Has anyone ever made your life hell on a livery yard?

[Sashatbx14]

Dont know if this thread belongs here,but looking for some friendly advice,ive been on a livery yard for nearly 2 years,i brought a ' friend ' on who i knew from school,who was an absolute novice,helped her out a lot,taught her stuff she didnt know,she didnt ride a lot,i myself was always busy with mine,she got into a clique,who started being funny with me,tried not to rise to it as had stuff going on at home,now ive had notice to leave the yard,as she kept going to the owner running telling tales,absolutely gutted,an wondering why does someone have to spoil it for you..

 

[Wagtail]

Usually it's driven by jealousy.

You say she runs and tells tales to the YO? What sort of tales? Are they true? What do your parents say?

 

[applecart14]

Because they are a sad muppet and haven't anything better to do with their life maybe...?
Or because they are jealous of you.

 

[STRIKER]

Feel for you and yes i have met too many trouble makers, most of them dont know how to appreciate other folk, so learn what i have just learnt, head down, do your own thing, help out, not a damn they can do it themselves. Hope you find somewhere else or could you chat to the owner and plead your case.

 

[chestnut cob]

What reason has the YO stated for giving you notice?

Unless they have a genuine reason, such as unpaid bills or other serious issues, then it sounds like you've been really unlucky. How old are you OP? Sounds like you may be quite young so it could just be b1tchy teenage girls, which is really upsetting but not uncommon. If the yard is that nasty though, I think I'd be glad to be moving.

 

[Sashatbx14]

im 35 years old lol,an so is this pathetic excuse of a human being,all to do with bloody facebook,showing private conversations we'd had,blocked her side off,so just shown myself talking,covered her own tracks so to speak,i asked her to keep me out of the trouble,as had other stuff going on,i dont drive so im really stuck,had notice now,tried speaking to them,an he's adamant that the yard wants a clean slate an wants rid of all the trouble makers..had a lil bit of karma back,the ' clique ' has had their marching orders too,so obviously it backfired,just devastated i have to move,the owner said to me,there's plenty of yards around,but nothing like this.... i then thought what an arrogant get!!

 

[ihatework]

Honestly, and having been on a variety of livery yards for over 20 years now - I have never had anyone cause me 'hell'.
I've never been bullied, abused or directly treated unfairly.
Of course you meet many different characters along the way but thankfully not a malicious one yet.
The only minor incident I have been involved in was as a third party caught between a jealous YM stirring things with a farmer YO. But nothing to loose sleep over.

 

[Showstyle]

Wow thats not a nice situation. i would definitely ask the yard owner what has been said and is there any evidence to prove it? If YO cant, then remind them that you have noticed this behaviour towards you for a while and you dont know why its been directed at you. Ask to speak with the girl and YO in a room privately and il bet that girl backs right down.

Being given notice without even hearing your side is a joke!

 

[Sashatbx14]

Yeah she took a convo to him,that wasnt even between me an her,was in fact someone who isnt even on the blooming yard,its all very pathetic..a friend went to see him on friday an told him id been set up,was all a plot to get me kicked me off,havent even done anything,she wont say nothing to me face to face,its all very childish,he wasnt up for hearing my side,he just wants them all off,an unfortunately i have to leave too

 

[misskk88]

Not a nice situation.

Perhaps you could speak to the Yard Owner and clarify what has been said, and stand your ground by telling your side of the story, and what was the full truth in any situation. Hope you get the situation sorted.

We have a pretty good yard. You get the odd bit of sniping and bitching that is usually nipped in the bud straight away, but there is no bullying or anyones life being made hell. We had a woman like that years ago though- a total rude, nasty, sly lady who would easily stir the pot, talked down peoples achievements, and generally made them feel like ****. After many months of warnings, she was asked to promptly leave. Needless to say I hear (and see on fb), she has been at several yards over several years.

 

[chestnut cob]

It all sounds a bit silly TBH and I'm not entirely surprised the YO wants rid of everyone involved. Your friend obviously wasn't a real friend, and I think all you can do is learn from it. Learn to choose your friends a bit more wisely maybe, and don't put things in writing (FB, text, email, whatever) that you wouldn't be willing for others to see. If you've been having written conversations about others then the thing to learn from that is basically, don't. I find in my general life, it is best not to comment on what others do personally. Don't get drawn into b1tching, because at the very least, I find my life is much happier without any of that in it.

