Feeling like giving it all up!

[emfen1305]

I recently posted about dropping down to seeing my horse once a day in a bid to regain some sanity (and sleep) but can’t shake this horrible feeling of just wanting to give it all up.

He’s currently on the sick after being diagnosed with navicular disease and some ligament damage. We have our last visit to the vets tomorrow and have no idea what they are going to say but I have a feeling it’s going to be a long expensive road. I’m trying to save to buy a house and still paying off debts from my old horse’s stint in the vets 2 years ago so when I got this months livery bill and vet invoice I have to admit I had a little cry. It doesn’t help that it’s rained every day for what feels like months and I got a message today to say he booted another horse in the field so now I have that to worry about and just feel like all I ever do is worry, cry and pay out half of my salary to see him for 10 minutes in a morning (all of which is spent listening to him kick the door or spin round the stable wanting to be let out)

Sorry I’m not sure of the point of this post, realistically I’m not going to sell, I can’t anyway as he’s lame but just want to know if this feeling passes. It’s been going on for about 3 weeks now and just want to feel like I’m into it again. I know there’s more to horses than riding (I spent 3 years rehabbing my old horse) but just feel like I could quite happily give it all up and save all of my money and sanity!

 

[splashgirl45]

i think the rain makes us all a bit fed up and you are worried about the vet tomorrow so it makes it twice as bad. i gave up horses last september and miss them every single day, i gave up because i am an oldie and now cant manage the heavy work required on DIY and cannot afford to pay for help.....mentally it is killing me and with all this recent rain i am feeling even worse, so if you had no horses youmay not feel better.......maybe get tomorrow over and you will know what you are dealing with...a couple of sunny days may help, chin up

 

[Chappie]

I've nothing much useful to add I'm afraid, but just wanted to say someone is thinking of you both - I can relate - and hold on in there.
Emfen1305 good luck for the vets tomorrow, I hope they have some better news for you. Everything seems so much worse in harsh weather too, doesn't it?
Splashgirl45 - sorry to hear you had to give up due to the heavy workload - I got my chance with horses later in life and trying to make the most of it now before I can't afford or am able to ride - I hope I'm always going to be involved somehow though... even in a small way... there used to be a lady in her 70s at my livery yard who volunteered and was so kind and helpful to the kids and pottered about doing odd jobs, the YO was very grateful for the extra help and the lady got her 'horse-time'... it's not for everyone, mind, but it seemed to work out well for her.

 

[milliepops]

I agree with the above, it's grim at the moment, getting dark early, the weather is pants and when you've got a sick or injured horse the stress levels can rise so high you can't remember how nice it can be to have them around.

I would make a vow to yourself not to try and think about making any decisions for a period of time, and just try and go into autopilot a bit while it's so difficult. And then in a couple of weeks or so maybe it IS time to think about what you want for the next few years of your life. If you still feel like it would be better without a horse then perhaps that's the clarity you need. On the other hand, maybe by then you will be over this particularly difficult spell and feeling more able to deal with his recovery.

I am normally the one to say hang on to them at all costs but I do totally understand when it feels like the stress and expense is unbearable and you want other things at the same time. As hobbies go I can't think of one that takes more out of you in that way. If you aren't getting enough good stuff back then it's less certain that you should keep going. For me, while I have times when I can't see how I can ever juggle it all, I also can't imagine letting any of them go, so the balance is strongly tipped in that direction for me.

But chewing it over when you're feeling fragile is not the right time.

 

[be positive]

It may depend on insurance but the question I would ask the vets today would be if he is turned away without shoes for the winter will it do any harm to his prognosis?
Winter is a grim time to be rehabbing and if you feel bad now it is not going to allow you to start in the right mindset so a break from some of the expense, more free time and no guilt that you are 'neglecting' him could let you come back to it fresh next spring and rehab when everything is better, it obviously depends on the vets, insurance and finding a suitable retirement yard willing to take him for 6 months but would definitely be my way forward if it was not going to do any harm.

 

[indie1282]

Is turning away on grass turnout an option? It sounds like he is turned out at the moment.

Sorry I dont know the background with this horse but I would have an honest chat with the vet and find out what the future options are. Also what are your plans for him?

If hes stressy in the stable when you go up to see him then he doesnt sound very happy and tbh if all you can manage is 10 minutes a a day with him then I would be thinking about other options.

 

[ester]

^^ that, take his shoes off and chuck him out if you can.

 

[PapaverFollis]

Sorry you're having a rough time.

I would definitely investigate chuck out and leave out for winter options. Even if it means a yard move. Let yourself have a break without making any permanent decisions yet.

