Help with childs confidence?

[Patterdale]

Please don’t put her on this pony again. He’s told you very clearly who he is, and he’s out to get her, and yet still she’s expected to ride it. I’m not surprised her confidence is shot. It won’t only be her confidence in riding, it will soon be her confidence in the people around her who are enabling this by continuing to put her on it and encouraging her to keep trying with it.

Get rid of it. Don’t put her on it again.

I have been a PC coach for many years, and often in real life I have wanted to shout out ‘wtf are you thinking??’ with this type of situation. I cannot fathom why parents do this.

Sorry to be blunt but I just can’t think what else to say tbh. I was kinder in my last reply.

 

[Flowerofthefen]

Get rid of pony and get one that is 100% Bombproof/Spookproof and controllable at all times.

This. They are hard to find but they are out there. I'm watching a situation like yours at the moment. It's no fun for anyone.

 

[Bobthecob15]

Get rid of pony and get one that is 100% Bombproof/Spookproof and controllable at all times.

Thanks, he has literally been this for a good 11 months then he started the bucking...so hard to know how these ponies will turn out...
How do you get rid is my next question?

Please don’t put her on this pony again. He’s told you very clearly who he is, and he’s out to get her, and yet still she’s expected to ride it. I’m not surprised her confidence is shot. It won’t only be her confidence in riding, it will soon be her confidence in the people around her who are enabling this by continuing to put her on it and encouraging her to keep trying with it.

Get rid of it. Don’t put her on it again.

I have been a PC coach for many years, and often in real life I have wanted to shout out ‘wtf are you thinking??’ with this type of situation. I cannot fathom why parents do this.

Sorry to be blunt but I just can’t think what else to say tbh. I was kinder in my last reply.

I know you are right, It's just so devastating as he's been part of our family for over a year and it's heartbreaking for my daughter and us.

Do you have any suggestions on what to do with him? I have no idea how we'd even sell him on at the moment, feels totally stuck. Sales livery?

 

[Patterdale]

He’s not part of the family, and your daughter probably hates his guts if she’s honest to herself. He’s been merrily tipping her off previously to this from your earlier post and has completely fubar-ed her confidence.
Just send him off on sales livery or sell him cheap with full disclosure as a companion or lead rein only.

But whatever you do, if you value your relationship with your child, do not coax or cajole her into getting on it again.

 

[blitznbobs]

My son is 10 and has been riding for 3 years. He has his own pony and goes for regular lessons on a riding school pony. He is also autistic so we absolutely have to work at his pace. He has never cantered because he never wanted to. He does however sit on a pony really well , has no bad habits and is starting to get very confident (we had two strides of canter for the first time yesterday because “he couldn’t stop“ but he had a massive grin while doing it. ) Going really slow early on is not a bad thing and riding school ponies are great for confidence . I’d put her pony out on loan over the summer and or take her for regular lessons at a riding school… but sometimes riding just isn’t for them. It’s an expensive all consuming hobby and if it’s not fun, what’s the point?

 

[Red-1]

I would not put her on the pony again.

I would do something else too...

All this time, the things she has been hearing are that the pony is OK, it is just you need to XYZ. Inside, she was nervous, so her gut feeling was that it was not safe. She has been conflicted as her gut didn't agree with her trusted people.

She has been proved right, she was not safe. In order to trust her trusted people again, I would tell her that you were wrong and her gut feeling was right and keeping her safe. I would praise her ability to listen to her gut feeling. I would let her know that you were trying to make her happy long term, but have realised that, in the future, you will listen to her gut feelings as she has proved to have good ones.

I would then let her continue at the riding school where she is happy riding with friends. The pony, I would send out of sight to sell with disclosure, to do investigations or whatever you deem correct to do. But, I would send it away to do it.

I would then wait for her to demand another pony, or for the perfect pony to appear in her life. I would not now take her round, trying a multitude of new ponies, who may or may not be safe. I would let her regain her composure first.

 

[Patterdale]

@Red-1 i nearly welled up reading that.
I wish more parents had your insight, and I really hope that OP takes your advice.

 

[Bobthecob15]

I would not put her on the pony again.

I would do something else too...

All this time, the things she has been hearing are that the pony is OK, it is just you need to XYZ. Inside, she was nervous, so her gut feeling was that it was not safe. She has been conflicted as her gut didn't agree with her trusted people.

