Generational differences on rudeness

[Marigold4]

Recently, I have put up two adverts for different things on FB. One for a loan of my lovely broodmare which I sent to selected breeders that I think she would suit and one for some help with the horses. I had an interested response for the broodmare, lots of questions from one breeder asked over several days, sent full answers, photos and videos - then silence. After a few days, I checked my whatsapp to see if I had missed something and the chat has been deleted - and I seem to have been blocked on FB!. I feel like she thinks I'm a scammer. I'm 30 years older than her and wonder if this is a generational thing as I feel a little insulted! If I enquire about an advert, ask questions, then decide I'm not interested based on the answers, I always finish it off by saying something like: "Thanks for sending the information about xxx, on reflection I think your yyyy will not be right for me. I hope you find a lovely home for your zzzz."

Similar thing happened with the FB advert about work. Got a response, answered all their questions, radio silence. This person in their twenties.

Is this a generational thing? Do the younger generation just disappear or ghost if they change your minds about something?

 

[holeymoley]

Oh yes. I believe it’s because younger folks don’t know how to respond to something if it’s no longer of interest to them. Much easier with technology to block/delete/wipe off face of the earth if no longer interested than taking time to compose a sentence.

 

[Jenko109]

A few years ago I was selling a load of rugs. Someone messaged asking for a mountain of pictures. Sent all the pictures etc and then radio silence.

About a year later I was selling a saddle. I got a message from the same person saying it was just what they had been looking for and could they come and pick it up.

I replied by sending screen shots of the rug conversation and detailing that I would rather not sell it at all, than sell it to someone who could be so bloody rude.

I got quite a kick out of that

 

[Marigold4]

Oh yes. I believe it’s because younger folks don’t know how to respond to something if it’s no longer of interest to them. Much easier with technology to block/delete/wipe off face of the earth if no longer interested than taking time to compose a sentence.

I see. It's strange though since they are so good at typing quickly with their thumbs and the younger generation generally start their communications with a very polite "Good morning. I hope you are well." I'm confused by them - even though I have taught teenagers for decades. Maybe they feel uncomfortable turning things down so easier to hide?

 

[Marigold4]

A few years ago I was selling a load of rugs. Someone messaged asking for a mountain of pictures. Sent all the pictures etc and then radio silence.

About a year later I was selling a saddle. I got a message from the same person saying it was just what they had been looking for and could they come and pick it up.

I replied by sending screen shots of the rug conversation and detailing that I would rather not sell it at all, than sell it to someone who could be so bloody rude.

I got quite a kick out of that

Ha ha. Reassured to know that I'm not alone in thinking it rude.

 

[Miss_Millie]

There are unfortunately many many time wasters on Facebook Marketplace. I don't think it's fair or accurate to say it's 'generational', not in my experience anyway. I've waited in all day for people who are meant to be collecting stuff and they never showed up, all age 40+.

I bought something local myself recently and the lady was so delighted that I showed up and communicated well throughout, as she said lots of people had been messing her around. She was clearing out some antiques, so I doubt the time wasters were young'uns.

 

[ycbm]

I've never quite forgiven the young person who completely ignored a text I sent her offering her a free horse that a friend was rehoming out of racing. Couldn't even be bothered to type "thanks but I don't want a TB" or any other explanation. Could have been her age but maybe she was just ignorant.

Also what happened to the convention, when you don't have the answer to hand, of acknowledging receiving a communication and saying you will respond in due course? There's an assumption that texts and emails will automatically have been received and that isn't always the case. That one is definitely generational, but possibly only because younger people don't know how unreliable communicating by post was.
.

 

[ecb89]

Part of my job is customer services. People of all ages are getting ruder.

 

[Marigold4]

Part of my job is customer services. People of all ages are getting ruder.

I wonder why. Is it time pressures? Covid? Everyone is stressed? People like acting "hard"? It's a bit depressing. For those of us with thin skins, someone being rude can put a dent in your day.

 

[paddy555]

I wonder why. Is it time pressures? Covid? Everyone is stressed? People like acting "hard"? It's a bit depressing. For those of us with thin skins, someone being rude can put a dent in your day.

i think people are just getting ruder full stop. I hate having things left open. I always try to give someone a conclusion but often that is never returned. I suppose you just have to get used to it.

 

[Bonnie Allie]

Not sure it is generational - as a platform FB attracts a wide range of folk, whereas in the past we might have advertised in specific media areas that had a certain demographic or social grouping that aligned with our expectations.

