Pictures Helping my horse to cope with a loss

[BenvardenRach2]

Hi everyone,

A lot of you know about my lovely little pony having to cross the rainbow bridge highly unexpectedly just over 2 weeks ago..
Rocky was very distressed to start with, they shared a small barn so when for the first 2 days he was in a huge panic whenever he was in without her, he kept looking at her stable, looking at me, looking out the door and shrieking
A new pony has moved into the barn to keep Rocky company in the nights (he comes in every evening to have a break from the hugely lush grass at our place, he puts on weight just by looking at)

He has been behaving completely differently since she passed.
He was a very highly strung and stressy dude in the stable, never very affectionate didn't appreciate cuddles and wouldn't stand still for awfully long for you to give him a good flick over with the brush - a proper teenage boy!!!

Now, he just shuts off when I put him in the barn, his head is down, his mind seems to be elsewhere. Even if I bring him in a while before the pony and he's in there on his own, previously he would be box walking and shouting to the rooftops but now he couldn't be bothered to do all that.
The food obsessed pony doesn't seem so much of a food lover anymore, he will pick at his dinner, have a little munch of a haynet but otherwise just look so sad... he was on this grass before she died and he would happily polish of his dinner and haynet!
He lets me snuggle him and make a big fuss of him, oh and stands to be groomed! Is this because he can sense I'm upset too and he is comforting me or is he in that horrible state of mind where he cannot be bothered to put up a fight?
To ride he has been fine, better than he was really.. he's really listening to me and seems to want to please rather than having little strops and being a spook tastic pony.
In the field he seems happy enough he's eating fine and settled.

I love my yard and barn, at the moment there are no other stables free outside of the barn but I am wondering whether I should move him out of the barn when one becomes available so he doesn't have to look at her empty stable..

Am I just over reacting? It's only been 2 weeks, it's still raw to both of us.
I am just so worried abut him, I guess I'm a bit more of a worrier now

A complimentary photo of my lovely boy this morning after a nice ride



Thanks,

Em

 

[meleeka]

You know yourself you cant hurry grief along, you have to go through all the stages to feel better. I think the extra fuss and brushes is the best thing you can do for now. He’s lost his friend, but he still has you and you are likely to be more important to him than you were before.

If he’s fine when he’s out he is coping and perhaps it’s not so bad that he’s not paid bonded to the extent of getting stressed over it? By all means try him in a new stable when one comes up, but I should think the familiar is what he needs now.

He sounds a very lucky boy to have you thinking of him.

You could have a look at homeopathic remedies or Bach flower remedies, which I believe can help.

 

[milliepops]

I think it's important not to put your feelings onto him too much, even though it's absolutely human nature to do so. You've had a terribly tough time, but for him the main thing is that it's "different", and so I wouldn't be in a rush to make more changes unless you aren't able to give him company close by when he's stabled.
I would give him a bit more time to adjust and see how he seems in a couple more weeks. Perhaps you won't be feeling quite so raw then either so can be a bit more objective and not be second-guessing yourself and him xx

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I am afraid that you are anthropomorphising. Horses are 'programmed' to just get on with life when one of their herd disappears, they have to save themselves from the wolf attack!

Your description of his behaviour actually sounds as if he is more settled without Lily, now that he knows that she won't be coming back. I'm sure that he does understand that you are upset. but you will probably find that he continues to be less stressy, now that he has you to himself.

I am sorry for your loss, it certainly takes time for us to get used to the new situation!

 

[BenvardenRach2]

You know yourself you cant hurry grief along, you have to go through all the stages to feel better. I think the extra fuss and brushes is the best thing you can do for now. He’s lost his friend, but he still has you and you are likely to be more important to him than you were before.

If he’s fine when he’s out he is coping and perhaps it’s not so bad that he’s not paid bonded to the extent of getting stressed over it? By all means try him in a new stable when one comes up, but I should think the familiar is what he needs now.

He sounds a very lucky boy to have you thinking of him.

You could have a look at homeopathic remedies or Bach flower remedies, which I believe can help.

Thank you Meleeka, he certainly is going though the stages I was just wondering if i could do anymore to help him.
Thank you I will take a look xx

I think it's important not to put your feelings onto him too much, even though it's absolutely human nature to do so. You've had a terribly tough time, but for him the main thing is that it's "different", and so I wouldn't be in a rush to make more changes unless you aren't able to give him company close by when he's stabled.
I would give him a bit more time to adjust and see how he seems in a couple more weeks. Perhaps you won't be feeling quite so raw then either so can be a bit more objective and not be second-guessing yourself and him xx

Thanks MP, I'm trying to be upbeat and positive around him not to palm my feelings off to him.
Makes perfect sense, he seems quite happy with little pony as company in the night, I would never leave him on his own. Good point! x

I am afraid that you are anthropomorphising. Horses are 'programmed' to just get on with life when one of their herd disappears, they have to save themselves from the wolf attack!