I don't think you have any choice so yard hunting is the only thing you can do. To answer the original question, no, have never been anywhere where my life has been made hell.

 

[Sashatbx14]

i think now its at this stage,then its time to leave... Oh yeah ive had all this off her,went round tellng people my horse rears up an is nasty,she doesnt even ride! just a hanger on,we bought a new pony just so she could stop on the yard,she saw me getting on with mine,havin my lessons,had made new friends,she had to put a spanner in the works,ive known her for 20 odd years,who thought someone could be so vindictive to spoil someone else's hobby..

 

[L&M]

Tbh I wouldn't want either of you on my yard either - there are always 2 sides to a story, but having people bitch and snipe at each, whoever is right or wrong, makes for a very unpleasant atmosphere for others.

Rather than taking your arguements onto facebook or this forum, how about behaving as adults and learn a valuable lesson, then move on and don't get involved with the wrong people at your new yard.

 

[Capriole]

Tbh I wouldn't want either of you on my yard either - there are always 2 sides to a story

This. Tbf, this is how you got into trouble in the first place, sniping at people on the internet. I've learnt to keep my gob shut, it's a worthwhile lesson to learn.

 

[STRIKER]

But isnt that just so sad we dont know when we meet people who will turn nasty, who is manipulative or vindictive, so go our merry way to be friendly and tell the odd secret to because hey they are our friend only to find, how wrong we are. Good luck OP. People dont come with guarantees you cant take them back to where you found them.

 

[Sashatbx14]

Wasnt even an argument on facebook,just a simple conversation from probably a couple months ago,basically she had someone sacked off the yard,who'd made friends with the group i was friendly with,this other woman,spat her dummy,asked her not to involve me,but seemed to drag me in,everyone talks,texts,private messages,its what happens in this day an age,she hasnt said a word to me at the farm,face to face,thats how its all got petty,its all been done underhanded,was a group of them,im always on my own up there,started feeling intimidated,always being watched by them,id love to know exactly what i have done,i for one would never have someone booted off just cos i decided not to speak :/

 

[fatpiggy]

But isnt that just so sad we dont know when we meet people who will turn nasty, who is manipulative or vindictive, so go our merry way to be friendly and tell the odd secret to because hey they are our friend only to find, how wrong we are. Good luck OP. People dont come with guarantees you cant take them back to where you found them.

Yeah, I had it too from someone in their fifties. Told all sorts of lies about me to the YO but was sweetness and light to my face, although I wasn't overly surprised since she would say unpleasant things about other people on the yard to me. Ironically, she would slag off the YO and family to me too, so a proper snake but YO thought the sun shone out of her.

 

[Goldenstar]

I doubt you can fix so learn from it and move on .
Good luck with the hunt for a new yard better get on with it quick if a few are moving .
I ran a DIY yard once that was part of a riding school there was a load of silly hassle and something silly the YOer served them all notice I felt bad for the two people I knew just kept their heads down and did their thing but the YOer was adamant they all had to go.

 

[Sashatbx14]

Yeah, I had it too from someone in their fifties. Told all sorts of lies about me to the YO but was sweetness and light to my face, although I wasn't overly surprised since she would say unpleasant things about other people on the yard to me. Ironically, she would slag off the YO and family to me too, so a proper snake but YO thought the sun shone out of her.

thats exactly how she's been,tbf if she hadnt shown this conversation,none of this would have happened,was schemed/plotted,as someone else knew what she were upto,just could not leave me alone

 

[PolarSkye]

This. Tbf, this is how you got into trouble in the first place, sniping at people on the internet. I've learnt to keep my gob shut, it's a worthwhile lesson to learn.

Yup.

