Giving up your own horse so the kids can progress?

[eahotson]

It is having four at home that husband has the issue with. I bought her home off a livery yard as it didn't suit her. Have had sharers etc before and have only ever ended up with unreliable people who leave me in a mess!!

Part loan the the horse or part loan the husband?

 

[buddylove]

I wouldn't sell my horse, but then that is perhaps why I chose not to have kids?

I think you just need to work out what would give you most satisfaction.

I think selling my kids might be slightly frowned upon 😊

 

[buddylove]

Part loan the the horse or part loan the husband?

Oh no, someone can have him on permanent loan/free to a (not necessarily good) home 😊

 

[DabDab]

I don't see why you couldn't potentially find a pony for you and less confident daughter to share. A quiet, stocky native should be suitable dependent on your weight, and would last the girls longer than a 12 hander

 

[ester]

Realistically it really boils down to the employer really? And I suspect that depends how much ground you are using/is more going to get trashed with an additional small one/are you able to look after it well enough that it makes no difference. It's understandable that hubby might be worried about that but boss might well not be at all then everyone is happy . Alternatively just say one is visiting you for a while .

From what you have said I do think the less keen daughter should be given as much of a chance as her sister currently ergo on a pony that might better suit her as even if current one isn't doing anything wrong we do all have our preferences (and I wonder if she is put off by other sister getting a better tune out of the same pony?

My mum gave up when she got married/had us. I always felt a bit sorry for her that she wasn't riding and she knows that we totally appreciated the opportunities that we had to ride even if we were just riding school kids.

 

[southerncomfort]

I have 4 kids including twins. I love them all dearly but when they were younger the only thing that kept me sane was being able to have some time out with my horse! I think I was a better mother for having that time to myself.

I think a mother daughter share is probably the ideal compromise. And beware of being left to care for ponies you can't ride when they disappear off to uni when they are older! 🙂

 

[twiggy2]

I would sell mine if it was me and in your shoes.
I did not have a horse when the girls got their first pony and their second.
I always get /got as much pleasure from just being around the pony and doing all the 'donkey work' without the riding.

 

[meleeka]

What’s your mare like? Could the confident child end up sharing that in a few years? If it were me I’d either end up with another, or put the extra effort in to get the less confident child up to speed. Or how about a loan for the second child, not as permanent as owning. Do you have any great attachment to your mare? Would you be bothered if you sold? A Shetland is only half a pony anyway, so really shouldn’t count! I’d say one equine per rider would be perfect, plus the Shetland for company.

 

[Wizzkid]

Have you spoken to your daughters? Might be worth having a chat with them both to make sure you are all on the same page before selling your mare?

 

[Old school]

What a dilemma. I kept my equines while children were small. Now my oldest is riding and competing (successfully) one of them. Time does fly by. No clear answer. Feel for you.

 

[southerncomfort]

I would sell mine if it was me and in your shoes.
I did not have a horse when the girls got their first pony and their second.
I always get /got as much pleasure from just being around the pony and doing all the 'donkey work' without the riding.

That's fine but not everyone does. If the OP isn't that attached to her horse and doesn't care about not riding for the next few years then it isn't a problem.

I just don't think any mother should feel it's her duty to sacrifice her hobby for her children. And I don't think anyone should be criticised if they choose not too.

 

[southerncomfort]

I wouldn't.

I'm currently in that situation (albeit because my mare was PTS) and its pretty depressing sometimes watching the girls have all the fun on the ponies. I'm doing all the donkey work while the get all the good stuff. I see riders hacking out past our place and I yearn for lovely long sunny hacks.

We've had long discussions and one of the ponies is going to be sold so that we can get a proper mother daughter share for me and my daughter who doesn't ride as often as the other. She is happy with that, thank goodness.

Being a good parent doesn't mean giving up everything that makes you happy. When I was a teenager me and my sister shared a pony and we thought we were the luckiest girls alive!

Just want add to this that daughters current pony has turned out not to be suitable and she wants to sell@

 

[Jellymoon]

I think the fact that you are even considering selling your horse tells me that you are not entirely smitten with said horse! Do you perhaps think this is not quite the right horse for you to be riding out with your daughter/s?
Also, you said you had your horse on livery, but she wasn’t settled, and won’t settle without the shetty companion.
So actually, you could sell the mare, rehome the shetty, and buy a new pony and a new horse for yourself to ride out with your lovely daughters and their gorgeous ponies! Hurrah!

 

[Nativelover]

I would sell your horse and buy a fell for you and your daughter to share, not that I am at all biased 😊

 

[buddylove]

I think the fact that you are even considering selling your horse tells me that you are not entirely smitten with said horse! Do you perhaps think this is not quite the right horse for you to be riding out with your daughter/s?
Also, you said you had your horse on livery, but she wasn’t settled, and won’t settle without the shetty companion.
So actually, you could sell the mare, rehome the shetty, and buy a new pony and a new horse for yourself to ride out with your lovely daughters and their gorgeous ponies! Hurrah!

I bought the horse I wanted, not the horse I needed. The mare is beautiful and talented but not suitable for hacking out with a couple of small kids! We actually have a trekking centre up the road from us and she has a perfect Nanny mare for me. It could work out if the nanny mare is happy to be left when the ponies go to PC and shows, the Shetland is, he is so easy, just a bit anti-social with people 😊

 

[indie1282]

I bought the horse I wanted, not the horse I needed. The mare is beautiful and talented but not suitable for hacking out with a couple of small kids! We actually have a trekking centre up the road from us and she has a perfect Nanny mare for me. It could work out if the nanny mare is happy to be left when the ponies go to PC and shows, the Shetland is, he is so easy, just a bit anti-social with people 😊

But I thought the problem was you couldn't have 4? If you sell the mare and get a plod and another pony for the daughter then you will have 4.