I’ve just gone back to eBay as I like the structure and guard rails. Didn’t stop the stupid offer on my lovely saddle but there was only one clown and it sold in 2 days, limited hassle.

As an aside - I’ve got a new group of grads. They are terrified of making phone calls, or face to face meetings. Initially they wanted to do everything via email, teams or text. We have some professional standards training they have to go through which involves role play in a classroom setting. It was tough for some of them, up bythe end of the week they were brilliant. Smart, engaging and articulate in their verbal in person communication.

Maybe we all need to practice our super communicator skills.

BTW - ever tried Gumtree? Batshit crazy folk on that platform.

 

[ecb89]

I wonder why. Is it time pressures? Covid? Everyone is stressed? People like acting "hard"? It's a bit depressing. For those of us with thin skins, someone being rude can put a dent in your day.

I’m not sure why but it’s definitely getting worse. Maybe it keyboard warriors. People are ruder over email then when you call them they act completely differently.
I think people are so used to things being instant these days and not having to wait. They don’t understand that they aren’t the only case being worked on, they are in a work queue. They all want their bit of work processed yesterday.
A client directly teams messaged me the other day, not really appropriate but oh well, quite a long query and I sent a detailed response. They replied with just a thumbs up. No thank you for you help or thanks for clarifying. Just a thumbs up.

 

[criso]

I'm not sure it's new or generational. When I first got my flat 20 years ago I needed to rent out the spare room. Put an advert out on a flat share website. The amount of people who arranged to visit and didn't turn up or viewed, said they were interested and then ghosted me. Or the endless questions which which you answer and then it went quiet.

They replied with just a thumbs up. No thank you for you help or thanks for clarifying. Just a thumbs up.

If there were no follow up questions or actions needed, I don't see the problem with using a thumbs up to acknowledge they've received the info and are happy with it. I'm not sure the word Thanks is any different or better.
I get it all the time and I'm happy with that acknowledgement.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

Rudeness comes from entitlement, and the world as it is now seems to pander to everyone's whim and fancy for fear of offending someone, or overstepping some OTT rulebook somewhere, so entitlement is rife.

 

[IrishMilo]

It's nothing to do with being young. Some of the rudest people I've ever come across have been older.

I always follow up with people if I don't want the thing (thing is usually a horse) - most people say 'No worries, thanks for letting me know' etc. but I've had a couple of people get really offended and be really rude back. I once exchanged a couple of messages with a lady who was selling a horse. On her page she had also shared the advert of her friend's horse for sale who looked more suitable. I let her know that while I was still interested I thought her friend's horse might be a better fit, and let her know I'd also enquired with her friend. She went bloody nuts at me saying what a cheek I had etc. So I can see why some people who don't like confrontation might just silently slip into the ether!

 

[Snowfilly]

I do ghost sometimes. The number of times I’ve said ‘thanks but not what I’m after’ after asking for more details about a horse and then got a nasty response is rather alarming.

 

[JBM]

it has nothing to do with age and people really need to stop dividing people based on age.
I get yelled at and talked down to multiple times a day at work and it’s by all ages and genders.
Everyone can be rude

 

[94lunagem]

Rudeness comes from entitlement, and the world as it is now seems to pander to everyone's whim and fancy for fear of offending someone, or overstepping some OTT rulebook somewhere, so entitlement is rife.

Personally, I think this hits the nail on the head.

 

[irishdraft]

Society in general has become much ruder, I have had dealings with insurance company, hire car company and then large dealerships buying new car recently, with every single one of them I have experienced rudeness and and a couldn't care less attitude.

 

[humblepie]

I even thank ChatGPT for generating an answer. Feels rude not to.

 

[poiuytrewq]

It's nothing to do with being young. Some of the rudest people I've ever come across have been older.

I always follow up with people if I don't want the thing (thing is usually a horse) - most people say 'No worries, thanks for letting me know' etc. but I've had a couple of people get really offended and be really rude back. I once exchanged a couple of messages with a lady who was selling a horse. On her page she had also shared the advert of her friend's horse for sale who looked more suitable. I let her know that while I was still interested I thought her friend's horse might be a better fit, and let her know I'd also enquired with her friend. She went bloody nuts at me saying what a cheek I had etc. So I can see why some people who don't like confrontation might just silently slip into the ether!

I had actually expected that to be the case upon opening the thread! I thought it was going to be an older people being rude thing.

 

[Flame_]

I feel no obligation to communicate with anyone on the internet any more than I feel like.

I also get irked by the expectation that because you make an enquiry about something for sale you are under some sort of obligation to buy it, you're not.

