feeling inferior/boosting esteem/progressing

[Ridererror]

i will try and keep this short but in essence I am wondering if any one has any tips to boost my own self esteem and stop comparing to thers when it comes to all things horsey

I have ridden for over 20 years. Had own ponies as a child and a few loans. into adulthood between work, mortgages etc I am unable to buy or loan though I am very lucky I do get to ride friends horses (all flatwork only and restricted in what they can do)

I know of a friend of a friend who has only been riding 5 years. Pretty soon after her first lessons she had a horse bought for her, then a second and can keep them at home. She has worked up to a very good standard and competes in BE novice and I think has competed at CIC level. She also only wokrs three days a week so has the time to train.

I feel so inferior! I think, admittedly, a bit jealous too as i really want to be out competing but it is very very difficult without your own hrse - which for me isn't possible at this stage. But I see all her pictures of what she is out doing (and she has done very well for herself) and it just makes me feel down. I would love to be able to do all that but between work and other things in life it won't happen for the immediately foreseeable future.

I made steps to get myself out of this lull and started booking lessons focussed on jumping and have got myself confident and progressing again. My instructor says she is noticing I am coming on well but even then I think I am training and improving and I would like to do something with it ie compete. My instructor is really good and has suggested giving me dressage tests to take away and learn and use some of my lessons to do these. this is great but I would like to do more competitive jumping too.

How do you remind yourself that everyone goes at their own pace and life isn't a competition? That just because now isn't the right time it will work out? I think I just feel a bit of envy, frustration and possibly a bit down about it all. I am budgeting to allow for one-two lessons per week on top of my regular riding for my friends but I don't know what more I could do.

Sorry that sounds so pathetic I know

 

[HeyMich]

Everyone has their own shit to deal with! You don't know what's truly going on in their world, and what pressures they are under. They might be really jealous of your full time work, or feeling claustrophobic or under pressure about having to train and look after their horses each and every day. Just because their world looks rosy to you, it doesn't mean they aren't fighting their own battles.

Could you look into a share horse somewhere that is more suited to jumping at your level? It's fantastic that you can ride for your friends for free, but if you aren't doing the type of riding you want to do, it may be a false economy. Ask your instructor if there is another horse more suited to your progression that they know of? You said you aren't in a position to loan, but a part-time share might work.

Set yourself small, achievable goals, such as the dressage tests, and tackle each one head on. You'll look back in a year and realise that you've learnt masses. Good luck, and don't put so much pressure on yourself!

 

[Ridererror]

I know you are right the grass always looks greener doesn't it! Especially where social media is concerned!

Hmmm I never thought about a part share. It is difficult for me to commit to set days but I think it is probably workable if I reprioritise. I have never done that before. Is that almost like "part time loaning"??

I am already looking back since starting proper lessons again at the end of last year and seeing the progress. my instructor films my jumping for me and I see an improvement not just in the height and type of fences I am jumping but in my confidence and position. I am extremely hard on myself for some reason. Never think I am doing good enough!

 

[Fanatical]

Everyone has their own shit to deal with! You don't know what's truly going on in their world, and what pressures they are under. They might be really jealous of your full time work, or feeling claustrophobic or under pressure about having to train and look after their horses each and every day. Just because their world looks rosy to you, it doesn't mean they aren't fighting their own battles.

This completely! I am in the best position I have ever been in to be able to get out and compete but can I get there - nope. Things just happen outside of your control sometimes. Having your own horse would make your chances greater perhaps, but it'd be no guarantee.

Having said that, I completely get where you are coming from. In this day and age with social media, I think it's very difficult not to compare - which I think must be one of the biggest causes of mental health issues/ depression.

 

[Ridererror]

This completely! I am in the best position I have ever been in to be able to get out and compete but can I get there - nope. Things just happen outside of your control sometimes. Having your own horse would make your chances greater perhaps, but it'd be no guarantee.

Having said that, I completely get where you are coming from. In this day and age with social media, I think it's very difficult not to compare - which I think must be one of the biggest causes of mental health issues/ depression.

I agree. And I am so bad for looking! I stay away from it for so long and then I look at all the horsey accounts I follow. Don't get me wrong I LOVE seeing everyone's pictures and following what they are doing but yes it does compel me to compare and make me feel like I am stagnant. And actually I am sure there are others who would love to be in th eposition I am in. Human nature I suppose

 

[electric_circus]

How do you remind yourself that everyone goes at their own pace and life isn't a competition? That just because now isn't the right time it will work out?

I think you answered your own question here... and even people who have horses will experience the same frustrations! Horses go lame, horses break, horses age... and if you're in a good place, then you make the most of it.

Someone above mentioned a part share; some potential shares can be flexible on days and this could work for you. You could well find someone that is quite happy to let you train and compete on the share horse as well. A friend rides my veteran on an ad hoc basis, has hunted him this winter and will do some low-level competing this summer. I love seeing him make someone else as happy as he has made me, while I can focus on my competition horse. Try looking on some of your local horsey FB pages, or asking your horsey friends if they know anyone

 

[Peter7917]

I cant ride. I have been riding years but I cant actually ride.

I don't know how to ride from leg to hand, I don't know the difference between extended/medium/working trot, I don't really get how to ride to a fence, I just point and shoot. Christ, I don't even really know the aids for canter, I just lean a little more weight to one side and that does the trick!

