Get up and go has got up and gone..!!

SatansLittleHelper

SatansLittleHelper

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I'm reallllly lacking in horsey motivation this last 6 months or so. I barely ride and don't enjoy my horsey time like I did.
My mare is the sweetest horse and perfect in so many ways but since I've had her my interest has waned considerably :(
I like her, she's lovely but if someone offered me the right money I'd sell her in a second. It sounds stupid but I have always had boys and I miss having a gelding. It's all in my head I know.
I think it's also that I don't have transport or facilities so I'm limited to a bit of schooling in the field or hacking.
When I actually get the motivation to ride I really enjoy it but I'm very apathetic lately.
I don't want to feel like this so I'm trying to think of things to re-engage myself and enjoy my horse's company...I don't want to give horses up at all (though I've considered it I know I'd definitely regret it) and my horse is right for me in many ways.
I think I just have this niggle that she's a mare and small (She's only 15.3 and I'm used to much bigger horses).
How can I drag myself out of this mindset?? Any suggestions welcome as horsey is doing sod all and is fat...
 
Could you put her on a yard? I lost interest when I stopped hunting, but then my horse moved to a yard so I had people to ride with and got much more into it. Couldn't afford that for long, though, so now have given up altogether.
 
Unfortunately I'm not in a position to do that otherwise it would be a good option.
I've got to find a way to work with what I've got already really. Buying a trailer may eventually be doable but certainly not this side of Xmas :(
 
I think you've got a couple of options...

1. accept that you've moved on from where you were in the past, sell up and enjoy the extra money and time doing things you enjoy

2. commit to doing something with her every day for a month or so until you form a new habit where it's just normal to get out there and do horsey things. Often it's the thought of getting out of the house, getting tacked up and getting on which is off putting, when you're in the saddle you remember why you liked it! Sometimes it helps to *just do it* without thinking too much about whether you really want to, and then before you know it, there's no effort involved

3. get a sharer, so horse is exercised but not necessarily by you

4. try something new so you have new AIMS that get you motivated. I know you are limited by facilities & transport but there are lots of online competitions available now which could be a good start?
 
Gosh I could have written this post 6weeks ago.
Had a 15.1 tb mare after always having 17hh+ horses (all except the one I lost last year being geldings) everyone said I should try something smaller and I went with them on it but it's just not me!!
However my instructor then came
Along and offered to buy my mare so I sold her, went back to giant horses (17.2 and gelding) and I have my mojo back!! I can't believe what Iv been missing- I get off after every ride with a grin on my face and so far (3weeks) he hasn't put a hoof wrong!

My advice would be if your not happy and not enjoying her sell her, they are an expensive time consuming hobby to not enjoy them!
 
Thanks for the replies.
I do suffer from depression and Fibro/ME so it can be tricky anyway.
I really don't want to give up completely as I do enjoy the horses but I guess I'm stuck in a rut.
Making myself do something each day is a good plan...I definitely feel like I can't be bothered to get tacked up etc but I really do enjoy it once I get on board.
 
Yeah... sounds like you've lost that loving feeling.... whoa that loving feeling.... o-oh that loving feeling... yeah it's gone , gone , gone , whoa- o - oh.....

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I have opposite of you. Lost my darling share horse of 10 years a while ago. Was offered another who was lovely, but enormous. Could not get on with him at all. I miss the smaller horses. And I'm tall! Maybe we should swap!
Giving it all a rest for a bit until I can work out what to do.
 
SatansLittleHelper said:
Thanks for the replies.
I do suffer from depression and Fibro/ME so it can be tricky anyway.
I really don't want to give up completely as I do enjoy the horses but I guess I'm stuck in a rut.
Making myself do something each day is a good plan...I definitely feel like I can't be bothered to get tacked up etc but I really do enjoy it once I get on board.
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If it's the tacking up that's putting you off, strip everything back to basics. All you need is a saddle, stirrups, girth and a bridle, bit, reins. Plus a headcollar, leadrope, hoofpick and dandy brush. That's it. People get into the habit of using (and having to carry around) far more gear than they really need, grooming and tacking up needn't take longer than 10min. If you haven't already, get some boots that you can wear for both yard jobs and riding, so you're not having to faff about getting changed first. Or ride bareback. Look into some different things too, there's more to life than dressage/sj/eventing. Eg have you tried long reining or horse agility? Someone posted a thread on here about the hack 1000 miles challenge, maybe if you signed up for that you'd have more motivation to get out hacking.
 