P

 

[mairiwick]

It happened to me only I was the new one on the yard, friend was a very good friend and when I bought my horse the plan was for her to share the riding with me as her horse was out of action. Off the yard we had been best friends for years, she was chief bridesmaid at my wedding etc.. she was in a little group who didn't like me, the only reason I could fathom was I didn't suck up to them like everyone else. They started to tell the YO that I wasn't capable of looking after my horse and that I had allowed her to get thrush (she had it when she was on full livery while I was om holiday...). My 'friend' refused to speak to me and when she told me she wasn't riding my horse anymore it was shouted across the yard with 2 of her groupies beside her. Was a horrible atmosphere, the day after I handed my notice in the YO told me I wasn't capable of looking after my horse (from the lies she had been told). Annoyed me she didn't bother to find put the truth but it was nice to be able to say I had giving my notice into the yard manager. It really shocked me and puts me off getting close to anyone now, someone I thought I could trust turned so quickly.

 

[EquestrianFairy]

Twice for me.

Both when I moved away from home (never again!)

I don't know what triggered it at the one yard, I was the youngest there and very quiet and although I never really saw many people I did occasionally hack out with them. It seemed to change overnight, no exaggeration- I have no idea where it came from but it became unbareable so I left.
(YO was an alcoholic to top it off!)

Second time it was one person in particular, we were like chalk and cheese but it worked and we quickly became (what I felt) was very close friends. One day we had a disagreement about her bringing a horse in and leaving mine out alone- I don't know why she was being so difficult all of a sudden but the end result was my name becoming absolute muck. Whilst the YO never threw me off as he said he knew It was very one sided, she made it awkward for me and I decided that I'd rather move the horses back home where people are at least half normal. Funnily enough, since moving them back to where I came I've not had any problems!

 

[chestnut cob]

Wasnt even an argument on facebook,just a simple conversation from probably a couple months ago,basically she had someone sacked off the yard,who'd made friends with the group i was friendly with,this other woman,spat her dummy,asked her not to involve me,but seemed to drag me in,everyone talks,texts,private messages,its what happens in this day an age,she hasnt said a word to me at the farm,face to face,thats how its all got petty,its all been done underhanded,was a group of them,im always on my own up there,started feeling intimidated,always being watched by them,id love to know exactly what i have done,i for one would never have someone booted off just cos i decided not to speak :/

Well the lesson I'd take from that is don't private message and text about other people. I had a friend who seemed to exist solely to b1tch about others, always wanted to drag you into complaints about other people, into her arguments with them. It's not worth being friends with someone like that. Cut ties, walk away, find your new yard and don't get dragged into it again.

I don't buy the whole "everyone talks" argument. No, you don't have to talk. You can choose not to. You can choose to keep your opinions to yourself and out of yard politics.

 

[Sashatbx14]

It happened to me only I was the new one on the yard, friend was a very good friend and when I bought my horse the plan was for her to share the riding with me as her horse was out of action. Off the yard we had been best friends for years, she was chief bridesmaid at my wedding etc.. she was in a little group who didn't like me, the only reason I could fathom was I didn't suck up to them like everyone else. They started to tell the YO that I wasn't capable of looking after my horse and that I had allowed her to get thrush (she had it when she was on full livery while I was om holiday...). My 'friend' refused to speak to me and when she told me she wasn't riding my horse anymore it was shouted across the yard with 2 of her groupies beside her. Was a horrible atmosphere, the day after I handed my notice in the YO told me I wasn't capable of looking after my horse (from the lies she had been told). Annoyed me she didn't bother to find put the truth but it was nice to be able to say I had giving my notice into the yard manager. It really shocked me and puts me off getting close to anyone now, someone I thought I could trust turned so quickly.

Sounds exactly like what ive just gone through,how she's been with me,to be honest nothing was bad was sad,they were all grouping,im always on my own,felt intimidated,they kept runnng to the owner telling tales,i kept getting phone calls asking what was going on,nothing to my knowledge,has all been made up an they thought they were clever showing some conversation to him,but fortunately it backfired an they have been served notice too,i for one have a learnt a lesson,never to bring a so called friend onto a yard again!!,she changed quickly,got into this clique of people younger than her,should know better,i dont do girly groups,i go there for my horse,i made other friends,she obviously didnt like,so schemed a way to get us removed an it worked for her at the time,she posted a video last week looking very smug,have known her since we were kids,id never known her to be horsey either,she come sniffing around when i bought my new horse 2 years ago x

 

[holeymoley]

Dont know if this thread belongs here,but looking for some friendly advice,ive been on a livery yard for nearly 2 years,i brought a ' friend ' on who i knew from school,who was an absolute novice,helped her out a lot,taught her stuff she didnt know,she didnt ride a lot,i myself was always busy with mine,she got into a clique,who started being funny with me,tried not to rise to it as had stuff going on at home,now ive had notice to leave the yard,as she kept going to the owner running telling tales,absolutely gutted,an wondering why does someone have to spoil it for you..

