Forum Bully Behavior - Observation

[In The Real World]

Hello there,

I have just been reading through some threads (couple of months old) and Im just astonished at how many Bullies there are out there online so much so the poor lady who started one of the threads kept her head down after been beaten to submission by some very opioniated stroopy mare.

I was BUllied at work 12 months ago - I ended up having to leave my position as my health took a turn for the worse.

I just want to say that - These people need to be stopped and the admins need to take charge! Nasty pasys

 

[Fii]

I think there are some on here that have very assertive natures, there are also some that know everything and come across as if you dont know a thing! feelings run high on some threads, but i really dont think there are many "bullies!" if any, they dont stay long as they tendto let themselves down, and get banned!

 

[orionstar]

There is alot that goes on in this forum that I dont know the whole details of, but there are some posters who are nasty to everyone, there are some who have been so horrible to other members that the minute they post they are asking for it, and they are some that have been re-incarnated after being banned so many times we have troll busters to sort them out. There are also Trolls, who may look like they're being bullied but the very nature of the thread dictates this, and this is what they do it for. There are also the minority, by the very nature of the question, whether genuine or not get the response that say's "you really shouldnt be in charge of a live animal". This is an open forum, you're going to get huge differences of oppinions, but until you understand all of the above, you can not make the claim that someone is being bullied. I still profess to being a virgin in this territory

 

[rhino]

Hello there,
I just want to say that - These people need to be stopped and the admins need to take charge! Nasty pasys

If you see bullying report it. It is an unmoderated forum so unless you report it it will not be dealt with.

However, don't confuse differences in opinion with bullying, as people are perfectly entitled to their strong opinions.

 

[Moomin1]

OP I too was bullied by a serial bully at work a few years back. She was found guilty at two (internal and external) enquiries and was got rid of. I suffered sever depression and anxiety as a result and now take a very strong stand against true bullying.

I do however think that there is a very fine line between people expressing opinion and being of a strong opinion on a matter, maybe even calling a few harsh names or terms, and someone actually being a bully. Bullies are people who wreck lives and destroy confidence over a long period of time. They are people who aim to strip their victim of their personality and confidence in order to gain the outcome they want.

I don't think there are many bullies on here - I think there are some very strong minded and some very rude people on here - but unless someone is harrassing continuously then I don't think it can be classed as bullying.

 

[Fii]

I virtually got accused of being a bully last year on here, because i asked a couple of questions that the person obviously didnt like I certainly didnt mean it to be bullying, and it made me feel bad that i was accused of it, and i tried to avoid her posts afterwards!!

 

[In The Real World]

Hello

Some very good points - I guess I maybe a little over sensitive after having my confidence stripped and made feel worthless at work. I enjoy this forum (even if I just lurk mainly) but you guys have restored my faith

I just felt one person who continually posted negative know it all comments on this thread I was reading seemed like a reall S**t and brought it all back

Thank you xx

 

[Rowreach]

I don't think there are many bullies on here - I think there are some very strong minded and some very rude people on here - but unless someone is harrassing continuously then I don't think it can be classed as bullying.

You also get groups of people (I won't call them cliques ) who tend to hunt in packs on here. I've seen it several times since I joined, and I don't like it, but then I tend to ignore threads which they have taken over. I did get involved a few years ago when one previously popular poster got set upon by an earlier group. Most of them have gone to AHHO since then. We now have a new group I think they stop just short of bullying at the moment, but if you see anything you are concerned about OP, report it. I know of at least one former poster whose life was totally disrupted by the treatment she received on here. The trouble is, if not nipped in the bud, these things can get totally out of hand

 

[Wagtail]

You also get groups of people (I won't call them cliques ) who tend to hunt in packs on here. I've seen it several times since I joined, and I don't like it, but then I tend to ignore threads which they have taken over. I did get involved a few years ago when one previously popular poster got set upon by an earlier group. Most of them have gone to AHHO since then. We now have a new group I think they stop just short of bullying at the moment, but if you see anything you are concerned about OP, report it. I know of at least one former poster whose life was totally disrupted by the treatment she received on here. The trouble is, if not nipped in the bud, these things can get totally out of hand

I agree with this. There are one or two people who band together and take over threads, though some of the worst offenders seem to have left this forum many months ago.