I don't want to sound rude but tbh I think the problem is indeed all in your head. This is not the first horse you have decided is not the one for you, even though the mare sounds to be perfect on paper. It does sound as if you are searching for something that doesn't exist, really. I can understand that, after all that you have been through, perhaps you need a different kind of help. Do you have bereavement counselling/support from any organisation for bereaved parents?
 
Advertise for a sharer that have their own transport? You'd be surprised how many people have their own transport but no horse for one reason or another. You'd need to work out the logistics but for example if you took the mare to a showing show between you, you could do a class or two each and that gets you out and about and also gives you something to aim for.

I have to stay motivated sometimes and I can literally turn up to the yard, pull horse in, tack up and go within ten minutes. I find if I faff around I'm less likely to get int he saddle so I just get on and do it. Occasionally If required I will flick the brush over the saddle and bridle area but its a two second flick, tack on and im gone. People spend so long grooming, faffing, booting up blah blah blah .... saddle, bridle, hat, high viz .. get on and go, simple!
 
Years ago I found riding on my own was more of a chore than a pleasure - finding company changed that around. Can you find a hacking buddy locally, or offer livery to one (if you keep your horse at home). Having a time to meet etc focuses on where to go rather than the catching/brushing/tacking up etc
 
Is there somebody local who also has no transport? Perhaps you could hire transport and split it with someone nearby in the same boat as you?
 
Sugar_and_Spice said:
If it's the tacking up that's putting you off, strip everything back to basics. All you need is a saddle, stirrups, girth and a bridle, bit, reins. Plus a headcollar, leadrope, hoofpick and dandy brush. That's it. People get into the habit of using (and having to carry around) far more gear than they really need, grooming and tacking up needn't take longer than 10min. If you haven't already, get some boots that you can wear for both yard jobs and riding, so you're not having to faff about getting changed first. Or ride bareback. Look into some different things too, there's more to life than dressage/sj/eventing. Eg have you tried long reining or horse agility? Someone posted a thread on here about the hack 1000 miles challenge, maybe if you signed up for that you'd have more motivation to get out hacking.
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It was me that posted the Hack 1000 Miles thread, I too have lost motivation on top of losing my nerve due to a year of horsey illness and misbehaviour, and I'm finding it a really good motivator to try and get over my fears and get on to ride.
 
Pearlsasinger said:
I don't want to sound rude but tbh I think the problem is indeed all in your head. This is not the first horse you have decided is not the one for you, even though the mare sounds to be perfect on paper. It does sound as if you are searching for something that doesn't exist, really. I can understand that, after all that you have been through, perhaps you need a different kind of help. Do you have bereavement counselling/support from any organisation for bereaved parents?
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Your post has just brought me up very sharply....I think you have hit the nail square on the head.
I am having counselling from Hope House on a regular basis, they are amazing.
I have stopped to think very carefully about my reasoning behind my feelings and I guess you are probably right. I think that because I loved one of my previous horses so very much and I Wasn't good enough for him I think it's knocked me sideways, esp as the decision to part with him came so soon after losing my daughter. I suppose I just feel like I want to feel like that again about a horse.
I absolutely KNOW that my girl and I could become really great friends if I can just motivate myself. She's the sweetest girl, so easy in so many ways with a beautiful temperament. And she really is PERFECT for me. I just need to stop treating her as though she's second best.
 
I think Pearlsasinger talks a lot of sense.