Could have written that myself. She also made up ridiculous stories about others at th yard having affairs with someone's husband etc etc just nasty but all nicely nicely when need be. I told her what I thought of her one day (this was after we both moved yard when I thought she was stil my friend, and the rest of the yard had a full blown argument with her and left her in tears) I left her at that yard and moved back to the first and the people are all honest and lovely! It's amazing what a nasty person can do.

 

[STRIKER]

Even horses on clean bedding can get thrush so dont think it is down to the horse being kept on a dirty bed, pray for karma, i do daily, lol

 

[twobearsarthur]

When on the livery yard I hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.
I don't have an opinion on anyone's horse.
I don't have an opinion on what they do with their horses nothing. And I sure as hell don't put anything that crosses my mind on facebook in text etc etc.
Because it will come and bite you on the ass!!!!
A lass on the yard I'm on will occasionally PM me on FB asking me what I think of x horse or x rider. I just press delete.
I have seen it too too many times when someone has innocently got sucked into the what do you think of her horse/her riding and all hell has broken loose
I only open my gob if I'm talking to the person I'm talking about to their face and that would only be in case of neglect/abuse then watch my tongue.
I think we develop friendships far to quickly with the advent of social media. You let almost strangers into your day to day life when honestly apart from having horses how much do you really know about these people.
Don't get me wrong some of my best friends are people I've met on livery yards. But I have known them 20+ years.
Learn from what's happened move on and don't ever say or put down in writing anything you wouldn't mind the person knowing.

 

[Sashatbx14]

oh god you wouldnt like it on our place then!!... soon as i moved on,people came up to me an asked why id bought a thoroughbred an id never be able to handle her :/ 2 years on,proved them all wrong,they're always coming up asking why you're not riding etc,dont need that,just wannt to enjoy my horse an do what i want with her

 

[twobearsarthur]

I've cultivated an Ice Queen (or frosty knickers) persona over the years. I scare the living day lights out of the yard mouths lol so I'm left well alone. I think they think I'm a little crazy unstable. Haha.
Whenever I do get a "your horse is x, y or z" I smile a wistful smile and reply "it's just as well she's my horse then". For some reason the McNasties never have a reply to that.
The yard mouth know it all up in everyone's business is in situ in 99% of yards. You just need to learn your own techniques to avoid getting assimilated into their clique.

 

[glamourpuss]

I have had an incident where things were made awful for me on a yard. Amongst other things :
- she called competitions I'd entered pretending to be me & withdrew me. I wouldn't know until I rang for my times & then it would be too late.
- Pretended to be me & called my vet for an emergency colic on my horse on a Sunday when the horse was fine.
- tipped buckets of water into my horses bed late at night.
- Took photos of my horse's, not very bad & being treated, mud fever & sent them anonymously to the RSPCA
- let down the tyres on my bike
This was all done secretively & the whole time she was offering a shoulder to cry on & offering help to me.
However she finally slipped up when she involved the YO & tried to implicate me in bitching/rumours that couldn't possibly involve me. She was given her marching orders

I stayed in that yard & have been on several yards since & I've never, ever had another problem again (although I now have my own place )
The reason for this is I don't become involved in any politics, i tend to just go & do my horses & not natter/gossip. I try & stay friendly & polite to everyone. I do tend If I have an issue I try & talk directly to the person involved & clear the air as quickly as possible. I don't say anything in a text/PM/3rd party conversation that I wouldn't say directly to someone's face. These rules appear to have stood me well.

I've had liveries in my dark & distant past & if an incident like this occurred then TBH I too would give you all notice. There are enough nice horse owners without keeping trouble makers on a nice yard (& TBH with 2 sides to every story as much as you protest your innocence the fact is 'somehow ' some evidence of you causing trouble has been presented to the YO so I can see why you've been asked to leave )