But you know what, I can halter break and bring on an unhandled yearling really well, I can teach a horse to accept a rider for the first time and teach him the basics, I can take on something that is difficult to hack alone and get it hacking alone nicely.

Don't focus on what you haven't achieved. Focus on all the great things you have!

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

I cant ride. I have been riding years but I cant actually ride.

I don't know how to ride from leg to hand, I don't know the difference between extended/medium/working trot, I don't really get how to ride to a fence, I just point and shoot. Christ, I don't even really know the aids for canter, I just lean a little more weight to one side and that does the trick!

But you know what, I can halter break and bring on an unhandled yearling really well, I can teach a horse to accept a rider for the first time and teach him the basics, I can take on something that is difficult to hack alone and get it hacking alone nicely.

Don't focus on what you haven't achieved. Focus on all the great things you have!

You sound like a lot of people in racing - they can ride racehorses but put them on a normal horse and they are all fingers and thumbs.

Everyone has their niche whether it is on a horse or off a horse. You don't need to be out competing to prove it!

But actually have you thought about online dressage? Get your instructor to help you do a test correctly then film the entire test at the end of a lesson and enter the online ones. Provided the owners of the horses don't mind!

Jumping isnt the be all and end all of horses. I have ridden all my life but I don't jump. Ive never really been taught to jump. Don't get ne wrong I can look stylish over a fence, not pull in the horses mouth or crash land on its back - I have plenty enough balance to keep us all safe - but I can't see a stride to save myself! I put my entire trust in the horse to figure out where it's feet are and to get us safely to the other side! It's worked so far ... but as I say I very, very rarely jump! Inhand Showing and galloping are my forte.

 

[Ambers Echo]

At whatever stage of riding (or any sport) you are at there will be people who:

a) Are much better than you
b) Have better and more horses than you
c) Are more well supported than you
d) Are richer than you
e) Have more time than you.

This never changes. Well not unless you get to the elite levels anyway.

You can get disheartened by that. Or inspired/motivated by that. Or just accept that that's life and focus on what you HAVE got not on what you haven't got compared to other people.

And if you look around you will also realise that there are also people who would kill for what you have: access to rideable horses, money for lessons, a supportive instructor etc.

Try to work our what YOUR goals are, ignoring your BE Novice riding insta-mate. If he or she did not exist would you still want to get out competing?. If so how, realistically, can you make that happen? Our local yard did clear round SJ evenings in the summer which is what helped me get over a fear of jumping.

 

[Peter7917]

But actually have you thought about online dressage? Get your instructor to help you do a test correctly then film the entire test at the end of a lesson and enter the online ones. Provided the owners of the horses don't mind!

Ill assume this wasn't meant for me. I find dressage mind numbingly dull. We much prefer going out in the forest for a gallop.

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

Ill assume this wasn't meant for me. I find dressage mind numbingly dull. We much prefer going out in the forest for a gallop.

No that was for the op lol! I would find dressagw dull as well! I much prefer going fast. And when I am showing there is a ring full of people to talk to/bitch with 😂😂😂

 

[Ridererror]

Ill assume this wasn't meant for me. I find dressage mind numbingly dull. We much prefer going out in the forest for a gallop.

Me too....I like to jump....and go fast! But I was putting in some footwork lessons in between to work on position, seat etc so when she suggested that I almost bit her arm off just for the opportunity

 

[Ridererror]

At whatever stage of riding (or any sport) you are at there will be people who:

a) Are much better than you
b) Have better and more horses than you
c) Are more well supported than you
d) Are richer than you
e) Have more time than you.

This never changes. Well not unless you get to the elite levels anyway.

You can get disheartened by that. Or inspired/motivated by that. Or just accept that that's life and focus on what you HAVE got not on what you haven't got compared to other people.

And if you look around you will also realise that there are also people who would kill for what you have: access to rideable horses, money for lessons, a supportive instructor etc.

Try to work our what YOUR goals are, ignoring your BE Novice riding insta-mate. If he or she did not exist would you still want to get out competing?. If so how, realistically, can you make that happen? Our local yard did clear round SJ evenings in the summer which is what helped me get over a fear of jumping.

You're right. I know I am lucky having access to horses to ride foe nothing and can afford regular lessons. I need to focus on that more!

 

[Ridererror]

You sound like a lot of people in racing - they can ride racehorses but put them on a normal horse and they are all fingers and thumbs.

Everyone has their niche whether it is on a horse or off a horse. You don't need to be out competing to prove it!

But actually have you thought about online dressage? Get your instructor to help you do a test correctly then film the entire test at the end of a lesson and enter the online ones. Provided the owners of the horses don't mind!

Jumping isnt the be all and end all of horses. I have ridden all my life but I don't jump. Ive never really been taught to jump. Don't get ne wrong I can look stylish over a fence, not pull in the horses mouth or crash land on its back - I have plenty enough balance to keep us all safe - but I can't see a stride to save myself! I put my entire trust in the horse to figure out where it's feet are and to get us safely to the other side! It's worked so far ... but as I say I very, very rarely jump! Inhand Showing and galloping are my forte.

I know it's not the be all but jumping has always been my "thing" if that makes sense. I used to compete when I was younger and do miss it. Though I would be happy just getting out round a few local XC courses. I didn't know there was such a thing as o line dressage! Other than the YouTube videos I have been watching to try and get myself excited about it lol. Thanks I'll look into it

 

[Ridererror]

Thank you everyone for your kind/non judgemental and helpful responses. I appreciate it