Funniest things said/done by non horsey other halves...

GSLS

GSLS

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Just started this thread for fun as my boyfriend watched me ride for the first time yesterday and some of the comments through a non-horsey person's eyes were very profound/interesting lol.

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Oh I am laughing so hard right now ... that made my morning ... no gems to share as my hubby is brilliant with mine, but had to say thanks for the chuckle :D
 
No hubby so no gems from tht point of view, but I do remember my dad when I was little saying to my mum after she had had a fall on her other horse 'it's alright darling, I'll get Dino (Dino was a rig) you sit and rest' the whole yard errupted in laughter as soon as he went to the field. The next thing we new Dino was tanking down from the field (not even a headcollar on) and ploughed into five year old me whilst I was mixing his feed. My mum sent me to check on my dad and I found him hiding in a bush! Needless to say he didn't offer to go and get Dino again (lol)
 
I bought a new whip expecting a mainly black one to turn up. What I got was bright pink. My OH immediately exclaimed I would be the most prettiest loveliest rider on the yard whilst fluttering his lashes and proceeding to pretend to ride a horse through the house... I daren't use it as it is that pink!
 
My best one is actually from a horse owner. I worked for an equestrian retailer. We had a complaint from a lady that the wrap around exercise sheet she had purchased based on the sizing chart didn't not fit her horse. We couldn't understand it because it wasn't an inch or two short she was saying it was feet short.

We finally worked it out. She had taken the straps from the front - which would fasten in front of the saddle - and put them around the horses neck. The horse was wearing the exercise sheet as a cape!
 
My husband turned out one pony in a brand new Thermatex :p

We now have a basic communication:

Jammies - indoor rugs
Anoraks - outdoor rugs
Gloop - feed that is still soaking
Dinner - feeds ready mixed and ok to give

Those four words get us through most days ok
 
When baby horse arrived OH spent about five hours trying to feed it a carrot.

It was so cute to see him crouching really still and coaxing little foal that I didn't have the heart to tell him that A, little horse has never seem a carrot before and has no idea that it's a food item and B, he doesn't have real teeth so probably wouldn't be able to eat it anyway.

Kept him out of trouble for a while!
 
The dealer I bought my horse from said he was going to be really honest with me and wanted to show me some sarcoids that the horse has......they were his chesnuts and ergos.
 
Not OH (though there have been many) but mother...

When we first got pony he had a nasty habit of just wandering out of the stable if you didnt bolt the door which thankfully he never tried with partner or I. Que mother coming to see him at the weekend, and she goes in to groom pony and I go to get the tack. I get back on the yard to see pony stood by the hitching post, with mother clinging to his forlock, saying 'he escaped but Ive got him'. Pony gives me a withering look as I sigh and fellow livery goes to calmly shut the gate lol I put the tack on the floor, fellow livery loops a leadrope round his neck and back in the stable he goes. Mother then asks why neither freaked out at ponys escape, and we just reply 'hes done it a few times and will only go as far as the haylage lol'... hes hardly Steve McQueen...
 
My husband is not too bad really, he had ponies as a child and has ridden as an adult. He's had a very short ride on my mare (limited to trotting much to his disgust) but he's a bit too "handy" for my liking. He has bags of confidence and generally has a bit of a gung ho attitude, he'd be off like hell on her if I gave him the chance! He regularly loads and unloads my horse for me by himself at home and hunting, albeit when I'm not ready for her to be loaded or unloaded! He also calls her "Old Girl" (she's 5) or "the horse"! I was clipping her last week, he was watching me from our office and came out to hold her whilst I did her leg lines and round the saddle patch. Once I'd done the lines, he announced he wanted to have a go on her neck as he thought he'd be much quicker! Surprisingly, he was rather good at it and ended up clipping most of her body and her head too, all with the big clippers and I will probably ask for his help again next time :). Despite his lack of finesse and gung ho attitude towards "Old Girl", she happily lets him deal with her and she'd probably have far more fun out hunting if I let him ride her!
 
