Hacking/livery yard politics - HELP!

[HopefulHappyHacker]

I’ve recently bought my first horse after years as a part‑loaner. Now I am at the yard full time as a DIY livery and have discovered just how cliquey my yard is. My new horse needs to hack in company, so I started riding with one person in particular whose horse is also green and who told me that no one else on the yard wants to ride with us as they don't ride with green horses. Over the winter she didn't turn up for a ride we had arranged (leaving me and my tacked up horse stood waiting like lemons) and has since had no interest in hacking out, leaving me and my horse struggling on alone for weeks.

At the weekend I rode with some of the other liveries who it turns out are happy to hack with me and my horse and have invited me to join them regularly. Having spoken to a few people it turns out nobody wants to ride with my friend as she has been at the centre of almost all of the yard's past drama. Now my friend has suddenly said she wants to ride with me again, and I feel torn. I’m the only one who will ride with her, but her horse is nappy which is affecting my horse. Saying no will upset her, but I also don’t want to hold back my horse's progress and confidence. I'm really stuck with how to handle this without her turning it into another drama!

 

[AmyMay Again]

There's only politics if you involve yourself in them.

She was kind enough to hack out with you when you needed it, so I'd absolutely be returning the favour. It doesn't have to be every week. Just when it suits you.

 

[PeterNatt]

If you have a young horse you most certainly do not want to be hacking out with a green horse. I would not ride with her and jeopardise your horse losing its confidence or learning bad habits.

 

[Alibear]

I do a bit of both, variation is good for horses, but I'd err on more hacks where I'm building my horses confidence than testing it.

 

[First Frost]

I really wouldn't be hacking a young horse with something that naps.

 

[sarcasm_queen]

Why does your horse need to hack in company?

 

[Abacus]

I have always found it best to steer away from gossip and hearsay. She said one thing, they have said another. Until and unless she involves you in drama, I would try to walk a line of being friendly to everyone. Sometimes it is easier said than done.

If you can hack safely with her, then do so, and also hack with the others, no adult should be expecting you to take sides. That said you're perfectly reasonable to prioritise your horse, and to politely say that you need to hack him with confidence-giving horses. I don't take my 4 year out with the other green horses from the yard (and those that go for blinding canters on every hack), and have no problem saying to anyone that I'd like to go with something steady.

 

[ihatework]

I would be polite to your ‘friend’ but from what you have posted I’m not convinced you should trust your friend. Don’t get involved in gossip with them. By all means be nice and hack with them a bit, but do call them out on them doing a no show without notice.

But very much keep going out with the others on the yard, and if I’m honest I’d prioritise that relationship

 

[JBM]

Did said friend apologise or explain why she ditched you?

 

[Jenko109]

I would just be friends with everyone

You have hacked with her before, so it would seem a bit off to now not want to after having found new people to hack with.

If you have concerns with the behaviour of her horse, then I would perhaps just make it occasional. I would not cut her out altogether.

Her stitching you up was rude, but we really don't know what's going on in other people's lives. It sounds like it was a one off.

Her saying the other liveries don't hack with green horses may not have been a lie. They may have told her that so they didn't have to hack with her.

Basically, it's impossible to know if she's just a complete knob or not so apply benefit of the doubt.

 

[KikiDee]

Teach your horse to hack alone, it will be the best thing you ever do!

Trust me when I went through a phase of needing the support of other people when riding my new horse out I discovered how fickle and essentially selfish people are. I now do most things on my own, if people want to join me that’s nice, but I don’t rely on anyone for anything and just crack on on my own.

 

[Caol Ila]

Teach your horse to hack alone, it will be the best thing you ever do!

If she can...there may be reasons why she can't. I have one that will never be safe to hack alone (but he is capable of going out with a human foot soldier).

 

[Midlifecrisis]

It doesn’t need to be either/or especially if you ride multiple times during week. Spread yourself around…but if you get regularly left in the lurch by any party then switch the frequency of riding to the party who doesn’t let you down….and become known for never reneging on your promise to ride out with anyone.

 

[IrishMilo]

I’d start getting your horse out alone. I think the worst thing you can do is only ever hack in company. I actually start youngsters by going out alone first so it’s normal.

Start by leading him out on foot if it would help your nerves or pay someone confident to ride him out once or twice a week. Not only will it be the best thing for your horse but it will also give you freedom.

 

[Smitty]

I have hacked out mostly with youngsters. My sister often had under 6s and we often did a 4 and 5 yo.

I remember going on 1 hack from the livery yard I was at 12ish years ago was another livery and our two 5 year olds.

We were out for quite a while in different places and any problems just took it slowly and got over them.

Whilst not necessarily ideal, it is often the person on the other youngster that makes the difference. I have been out with "babysitters" and ended up giving them a lead!

I think it's the rider you need to depend upon, not what they are riding (within reason!)