help fell off my horse now have to choose

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EJ87

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So i feel off my horse and have broken my elbow which will be fine in a few weeks. and yes im jus recovering from a sprained ankle from falling a few weeks ago but im still a novice so the inevitable happens. only this time my husband has cracked he said hes no longer goin to sit back and watch me get hurt understandably but i love it and wear a racesafe protector and a hat and ride most of the time in an arena its not lije im jumping off her for the fun of it but now hes making me
decide between him or the horse! Why is he doing this to me he knows how much i love her and riding. i dont know what to do he even slept in the spare room last night so hes serious. i really dont want to quite riding or sell my horse and to be honest i really dont want a controlling selfish husband!
 
oh dear I think its only because he cares. If my horse kept on stoving me, I think my boyfriend would have something to say about it and if all your doing is riding in the arena, perhaps you should question whether or not you have the right horse? Of course, don't know your situation but maybe you should get an instructor in and have some lessons maybe that would put his mind at rest. However, if he is a complete selfish, control freak, I would leave him as soon as possible.
 
Non-horsey people dont really get it, but if you are injuring yourself alot it might be worth having some lessons and get an instructors opinion.

What are you doing, and what happens when you fall off?
 
Oh dear it doesn't sound good does it. Your OK though and your not to seriously hurt and in a hospital bed somewhere, or worse, so thats a blessing.

Poor OH though, he's not controlling, he must be worried sick and feeling helpless. As a fella who loves you he will want to keep you safe, feel that it's his job to and his answer to that is quite simply no more horses, no more injuries.

You need to look at your options, perhaps take some time out until the dust settles? I for one would not like to say what you should do as only you can decide that and how to change things. All I can say is good luck and I'm sure you'll work something out given time to heal.
 
Let him simmer down for a bit.

My OH knows if he gave me that ultimatum Id be handing him his stuff and asking for my stuff back ;)

He will calm down and come to his senses.
 
He's doing this because he loves you and it hurts him to see you hurt. I suppose technically it's selfish but it sounds like he's doing it with the best intentions...he wants you to be safe. It's a dangerous sport and can be difficult for non-horsey family.:)
 
What a difficult situation for you to be in!
I guess that your husband is actually very worried about you and is concerned that you will be very seriously injured if this carries on. I would tell him that you can't sell the horse atm because you can't ride her to show her to any-one. Then when your pot is off and you've been given the all-clear by the doctor, you will need some lessons to get back into riding. After that if you haven't fallen off for a while you will probably be able to work on the 'now I'm better at staying on' approach. I can quite see why you don't want a controlling husband.
Seriously though, even a novice should not fall off frequently. Do you have regular lessons? Does your instructor help you to build your skills gradually or are you being challenged too much in your lessons?
And finally, do you have children? If so I can sympathise a little more with your husband.
 
i'm just amazed by this. i'm the OH of a horsey girl, who since we've been together, has broken bones. and i just kinda shrugged it off as part of the horse game. if you ride regularly, the inevitable is going to happen. and this, was a broken elbow. and i hope you dont take this the wrong way.... but big deal. it wasnt life threatening, it wasnt serious beyond you having limited use of your arm til it heals, you'll fully recover, and quickly. i know you dont wanna choose between them, but this might open your eyes a lil bit. if he freaks this much about a small injury, whats gonna happen when you get kicked in the chest?

it'd be no different if your husband was into rugby or the such, and landed wrong on a tackle. unless he expects you to live in bubble wrap, accidents happen. i'd be willing to bet that even though you got hurt on your horse, your horse is still safer transportation than your car, would he ask you to stop driving if you got in an accident?
 
Can I ask a daft question, what is the reason behind the last 2 falls? What I mean is, has it just genuinely been an accident where you've not been balanced or asked for something and then the 2 of you have gone in different directions or has she shown an intent to get you off. From my interpretation, I'd say the former. If this is the case then, I'd choose the horse but there you go;)

Seriously, I think it is difficult when OH is not horsey. Mine only started riding a few years ago and up until that point never really understood my attachment to or enjoyment of the horses and my resignation to the bouncing on the florr and minor injuries. He now gets it and, if anything, it should be me that worries as he loves cross0country - but I know that there is a risk that comes with what we enjoy.