Your description of his behaviour actually sounds as if he is more settled without Lily, now that he knows that she won't be coming back. I'm sure that he does understand that you are upset. but you will probably find that he continues to be less stressy, now that he has you to himself.

I am sorry for your loss, it certainly takes time for us to get used to the new situation!

Thank you P, I am worrying too much I know!
That does make sense, I was always so careful to not give one more than the other I would never want them to feel favored or not. But I guess now he never has to worry where I or she will be because whenever I'm at the yard I will be with him!
Thank you, it sure does but I am so grateful that I have my lovely Rocks x

 

[milliepops]

I think when something awful happens its natural to want to try and fix things, somehow, so your brain goes into overdrive looking for something you can DO. But sometimes all you really can do is wait it out. Give yourself time xx

 

[Equi]

Let me put another swing on it. Previously he was attached to a pony and when it was not there he was anxious because he was alone and wanted his friend. He has now realised they are not coming back, so he hasn’t got that stress anymore.

I know it can be comforting to think they feel the same pain we do but they get over it much faster. I hope it gets easier for you.

 

[BenvardenRach2]

I think when something awful happens its natural to want to try and fix things, somehow, so your brain goes into overdrive looking for something you can DO. But sometimes all you really can do is wait it out. Give yourself time xx

We are only human i guess! Thanks MP, you are right I just need to chill I think and enjoy our time together x

Let me put another swing on it. Previously he was attached to a pony and when it was not there he was anxious because he was alone and wanted his friend. He has now realised they are not coming back, so he hasn’t got that stress anymore.

I know it can be comforting to think they feel the same pain we do but they get over it much faster. I hope it gets easier for you.

Thank you Equi for the different spin on the situation, I appreciate it!
Makes sense and I agree with you, I'm sure I'm just worrying too much x

 

[hopscotch bandit]

Sorry to hear about the loss of your horse. Star of Bethlehem which is a Dr Bach remedy may help him or even Rescue Remedy, few drops on his tongue or in his feed. Available from high st chemists.

I think when they see the other horses body it helps so much, you didn't mention if that was the case or not in your OP but they can work out that the other horse has gone and get on with grieving as they come to terms with it quicker. Not a criticism but just info for others who might themselves in your situation.

If your horse is behaving differently towards you it might be because you are behaving differently towards him. You might not realise you are behaving differently but you might be more patient with him, slower with your movements, or show more empathy but be totally unaware of this and he is picking up on this subconsciously and altering his behaviour to suit. Wish you both well x

 

[LaurenBay]

I am so sorry for the loss of your Horse.

I do agree with the others. It actually sounds like your other Horse is more relaxed and happy. It is very easy to put human emotions on animals, especially when we ourselves are feeling strong emotions. Concentrate on yourself OP xxx

 

[cobgoblin]

I've always found that horses grieve quite deeply after the loss of a companion, even if they have seen the body.
Following a death, ours have always been subdued and wanting cuddles and more attention. Some get over it fairly quickly and some, especially if they have been together for a long time, take longer.

There are those that will dismiss this as anthropomorphism... A nice word to signal the superiority of the human race, but we are animals too, its just that we complicate death with our own fears. In that way we are inferior, whereas the horse purely mourns the loss.
Interestingly, when we used to be on livery, if a horse moved away to another yard, they would look once and then get on with life.

If he's off is food and seems depressed keep a close eye on him... One of ours developed a huge abscess on his bum a few weeks after the loss of his pal.

 

[BenvardenRach2]

Sorry to hear about the loss of your horse. Star of Bethlehem which is a Dr Bach remedy may help him or even Rescue Remedy, few drops on his tongue or in his feed. Available from high st chemists.

I think when they see the other horses body it helps so much, you didn't mention if that was the case or not in your OP but they can work out that the other horse has gone and get on with grieving as they come to terms with it quicker. Good luck to you both

Thank you, I will look into the suggested.
Unfortunately he didn't, hindsight is a wonderful thing.. I think if I knew she was going to be PTS because she was ill or for whatever reason it would have been planned for him to see her..
But I got him in first from a separate field a little walk away from hers, popped him in his stable, went back out to get her in from the mares field and i saw her at the top of the hill (we are on the side of a moutnain) with her hind leg lifted.
When I got to her and around the other side I could see how bad it was, she had shattered her cannon bone in multiple places, fragments of bone has pierced her skin and the blood was rushing out of her.
The vet was with us within 20 minutes, she confirmed that there was no way we could save her her leg was shattered. Even with a lot of sedation she was getting stressed and in pain as the adrenaline wore off so we put her to sleep as quickly as we could after we had our goodbyes.
She was gone within 40 minuets of me finding her to bring her in for her dinner, heartbreaking.