 

[Leo Walker]

Yup, shoes off and out. Find a big acreage of mixed grassland and a settled herd and reassess in the spring. This current situation is doing neither of you any good. In the days before we had all the current medical care available people chucked them out and let dr green do its thing. A surprsing amount came back right.

I had a JA pony mare who tore an enormous hole in her tendon, she had stem cell treatment and the best treatment money could get, came through rehab twice and did it again both times. She then went to be a broodmare. She had 2 years off at grass with foals, came back sound and stayed sound from then on.

 

[Gloi]

Being turned away without shoes is likely to do him a lot of good

 

[The_Shetland_Collector]

Firstly keeping my fingers crossed for you today!

Echo what everyone else has said to be honest, if there is a way you can turn him away for the winter and give yourself a bit of clear head space for a few months it could be really beneficial.

It’s so easy to feel run down with it all in the situation you find yourself in and heading towards a gloomy winter. Please go easy on yourself, we can spend so long worrying about caring for our beloved four legged friends that we forget to care for ourselves and your wellbeing counts too!

If after a few months of reduced contact you still feel the same then perhaps it is time to make that decision. From your suggestion of wanting to save for a house I’m guessing you’re fairly young, there is lots of time for horses and there is no shame in admitting that your priorities have changed, they take up far too much of our time, money and headspace to not be enjoying them fully.

I made the decision to say goodbye to my beastie last year, I’d been feeling similar to you for a while and advice from the vet helped me in my ultimate decision to say goodbye. I still have a herd of Shetlands who I adore and as much as I miss my big guy I don’t regret the decision and my head is a much lighter place without the continued worry.

Take care, try not to make any rush decisions although from the tone of your post I sense you may have been thinking about this for a while

 

[emfen1305]

Thanks all for your input, I agree making rash decisions when I’m feeling rubbish is not a good idea. Usually when I’m at the yard I feel ok and I’m happy to get on with whatever I do it’s when I’m stuck in traffic or rushing around at work that I think “wouldn’t it just be easier if...” but I suppose everyone gets like that, especially in winter!

I’m going to see what the vet says today about his prognosis and go from there. He will already be having a quiet winter anyway because I’ve just changed jobs so I’m working late a lot. There isn’t a lot of land around me so to turn away would mean moving further afield and giving up my place at my current stables which I really like and I’m worried I won’t get it back, and I certainly can’t afford to pay for both.

I just feel selfish and guilty for feeling like this, a friend has just lost her horse and I couldn’t imagine going through that again, I need to be grateful for what I’ve got!

 

[HelenBack]

Hello, I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're feeling this way. I can completely sympathise because I've had a rough few months with lameness issues with my horse and I feel exactly the same as you. It's not at all enjoyable at the moment, I don't want to get up in the mornings, and like you I just feel life would be easier without a horse. It doesn't help that I've said for some time that I won't have another horse after this one and that generally I feel horse ownership is a lot more stressful these days than it used to be. I then feel guilty because I really do love my horse and feel like he's done so much for me and as soon as the going gets tough I want to run away and ditch him. It's all completely horrible so I really do feel for you. I think it's probably normal to feel this way so do try not to beat yourself up over it.

I don't know if it's something that would appeal to you but I've been looking into things like counselling, CBT and mindfulness etc. I think I've got into a very negative thought pattern and things can quickly spiral out of control so I've admitted I probably need some help now. I've got a lot of supportive friends on my yard and I know some of them have gone down this route in the past so I don't know if that's something you'd consider. Please don't feel worried or self-conscious seeking help if you feel it could benefit you.

Other than that, if turning away is not an option, can you afford full livery even a couple of days a week just to get you away from it all and give yourself a bit of a break?

 

[Annagain]

Thanks all for your input, I agree making rash decisions when I’m feeling rubbish is not a good idea. Usually when I’m at the yard I feel ok and I’m happy to get on with whatever I do it’s when I’m stuck in traffic or rushing around at work that I think “wouldn’t it just be easier if...” but I suppose everyone gets like that, especially in winter!

I’m going to see what the vet says today about his prognosis and go from there. He will already be having a quiet winter anyway because I’ve just changed jobs so I’m working late a lot. There isn’t a lot of land around me so to turn away would mean moving further afield and giving up my place at my current stables which I really like and I’m worried I won’t get it back, and I certainly can’t afford to pay for both.

I just feel selfish and guilty for feeling like this, a friend has just lost her horse and I couldn’t imagine going through that again, I need to be grateful for what I’ve got!

