Help! Separation anxiety.

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HanFloss

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I moved my mare on Saturday to a small yard with 3 other geldings.
She's been on her own since last May when we lost our gelding who she'd been with for 14yrs.
My problem is she's latched onto two geldings at the new place and I can't do anything with her.
She's changed from my little angel to the devil. It's really upsetting as she like a totally different horse.
If I manage to get her on a head collar (she's now difficult to catch) and lead her away for her food she becomes really bargy and starts to become dangerous even if the other horse are a few feet away.
She's on supplement for her stomach as she's had stomach ulcers in the past but I can't get them down her as she won't eat.
She's also lost a shoe and I have no idea how the farrier is going to get anywhere near her.
I know it's early days still but I'm so worried.
Can anyone please advise?
 
Oh dear, how upsetting and frustrating for you. It is very early days, just 48 hours and the move has obviously really upset her. Hopefully the owners of the geldings will be willing to help you and when a routine can be put in place your mare will start to settle. I would be tempted to use an effective calmer, perhaps speak to your vet, to help the mare calm down. Perhaps put an old breakable leather headcollar on her with a bit of string to grab whilst she is out. I would also use a dually, gloves and a hat whilst all the poor behaviour is going on.

The change from living alone and you being her rock and security, to her new home is huge and it will take time for her to adapt, does the new yard have facilities for you put her in or out on her own ?
 
AdorableAlice said:
Oh dear, how upsetting and frustrating for you. It is very early days, just 48 hours and the move has obviously really upset her. Hopefully the owners of the geldings will be willing to help you and when a routine can be put in place your mare will start to settle. I would be tempted to use an effective calmer, perhaps speak to your vet, to help the mare calm down. Perhaps put an old breakable leather headcollar on her with a bit of string to grab whilst she is out. I would also use a dually, gloves and a hat whilst all the poor behaviour is going on.

The change from living alone and you being her rock and security, to her new home is huge and it will take time for her to adapt, does the new yard have facilities for you put her in or out on her own ?
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I'm going to ring the vet this morning. Need to put her on some gastroguard for her tummy and was going to ask about something to calm her down.
She was on her own to start with Saturday she freaks out if she's any distance away from her new friends and I'm scared of her hurting herself or my mum and me. I honestly don't think I'd get her up to the stable the way she's behaving.
Was thinking of trying a field safe headcoller and dually.
She's been moved before and has always been ok. All I wanted was for her to have company and it's fast turning into a nightmare 😞 Thanks for your reply x
 
While she was on her own she would have been in a state of learned helplessness. Now she has friends again, she doesn't want to lose them, so it is understandable and actually completely predictable that she is reacting this way. I have seen it before with horses that have been on their own previously and they did improve beyond recognition but it did take time and careful training as the horse needed to realise that if they went away from their friends, that they would be returned to them again.

Could you start off feeding her the other side of the gate?
 
Faracat said:
While she was on her own she would have been in a state of learned helplessness. Now she has friends again, she doesn't want to lose them, so it is understandable and actually completely predictable that she is reacting this way. I have seen it before with horses that have been on their own previously and they did improve beyond recognition but it did take time and careful training as the horse needed to realise that if they went away from their friends, that they would be returned to them again.

Could you start off feeding her the other side of the gate?
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Thanks for your reply. I feel a bit out of my depth to be honest and don't want to do anything in my management of her to make things worse. I'm currently waiting for the vet to ring me back and I'm going to ask him to recommend a behaviourist for me to seek help from.
I've had her 14yrs and never had any problems with her all I want it for her to be happy.
I'm going to try that with her dinner tonight. Hopefully I will have more success than this morning.
Thanks very much.
 
We've had similar issues with separation anxiety, as we've brought together 3 geldings from different yards 10 and 8 weeks ago. We had the same terrifying experience trying to bring the first two in on day 1.

Basically we've got over this by just giving them time to get used to each other, the surroundings and one or other being away. As the first two basically refused to come in, we've made a virtue of necessity and kept them out 24/7; we're lucky enough to have the space to do so. After the arrival of the third, we consciously tried to normalize and reward bringing them out of the field. This involved, for example, putting out haynets, bringing all 3 horses together out of the field to the stables so they each get a haynet, and then taking one into the arena (which is in sight of the stables). When one needed a vet visit for microchipping or a farrier visit, we brought all three out together. When they are/were all out, the veteran gets his extra feed.

After 6 weeks, we can reliably bring two of the three out individually, and the veteran will just walk to the stable gate without a head collar, when he was previously terrified of going in that direction. The third is still a problem, but he has other legacy issues.

(We are not experienced owners either, having only had horses in livery before. and we're in the middle of an amazingly steep learning curve. This worked for us.)
 
Faracat said:
While she was on her own she would have been in a state of learned helplessness. Now she has friends again, she doesn't want to lose them, so it is understandable and actually completely predictable that she is reacting this way. I have seen it before with horses that have been on their own previously and they did improve beyond recognition but it did take time and careful training as the horse needed to realise that if they went away from their friends, that they would be returned to them again.