 

[[59851]]

You also get groups of people (I won't call them cliques ) who tend to hunt in packs on here. I've seen it several times since I joined, and I don't like it, but then I tend to ignore threads which they have taken over. I did get involved a few years ago when one previously popular poster got set upon by an earlier group. Most of them have gone to AHHO since then. We now have a new group I think they stop just short of bullying at the moment, but if you see anything you are concerned about OP, report it. I know of at least one former poster whose life was totally disrupted by the treatment she received on here. The trouble is, if not nipped in the bud, these things can get totally out of hand

I've noticed this too. They stamp on posts and gang up on people. I had one very, very nasty experience on here when I asked for some advice in soapbox, hoping someone else had experience what I was going through, then I got rude and insulting PM's. What is it with people? If I see a post I don't like, I rarely comment on it, I don't abuse the OP through the PM system.

For the most part 95% of forum users are kind, helpful and supportive but that 5% ruin it for everyone. I think because they can hide behind a keyboard they think they have the right to be as hurtful and rude as they possibly can.Take the Jadeyyandlady posts - she asked for advice because the horse was underweight and a few people tore her apart, those SAME individuals then went on the witch hunt after the mare was seen looking great and told her she was irresponsible and that the mare was now to fat....

 

[cattysmith]

I must say (and this is only my opinion) personally feel that the true word "bullied" has been slightly overused with the use of the internet and forums and probably the threads you've seen. I don't think these people are bullying, I think true bullying is relentless and endless tirade of abuse mentally or physically that breaks down a person over time, as anyone who has been bullied in real life may understand. I do realise though that there are occasions where people are followed around the internet and barraged with abuse overtime and this IS bullying and is a serious matter that can't always simply be walked away from. I don't think there are many HHOs who would do that though, but you never quite know who you are getting involved with!

I think what is going on here is that foolish, silly, immature and over opinionated people get a thrill from turning a thread into a good old bitch-fest and feel that slagging off members gives them some kind of power on the internet forum. These users are probably novices in real life who have much less of a clue about the ins and outs of horse care than they may care to think. Some may be the opinionated blunt and insensitive people who we all come across at yards and shows at one time or another and should simply be ignored.

At the moment there's a good example of a cross breed thread where someone has voiced an opinion over a few photographs that may not even be recent. There was no need for the comment and hopefully the OP will be able to brush it off with no hard feelings.

I think that in some escalating situations posters should be encouraged to switch off their computer and perhaps seek advice on other less hostile (at times!!) forums as there are plenty about. The good think about the internet is you can walk away from it.

I do think this forum has gone down hill drastically, but perhaps the morale of the users is low because of the crap weather that we've been having lately. Coming out of winter into spring you'd hope to be out riding and enjoying our horses but instead we're all twiddling our thumbs waiting for it to get better.

People who feel picked on have to try and realise that there are people out there that have very little else to do with their time other than deliberately try and ruin the day of someone else's just because they can.

 

[Quantock-cob]

I agree with the OP - there is certainly some bullying behaviour on here. it may be seen by some as "experienced" owners giving advice to "novices" but it often comes across as preaching and demeaning.

However, I feel that this type of behavior is everywhere in the horse world. Horse owners (particularly women) are some of the bitchiest, nastiest people I have met. They seem to delight in telling people how they are doing everything wrong and laugh at people who are new to horse ownership and give them no chance of learning without feeling that they should just give up. My son was a competitive windsurfer for several years and I took him to many events. When i first started I didn't even know how to rig up a board, but there were so many nice people around to help me that I soon learned and then was able to help other newcomers. All the competitors got on really well and congratulated those who had won and commiserated with those who had had a bad day. I have watched young horse riders at local shows and never see this sort of behaviour - i once stood next to a lady i knew who hoped that the young girl in the ring "would fall off and hurt herself to put her in her place" if this is the attitude of the parents what hope is there for our youngsters!