Meanwhile, just have fun with her. Go back to your youth and do some silly stuff (within the bounds of safety obviously). For example, she's a great size for some mock gymkhana games - you don't need poles for bending, you can just use anything to hand in your field (such a buckets); practice some leaning down to reach things at different speeds, or make her the handiest pony ever with some "scary" things to deal with. Make up your own dressage test to music with either you singing at the top of your voice or a radio. Pretend she's a lead rein pony and make her the best in-hand showing pony ever. "Playing" can help you to forge a relationship as you learn what she is comfortable with and what her strengths are and it's also good for your own state of mind - you definitely can't take things too seriously when you are contemplating what you would wear/dress your horse in for a fancy dress competition.

It can be demotivating when you are on your own but on the plus side there is nobody to think you are completely barking mad so you can do what the heck you like!
 
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OP you didn't say if you'd lost horsey mojo or general mojo.
If you were a horse we might have recommended a conversation with the vet by now. If it is a general mojo problem then a chat with your GP might not be a bad idea.

A couple of years ago I described myself as having been abandoned by my get up & go. I explained it away and didn't do anything and finally went to my GP and found out I was poorly and had been for a while. As soon as I got the right medicine I was back to normal and wished I hadn't left it so long.

Not saying its the same for you but just in case for anyone who feels the same, please learn from my mistake....apparently 4 naps a day is not normal, no matter how much I enjoyed them.
 
moleskinsmum said:
I think Pearlsasinger talks a lot of sense.

Meanwhile, just have fun with her. Go back to your youth and do some silly stuff (within the bounds of safety obviously). For example, she's a great size for some mock gymkhana games - you don't need poles for bending, you can just use anything to hand in your field (such a buckets); practice some leaning down to reach things at different speeds, or make her the handiest pony ever with some "scary" things to deal with. Make up your own dressage test to music with either you singing at the top of your voice or a radio. Pretend she's a lead rein pony and make her the best in-hand showing pony ever. "Playing" can help you to forge a relationship as you learn what she is comfortable with and what her strengths are and it's also good for your own state of mind - you definitely can't take things too seriously when you are contemplating what you would wear/dress your horse in for a fancy dress competition.

It can be demotivating when you are on your own but on the plus side there is nobody to think you are completely barking mad so you can do what the heck you like!
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This. Definitely. With friends if possible. And pics, lots and lots of pics.

I picked up a book in our tea room today called New Sensations For Horse And Rider, it's about having a go at new stuff and has clear instructions for how to do each thing. Why not do something totally different from what you did with your old horse, so you're not comparing the 2 of them and can just get to know the new one for who she is.
 
Sugar_and_Spice said:
If it's the tacking up that's putting you off, strip everything back to basics. All you need is a saddle, stirrups, girth and a bridle, bit, reins. Plus a headcollar, leadrope, hoofpick and dandy brush. That's it. People get into the habit of using (and having to carry around) far more gear than they really need, grooming and tacking up needn't take longer than 10min. If you haven't already, get some boots that you can wear for both yard jobs and riding, so you're not having to faff about getting changed first. Or ride bareback. Look into some different things too, there's more to life than dressage/sj/eventing. Eg have you tried long reining or horse agility? Someone posted a thread on here about the hack 1000 miles challenge, maybe if you signed up for that you'd have more motivation to get out hacking.
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^^^seems sensible advice to me^^^
 
From what you say about depression, fibromyalgia, ME and the loss of your daughter, I'm not surprised you're struggling to find your mojo - that's a lot of kicks in the teeth. I assume you're managing the depression (and other conditions) OK? It might be worth getting the medication and other treatments reviewed.
If you don't mind me asking, what time of year did you lose your daughter? Anniversaries of traumatic events can be really hard and sometimes you don't even realise that the anniversary is what's affecting you.
 
Is there anyone who can come with you on a ride, perhaps on a bike? I much prefer riding out with someone with me on a bike, much as I love the occasional ride completely by ourselves, but the commitment of the other person makes you get out there and you have someone to talk to/help groom. Another little, potentially silly suggestion: you can get apps on your phone that track how far/fast you go on hacks. I don't always use them, but it is interesting to see how far you've gone that day and how fast (or slow?) that canter was. It might slightly spice up hacking?