Don't feel guilty, you can't help feel what you feel and knowing someone is going through worse doesn't stop you going through your own issues.

I'd find a retirement / grass livery space for him even if it's further away - the break from the daily grind might do you good or you might find you miss him too much and then you know you have to keep him. I'd leave him there until Spring but make it clear to your YO you want to come back from April (or whenever). I'd then leave him at the grass livery until you get a space again even if it means waiting a few months. Time off without shoes will do him the world of good.

 

[Tarragon]

I do feel for you. It can be difficult to cope when you are feeling down.
I also endorse the advice given to perhaps turn the horse away for a while to give you both time to get better. It will also give you time to reassess your situation and feelings without the stress.
I can't add any more except to say stay strong

 

[BigGingerMare]

you poor thing. It is horrible, and I - like lots of others - completely sympathise. Poorly horse and dreadful weather definitely makes it all worse. Is there a friend or family member who could do your daily horse chores for a couple of days, just to give you a break? Hope the vet's news is as good as possible. If the news isn't great, then I would second all the people saying turn the horse away - particularly if you're going to be working late a lot over the next few months. It may work out better for the horse, as well as for you.
Last winter I was feeling a little like you (long story) and ended up borrowing someone else's mare for a few days out with bloodhounds, to remind me that horses could be fun and that I did actually enjoy them. I also remember a few years ago staying with my sister in the east of England (I live in Wales). I was standing in her garden and she asked me what I was doing - "Just standing" I said, "enjoying the sun". It actually made me cry. It was the first day i'd had without rain in well over a month and it was getting me down more than I had realised.

 

[emfen1305]

Thanks again for the support and sharing your stories! There has finally been some positives, an all clear from the vets with a comment from a passing vet who was also passing when he was lame to say how amazing he looked on the lunge so that was nice. My vet is very fond of him how lovely he is which made me realise how lucky I am to have such a lovely horse. It's a pretty intense rehab programme of just walking (working up to 40 mins a day over the next month) so I am going to see if having a focus makes me feel a bit more "into it" - I certainly feel much more positive than last night anyway!

 

[splashgirl45]

at least younow have something to focus on, hope all goes well

 

[SEL]

That's really good news. I had an awful winter 2018/19 when my horse went out of work on Boxing Day and I spent 7 months then just doing rehab exercise. With all the normal winter jobs on top and the lack of any sun for about 100 years it was really miserable. Then suddenly Spring rocked up and even with the usual panic over waistlines doing all the in hand work really wasn't so hard.

So hang on in there and March will be along shortly

 

[milliepops]

ahh good news.
Rough time of year to be doing rehab but hopefully come spring you'll be up and running. I'm hoping to start my sicknote off with her walk exercise after our next vet check in 4 weeks so will be joining you in the dull work

 

[Ceriann]

Thanks again for the support and sharing your stories! There has finally been some positives, an all clear from the vets with a comment from a passing vet who was also passing when he was lame to say how amazing he looked on the lunge so that was nice. My vet is very fond of him how lovely he is which made me realise how lucky I am to have such a lovely horse. It's a pretty intense rehab programme of just walking (working up to 40 mins a day over the next month) so I am going to see if having a focus makes me feel a bit more "into it" - I certainly feel much more positive than last night anyway!

Having just done the intense rehab post injury - now hacking (walk only) - you have my sympathy. It’s difficult at the outset to see beyond a very long, hard process with no guarantees of success. I just got into routine and didn’t think too much (beyond next scan) - I didn’t do what ifs, took the opportunity to take her shoes off and stopped worrying. Mine is doing well, I can school her now but won’t until spring. For me there have been some big positives- we’ve just clicked far better than we had before (we just get each other now), I hack with a decent pass at confidence, she’s not scared of anything on the road, I’m no longer obsessed with schooling! Hope it all goes well.

 

[indie1282]

Thanks again for the support and sharing your stories! There has finally been some positives, an all clear from the vets with a comment from a passing vet who was also passing when he was lame to say how amazing he looked on the lunge so that was nice. My vet is very fond of him how lovely he is which made me realise how lucky I am to have such a lovely horse. It's a pretty intense rehab programme of just walking (working up to 40 mins a day over the next month) so I am going to see if having a focus makes me feel a bit more "into it" - I certainly feel much more positive than last night anyway!

Good news! Well, on your other thread you said about being overweight and getting fit so try to think of the 40mins in hand walking as a goal for both of you!

 

[emfen1305]

I’ll certainly be making the most of the lighter nights while they are still here to get out walking. It’s been a while since we did in hand hacking and I used to love it so I suppose that’s a positive!