Help.... any divorced ladies on here?

[saddlebred]

First of all - I just wanted to say how sorry I am that your husband has cheated on you .... again, and that he chose such a horrible time to tell you. You dont deserve that.

My husband had an affair with a woman from work who was 10 years younger than me, and he tried to blame my horse as well - even though I hardly ever get time to ride. Must be a common theme for non-horsey men to use! We are still together but it can never be the same and I dont see us growing old together.

It is good that you are seeing a solicitor. I was told that inheritance, and even redundancy money DO count so I would move your money asap. Once you tell the solicitor it exists they may have a duty to declare it. Move it to your daughter so that you have peace of mind. You will feel a bit better when you do know how you stand financially and you can start to plan your new life.

I agree with Trakehner (who sounds like the perfect man btw that you should change the locks if you feel unsafe. If you inform the police and solictor that you are scared of him surely this will be OK?

Spend Christmas with your family and try to see this as the start of a new chapter for you. Better to be on your own thinking that you might find the perfect partner one day, than to be married and yet totally lonely inside. Your horse and your daughter, family and friends will get you through this.

Big hugs to you and I hope that 2011 is a much better year for you.
Debs x

 

[pines of rome]

Hi Debs,
He has just told me he wants half the value of the house and thats it but considering i have paid for 2/3rds of it i would like to give him less i,ll see what the solicitor says. He won,t be able to afford a solicitor so hopefull that will put me in a stronger position

 

[pixi]

Thanks for all your responses they were great i will take all your advice on board. he now only expects me to do christmas dinner as normal, what planet is he on.

id do his dinner ,look on the ood counter for his turkey n give him food poisoning you have the fresh one ,get some loft insulation n rub it in all his clothers let him itch the new year in .n last put a bit of hoof trim in his car where he wont find it see if the new gf likes the smell ,i put some in my car for the jr to chew n it stank like a dead whale.your hubby sounds like a real pig but remember keep your dignity dont get up set .just look at it as mom said to give your old rubbish toys away to some one more needy when you finished playing with then

 

[Luci07]

and do check what he might have that YOU could claim off as well. I would be slighly suspicious that he is being that easy - so check pensions etc. If nothing else would help with your negotations..

and good luck. I don't know why people choose Christmas to unleash all their demons but at least you are over the worst of it (as in the initial shock) and can look forward to a better life without him.

 

[Mithras]

Hi Debs,
He has just told me he wants half the value of the house and thats it but considering i have paid for 2/3rds of it i would like to give him less i,ll see what the solicitor says. He won,t be able to afford a solicitor so hopefull that will put me in a stronger position

I would still recommend getting a solicitor to go over things with you at this early stage and particularly to write to him stating the basic facts and recommending that he get a solicitor and/or respond. By doing this, you will be taking control of the situation. If he has any sense, he will sit down at this stage to discuss with you, or get his own legal advice. Once he gets his first legal bill his mind should become magically focussed - it tends to have a salutory effect. Expect to pay around £1000 for initial advice with the aim of negotiating your own settlement after that.

 

[Whoopit]

I'm not married, never have been and am only late twenties but Gods sake get the best solicitor you can afford. My boyfriends brother is a Managing Partner of a pretty big law firm and my friend is a solicitor also so i'm surrounded by second-to-none advice if I ever need it!

And as someone else has said - do not leave the house, even if he did something spiteful like moves the broad in to force you out

X x X

 

[Trakehner]

Hi Debs,
He has just told me he wants half the value of the house and thats it but considering i have paid for 2/3rds of it i would like to give him less i,ll see what the solicitor says. He won,t be able to afford a solicitor so hopefull that will put me in a stronger position

Well, isn't he "speshul"?...but it really's not a surprise.

He'll potentially get half the value of the house...but the value will be based on the equity. If the house was value at 100K, and there was 50K profit, then only 1/3 of the profit would be his fair share since you owned 2/3 of the house.

As people suggested, retirement accounts may be an asset to be divided...figure a lot of offsets to anything he wants. He may be surprised at how much of his life is claimable by you...use it to keep more of the house without having to take a loan to pay him off.

There's nothing wrong with going after everything that allows you to keep as much of what is yours as you may.

Good luck

 

[pines of rome]

[IM

G]http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/forumspictur

 

[Alexart]

We never thought my father could afford a solicitor either as he only works 10hrs a week and always has done - BUT he has gone to the senior partner of THE most expensive solicitors in the county, where all the millionaires go, no doubt with some completely random story - I'll laugh when he has to give them his accounts, as he makes them up and has never kept records!!! So do not underestimate them as you have no idea how delusional they can be, especially if they think they are in the right and only see their lifestyle running away!!!!
Do not make any deals with him verbally, ALWAYS get it in writing through a solicitor and don't give up as it sounds like you might be entitled to way more than 50% and he probably knows that, hence him making a suggestion, plus you may be able to get a maintenance sum from him monthly for life or a lump sum, and be entitled to half his pension unless you get remarried!!

Pixi - love your ideas - soooo tempting!!!

 

[pines of rome]

Seeing solicitor on wednesday i think he wants a quick pay out so hopefully that will work in my favor as for getting married again highly unlikely unless he has pots of money of his own. Itried to put a picture on of me actually looking happy with my little man back in the summer, but being old and confused didn,t manage it. Its in my album ,i would like to know what you all think of ROMEO.