There was a recent thread on here about the stupid things novice owners have said! This is supposed to be a forum to give help and advice and yet new owners are made to feel useless for asking questions.

 

[Parker79]

OP - I think you make a good point, sorry to hear you had such a horrible experience.

I witnessed the 'horse underweight' and 'look at my horse now!' thread and was appalled, I also saw the 'cross breed' thread and made comment on there to the OP to try and ignore the comments.

I only started using this forum a little while ago, I like it most of the time, but sometimes I just want to slam my computer shut and stop....some people are truly awful...I agree there are 'cliques' too. There are some poster that is you dare to 'disagree' then you will regret it.

It is a shame, I try to stay on here for the nice people and for the good advice. Maybe we should all look after the OP's that are hounded, then the people just looking for a fight may feel less inclined.

 

[Parker79]

I agree with the OP - there is certainly some bullying behaviour on here. it may be seen by some as "experienced" owners giving advice to "novices" but it often comes across as preaching and demeaning.

However, I feel that this type of behavior is everywhere in the horse world. Horse owners (particularly women) are some of the bitchiest, nastiest people I have met. They seem to delight in telling people how they are doing everything wrong and laugh at people who are new to horse ownership and give them no chance of learning without feeling that they should just give up. My son was a competitive windsurfer for several years and I took him to many events. When i first started I didn't even know how to rig up a board, but there were so many nice people around to help me that I soon learned and then was able to help other newcomers. All the competitors got on really well and congratulated those who had won and commiserated with those who had had a bad day. I have watched young horse riders at local shows and never see this sort of behaviour - i once stood next to a lady i knew who hoped that the young girl in the ring "would fall off and hurt herself to put her in her place" if this is the attitude of the parents what hope is there for our youngsters!

There was a recent thread on here about the stupid things novice owners have said! This is supposed to be a forum to give help and advice and yet new owners are made to feel useless for asking questions.

^^very well said

 

[Marydoll]

I like this forum, and yes there are times it can become "heated" people can have strong opinions about their beliefs,horses and care, its when insults start that it lets itself down, but to anyone reading insulting posts aimed at them, the insults and negativity can only have the power to make you feel bad if you let them, they are words on a computer screen and believe me 90 % of the hh members reading it, probably think it says more about the poster putting it up.
Its true there are "trolls" who like to wind it up, but its better seeing these posts deteriorate with logic and a good debate than insults
As to cliques and packs ...... Sometimes it may just be folks with similar views, but when its every post, on every subject,Well theyre easy to spot, and just a wee bit sad imo

 

[dreamcometrue]

I have been a member on here for a long time, as you can see, but have rarely posted in the past because I found some of the people quite threatening. However, I think that in the past year or so HHO has improved tremendously in this respect. It is altogether a nicer place to be.

There are some strong characters on here but I think that many have some humility as well. There certainly aren't the very vicious ones that there used to be.

 

[DragonSlayer]

If you see bullying report it. It is an unmoderated forum so unless you report it it will not be dealt with.

However, don't confuse differences in opinion with bullying, as people are perfectly entitled to their strong opinions.

^^^^This^^^^

Often someone who disgrees with the majority is labelled as a bully, which in itself is a form of bullying when the masses congregate together and point the finger....just because they stand firm in their viewpoint.

I've only lost the plot once, and was rude, but apologised immediately the next morning when I realised I had been in the wrong, it was also done publically.

HOWEVER, I'll stick by my beliefs and won't be swayed because i'm not all 'fluffy bunnies' - I like to see myself as a 'realist' and not an 'idealist'.

 

[Achinghips]

Bullying is repetitive and occurs over time.

What you get on here is a bit of mobbing behaviour on the occasional thread, and the odd barbed comment from the usual know-it-alls whose behaviour, unfortunately, has probably gone unchecked for most of their lives, leaving them insecure. Making others feel bad then becomes a peverse way of trying to "even the score".

 

[JFTDWS]

Take the Jadeyyandlady posts - she asked for advice because the horse was underweight and a few people tore her apart, those SAME individuals then went on the witch hunt after the mare was seen looking great and told her she was irresponsible and that the mare was now to fat....