I got one out a few years back, and said "Can you hang on to him while I get my hat". Came back a few minutes later, and OH had his arms round the horses neck, and was leaning all his bodyweight against its chest. Horse was wearing a bridle, so the reins were there for the holding, had he thought it through.
 
Our family used to play hide and seek with the dog, she loved it and it was so much fun!

One day, I was out on a walk with Ned and my parents (I was riding, they were on foot) when we stopped by a patch of trees and a bench so Mum could tie her shoe laces.
All of a sudden, Ned shoots forwards and spins around! I was fine, but wondering what on earth had set him off. My dad then walks out from behind a tree, hanging his head in shame and looking sooo guilty!!!
I think he'd forgotten that horses are prey animals XD poor ol' Ned! I even have a picture, that I'll have to dig out :P I'm off out now, but I'll post it when I'm home!
 
auslander said:
i got one out a few years back, and said "can you hang on to him while i get my hat". Came back a few minutes later, and oh had his arms round the horses neck, and was leaning all his bodyweight against its chest. Horse was wearing a bridle, so the reins were there for the holding, had he thought it through.
Click to expand...

lollllllll
 
The very first time my OH saw me ride we had boxed the TB and an exmoor to the local forest to do some off road hacking. I mounted in the car park (conveniently there is a pub at the start/finish of the ride with a huge car park and tethering areas for horses!) and as we set off all I could hear was OH asking "how did you do that?"...I stopped and asked him what he meant and got the reply "you just did it again!!" Turns out he thought all horse riding was a la cowboy films with various yeehas and leg flapping and therefore couldn't work out how I was getting the TB to walk on/stop/turn etc without appearing to be doing anything at all! He confessed he thought I was communicating with her telepathically!!!! :D
 
From Dan over the years...

"Um, not sure how to say this, but she's got a really nasty scab on her leg, do we need to call the vet?" It was a chestnut.

"She stood on a frog....that's disgusting, put some gloves on....OH MY GOD, stop touching it just get it out"

Dan : "Why won't she stand still love. Look, she keeps following me. FLY.....BACK....look, see, she normally stands when I ask, but she won't leave me alone"
Me: "do you still have a carrot in your pocket"
Dan: "Yeah, but she doesn't know that"
Me: "As the saying goes, if you don't think a horse can count, have three carrots in your pocket and only give them two".
Dan gave the last carrot, Fly left him alone...
Dan: OH MY GOD, that's amazing!

"She's hugged me, she actually hugged me, like, she wanted a cuddle and held on and leaned into me and everything. I never knew horses did stuff like that"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_x0wYrkVr0&list=UUqB02AeCTicSi5hlULsPPpA

"Horses are stupid thought aren't they!" about 2 seconds before Molly put her head over his and emptied a full mouth of water on him :)

I could go on forever :)
 
My husband steadfastly refuses to learn the proper names for anything, despite my reminding him that it makes him sound like a complete eejit when speaking to horsey people. This despite him being able to ride a bit and being at yard almost every evening for the last 5 years - you'd think he might have learnt by now

Hay bag = hay net
Bag of shavings = Bale of shavings

Gosh he really lifts up his undercarriage = jumping with neatly tucked up forelegs but probably cramping behind and not throwing back end away
(This one always in a loud voice at a show, making me cringe)

Collar = headcollar
Headcollar = Bridle

He insists on buying ultra long lead ropes despite being warned that they are pretty dangerous and could easily fly around his neck if the horse whips round.
He constantly sticks his thumb in the ring on the bottom of a headcollar when leading, with the rest of his hand around the clip, rather than rope.....it's only a matter of time.....
He constantly leaves the long end of the lead rope trailing on the floor ready for horse to stand on (hence having to buy so many lead ropes)
He thinks he's bloody Dr Doolittle and that by whispering to the horses they will immediately behave perfectly.
When loading, if one hesitates for a nano second he's busy staring it in the eye in a challenging manner. I've lost count of the times I've said stop staring at it!

He ignored me totally last year when I said getting straight on his sometimes lively horse that he hadn't ridden for 2 weeks, without lunging it first and whilst wearing brand new slightly stiff long boots was a bad plan......one badly broken hip and collar bone later, I rest my case!