Does he ski or like motorbikes by any chance? Or anything really, where you could draw a parallel and explain it is part of the pastime.

Sorry not to be of much help but, hopefully, you can find a way to get him to come round to your way of thinking.
 
Well if i was in your shoes i know which i would choose (and so does my husband - but only because we would both think it was unfair to ask the other to give up something they love so much). its easy to be on the outside of a relationship and say "i would do this or that", but only you know what's right for you. I wonder if there might be other things going on in your relationship and the horse thing is actually irrelevant? Is your husband using this as an excuse? maybe it would do you both good to have a good heart to heart discussion, he could be very concerned for your wellbeing or he could be controlling - there is a big difference and you need to consider this ultimatum alongside his behaviour towards other aspects of your life. It also might be a knee jerk reaction. - talk to him, tell him what your horse means to you, ask him why he wants you to give it up and why he thinks your relationship can't continue if you done give it up. See what he says and then think hard about how you feel about it.
 
"...Ask him why he thinks your relationship can't continue if you don't give it up"..... my phone has its own idea of what i am trying to say.
 
Oh dear.
I can see both sides of the argument . As others have said can you just stick to lessons and if you already were get the horse worked in on a lunge before you get on. Are you being too ambitious trying to do more than you and the horse are capable of.
Best of luck and I hope you can come to a compromise .
Dave
 
Having a non horsey husband myself, I can understand your position. My husband sees any horse as potentially dangerous - and I can't say I disagree with him.

If you are falling off a lot, I concur with other posters about having further tuition.

If however, your husband is deadly serious about the ultimatum then you need to have a think, as having lessons would improve your relationship with your horse but not your husband.

Only you can decide what you should do, but if it was me this is what I would do. I would wait for husband to simmer down and open up a frank and honest discussion about the situation and I would be prepared to hear some things I might not agree with, or like. If the ultimatum still stood at the end of the conversation - and I felt the reasons presented were understandable and a real worry for my DH, then I would sell the horse. I love my animals but I love my husband and my family far more. Nothing is worth losing them, for me.
 
Ok so i do have lessons regulary actually once or twice a week and the time i fell off and sprained my ankle my mare was going through a real nappy stage and planted and spun at jumps with me going overboard. But thanks to some training this has stopped. this time i was also in a lesson and was jumping a meter perfectly before hand but just took a bale jump funny lost my stirrups and fell off the side. i know i possibly need to work on my balance and maybe quit the jumping for a while. My husband is very non horsey so much that i dont talk about them infront of him and always ride or sort them out when hes working. even when i go to shows on a sat thats hes working he still tells me hes not happy with me going and i have to beg to be allowed to go even just to watch. i hate it im lossing friends over it as well.
 
Begging to go to shows to watch when your husband is working? can't talk to him about your hobby? losing friends? how do you feel about this relationship overall?
 
Why don't you all focus going out together and yourself or your husband leading your horse and you walking. Even just the two of you hanging out in the field with your horse. It help build relationship with you and your horse, it'll also build relationship with husband and horse. Watching herd behaviour is great learning. Help with reading the horse, and good for trust etc. can't be a nice situation to be in, I really hope it naturally resolves, it there's love there's usually a way; maybe just looking at the problem differently, best wishes, Hannah
 
Ps hes has no hobbies of his iwn as he works for himself which consists practly of 24/7 hours and we have no family. we also live in the country so i have to human contact when hes not here just me and my horse which is alot.
 
My husband would never ask me to give up my horse. Even if we were in dire straits, he'd move heaven and earth to keep her.
My over riding feelings would be disappointment in my OH if he suggested it as he wouldn't be the man I thought I'd married :(
I hope you manage to work it out.
 
