Heading for the whelk bucket.....

[[69117]]

My handshake has gone all limp and ridic again... and not even the prospect of waxing some lemons is coaxing a smile out of my silly red face...

SO....

if anyone needs me, I'll be sobbing quietly into the bucket of whelks, having my soul sucked out again (and not doing ANY HARM to the whelks in the process)... after a crapola day and coming home to a crapola evening.

My name is Starzaan, and I want a hug and a good whack in the face with a cricket bat to snap me out of it.

(my favourite word is still LESBIANISM)

 

[Montyforever]

Couldnt find a cricket bat but!

 

[Jesstickle]

O dear, wassup? I bet chavs aren't taking over your yard so it could be worse most likely!

Wanna swap?

 

[[69117]]

Thank you. How kind.






(tiniest bit of sympathy wouldn't go amiss you cold hearted shell of a person!)

ETA: No chavs.... would rather have the chavs please. Send them my way. With your morags.

 

[Jesstickle]

Why am I sending you my morags? You're welcome to them, they're a bleeding nuisance but I'm pretty sure you have some already? Are you going to have four like a cow?

 

[[69117]]

Yes.... I would like to stick them on my head and make millions being the morag woman...

 

[Jesstickle]

Coooool

You can probably make quite a lot of money that way y'know.

 

[[69117]]

Good. I will use it to buy a cave to go and be a hermit in...

 

[Sparkles]

Oh my, lol!!

My week has also been muchly crappolla too Can I share your bucket of whelks lol?

 

[Echo Bravo]

Leave the poor bloody whelks alone. So whats gone wrong now Starzaan, FF? fit Mechanic?? Sausages??. I haven't a cricket bat but do have baseball bat would that do.

 

[[69117]]

Ugh.

FF is still very much doing radio silence.

Mechanic is lovely.

Ex is lovely.

I loathe sausages with the fire of a thousand suns.

And I have come home to rubbishnosity in the extreme. BLEUGH.

I shan't leave the whelks alone.... they're deading me and I would like to be deaded and soulless tonight please. Binky, I'll get a bigger bucket and you can come share.

 

[Queenbee]

somethings rattled your cage... bet you picked on the poor whelk in your axlotol tank before going and filling your bucket. I have one thing to say to you starzaan...





STAY AWAY FROM THE WHELKS... THEY ARE NOT THE ANSWER!!


Find someone with some raspberry gin, that normally does the trick, my raspberry gin is numbing me and sucking my soul out as we speak, far more effective and far more whelk friendly don't you know!

So nothing from FF since the 'what's on' text? V. Bad form on his part! I have just been offered an all expenses paid trip to Cyprus mit pool, sauna and jacuzzi, only have to provide spending money. Perhaps you should come too, we can fill jacuzzi with whelks for you and pool with raspberry gin 4 me, and if that doesn't work go SHOPPING!

 

[gingerarab]

Oh Starzaan how you have made me smile when my last two weeks have been crapolloa of the highest order.

I hearby invite you round to mine, we can sit and survey the welk bucket between us whilst discussing life

 

[Montyforever]

I loathe sausages with the fire of a thousand suns.
.

Thats a massive generalization (wow big word ) you are making there!

Its only the sausages inslaved by your mum you hate! They are brainwashed so its not their fault!

 

[Queenbee]

p.s. ex is lovely...

whats news on ex... do tell!

 

[Sparkles]

Lol woop woop. How about a HHO communal whelk pool?!

 

[Penny Less]

poor whelks just when they thought it was safe to go back in the bucket, der der der der der der ( with apologies to Jaws) and maybe youre going to need a bigger bucket (also apologies to Jaws)

 

[Echo Bravo]

Look you lot leave the poor bloody whelks alone, I just swapped the KP pink dress with you know what for a black slinky one with chicken feather top and bottom and am this moment rubbing down my baseball bat with linseed oil.

 

[Penny Less]

I know a lot of people have shellfish allergies, do whelks have people allergies?

 

[Echo Bravo]

Well if they didn't, they do now.

 

[Echo Bravo]

So I take it she's hoofing it round to Gingerarabs for sympathy and some booze. Must admit my baseball bat has taken on a very nice sheen from the linseed oil, which I'm told they also use on cricketbats, no wonder the cricket balls seen to shoot all over the place when played at matches

 

[JenHunt]

what's happened now? what did I miss?

I've some spare whelks left over from my crappy week if you'd like them Starzaan? they come with a half empty bottle of last years sloe gin as anaesthetic for ones soul.

 

[Echo Bravo]

You cann't be serious about wasting Sloe gin on the whelks, you must know they have an allergic reaction to it, they start farting all over the place, gas masks to the ready.

 

[HollyWoozle]

they come with a half empty bottle of last years sloe gin as anaesthetic for ones soul.

Jen has got exactly the right idea. Sloe gin is a cure for all ills.

Whilst we're on the whelk subject, do you think they could suck some fat cells from me in a cheap DIY liposuction sort of affair? As there seem to be so many around I just thought that maybe I could get involved and harness their great sucking abilities for the good of myself and my FF. If they could start with the thighs then it would be much appreciated.

 

[starbar]

Whelks and cricket bat required here too....everyone budge up a bit....ta

 

[JenHunt]

Jen has got exactly the right idea. Sloe gin is a cure for all ills.

Whilst we're on the whelk subject, do you think they could suck some fat cells from me in a cheap DIY liposuction sort of affair? As there seem to be so many around I just thought that maybe I could get involved and harness their great sucking abilities for the good of myself and my FF. If they could start with the thighs then it would be much appreciated.

indeed it is... chocolate port (much better than it sounds!) is also a pretty good thing too! Even if it makes whelks fart, it can't be any worse than OH after a week of wurst-eating in bavaria!

HW - if you try the whelk-osuction do tell me how you get on as I'm very tempted by the thought!

 

[Echo Bravo]

you mean you allowed him in the house before going into quarratine and de-farting.

 

[Echo Bravo]

Starbar, whats gone wrong, that you need the poor whelks and said cricket bat or would the basball bat do

 

[JenHunt]

you mean you allowed him in the house before going into quarratine and de-farting.

unfortunately, he snuck in early while I was still at work.... he wasn't supposed to be home until tomorrow, but there was too much snow in germany for the poor ickle boy so he had to come home on thursday...

I'm going to have to deodorise the whole house tomorrow...(not that it's that big,... my morags just about fill the bathroom once they're uncaged) the smell is That bad! I could over cook cabbage and whelk soup for weeks and it would be an improvement.

 

[Mogg]

jeez i log off for a few hours to do Very Important Stuff (ok, so watching tv but anyhoo...) and i return to a whelk-fest! what is going on? should i go buy shares in a whelk farm?

why take out your misery on whelks anyway? what did they do to you all that warrants sitting on them in buckets? Do you sit on live whelks and if so don't their shells dig into your ladybits? or is that the point?

according to Whelkwiki they will eat anything so maybe they could be the 'new' liposuction. Whelkosuction!!

Jenhunt, i shudder to think what cabbage and whelk soup would smell like!
EB –‘rubbing down my baseball bat with linseed oil??' hmm I have a dirty mind!

Staarzan you need to get over Sausage-gate! we need more details on what type of rubbishness you came home to. The ex may be lovely but he still buggered off in a camper van and now, in all truth, is probably only sniffing around cos you stink of whelks and waxed lemons and he picked up some strange fixation with both whilst on his world travels..WITHOUT YOU!