Well that's absurd. Virtually all of the posts on that thread were complimenting Jadeyandady for putting weight on her mare. I was the one who posted that "fat" (her description of her own mare's condition) was not the same as good. Afair, I didn't comment on her previous posts, I certainly wasn't amongst the vicious response she got then. And as a result it was I who got the sharp end of the forum's more charming members - a response I still feel was uncalled for and downright offensive. If you're going to use specific examples, Maisy, do try and pick ones which accurately describe what you're talking about

There are some strong personalities on here, there are some idiots and some complete knobs. Same as life really, except on here you can utilise the user ignore function!

 

[Natch]

Op I am sorry to hear about your work experience, I have expeienced that first hand from my boss, and it destroyed my mental health at the time. Wishing you a swift recovery.

I don't feel that the majority of posts on here are bullying. I have been in the minority opinion-wise and in the majority, and right now it feels as if I am being stalked by a couple of users because we are always commenting on the same threads! We are often of the same opinion and when we disagree we can do so politely, but I wouldn't say that makes it a clique, just life.

The ebb and flow of HHO is a wonderful and I think pretty much unique online environment: you can be assured that people won't just nod and agree with you if you are doing something wrong, and if you ask for opinions you will get honest ones! Obviously sometimes people are blunt or just plain rude with that, and that is too much for some people so they stick to other forums which are 'nicer'. I for one can't stand OTT nicey nicey, and HHO has more traffic, so I have stayed.

 

[quirky]

I don't think there are out and out bullies on here but I do think people jump on the bandwagon.

You can definitely see some users who must be in contact by other means as their cronies/allies turn up very soon after they have posted and reaffirm their beliefs. You only have to see x post and you know xx will be following soon after .

Sometimes, there are threads that make uncomfortable reading but I think they are few and far between.

 

[hest]

I agree that there are some really unkind and unnecessary comments made on this forum.

I wouldn't say it amounts to 'bullying' in the traditional sense of the term, but the criticism (usually directed at younger OPs) makes for uncomfortable reading. Some posters delight in picking fights, and the 'mob' mentality thatthen follows is dreadful too.

I am new to HHO and have read some fantastic posts giving invaluable advice on here. I have also followed light-hearted posts and laughed til I've had tears in my eyes. There are some very knowledgeable and incredibly funny people on here I have discovered, to my delight!

But I wouldn't be too thrilled to find my own daughter contributing to HHO until she is much older and properly understands the risks involved and how open to abuse she could leave herself by posting on an un-moderated site.

 

[Hells Bells]

I wouldn't personally say that there is a lot of bullying on here at all. There most certainly are some very strong views, and that's fine IMO, cos there will always be people with differing views and opinions to your own throughout your life.

I think a bit of back and forth of opinions is great, it certainly gives me something to think about and I have no problem with it. What really gets me is when people are just plain rude.

Don't think there is a 'clique' on here, but there is one member (not commented on this thread, only pops up once every few days) who is rude beyond rudeness, make my blood boil with the way he/she addresses people and is the type of person I use the word tw*t for.

 

[Jesstickle]

^^^^This^^^^

Often someone who disgrees with the majority is labelled as a bully, which in itself is a form of bullying when the masses congregate together and point the finger....just because they stand firm in their viewpoint.

I've only lost the plot once, and was rude, but apologised immediately the next morning when I realised I had been in the wrong, it was also done publically.

HOWEVER, I'll stick by my beliefs and won't be swayed because i'm not all 'fluffy bunnies' - I like to see myself as a 'realist' and not an 'idealist'.

Same. I have only once totally lost the plot and I felt very silly after. Just as I would have done in real life.

I expect sometimes I come across as rude as I can be a bit blunt. It's usually because I'm at work and I don't have time to type a great, long rambling answer so just put down the salient points. Apparently even that is enough to make you rude on here if it is half term. I don't think having a strong opinion and sticking to it is bullying. I'm sure other people disagree and think I'm awful. I don't really care though.