She has been proved right, she was not safe. In order to trust her trusted people again, I would tell her that you were wrong and her gut feeling was right and keeping her safe. I would praise her ability to listen to her gut feeling. I would let her know that you were trying to make her happy long term, but have realised that, in the future, you will listen to her gut feelings as she has proved to have good ones.

I would then let her continue at the riding school where she is happy riding with friends. The pony, I would send out of sight to sell with disclosure, to do investigations or whatever you deem correct to do. But, I would send it away to do it.

I would then wait for her to demand another pony, or for the perfect pony to appear in her life. I would not now take her round, trying a multitude of new ponies, who may or may not be safe. I would let her regain her composure first.

Very wise, thank you. This is pretty much what we have said to her. Timing is terrible as we were due to move yards this Saturday but have spoken to out current yard owner and she's happy for us to stay while we work out what we are doing with him.

I won't be putting her on him again, don't worry about that x

 

[Tiddlypom]

Be prepared that she might not want to ride again, ever, after that. Not just that pony, but any pony.

The RS is the best bet of her wanting to get going again. Don’t be in a rush to get her another pony.

 

[Bobthecob15]

Be prepared that she might not want to ride again, ever, after that. Not just that pony, but any pony.

The RS is the best bet of her wanting to get going again. Don’t be in a rush to get her another pony.

I know, we have made it very clear she doesn't have to ride at all if she doesn't want to. Have left it up to her. She has a lesson on a school pony booked on Friday so will see what she wants to do.

Thanks for your reassurance everyone xx

 

[maya2008]

No I wouldn’t put her back on again BUT you need to get the vet involved for a full work-up if that truly did come out of nowhere. Animals aren’t mean and they don’t change personality just like that, without something being wrong. I have a cheeky pony - he’s always been cheeky, on the ground, under saddle. He’s cheeky with a smile on his face and no one is ever hurt. He’s not the first I have had either. If this pony was just a merry little comedian or a super fussy one who demands perfect riding or the kid can get off, then he would have been like this from day 1. It would also be a regular occurrence. My son and his Shetland were a regular pairing of ‘Oh no not again!’ as she ditched him for sub-par riding. Thing is, you could always see why. Out of the blue reactions are always pain.

You had 11 months of perfect pony. Then he started bucking in canter. You got saddler, physio out and hoped that was it. It’s clearly not, because the problem is now worse and he is bucking in trot. Not all pain makes them hopping lame.

We were asked to reschool a pony once who was running off to the gate and legging it out hacking. Turns out he was lame behind and was compensating so much he threw my son’s balance off as well. A friend has a horse who was amazing for a couple of years then was sold to her because he started bucking people off. He’s fine out hacking, it’s schooling that hurts.

I will add that a quick check by a vet won’t do it on its own. Hind lameness can be very hard to see, and some things only show up on a turn or after an initial period of work.

 

[Bobthecob15]

No I wouldn’t put her back on again BUT you need to get the vet involved for a full work-up if that truly did come out of nowhere. Animals aren’t mean and they don’t change personality just like that, without something being wrong. I have a cheeky pony - he’s always been cheeky, on the ground, under saddle. He’s cheeky with a smile on his face and no one is ever hurt. He’s not the first I have had either. If this pony was just a merry little comedian or a super fussy one who demands perfect riding or the kid can get off, then he would have been like this from day 1. It would also be a regular occurrence. My son and his Shetland were a regular pairing of ‘Oh no not again!’ as she ditched him for sub-par riding. Thing is, you could always see why. Out of the blue reactions are always pain.

You had 11 months of perfect pony. Then he started bucking in canter. You got saddler, physio out and hoped that was it. It’s clearly not, because the problem is now worse and he is bucking in trot. Not all pain makes them hopping lame.

We were asked to reschool a pony once who was running off to the gate and legging it out hacking. Turns out he was lame behind and was compensating so much he threw my son’s balance off as well. A friend has a horse who was amazing for a couple of years then was sold to her because he started bucking people off. He’s fine out hacking, it’s schooling that hurts.

I will add that a quick check by a vet won’t do it on its own. Hind lameness can be very hard to see, and some things only show up on a turn or after an initial period of work.

Thanks this is something I'm also considering. Is it possible he's got sour in the school too? She doesn't like hacking him as she's nervous so we rarely do it, if we do I lead her. All we do really is the school and even at rallies with PC she does flatwork only. His previous owners only hacked him and occasionally dressage but they didn't have an arena...makes me wonder if part of it is also his frustration and boredom.

