility for her own horse I guess?
 
I agree with the others. Get a quiet companion for your sister's horse that your parents can cope with easily. Move your horse nearer to home and enjoy. You can go over to your parents at the weekends still.

Can you simplify the keeping arrangements at your parents' so they don't have to muck out 2 stables every day? Corrall, live out, etc.?
 
Personally I wouldn't bring another horse into the equation right now and would therefore concentrate on getting the current situation sorted before even considering taking on a youngster, and even then I would probably be quite cautious as youngsters need a lot of time and 1 on 1 handling and by the sounds of things you are away with work quite a bit and therefore may not realistically have enough time for the filly.

Like the others have said I would definately consider giving your sister some warning that you are planning to move Ron so she at least has a chance to find a companion. Is there any reason why your sister doesn't have Tom down in Devon with her? I spent several years studying in Devon and kept my mare with me and found there to be quiet a few respectable yards, which were also rather cheap (in comparison to Surrey prices!!!) and the hacking is amazing, especially up on the moors
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With regard to Ron I would definately move him closer so you get a chance to spend more time with him
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and have your OH to help out when you are busy, plus the saving in petrol I imagine would be quite useful!

Hope this helps you
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Emma_c - I understand your concerns about the hunting, and if i were hunting with a different hunt it would be different. the bilsdale do a lot of hunting over forestry and moorland so we rarely gallop - mostly trot! I know that he is quite a naturally fit horse and in 4 years has never been lame or off colour!
it's not ideal, but that's one of the reasons for trying to move him nearer to me.
 
orangehorse - we have been simplifying the job as much as possible - they didn't come in for the winter until december 1st, and they are out again already (still with feed and hay!) and we have made the feeding as simple as poss too.

i do make a point of saying thank you to parents for their help and hard work - it just seems like i spend all my weekend trying to catch up with jobs that if i had been doing the horses during the week would have been done gradually not all at once (if you get me).
 
I would move your horse nearer to you.

I would leave your sisters horse at home with your parents, and get a little companion pony for it.

I would not be buying another horse.
 
princess_gem - my sister hasn't taken tom with her because she is doing a condensed dentistry course and doesn't have the time or the funds to keep him fit, so it was decided to keep him at home but rough him off.
well that lasted about 2 minutes when we realised that he was going to go bananas. He doesn't cope when Ron's out and is like living with a toddler when ron's in! so we thought we'd find someone to just keep him ticking over, but no joy.
 
AmyMay - we borrowed a neighbours pony last summer whilst i was away for a few days with ron... it was fine until they were put into the stables to get out of the heat.

Tom promptly went nuts because he couldn't see the pony who couldn't reach over the door! so maybe not a pony, but a companion yes!
 
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