Having my boy PTS on Friday – need some advice please

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mitters

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I am having my boy PTS on Friday. To cut a long story short, he has navicular and arthritis and after weeks of deciding what to do for the best and several discussions with my vet, I have decided this is the best thing to do for him.

I decided I don’t want to be there when the vet comes on Friday, the YO and another livery have kindly offered to be there in my place. I am worried that if I am there I am going to be so upset he is going to know there is something wrong, and also I do not want that to be my last memory of him. I am planning on bringing him in from the field about an hour before the vet arrives and leaving him with a nice feed.

I have had two horses PTS sleep in the past but both were elderly and suddenly taken very ill, so I had no time to think about anything. I found it very distressing to see their bodies and am not sure I want to see my boy’s body.

However, now the day is getting nearer I am starting to feel that perhaps I should be there when he goes. I feel that I owe it to him to be there. What does everyone think? Am I going to worry him if I am there and am upset? Am I going to regret it not being there or regret it if I am there?

The other thing I am worrying about is my youngster. He was lived with my boy for the last year and will probably be a bit stressed about him ‘disappearing’. Some people have said that I should show my youngster the body so he knows what has happened. What are peoples thoughts on this? Has anyone else done this with their horses?

Any other advice on dealing with this will be much appreciated. Thank you (and apologies for such a depressing post).
 
I'm so sorry to hear your sad news, but it is the last kindness you can do for your boy to release him from further pain.

To be honest if you think you will get upset then it is probably best that you aren't there, your boy won't know any different and you can give him a big fuss and feed when you bring him in. Another option would be to stay and if you feel you can't stay strong then walk away, but it would be best to have a couple of people, one to help with the horse and one to support you if needed.

I stayed with a friend when she had her horse pts and it was awful as the friend became very upset and this did affect the horse, we had to leave my friend in the stable alone while we saw to the horse which was a horrible way for her to remember her last moments with her horse. Once it was over however she was fine and actually relieved.

You've got to do what is best for you and feels right for you and your horse at the end of the day.

ETA:- Regarding your youngster, they often cope better if they do see the body as it helps them to accept that their companion has gone. Is there another horse your youngster can go out with afterwards?
 
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I have yet to make this hard decision, thankfully, but will be thinking of you.....why don't you when you bring him in for his feed see how you feel then about staying with him.
As for showing the other horse the body, this we have found with a friends horse was the best think, he was in the stable next door when she was injected then let in to see the body, he had a sniff, then went back into his interconnecting stable put himself in the corner head down and was quite for a while, but he was extremly attached to her but i think he then realised that she was gone for good, never called for her, whichh he would have done if she'd gonoe for a ride etc.....
I do think it helps them understand where there friend has gone.

be thinkiing of you this week and Friday.
 
I had a horse pts as an emergency which was done right beside his companion. The surviving horse never once whinnied or looked for his friend; he seemed to understand. but I am not sure I would have chosen it that way. If you are going to be upset your horse will sense it but you may regret not being there. Could you be there and if it got too much then someone else could take over? Seeing the body is a form of closure though I found it very upsetting because you realise then how frail they had become. Thinking about youx
 
My horse was put down just over a week ago - it is still very raw and so I know just what you're going through.

I actually brought my horse in from the field and handed him straight to the Huntsman (I could see no reason for him to be stood in a stable, when he could be enjoying his last hours with grass and friends). I wasn't as composed as I wanted - so didn't linger.

He was given a final pat - and I walked away. I stayed at the yard, but in my stable. The huntsman and colleague dealt with the horse, with the YO supervising. All very professional.

I don't think you need to let your youngster see the body - but others may disagree.

Strength and hugs for Friday.
 
I had to do excatly this 4 weeks ago for the exact same reasons so I understand exactly what you are going through right now. I am so sorry :(

All I can give is my experience. Legend was PTS with the injection, I have been with horses when this has been done before and I was adament I wanted to be there when he went. I spent all morning with him, making him look beautiful and sobbing into his mane, telling him how sorry I was that our journey had been cut short far too soon :( When the vet arrived he was sedated in his stable and then I led him out to the field. I gave him a kiss on the nose (his favourite) and then the vet gave him the injection. It was all over very quickly and there was no twitching or anything afterwards which can happen. All that he did was made a funny noise a couple of times that I can only describe as like a donkey bray which was the air releasing from his lungs. I am glad I was there as I know he went quickly and peacefully.

In terms of his companion Legend also had a very strong pair bond with one horse and he was just turned out with others and has been fine ever since. I did say to her that I had let other horses see the body previously and it was a very humbling experience and there were no ill effects then. So the choice is completely up to you - I would say if your youngster is a particularly emotional/sensitive horse then I would let him see the body but if not he will be fine - think of what would happen if your boy was being sold and not PTS.. you wouldnt necessarily let him see him being loaded away..