It does sound as if you have a general mojo issue (completely understandably) which you are admirably seeking help for. I hope you do get your horsey mojo back - and it does come. I had a lengthy period where I just wasn't feeling it as and was finding it all a chore. At the moment I can't wait to get out and see my horse - he's my best bud and makes me so happy. I love spending time with him, grooming him, chatting nonsense, riding etc. I'm not saying this to be smug, I'm saying it to show you that what you are feeling is normal, understandable, and temporary. And with my horse it did take a while to absolutely adore him. I'd always really liked him but I'm a slow burner and so it did take a few years. I've now had him 10 years and wouldn't be without him.
 
Thanks for all of the replies on here. Very much appreciated.
My health issues are managed both by counselling and medication so I'm happy enough with those. (Counsellor is keen for me to re-engage with the horses as she feels it's extremely important for me).
I also have other animals and I enjoy them. I have show dogs which I spend time bathing and grooming (American Cockers) and I love it so I am starting to think it really is just the horse thing that I have a downer on :(
I really really don't want to give up on horses but I need to work out what to do to motivate myself again. My friend keeps her old happy hack mare in with mine so I'm not on my own.
I'm looking at having lessons at a school again to help motivate myself as our local school closed down and had houses built on It!!
 
Yes I did. I don't think I know what I want really..!!
I think I want to develop a working relationship with this horse and enjoy her. She's very sweet and not at all "mareish". She is very gentle and is definately a what you see is what you get sort of horse, there's no side to her at all. She has the occasional nap and hates standing still but nothing that worries me and I do feel perfectly safe on her. She's great in traffic and large farm type machinery, fine with dogs, very subordinate to other horses, snaffle mouthed, good brakes. I don't think she's ever been lame etc.
She's very sturdy with 9.5inches of bone.
As you can see...its most definitely ME that's the problem :o
 
SatansLittleHelper said:
Yes I did. I don't think I know what I want really..!!
I think I want to develop a working relationship with this horse and enjoy her. She's very sweet and not at all "mareish". She is very gentle and is definately a what you see is what you get sort of horse, there's no side to her at all. She has the occasional nap and hates standing still but nothing that worries me and I do feel perfectly safe on her. She's great in traffic and large farm type machinery, fine with dogs, very subordinate to other horses, snaffle mouthed, good brakes. I don't think she's ever been lame etc.
She's very sturdy with 9.5inches of bone.
As you can see...its most definitely ME that's the problem :o
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In that case, how about going along the route of 'fake it 'til you make it'? Put time to ride in your diary and don't give yourself any excuse not to do it. Can you make an appt with your fieldmate to go for a hack - that would mean you will stick to the arrangement better than if you intend to go out on your own. You haven't had this horse very long, really, so it will take time to build up a relationship with her - you need to trust each other. Don't forget that she will know that you aren't sure about her, even though you list her qualities here, so she won't be sure about you either. Give yourself time to get to know her and enjoy her properly.
You will be fine - and it *will* work out.
 
I agree with PAS. Sometimes you've got to make yourself do something until you enjoy it. At the end of that if you still don't enjoy it then reassess. And send her to me she sounds great.
 
As above- JFDI....exercise her every day, tell yourself that it is absolutely necessary for your health, and then one day you will 'give yourself a day off' and realise that you feel absolutely pants because you haven't ridden. I find exercising them at the same time each day helps too, because it just becomes so very normal.

You sound like you've had a really rotten lot. I really hope your lovely sounding mare can start to be a feeling brightener for you soon.
 
Lot's of good advice on here and also second (or third) the suggestion that you make riding a thing in your diary, so it becomes part of your routine like bathing the dogs etc. Aim to ride 5/6 days a week and if after a month you're not enjoying it sit down and make a list of why - pros and cons etc. Try not to focus on the need to connect with her etc, put as little pressure on yourself as possible. Just ride because you can and hopefully you start to enjoy it again. Hope it comes together for you.
 
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