Yet he still looks at me like I'm talking out of my a**e when I try to point stuff out for his safety. So now I'm just waiting for him to lose a thumb in a headcollar....
 
On the subject of riding lessons: "so, what exactly do you do? Just sit on it and go round in circles?"

Yes darling, I pay for the privilege of just sitting there, circling...
 
WelshD said:
My husband turned out one pony in a brand new Thermatex :p

We now have a basic communication:

Jammies - indoor rugs
Anoraks - outdoor rugs
Gloop - feed that is still soaking
Dinner - feeds ready mixed and ok to give

Those four words get us through most days ok
Click to expand...

We have a similar code:

Jammies- indoor rugs
Macs - outdoor rugs
Duvets - under rugs
Jackets - any rug that isn't the above
Soakers - any feed put to soak
Cleaning the undercarriage - sheath cleaning
Dessert/supper - hay in the field

Nice to know that I'm not alone in producing a 'translation' that non-horsey OH and parent can understand!!!!
 
lol at this thread,

went with my bf to feed my friends pony, a 11hand welsh he laughs and says 'what the hell is that? that is a sample of horse!' then asks if he can ride it lol
 
Mine is really unhorsey. He likes Shetlands and that's it just because they are small. he isnt keen on my loan pony as he is too big...all 12.3 hands of him...haha
(He is 6 foot 2 by the way!)
 
Few more word translations:
Shin pads - any type of boot
Coat - any type of rug
Storm trooper mask - fly mask

My OH's work mates think he's a horse expert as he pointed out the horses are in flyrugs on hot days so are perfectly ok and no not blind folded. He gives mine hay after work so claims they are 'his' horses and has renamed them!
 
Funny and glad to know I am not alone in having to translate. We have "jarmies" (stable rugs) and "coats" (turnouts) and my mare apparently wears socks and trainers (pastern wraps and hoof boots!), we also have hay bags (haynets)! Lol. x
 
When I first got my horse years ago I sent my hubby to the yard to bring him in. He's been up with me several times before ....

My horse is a little 15.1 tb.

So the yard owner sees him coming in from the wrong field with the 17hh highly strung eventer that no one apart from the owner can usually handle - walking behind him like a donkey on the end of the lead rope.

My hubby's explanation was he knew my horse was 'orange' an they all look the same anyway. He also seemed to think it didn't really matter as long as a horse was in my stable!!!
 
My husband was super keen on horses when we got together and came every night for months and months. He even bought my mare a spanking new top of the range rug. A couple of days later, he was grooming whilst I was mucking out. The next thing I know he screamed in pain and dropped to the ground whilst saying to her "did you not like the colour?" Anyway it transpired that she had kicked him, very lightly I may add, because he had been brushing her udders with a dandy brush. He thought she hadn't liked the colour of the rug he had bought her. He doesn't come to the yard anymore and appears to not even recognise my new horse in photos!
 
Husband came to watch self-harming horse at his first dressage competition, he was ridden by my friend's daughter. Husband - which one is ours? Me - the one you feed every morning!
 
My hubby has been to see my youngster twice - once when I was first on, with wobbly steering and only in walk. The second time, we were walking, trotting and working towards canter, with steering and bend. He said, loudly, "why didn't you just wait until he could do this stuff until you broke him" - he doesn't understand that baby horse can only do things because I've taught him how to do them! He's not been back since :-/
 
Having just purchased my horse as a rising 4YO, I was mucking out one evening before bringing him in. Husband volunteered to bring in for me....oookaaayy...he arrived back on the yard a LONG time later, leading my youngster, who was following him like a labrador puppy, with the headcollar only over the one ear.....
He also turned him out in a stable rug once. He hadn't been wearing a stable rug overnight, so he actually had to put one on.....but it was "The blue one" as I instructed, he said.
 
OH offered to bring in our 16.2HH bay TB gelding, while I mucked out and did hay nets etc. 20 minutes later he arrived. Sadly, it wasn't our horse....


I returned the bemused 15.2HH bay mare to her field, and collected the real mccoy.
 
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