Sorry, thats been a bit of an essay but I hope it helps - good luck for Friday and I hope he goes peacefully over the Rainbow Bridge x x
 
amymay said:
My horse was put down just over a week ago - it is still very raw and so I know just what you're going through.

I actually brought my horse in from the field and handed him straight to the Huntsman (I could see no reason for him to be stood in a stable, when he could be enjoying his last hours with grass and friends). I wasn't as composed as I wanted - so didn't linger.

He was given a final pat - and I walked away. I stayed at the yard, but in my stable. The huntsman and colleague dealt with the horse, with the YO supervising. All very professional.

I don't think you need to let your youngster see the body - but others may disagree.

Strength and hugs for Friday.
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I did exactly this too when my boy was PTS by huntsman a few months ago. He would have been more stressed coming in and me fussing over him and getting upset. I think horses do pick up on our emotions and he was such a worrier anyway. I gave him lots of carrots when I caught him from field, gave him one last hug and handed rope over and went in house. I didnt see it. I did worry a bit about the fact that I wasnt there at the final moment. If it had been by injection I probably would have stayed but the bullet was just too much for me to deal with and I knew that at the end of the day it would have been over very very quickly and they dont know what is happening.

I dont think my other 2 horses saw it (they were inthe field and I think the horse box was blocking their view but they would have heard it and they didnt show any 'emotion' over any of it. Not like me....

I am very sad for your loss, you have made a brave and sensible decision for him. I hope the day passes quickly and the sadness is quickly replaced with the more happier memories of him.
 
Very sorry to hear about your sad week ahead, but it's lovely that we have the option to stop our animals from suffering.

Back in May we had to have our elderly boy who suffered with Arthritis put down and it was terribly sad. As for being there yourself I think this is up to you but I don't think it will make much difference to your horse.

My other gelding was very attached to our old boy, he had to be with him at all times which was very sweet but quite inconvenient. So I was very worried about how he would feel about losing him. We were also advised to let him see the body so they know where they've gone. It was very upsetting and I cried my eyes out but my horse just sniffed him on the ground and then started to eat some grass near the body! He was a bit quite for a day or two but then actually seemed more happy and settled than he had for years. I think he knew the old chap was unwell and felt he had to protect him, so in a funny way it was a weight off his mind.

Whatever you decide to do remember that it is the best thing you can do for your horse.
 
We have had all but one of ours shot when the time came and have not deliberately led the others to see the body, although they have been in a field next to the yard, so could see something going on.
We did have a very strong pair bond (they'd been together for 20 yrs) who we were very worried about separating. However as it happened the younger mare had a stroke in her stable. The other half of the pair couldn't go through from her adjoining stable until the mare had been pts by the huntsman and removed. The survivor was a bit 'down' for about a week although she was with her usual companions. She was nowhere near as upset as we had thought she might be. She really perked up when we brought another mare to join the herd.
As for what you should do - could you stay somewhere on the yard but out of sight if you feel that you can't control your emotions? Then as soon as the injection has taken effect you can see that all is peaceful.
We had the last 2 pts by the local knacker and they now have a policy of asking the owner to leave before the shot and to stay away until after the winching - because of experiences they have had with distraught owners.

It is always a difficult decision to make and as you say in an emergency adrenalin carries you through. You really must take comfort from the fact that you have taken the vet's advice and are doing the best thing possible for your horse.
 
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I am so sorry to hear about your boy!

I have both been away and stayed with horses that have had to be PTS. The ones I was with, I will remember every detail for the rest of my life (even though the actual event was peaceful and calm), so you might want to spare yourself that, although it is a very private decision.
 
Very sorry to hear this huge (((hugs))), but it's good that your having a good think about your options and deciding now how you want to go about it when the day comes, it's never easy no matter how much you try to prepair yourself even if you've had others PTS before.

From my experiance, but we are all different of course, if I was in your shoes and was to do it again, I would be there, spend some time with your horse as you'd normally do, ...I duno, take him for a smooch around the yard and pick on some lovely long grass, bit of grooming time, extra carrots and polos, but when the vet/hunt/horse disposal come, ask someone to take a lock of mane (if you like) I'd then walk away and leave them to it, if he's been shot, ask them to wait a few minutes while you leave the yard so you don't hear it.

Despite how upset I was at the time when I had my old TB PTS (shot by local knacker man), I was pretty hysterical specially after just loosing my mum a month before but thinking about it later I was actually suprised how quick and professional the process was, I wouldn't have it any other way if I had to have my boy done.

