Hacking/livery yard politics - HELP!

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HopefulHappyHacker

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I’ve recently bought my first horse after years as a part‑loaner. Now I am at the yard full time as a DIY livery and have discovered just how cliquey my yard is. My new horse needs to hack in company, so I started riding with one person in particular whose horse is also green and who told me that no one else on the yard wants to ride with us as they don't ride with green horses. Over the winter she didn't turn up for a ride we had arranged (leaving me and my tacked up horse stood waiting like lemons) and has since had no interest in hacking out, leaving me and my horse struggling on alone for weeks.

At the weekend I rode with some of the other liveries who it turns out are happy to hack with me and my horse and have invited me to join them regularly. Having spoken to a few people it turns out nobody wants to ride with my friend as she has been at the centre of almost all of the yard's past drama. Now my friend has suddenly said she wants to ride with me again, and I feel torn. I’m the only one who will ride with her, but her horse is nappy which is affecting my horse. Saying no will upset her, but I also don’t want to hold back my horse's progress and confidence. I'm really stuck with how to handle this without her turning it into another drama!
 
I have always found it best to steer away from gossip and hearsay. She said one thing, they have said another. Until and unless she involves you in drama, I would try to walk a line of being friendly to everyone. Sometimes it is easier said than done.

If you can hack safely with her, then do so, and also hack with the others, no adult should be expecting you to take sides. That said you're perfectly reasonable to prioritise your horse, and to politely say that you need to hack him with confidence-giving horses. I don't take my 4 year out with the other green horses from the yard (and those that go for blinding canters on every hack), and have no problem saying to anyone that I'd like to go with something steady.
 
I would be polite to your ‘friend’ but from what you have posted I’m not convinced you should trust your friend. Don’t get involved in gossip with them. By all means be nice and hack with them a bit, but do call them out on them doing a no show without notice.

But very much keep going out with the others on the yard, and if I’m honest I’d prioritise that relationship
 
I would just be friends with everyone 🤷🏼‍♀️

You have hacked with her before, so it would seem a bit off to now not want to after having found new people to hack with.

If you have concerns with the behaviour of her horse, then I would perhaps just make it occasional. I would not cut her out altogether.

Her stitching you up was rude, but we really don't know what's going on in other people's lives. It sounds like it was a one off.

Her saying the other liveries don't hack with green horses may not have been a lie. They may have told her that so they didn't have to hack with her.

Basically, it's impossible to know if she's just a complete knob or not 😅 so apply benefit of the doubt.
 
Teach your horse to hack alone, it will be the best thing you ever do!

Trust me when I went through a phase of needing the support of other people when riding my new horse out I discovered how fickle and essentially selfish people are. I now do most things on my own, if people want to join me that’s nice, but I don’t rely on anyone for anything and just crack on on my own.
 
It doesn’t need to be either/or especially if you ride multiple times during week. Spread yourself around…but if you get regularly left in the lurch by any party then switch the frequency of riding to the party who doesn’t let you down….and become known for never reneging on your promise to ride out with anyone.
 
I’d start getting your horse out alone. I think the worst thing you can do is only ever hack in company. I actually start youngsters by going out alone first so it’s normal.

Start by leading him out on foot if it would help your nerves or pay someone confident to ride him out once or twice a week. Not only will it be the best thing for your horse but it will also give you freedom.
 
I have hacked out mostly with youngsters. My sister often had under 6s and we often did a 4 and 5 yo.

I remember going on 1 hack from the livery yard I was at 12ish years ago was another livery and our two 5 year olds.

We were out for quite a while in different places and any problems just took it slowly and got over them.

Whilst not necessarily ideal, it is often the person on the other youngster that makes the difference. I have been out with "babysitters" and ended up giving them a lead!

I think it's the rider you need to depend upon, not what they are riding (within reason!)
 
First, your horse is 5 - more than ready to learn to hack alone. It’s an important skill and one that needs to be taught. Well worth the investment though!

Second, whether a horse naps or doesn’t or goes first or doesn’t is partly their natural inclination and partly their rider. Other horses are useful for security but I have had many a youngster get fed up of a nappy older horse, roll their eyes and match in front. There’s nothing so boring as getting stuck behind! I have a 6yo who will go first for a strong rider only and a 3.5yo who would happily hack alone - and who sighs at older spookier horses and gives them a lead. That’s their personalities, nothing more. I also once had a super worried gelding who ran out of patience with the nappy Shetland and finally agreed we could leave them behind (with dad) and hack solo so he could get in a decent canter!

I would ride with both sets of people - so long as the friend turns up.
 
I would try to get you and your horse independent to ride out on your own. It takes time. and confidence but after years of pleasing everyone and ending not pleasing anyone for me it was the best thing. I don't have to wait around for folk to tack up or be late we just go out together on our own. Start off small just small routes or get a friend to walk on foot with you. You will end up with a far more independent and forward going horse and you are not riding on your own you have your best friend (horse) with you. It is always sometimes nice to hack out with others but I got fed up of constant prattle about who did what and as I don't get involved with all the goings on I have peace which to me is important. Sorry if that has not helped much but as more mature (over 60) lady I have seen it all good luck.
 
I have this a lot. My yard are very intermittent riders so I often show new liveries the routes then people fall out with them and there's an expectation I'll stop riding with the new one despite no one else going out.

I'm not having that. It does mean some people stop speaking to me and I'm left out when they do go out.

Anyway I tend to say 'I'm riding around the woods 10am Saturday' to the world in general and I'll go on my own if no one joins.
 
I think you're creating drama that isn't there. People are well within their rights to not want to hack with green horses and you're within your rights to say sorry, at the moment hacking with your horse isn't encouraging good behaviour in mine. Work hard at getting your's going out on it's own too! No one ever wanted to hack with me because mine could be a knob, never bothered me because I couldn't blame them!!
 
If its safe id work on getting him to hack alone, it must be so restrictive being tied to others

Then if you fancy company, you can go with others, but can also go under your own steam if you want to

If it/he are safe, I found getting off and leading for about 100m or so then getting back on, got him rolling if he went to plant. Also a willing foot soldier to start with. Also think forward i did quite a lot of trotting where it was safe, so I had a gear up from walk, so it was harder for him to think backwards as he was rolling more

After a couple of months he was generally great to hack alone, bar being a classic Welsh D! He used to be in a rs before I got him and was used to being mid group on hacks and generally turning round at the same point, so needed to realise that wasn't an option

Not being able to hack alone wasn't an option, especially as there were times there was no one i wanted to hack with, and hacking was my preferred activity
 
I've learnt, sadly, never to rely on other people.
Trying to make arrangements with other riders no matter how well-intentioned they are, can often result in a host of frustrating stuff like no-shows, late, disagreements about the route, one horse upsetting the other, change of arrangements at the last minute... there are so many variables as to why these things don't work out. The riders have to be on the same page as well as the horses so its a bit of a lottery finding a combination that works.
I'd be inclined to concentrate on the relationship between you and your horse and build trust through going it solo.
Then you'd feel more confident in saying no to company. You don't have to please everyone else, only yourself and your horse. If it feel uncomfortable just don't go there.
If someone says they want to hack with me I just tell them when I'm going and they can join me if they wish, but its on my terms. Plenty of people say they want to hack with me after watching my videos, but then there's invariably an excuse or something happens on the day, and this when I've gone to the trouble of making specific arrangements to include them: meeting places, convenient timings and so on.. so for me, cultivating a strong bond with your horse is the best way forward.
In the early days if a problem cropped-up then I'd simply dismount and lead until past the obstacle or he'd forgotten what the objection was, and off we'd go again, with no drama.
 
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