Could you start off feeding her the other side of the gate?
Click to expand...

yep my sec D became quite difficult to handle when I brought her home - she had been kept on her own by previous owner and immediately latched onto my other mare.

Safety first OP so take care for yourself, but you do need to put yourself in a position where you can control her. A dually, or a bridle if that is better, so that you can begin to start getting some sense of routine and control.

It's early days, she's had a big life change, and it won't matter in the long run if she has to wait another week to have her shoe put back on... it's not fair to expect the farrier to shoe her if you can't manage to lead her up from the field, after all. So put that to one side for a moment and work on rebuilding the training relationship you have with her.

Do you have some help at the new yard? Can the owners of the geldings catch theirs in to give you the upper hand with yours for a few goes, so you can get a headcollar on her at least?
 
GoodLineNotSquare said:
We've had similar issues with separation anxiety, as we've brought together 3 geldings from different yards 10 and 8 weeks ago. We had the same terrifying experience trying to bring the first two in on day 1.

Basically we've got over this by just giving them time to get used to each other, the surroundings and one or other being away. As the first two basically refused to come in, we've made a virtue of necessity and kept them out 24/7; we're lucky enough to have the space to do so. After the arrival of the third, we consciously tried to normalize and reward bringing them out of the field. This involved, for example, putting out haynets, bringing all 3 horses together out of the field to the stables so they each get a haynet, and then taking one into the arena (which is in sight of the stables). When one needed a vet visit for microchipping or a farrier visit, we brought all three out together. When they are/were all out, the veteran gets his extra feed.

After 6 weeks, we can reliably bring two of the three out individually, and the veteran will just walk to the stable gate without a head collar, when he was previously terrified of going in that direction. The third is still a problem, but he has other legacy issues.

(We are not experienced owners either, having only had horses in livery before. and we're in the middle of an amazingly steep learning curve. This worked for us.)
Click to expand...

Thanks for your reply. I've had her 15yrs this year and she's my baby. I've never had an issue like this with her before she's always been a bit stressy but never difficult or dangerous to handle. I've moved her three times before and she's formed bonds but never got this attached.
Hopefully things will calm down when she gets used to the new place and into a routine.
They are all living out 24/7 as she doesn't stable well and the others prefer it.
Thanks for your advice x
 
milliepops said:
yep my sec D became quite difficult to handle when I brought her home - she had been kept on her own by previous owner and immediately latched onto my other mare.

Safety first OP so take care for yourself, but you do need to put yourself in a position where you can control her. A dually, or a bridle if that is better, so that you can begin to start getting some sense of routine and control.

It's early days, she's had a big life change, and it won't matter in the long run if she has to wait another week to have her shoe put back on... it's not fair to expect the farrier to shoe her if you can't manage to lead her up from the field, after all. So put that to one side for a moment and work on rebuilding the training relationship you have with her.

Do you have some help at the new yard? Can the owners of the geldings catch theirs in to give you the upper hand with yours for a few goes, so you can get a headcollar on her at least?
Click to expand...

My mums helping me with my two I have a new gelding too he's being is being a dream god love him. The yard owner is helping when she can but works long hours.
I can get a head collar on with a lot of coaxing a friend has offered me the use of a dually I'm going to give that a go so I'm more in control.
If she gets irate she starts them all off cantering around the field like loonys and bucking which panics me about one of them getting hurt.
I'm worried because the shoe she has lost is remedial so praying she doesn't go lame.
But yes I totally agree wouldn't put my farrier though it at the moment.
Thanks for your advice x
 
Just spoken to the vet who has suggested trying Regumate to see if it calms her down enough to be handled more easily. I know she's in season so I'm hoping it will help.
Does anyone have any experience with using this?
 
HanFloss said:
Just spoken to the vet who has suggested trying Regumate to see if it calms her down enough to be handled more easily. I know she's in season so I'm hoping it will help.
Does anyone have any experience with using this?
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yes, I've used it when I know hormones are to blame for difficult behaviour. It's not cheap but it can be very effective, I usually find an improvement within a week of starting. You need to be careful when handling it, vet will advise.
 
milliepops said:
yes, I've used it when I know hormones are to blame for difficult behaviour. It's not cheap but it can be very effective, I usually find an improvement within a week of starting. You need to be careful when handling it, vet will advise.
Click to expand...


Thanks I'm willing to try anything. Vet said to see how she goes with this and then he will give me a prescription for it if it works. Hen possibly look into a behaviourist but couldn't advise me of one.
Will be starting her in it this evening along with gastroguard. Best get the over time in!
 
you may not need it for long, I use it for first and last seasons of the year, as find they are the monster ones and the horse is her usual sweet self the rest of the time.
 
I work at a sanctuary and most of the horses who have been kept on their own, then suffer severe separation anxiety when put with others - as someone said before it's learned helplessness and understandably they are then very afraid of having their new friends removed.