I meant to add he's become girthy when his saddle is put on which is new, I did also consider ulcers...but he doesn't show any signs with eating etc. Could this all be ulcer related pain?

 

[Red-1]

Thanks this is something I'm also considering. Is it possible he's got sour in the school too? She doesn't like hacking him as she's nervous so we rarely do it, if we do I lead her. All we do really is the school and even at rallies with PC she does flatwork only. His previous owners only hacked him and occasionally dressage but they didn't have an arena...makes me wonder if part of it is also his frustration and boredom.

I meant to add he's become girthy when his saddle is put on which is new, I did also consider ulcers...but he doesn't show any signs with eating etc. Could this all be ulcer related pain?

It could indeed be.

However, ulcers can also be indicative of something else being wrong, as the cause.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

As its new behaviour I would get a lack of performance work up done he sounds uncomfortable to me, especially as he was fine at the beginning then right at the end he said no, almost like he tolerated so much then just couldn't cope with anymore

Horses generally don't buck for no reason maybe at the start of a canter if fresh maybe or jumping can cause excitement.

Your not gonna be able to sell him like that so it's worth getting him thoroughly checked out my guess is its pain related.

 

[maya2008]

As others said, you may well have ulcers. However, ulcers are caused by pain or stress. In his case, mostly likely long-term low grade pain since this started. If you are insured, a work up at the vets shouldn’t cost you anything and as said above, anyone with half a clue won’t buy him like this as it will be very clear from his demeanour and behaviour that he’s in pain somewhere.

 

[Bobthecob15]

As others said, you may well have ulcers. However, ulcers are caused by pain or stress. In his case, mostly likely long-term low grade pain since this started. If you are insured, a work up at the vets shouldn’t cost you anything and as said above, anyone with half a clue won’t buy him like this as it will be very clear from his demeanour and behaviour that he’s in pain somewhere.

Thanks I'm just about to call the vet, he is insured. Like you say he won't be able to be sold like this anyway x

 

[Flowerofthefen]

Thanks I'm just about to call the vet, he is insured. Like you say he won't be able to be sold like this anyway x

Hopefully the vet will find something treatable. The best possible outcome would be for you to get back the pony you originally bought.

 

[Bobthecob15]

Hopefully the vet will find something treatable. The best possible outcome would be for you to get back the pony you originally bought.

I know but in all liklihood I'm not sure I'd want to put her back on him after all this, so difficult

 

[Flowerofthefen]

I know but in all liklihood I'm not sure I'd want to put her back on him after all this, so difficult

Very difficult for you. Usually once all trust is lost then its usually better to cut your losses.

 

[Bobthecob15]

Just a little update, we've pretty much decided to sell the pony on, had a long discussion with the vet about him too who really doesn't feel it is a physical cause. May daughter is open to the idea of having something else as she admits she's been scared of him. YO thinks we are mad and should carry on with him because he's been such a great pony (apart from the bucking) and is so easy to hack etc and she feels he will come good with more work (and more firm riding) but she is quite random which is the reason we were moving away from her yard anyway. I've told her the trust has gone, no matter how much we love him I'm not sure I could in all honesty fully trust him again.

I watched her on one of the riding school ponies today and she was amazing, no fear whatsoever, cantering, jumping...like a different child from riding her own. I know no pony is perfect and we could end up with something awful again...I hope we are doing the right thing. Thanks for all your support x

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

I think selling him is the right option but how can you present him for sale as a child's pony with him bucking?

 

[Patterdale]

I think selling him is the right option but how can you present him for sale as a child's pony with him bucking?

They’ve not said that? They’ve said sell him on. I dont think there’s any need to be quite so quick to pounce.

You are doing the right thing @Trakky14
I’m guessing your YO doesn’t have kids.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

They’ve not said that? They’ve said sell him on. I dont think there’s any need to be quite so quick to pounce.

You are doing the right thing @Trakky14
I’m guessing your YO doesn’t have kids.

I'm not pouncing I'm simply saying how can you sell on a pony that is bucking?

 

[Patterdale]

I'm not pouncing I'm simply saying how can you sell on a pony that is bucking?

That’s not what you said. And you know that, or you wouldn’t have reworded it in the above.

There’s just no need for the constant sniping and pouncing on people here, it’s bloody exhausting, it’s like there’s a pile on in every thread.