Ofcourse we lay with her when she was gone and said our goodbyes and cried lots, the vehicle soon turned up to take her away to be cremated, I didn't want to leave her body honestly I was an absolute state.
My YO gave Rocky his dinner so I didnt have to go back to the barn and I was driven home. On my way home I thought I should have let him see her but it all happened so quickly i didnt have time to process what happened

 

[hopscotch bandit]

Thank you, I will look into the suggested.
Unfortunately he didn't, hindsight is a wonderful thing.. I think if I knew she was going to be PTS because she was ill or for whatever reason it would have been planned for him to see her..
But I got him in first from a separate field a little walk away from hers, popped him in his stable, went back out to get her in from the mares field and i saw her at the top of the hill (we are on the side of a moutnain) with her hind leg lifted.
When I got to her and around the other side I could see how bad it was, she had shattered her cannon bone in multiple places, fragments of bone has pierced her skin and the blood was rushing out of her.
The vet was with us within 20 minutes, she confirmed that there was no way we could save her her leg was shattered. Even with a lot of sedation she was getting stressed and in pain as the adrenaline wore off so we put her to sleep as quickly as we could after we had our goodbyes.
She was gone within 40 minuets of me finding her to bring her in for her dinner, heartbreaking.

Ofcourse we lay with her when she was gone and said our goodbyes and cried lots, the vehicle soon turned up to take her away to be cremated, I didn't want to leave her body honestly I was an absolute state.
My YO gave Rocky his dinner so I didnt have to go back to the barn and I was driven home. On my way home I thought I should have let him see her but it all happened so quickly i didnt have time to process what happened

How awful for you, I think I commented on your original post, sorry I didn't realise it was you and this situation, not that I was criticising like I say. Of course you couldn't have done this in that situation. Horses are just so heart breaking aren't they? Try the Star of Bethlehem and see how you get on. You might also like to consider a Horse Whisperer if you believe in that sort of stuff. Mine is very good (West Midlands area) if you want a referral. I've never heard a bad word about her from anyone, everyone is very impressed with her findings, she is totally brilliant. And she says things that you can verify but that she could not possibly know unless she could really communincate with your horses. It might help Rocky to 'talk' to someone that can 'understand him' in the horse whispering type of way. ONce again so sorry for your loss, I hope my comment didn't upset you, been in a similar situation myself with a young horse and a compound fracture so I have some idea how you must feel x

 

[BenvardenRach2]

I am so sorry for the loss of your Horse.

I do agree with the others. It actually sounds like your other Horse is more relaxed and happy. It is very easy to put human emotions on animals, especially when we ourselves are feeling strong emotions. Concentrate on yourself OP xxx

Thank you LB, maybe he is I was just assuming he would be feeling the same as I but maybe he is more settled now he doesn't have to worry where we both are. Thank you x

I've always found that horses grieve quite deeply after the loss of a companion, even if they have seen the body.
Following a death, ours have always been subdued and wanting cuddles and more attention. Some get over it fairly quickly and some, especially if they have been together for a long time, take longer.

There are those that will dismiss this as anthropomorphism... A nice word to signal the superiority of the human race, but we are animals too, its just that we complicate death with our own fears. In that way we are inferior, whereas the horse purely mourns the loss.
Interestingly, when we used to be on livery, if a horse moved away to another yard, they would look once and then get on with life.

If he's off is food and seems depressed keep a close eye on him... One of ours developed a huge abscess on his bum a few weeks after the loss of his pal.

Thank you Cobgoblin, it has only been 2 weeks so not a long time at all I hope he perks up a little.
Although he didn't see her injured or see her body, he always looks up at the tree that she was PTS under.. very strange he has no connection to the tree or field for that matter. They just know don't they!
I certainly am keeping a close eye on him and probably being a bit over fussy of him, thank you x

 

[BenvardenRach2]

How awful for you, I think I commented on your original post, sorry I didn't realise it was you and this situation, not that I was criticising like I say. Of course you couldn't have done this in that situation. Horses are just so heart breaking aren't they? Try the Star of Bethlehem and see how you get on. You might also like to consider a Horse Whisperer if you believe in that sort of stuff. Mine is very good (West Midlands area) if you want a referral. I've never heard a bad word about her from anyone, everyone is very impressed with her findings, she is totally brilliant. And she says things that you can verify but that she could not possibly know unless she could really communincate with your horses. It might help Rocky to 'talk' to someone that can 'understand him' in the horse whispering type of way. ONce again so sorry for your loss, I hope my comment didn't upset you, been in a similar situation myself with a young horse and a compound fracture so I have some idea how you must feel x

Yes you did your comment didn't upset me at all! I Should have mentioned that he didn't see her body, I have never lost a horse before if it was a 'normal' situation I would have made time for him to see her body.
That sounds rather interesting, we are in wales so not sure she would travel. .I'd love to know what he was thinking - I just want him to be happy and I want to do the best for him ofcourse.
Thank you, they are heartbreaking, you hear about these horrible situation but you never expect such a freak incident to happen to you x