I don't think it's rude, I think people have created some expectations of randoms on the internet that they really have no right or cause to.

ETA I'm not young, just minimally communicative.

 

[ecb89]

I'm not sure it's new or generational. When I first got my flat 20 years ago I needed to rent out the spare room. Put an advert out on a flat share website. The amount of people who arranged to visit and didn't turn up or viewed, said they were interested and then ghosted me. Or the endless questions which which you answer and then it went quiet.


If there were no follow up questions or actions needed, I don't see the problem with using a thumbs up to acknowledge they've received the info and are happy with it. I'm not sure the word Thanks is any different or better.
I get it all the time and I'm happy with that acknowledgement.

I disagree. The person messaged me directly, outside of normal protocols, they asked a complex query, I took the time to answer it, I could have directed them to our main contact inbox. It is common courtesy to write a thank you.

 

[Marigold4]

Not sure it is generational - as a platform FB attracts a wide range of folk, whereas in the past we might have advertised in specific media areas that had a certain demographic or social grouping that aligned with our expectations.

I’ve just gone back to eBay as I like the structure and guard rails. Didn’t stop the stupid offer on my lovely saddle but there was only one clown and it sold in 2 days, limited hassle.

As an aside - I’ve got a new group of grads. They are terrified of making phone calls, or face to face meetings. Initially they wanted to do everything via email, teams or text. We have some professional standards training they have to go through which involves role play in a classroom setting. It was tough for some of them, up bythe end of the week they were brilliant. Smart, engaging and articulate in their verbal in person communication.

Maybe we all need to practice our super communicator skills.

BTW - ever tried Gumtree? Batshit crazy folk on that platform.

It was just that these two incidents involved people in their twenties and thirties that made be think perhaps it was generational. I think you are probably on to something about communication fear though. Of course, I don't know for sure, but I think it is uncomfortable to turn things down, so easier to block. I heed your warning about gumtree!

 

[Marigold4]

I feel no obligation to communicate with anyone on the internet anymore than I feel like.

I also get irked by the expectation that because you make an enquiry about something for sale you are under some sort of obligation to buy it, you're not.

I don't think it's rude, I think people have created some expectations of randoms on the internet that they really have no right or cause to.

ETA I'm not young, just minimally communicative.

Well, I didn't expect the communication to necessarily turn into a deal. It's just that they asked lots of questions and then disappeared. I kind of felt left hanging. I would have felt happy with a thanks, but no thanks.

 

[lynz88]

Oh yes. I believe it’s because younger folks don’t know how to respond to something if it’s no longer of interest to them. Much easier with technology to block/delete/wipe off face of the earth if no longer interested than taking time to compose a sentence.

I feel lime the ghosting started with dating and them has crept further into society. Tbh I had a saddle fitter ghost me and she had come highly recommended by a few people including my chiro. I admittedly tried following up only once but I think if it's going to be that much of a hassle it isn't worth it. I am quite certain this person is much older than me.

Like others, I think people become incredibly OTT if you do say "thanks but no thanks" so it is easier to just ghost. The part that annoys me the most is when someone says "yes I'm interested and around. Can you do xxx and will have a look in my diary" You do xxx but then never hear back!

 

[Marigold4]

OK, I see. So they are worried that they will get an angry response if you say "thanks very much for the information and photos but for xxx reason, I am no longer interested"?

 

[Lucky Snowball]

I arranged to view a horse. On arrival the lady thanked me for turning up. She said that several others had just not turned up and no further contact.

 

[criso]

I disagree. The person messaged me directly, outside of normal protocols, they asked a complex query, I took the time to answer it, I could have directed them to our main contact inbox. It is common courtesy to write a thank you.

It's interesting that for you Teams is outside protocol. I'm not young but I have no problem with people using Teams rather than email. Current client I'm working with prefers Teams as things are less likely to get buried so they'd see it as reciprocating if they did it to me.

I work with multiple clients across different countries so am always flexible about forms of communication.

I see them as having thanked you, they just used a thumbs up rather than the word thanks. The issue isn't that they didn't thank you but you and the client had different expectations of what form that should take.

I tend to see a thumbs up as a bit friendlier. I also get smiley faces which I don't mind.

 

[sport horse]

I advertise for staff on Facebook. Replies are always on messenger - noone will actually ring and/or send CV. Fix an interview and they may/may not turn up. BUT they are so stupid they do not realise and apply again. It is lovely to say that as you failed to turn up for the last appointment I will not give you space this time!!! Idiots.