 

[Tiddlypom]

out of nowhere he did a massive buck (in trot, she wasn't doing anything to provoke it) and she had a really bad fall...the pony really meant it too.

I'm sure that you would only pass him on with full disclosure, OP, but no first pony should ever do the above. On top of his various previous offences.

I know that the vet feels that it is just naughtiness, but from long experience these out of the blue explosions will stem from pain. A stronger rider could maybe ride him through it, but sooner or later he will do it again.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

That’s not what you said. And you know that, or you wouldn’t have reworded it in the above.

There’s just no need for the constant sniping and pouncing on people here, it’s bloody exhausting, it’s like there’s a pile on in every thread.

Present the pony for sale sell it on its all the same thing basically just a different way of putting it.

Don't start having a go at me I haven't said anything horrible or had a go so wind your neck in or I might have reason to do so.

The pony has changed since they have owned it it's probably pain related hopefully it will be checked our, but seen as the vet said it wasn't physical it doesn't look likely hence why I said what I did

 

[Chianti]

I don't think you've said how the pony is kept? Is he living out or stabled part time? How was he kept before you bought him? Did his previous owners have any problems with him?

I would look at all aspects of his management to make sure he's living as natural a life as possible. I would also think he might be a bit school sour. Even if your daughter won't hack him out you could still lead him out in hand to give him a more varied life.

I was once told that you don't really know what you've bought until you've had a year so it could be that winter is his tricky time. However, if he were me I'd get a vet out as his behaviour could be due to ulcers.

 

[Flowerofthefen]

I agree with most of what others have said, it could to related to pain.
BUT he is also a pony, and ponies are very clever. I've had horses for too many years and have seen horses that buck, rear, bomb off with some riders and once sold to a more suited rider the problems go away. Not at all pain related but mainly confidence related. Children's ponies have to tolerate a lot. There are some fab littjockeys out there that make riding these types of ponies look easy, then there are little jockeys that just need a real steady bombproof pony. I'm not saying it's not pain related but it could be something as simple as the pony is just feeding off the nerves. I'm sure whatever happens the OP will do her best in the interests of the pony.

 

[Above the snowline]

I would not put her on the pony again.

I would do something else too...

All this time, the things she has been hearing are that the pony is OK, it is just you need to XYZ. Inside, she was nervous, so her gut feeling was that it was not safe. She has been conflicted as her gut didn't agree with her trusted people.

She has been proved right, she was not safe. In order to trust her trusted people again, I would tell her that you were wrong and her gut feeling was right and keeping her safe. I would praise her ability to listen to her gut feeling. I would let her know that you were trying to make her happy long term, but have realised that, in the future, you will listen to her gut feelings as she has proved to have good ones.

I would then let her continue at the riding school where she is happy riding with friends. The pony, I would send out of sight to sell with disclosure, to do investigations or whatever you deem correct to do. But, I would send it away to do it.

I would then wait for her to demand another pony, or for the perfect pony to appear in her life. I would not now take her round, trying a multitude of new ponies, who may or may not be safe. I would let her regain her composure first.

I would not put her on the pony again.

I would do something else too...

All this time, the things she has been hearing are that the pony is OK, it is just you need to XYZ. Inside, she was nervous, so her gut feeling was that it was not safe. She has been conflicted as her gut didn't agree with her trusted people.

She has been proved right, she was not safe. In order to trust her trusted people again, I would tell her that you were wrong and her gut feeling was right and keeping her safe. I would praise her ability to listen to her gut feeling. I would let her know that you were trying to make her happy long term, but have realised that, in the future, you will listen to her gut feelings as she has proved to have good ones.

I would then let her continue at the riding school where she is happy riding with friends. The pony, I would send out of sight to sell with disclosure, to do investigations or whatever you deem correct to do. But, I would send it away to do it.

I would then wait for her to demand another pony, or for the perfect pony to appear in her life. I would not now take her round, trying a multitude of new ponies, who may or may not be safe. I would let her regain her composure first.

You should remove ‘I used to be decisive.......’ from under your name. You are 100% right.

 

[Red-1]

You should remove ‘I used to be decisive.......’ from under your name. You are 100% right.

Aw, thank you. I had a hard time when mum was ill (dementia). Sold my horse, didn't know if I wanted to ride. It wasn't just with horses, I was so stressed, I lost my Grrrr.

I am getting some back now!