I don't think I've ever seen anyone bullied on this forum. Bullying requires someone to be targeted. I think if someone posts something which any fool can see is not ok (horse in very poor condition, lame horse not getting the vet etc etc) they deserve to be told quite bluntly they are a plank. As long as the every time they post they don't get jumped on for no reason by the same people then that isn't bullying. I've never been sent a nasty PM but to those that have, that is honestly cr*p and the worst side of the forum. I hope you reported it to TFC as that kind of behaviour usually warrants a holiday!

 

[Jesstickle]

Don't think there is a 'clique' on here, but there is one member (not commented on this thread, only pops up once every few days) who is rude beyond rudeness, make my blood boil with the way he/she addresses people and is the type of person I use the word tw*t for.

I reckon I could make a very good guess about who that is!!

 

[Hells Bells]

I reckon I could make a very good guess about who that is!!

I imagine you probably could!

 

[russianhorse]

I think "bullying" is probably the wrong word, but I also have been back reading some old threads recently and thought OMG (make a good read though )

There is however a clique bandwagon IMO, especially if one believes a poster may be a troll........and then the chase begins

 

[GinaGeo]

I'm not a very active member- and haven't been here all that long, mainly a lurker; but there is invaluable advice to be had on here. I've learnt a lot, from people far more experienced than myself, and am pleased that they are happy to give the advice.

There are of course opinionated people, excentuated by the fact that we're all behind computer screens and so alot of what is said is probably less "moderated" than if we were talking face to face. Users don't see the effect of what they say, and statements intended to be light hearted and jokey can be interpreted differently and taken the wrong way.

I think you have to be selective about where you post, it's often clear by the nature of some threads that it's going to dissolve into a blood bath and so if you don't want to be involved then steer clear. You also have to be open minded and willing to at least try to understand other points of view; even if you don't agree fully with them.

You also have to understand that if you post pictures then you are going to be open to critique, whether you like it or not, and you will simply have to ignore the comments you don't like, or take them on board. Your choice.

I, personally, haven't witnessed what I would class as bullying on here. Just opinionated people, who usually express and explain their opinions in a reasoned way. It's these people debating subjects that allows us to form a reasoned opinion of our own, and I do enjoy reading through them. If I feel uncomfortable than I'll go read another thread instead.

 

[DragonSlayer]

I'm not a very active member- and haven't been here all that long, mainly a lurker; but there is invaluable advice to be had on here. I've learnt a lot, from people far more experienced than myself, and am pleased that they are happy to give the advice.

There are of course opinionated people, excentuated by the fact that we're all behind computer screens and so alot of what is said is probably less "moderated" than if we were talking face to face. Users don't see the effect of what they say, and statements intended to be light hearted and jokey can be interpreted differently and taken the wrong way.

I think you have to be selective about where you post, it's often clear by the nature of some threads that it's going to dissolve into a blood bath and so if you don't want to be involved then steer clear. You also have to be open minded and willing to at least try to understand other points of view; even if you don't agree fully with them.

You also have to understand that if you post pictures then you are going to be open to critique, whether you like it or not, and you will simply have to ignore the comments you don't like, or take them on board. Your choice.

I, personally, haven't witnessed what I would class as bullying on here. Just opinionated people, who usually express and explain their opinions in a reasoned way. It's these people debating subjects that allows us to form a reasoned opinion of our own, and I do enjoy reading through them. If I feel uncomfortable than I'll go read another thread instead.

Good post.

 

[Ladydragon]

I must say (and this is only my opinion) personally feel that the true word "bullied" has been slightly overused with the use of the internet and forums and probably the threads you've seen.

I agree... An internet forum shared with totally unknown individuals is hardly the same as the more closed environments of school, work, home relationships etc where any victimisation is personal...

Report dodgy pms...use the ignore feature if you think someone has moved from an opinion to an unwarranted insult...and accept that others have opposing views that may be assertively defined - irrespective of who agrees with them or not... If a post by a random stranger on the internet is going to effect the emotional state of someone and they let it continue into their home life - perhaps an unmoderated forum is not the place to visit...

Rude people exist outside the front door too and it's not that difficult to sort well meant, genuine advice from anything else that pops up...