Talking about it as we do here on HHO also really helps, I certainly feel a hell of a lot more stronger as a person if or when I need to go through it again with one of my horses or should I need to be there for a friends horse, of course it's still very upsetting though but you feel better prepaired.
 
I'm so sorry. If you can I would be there for your boy. Think of it as your last gift to him, hold yourself together as bravely as you can, there will be plenty of time for tears afterwards. It is so tough I know, from bitter personal experience. But I feel it only right that our much loved horses leave this life with those they love there with them. Of course this is only my pesonal view and no upset is intended to anyone who feels differently or feels unable to be there.

If you can I would let your youngster see your boy before he gets taken away. Let them have some time together so that he can have a bit of an understanding of what has happened.

When they come to take your boy away then I would walk away before that happens. That was the one thing I simply could not bear to see.

Will be thinking of you on Friday and willing a peaceful passing for your boy.
 
I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I don't think you should be there because your lovely horse will sense that there is something wrong. Personally I've never gone down the route of letting other horses see them after they are gone either. The youngster will soon make other friends. Big hugs. X
 
I live in dread of the 'day' but seeing as I saw Tom into the world, I feel that I owe it to him to be there when he leaves. I have no advice to give but want to give you a huge hug and say that I will be with you in spirit. Its going to be hard whichever way but you will get over it. Hugs, Mairi.x
 
Never easy but as someone else said it is nice that we can end their suffering.
You need to do what's best for your boy and for you.
When our previous gelding was PTS we weren't there. I would have liked to have been there to see him out but OH was in such a state that we (me, him, YO and another friend) thought it would just upset OH and the horse such as to make the process worse for all. So YO and friend saw him out and I took OH to another friends house to wait it out til he'd gone. We didn't see the body.
 
I stayed with my girl until the end. She was injected and just slowly went to sleep with her head in my lap. It was very peaceful and would not have been able to stay with her had she been shot. I'm happy I did stay and said my good byes.
Her headcollar and name plate in memory is hung outside her mates stable.
 
Tiggy was put to sleep two years and two days ago. I was with her up until the last moment, when the AHT people took over. I kissed and hugged her and said goodbye, she was half dopped by then so knew little of what was going on. We had had a good couple of hours beforehand in the paddock, walking round and cuddling her and feeding her all sorts of goodies.

I didn't know if I would want to see her afterwards, but then did, desperately. I'm so glad that I did. For me it was the right thing. She was lying down, quiet and no longer in pain. I sat with her for some time, curled up inbetween her chest and neck, talking to her.

Sending you massive hugs and thoughts for Friday hunny.
 
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I'm in tears reading these stories & I must get back to work. My only experience was with my kids pony . I took myself & my horse out for ride & left the OH & kennel huntsman to it. I know I couldn't bear to be there. I am sure you will make the right decision for you & your horse. All the best.
 
Skye was around 23 years when I had her PTS, i led her round the back of the farm to where we usually would graze in hand, so she didnt worry, just got on with eating, the 'man' had backed his truck up to meet us, Skye carried on eating, I handed him the leadrope and she didnt even notice me leave, I paid the money and went back to the yard and promptly collapsed in hysterics, I heard the 'pop' and it was done. It was the right time, she had started lying down and not being able to get up again, depending on how your euthanasing, Id go for the grazing option every time, it calmed her down and she didnt notice the strange people, as long as you can do it privately and away from kids of course.
 
I'm sorry it's come to this but the best thing you can do for him by the sound of it.

Each person is different and it's got to be left to you how you want to handle it.

For me, I have to be there, right through to the end from shooting to clearing away the mess then I'll go and make a cup of tea for the Hunt Staff; I will have said my goodbyes before they came onto the yard so can cope with it easily enough, it still hurts but it's something to be got through. Having lost both parents without a chance to say goodbye to them, nothing is as bad as that so I just grit my teeth and get on with it; it's my responsibility.
I think until you're older and have known more people dying, then losing a horse or other pet is always a traumatic experience but it's just part of your life and each person will handle it differently, there's certainly no right or wrong way.

Thoughts for you this week.
 
The only experience I have had is with some strangers horse who I`d never even seen until that day (long story) and I had to walk away as she took her last few breaths.....
I dont think I could be there at that moment with either of my girls....
See how you feel on the day you may feel totally different.
Well done for being so strong on getting this far and good luck and big hugs for friday xxxx
 
First of all so sorry for you - it is so hard. The good thing is you have time to plan and the bad thing is the waiting:( The last few days are so difficult.