Also, why is the mare not suitable for hacking out with your children?

 

[buddylove]

But I thought the problem was you couldn't have 4? If you sell the mare and get a plod and another pony for the daughter then you will have 4.

Also, why is the mare not suitable for hacking out with your children?

This scenario would mean rehoming shetland, so we could have 3 x ridden.
Mare is young, green and big, and my children's safety must come first. To make her a suitable Nanny hack would take time that is sadly lacking when I have to concentrate on the ponies.

 

[hollyandivy123]

This scenario would mean rehoming shetland, so we could have 3 x ridden.
Mare is young, green and big, and my children's safety must come first. To make her a suitable Nanny hack would take time that is sadly lacking when I have to concentrate on the ponies.

if thats the case, how about sell your mare, keep the money and pick a long term loan of the more mature model for you to ride with the girls. when they are bigger and a larger mother daughter share is a prospect then the money is there to do it?

 

[poiuytrewq]

I did give up my horse once actually for my daughter. I had a TB who was a bit unpredictable and prone to silliness. She had a youngster (an unexpected present 😳)
One day out hacking my horse randomly lashed out at a friend on her horse and almost kicked her knee. It really hit home that at the time had that been my daughter alongside me with the height difference a almost kick to an adults knee could have been her face...
I’m just adding this reply because although my first was quite blasé I have since read that your horse isn’t the ideal nanny and do think that puts a different slant on things.
IF she were your perfect horse then I’d say keep her and fight for/go get another BUT now I feel a few of the above suggestions of a native type you can hack and your daughter can ride may actually be the best option?

 

[9tails]

I wouldn't sell my horse, but then that is perhaps why I chose not to have kids?

Me neither! I can't imagine being this selfless to a being that answers back and will eventually turn into a teenager. Is the shetland too small or tricky for the second daughter to ride?

 

[Annagain]

I started sharing my share horse when my best friend was having babies as she focused on spending time with the kids while they were young. She maybe managed a ride about once or twice a month. I always knew there would come a time when I would lose him again as the kids got older. What I didn't envisage was that I'd lose my 17hh beast, not back my friend, but to her 12 year old son! He's loving his second life as a giant pony club pony and he's such a gent for effectively a very novicey young rider. My friend is still riding once or twice a month!

 

[maya2008]

How tall are you? My son was riding our 13.2hh NF pony off the lead out hacking and in the school last summer at nearly 6 years old. He’s average height. When she was younger I competed her, and I’m 5ft4. My mare is 13.3hh and he potters around on her now, and rides the 13hh youngster.

 

[buddylove]

It's done, mare has gone to sales livery, and I have sobbed like a baby since!!!
Plan is to find somewhere that does lessons on decent horses to keep me in the saddle. If I don't I can't see me getting another when time permits.
Daughter has a lovely pony on trial, so fingers crossed he will be joining the family permanently.
Just hope lovely mare finds a lovely home 💔

 

[maya2008]

Perhaps you could find a share 1/2 days a week? As an experienced rider you might be able to find one you don’t need to pay for too, schooling for the horse in return for rides for you.

 

[buddylove]

Perhaps you could find a share 1/2 days a week? As an experienced rider you might be able to find one you don’t need to pay for too, schooling for the horse in return for rides for you.

Potentially, in the future. Right now I need to concentrate on kids/ponies, and hopefully I can sneak in the odd lesson for myself here and there!

 

[Leo Walker]

What an amazing thing to do for you kids. I am in awe of someone who can be so selfless!

 

[SpottyMare]

What an amazing thing to do for you kids. I am in awe of someone who can be so selfless!

It is, but there's a caveat. My own experience, and knowing a few people who have also done that and become increasingly regretful for having done so, one needs to be mindful that this is generally a long term sacrifice, and to remember who made the decision. Even though they (generally the mother) were happy to make the sacrifice at the time, the increasing resentment/disappointment at having lost something that was part of who they were puts a lot of pressure (and guilt!) on the child if they become aware - and they often do, even if the conversation 'I gave up x so you could do y' doesn't happen. Kids are often more tuned in to subtle stuff than we give them credit for.

I'm absolutely not saying this will be the case with the OP, but it does happen.

 

[MagicMelon]

Cant you stick the younger one on the shetland for the time being or sell the current pony to buy one that would suit both the kids?

 

[buddylove]

It is, but there's a caveat. My own experience, and knowing a few people who have also done that and become increasingly regretful for having done so, one needs to be mindful that this is generally a long term sacrifice, and to remember who made the decision. Even though they (generally the mother) were happy to make the sacrifice at the time, the increasing resentment/disappointment at having lost something that was part of who they were puts a lot of pressure (and guilt!) on the child if they become aware - and they often do, even if the conversation 'I gave up x so you could do y' doesn't happen. Kids are often more tuned in to subtle stuff than we give them credit for.

I'm absolutely not saying this will be the case with the OP, but it does happen.

I certainly hope it doesn't turn out that way! I just want to give my girls the opportunity that I didn't have as a child. My parents were completely unsupportive so I never got to go to pony club or do all the things I longed to do, and I do feel I missed out to some extent.
On the bright side lovely mare has already generated a lot of interest within 2 days, and I have bought a little sewing machine to make some pony fancy dress for a local show in a couple of weeks 🤣🤣

 

[sollimum]

Good luck, hope it all goes well. They are little for such a short time, it sounds like you are going to have lots of fun with them and their ponies.