You can look up a list of behaviourists online. Most reputable behaviourists will advise exactly what people have said before though - a) discuss with vet - tick. B) give her time to settle in, she's been through a major life event and is dealing with some serious stress, think of it like life trauma. C) re-establish your relationship with her in a place where she feels comfortable, i.e. in the field with her friends, just grooming her, taking headcollar on and off, etc. D) once this is ok, very gradually increase distance awya from friends, e.g. can you walk her half way to gate? Give carrot, let her loose, walk with her back to friends. Repeat several days. Next step walk to gate, give carrot, walk back to friends. Next step, go through gate, but then immediately take her back to her friends. Each step is about not forcing her, but gradually building up what's acceptable.
It will take time, but that's just the way it is.
Look up clicker training as well, that can be really helpful in similar situations.
 
HanFloss said:
My mums helping me with my two I have a new gelding too he's being is being a dream god love him. The yard owner is helping when she can but works long hours.
I can get a head collar on with a lot of coaxing a friend has offered me the use of a dually I'm going to give that a go so I'm more in control.
If she gets irate she starts them all off cantering around the field like loonys and bucking which panics me about one of them getting hurt.
I'm worried because the shoe she has lost is remedial so praying she doesn't go lame.
But yes I totally agree wouldn't put my farrier though it at the moment.
Thanks for your advice x
Click to expand...

If you use a dually and 'force' her away by using painful pressure on her nose, you're really only reinforcing her lack of trust in you long term. Give her some time and space. You have a long history together and that will stand for something, but only if you work at her pace rather than forcing the issue.

If you do HAVE to bring her in, for example for the shoe, can you bring in at least one another alongside her?
 
Morgan123 said:
I work at a sanctuary and most of the horses who have been kept on their own, then suffer severe separation anxiety when put with others - as someone said before it's learned helplessness and understandably they are then very afraid of having their new friends removed.

You can look up a list of behaviourists online. Most reputable behaviourists will advise exactly what people have said before though - a) discuss with vet - tick. B) give her time to settle in, she's been through a major life event and is dealing with some serious stress, think of it like life trauma. C) re-establish your relationship with her in a place where she feels comfortable, i.e. in the field with her friends, just grooming her, taking headcollar on and off, etc. D) once this is ok, very gradually increase distance awya from friends, e.g. can you walk her half way to gate? Give carrot, let her loose, walk with her back to friends. Repeat several days. Next step walk to gate, give carrot, walk back to friends. Next step, go through gate, but then immediately take her back to her friends. Each step is about not forcing her, but gradually building up what's acceptable.
It will take time, but that's just the way it is.
Look up clicker training as well, that can be really helpful in similar situations.
Click to expand...

Thanks very much that's really useful. I know it's my fault for having her on her own for so long. After we lost our old boy I got a loan horse which battered my mare and it took me most of last year to get her right again. So finding a new home with company kind of went on the back burner.
Meal time was a night mare again tonight and she managed to cut herself stressing.
So I had to bring her to the yard. With lots of coaxing and sweet talking and rubbing her neck I managed to clam her enough to sort the graze and put something on it. When she was being difficult I just turned her in a circle around me which seemed to work.
The other horses were only a few feet away on the other side of the gate. Didn't eat much tonight but it's baby steps. Managed to get the Regumate down her and she starts gastroguard in the morning. She is grazing when she's out so that's something.
Will have a look at clicker training.
Thanks again x
 
twiggy2 said:
I would leave her alone to settle for a week then try again, if she has to have a feed I would catch the other horses and hold them whilst she eats
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It's me panicking as I tend to do I know it will take time it's just so stressful in the mean time. Thanks for your advice x
 
Sounds like she is doing what comes naturally after having been alone -enjoying some company at last and is gone to her head.! She will settle down at some stage no doubt.Putting a field collar on might make it easier to catch her and a reward as soon as she comes to you.
 
Morgan123 said:
If you use a dually and 'force' her away by using painful pressure on her nose, you're really only reinforcing her lack of trust in you long term. Give her some time and space. You have a long history together and that will stand for something, but only if you work at her pace rather than forcing the issue.

If you do HAVE to bring her in, for example for the shoe, can you bring in at least one another alongside her?
Click to expand...

Was just looking for a bit more control really I would never force her to do anything. Just because she's becoming dangerous I was thinking of using one she's a big mare who has forgotten all her manners and don't want anyone getting hurt.
Managed to get her on the yard tonight and when she started being difficult just walked her in circles with a lot of sweet talking and neck rubbing along with it she calmed down enough to let me sort out a cut she had gotten when she was stressing at meal time. Thanks for your advice
 
Mister Ted said:
Sounds like she is doing what comes naturally after having been alone -enjoying some company at last and is gone to her head.! She will settle down at some stage no doubt.Putting a field collar on might make it easier to catch her and a reward as soon as she comes to you.
Click to expand...

Yes I agree think she panics she going away from them. Thanks for your advice.
 
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