As far as being there goes it is an individual choice. No right or wrong - just what is right for you and your horse. I have been there with my daughter (and OH for support) and vet both times. It was dignified and peaceful and for us it was the right thing as we knew they were cared for to the end. But it is not for everyone. We cried buckets and I am crying again now writing about it but they were quiet tears and did not upset the horse. We spoke to Jepser and told him how much we loved him and he just laid down and went to sleep. He looked beautiful even after he had gone. We have never stayed and watched the body removed though - that can be very difficult.

As far as the youngster goes - our other 2 watched over the fence and seemed to understand he was gone. They were not upset by it at all. Our baby just watched and then laid down too!

I just wish you a peaceful passing for him whatever you decide and ((hugs)) to you.
 
I think it is a very personal decision, no rights or wrongs. My beloved Meg was PTS in June, she went out as usual the night before with her 2 companions, but no grazing muzzle on & feasted as much as she wanted to. I brought her in the next morning, spent some private time alone with her, & went home. A close & trusted friend came & met the vet, she gave her a last groom & oiled her hooves, they led her out to the edge of the field where she grazed for a while, then Andrew gave her the injection with Tash holding her, it was quick & peaceful. The farmer was also there, he waited for the transport & supervised her final trip. I so feel for you, be brave & strong & I respect you for doing the right thing by your horse. My heart goes out to you xxx
 
Thank you everyone for your very kind responses. I think i will just have to see how i am on the day. At the moment i feel that i would just break down and cry uncontrollably like i did when my 26yo was PTS in february, i couldn't even stand up. But maybe when the time comes i will suprise myself and be able to hold myself together for him (i really hope i can).

I know my vet and the man who will take him away will be very professional and he will go peacefully, so i have nothing to worry about. He is being injected rather than shot and it will be done in the indoor school.

As for my youngster, i'm still undecided what to do. Again, i think i will see how things go on the day. There are 8 other horses on the yard so he won't be on his own, i'm sure he will find a new best friend.

Thanks again everyone for your help. This is going to be a very long week :'0(
 
Hi,

Def the waiting is the worst part, I'm of the mindset that once I decide their time is up, I don't wait or set a date, they are done there and then if vet is there or asap if a hunt or knacker job. I'm the same with all of my animals, as I can't bare to know that I only have a few hours or days left with them, and wouldn't want to have the chance to change my mind. (esp. if its just eldery or an ongoing condition). I think if your going to be there or not depends on if you think you can hold it together, maybe see if you can arrange a friend to be there, and if it all gets too much then get them to wait with the horse. It's always a horrible thing to deal with, and never really gets any easier, I hope your horse has a swift passing and sending good vibes to help you cope till friday.
 
I brought my horse in from the field and put him in his stable as that was his routine. I brushed and fed him and said my tearfull goodbyes and my husband very kindly held him at the end.

I was happy with this arrangement allthough it didn't make it any easier. When my husband phoned to tell me he was gone I felt guilty for a while and sobbed all day but I know I just couldn't witness my beloved horse go down. I had owned him for 10 years.

I feel it is an entirely personal decision, everybody is different and I don't think any body can criticise whether or not you decided to be there at the very end. (((((((( Hugs))))))))
 
amymay said:
My horse was put down just over a week ago - it is still very raw and so I know just what you're going through.

I actually brought my horse in from the field and handed him straight to the Huntsman (I could see no reason for him to be stood in a stable, when he could be enjoying his last hours with grass and friends). I wasn't as composed as I wanted - so didn't linger.

He was given a final pat - and I walked away. I stayed at the yard, but in my stable. The huntsman and colleague dealt with the horse, with the YO supervising. All very professional.

I don't think you need to let your youngster see the body - but others may disagree.

Strength and hugs for Friday.
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aww hugs hun, was that the grey that you wanted a companion home for? xx
 
natalia said:
Hi,

Def the waiting is the worst part, I'm of the mindset that once I decide their time is up, I don't wait or set a date, they are done there and then if vet is there or asap if a hunt or knacker job.
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I am very much the same. The first avalible day is the one I will take. I cannot think of anything worse than the counting down of days and hours.
I think OP you are very brave, and doing the best thing by your boy, but you have to do whats right for you. Dont let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't do. You can change your mind at anytime upto the point he is actually PTS as to whether you want to be there or not. Same with seeing him after.
I have always been with mine, but I appreciate its really not for everyone.
 
I was there when i got my 15yo dog pts, and i thought i needed to be because i owed it to him. But in honesty i didnt feel any better for it and my distress over it didnt effect the fact that it had to be done. I say have a nice hour with your boy, give him a nice groom (i dont think its recommended to feed) and lots of hugs.

Im very sorry this had to happen, but you're doing the right thing.
 
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