I understand why he's worried about you however, if my OH ever told what I could and could not do, the answer would be 'To the left, To the left' ;) I know he's worried about you but life is risk and it sounds as if you're doing all you can to minimise it. I do not think it's ok for him to try and control you like this, even if he is worried, to the point where he's given you an ultimatum. That smacks of a child who can't have his own way throwing his toys out of the pram and stamping his feet in order to get it. Maybe he ought to give up driving/getting on trains/getting on planes/crossing the street/getting out of bed, after all, he could get hurt.

I've just read your last post about having to see the horses when he's working and him trying to control every aspect of your life, to the point where he's making you beg. Listen to me:

This man is a controlling arse. He has no right to tell you what to do. You should never feel like you have to pander to him. You should not have to ask his permission to do anything or even feel like you have to. He will end up ruining your life. Get rid of him and find somebody who loves you for who you are and is happy with the horses because they make you happy. You deserve better.
 
Maresmaid honestly i feel resentment in the relationship at the min even when we are together or go somewhere together its silent as we have nothing to talk about. i tried to
Get him involed in me and my horse by asking him to come with maybe take some pics (to give him a role) but its like dragging a large rock behind u so i dont bother asking anymore. even though i spend time with my horse or go to a show i always make sure iv all my chores done first ie making sure the horse is clean his lunch is made and dinner is sorted
 
Ps i work to 9-4 mon -fri and oay for everything to do with my horse myself. and as i dont make millions and he kinda does he pays the mortgage but i pay for all our food utilities etc not as much maybe but its all iv got.
 
Just a couple of questions. How long have you been with your husband? Did you have the horse before you met or is this something you've started whilst with your husband? If the later what was your husband like when you said you wanted a horse?
I, like I'm sure most of the people on here, have had my horses before I met my OH and it was made clear from the start that if there was a choice to be made it would always be my horses. I have had some horrible injuries during our time together, but he has never once said that he's wanted me to give up although looked a bit shocked when having to meet me at hospital. He plays football regularly, scuba dives and I would never say to him either that he had to give something up if he got injured, that would be his choice. He started riding a couple of times last year and really enjoyed it so know we are actually looking for a fun horse for him to ride. I think your big problem is that your husband doesn't seem to want anything to do with it at all and whether you like it or not, horses (and the lifestyle!) take up alot of time and effort. My OH is always happy to come down the yard, mess around the horses if needed and help out with jobs when asked, but if he didn't want to come down it wouldn't be an issue either.
I think your going to have prove to your OH that you are doing all you can to keep yourself safe and maybe you've been unlucky to have a couple of falls in a short space of time, but that sometimes happens. Speak to your instructor and make sure they are not pushing you to do more than you want to do or are ready to do. Also look very closely at the relationship you have with your horse, is she/he really the right type of horse for you?
Sorry for long post. Good luck.
 
EJ87 said:
Ps hes has no hobbies of his iwn as he works for himself which consists practly of 24/7 hours and we have no family. we also live in the country so i have to human contact when hes not here just me and my horse which is alot.
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I wonder if the crux of the problem is that he's resentful that he hasn't any time for any hobbies of his own if he's working 24/7? Asking him to go to shows and take pictures might just be a bit like rubbing salt in the wound if that is the case! I'm not defending his behaviour btw, just trying to see possible reasons.

Maybe try getting him to slow down a little or help him out with his workload so that you both have some free time, not just you, might be a way forwards?
 
Although it's worth having opinions from people who aren't involved and don't know you personally because they can be unbiased, it does seem like you are having serious problems in your relationship. You can't possibly give us all the detail we need to be able to give you proper advice on here in my opinion, so i thinkit's time to look up your old friends and speak to family members to help you decide the way forward. Good luck, whether your hubby learns to chill out with his attitude and live more harmoniously with you or whether it's time to go your separate ways, I hope you end up a lot happier than you seem to be at the moment :)
 
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