HHO Confidence Club...

shysmum, this is a fab idea. I'm generally confident while riding however am not very confident on anything 15.2hh or higher (which I know is small compared to what some of you ride!). Any tips to get me confident on bigger horses?
 
I've currently got a fractured ankle in 3 places - not a horsey accident, a chocolate lab accident :(

Anyway I sold my boy earlier this year after having him for 7 years. Lost my confidence completely. He didn't really do anything bad just I came off a couple of times in quick succession. Came to a head when my instructor, who is brill, said it was time to call a day and she was right. We had struggled for ages :( Selling him broke my heart and I felt like I had let him down. The first person who saw him bought him.

Abought 6 weeks after, I bought a highland mare and we had just started to do fun things when I had my accident. I'v only been off my feet for two weeks and all ready Im worrying. I have at least another 8 weeks to go before thoughts of riding can happen.

Im worried about my lack of confidence, will I have pain in my ankle, will my new girl know that I'm a scardey cat etc.

Any advice or thoughts I can glean from this thread will be welcomed. I want to keep positive but its so difficult. Any advice I can have regarding riding after having a broken ankle also wellcomed. Thanks :)
 
Paulag - I love 'Lizard Brain' (not literally, obvs ;)). But what a lovely way to assess of what's happening.

I've been encouraged to man up and burst through the comfort zone and can absolutely understand how in some cases that is the worst thing one can do. Fortunately I stopped riding the mare who I shattered my confidence with, to be fair we were not a good match and I should have spoken up sooner rather than plough through. She's now in a wonderful home with someone who loves the bones of her and I have a lovely little mare who's perfect for me.

What worked for me was taking things one step at a time and only doing things I felt confident of a positive outcome of. That and a wonderfully understanding friend who's gently encouraged us every step of the way without judgement or prejudice. Now a few years on, I am often asked to take greener horses and/or riders out with me and my girl which is a hugely fulfilling thing to do.
 
I'll join, I'm another one who has lost confidence with age, particularly after several nasty falls since returning to regular riding a few years back. I was bronced off one horse I was trying, bucked off another, nasty fall off my mare off a lifetime (not her fault) who I have since sadly lost and a couple of other tumbles have resulted in my giving up (temporarily I hope!). Not so much a loss of confidence as just feeling that no horse wants me to ride them!
 
It's really interesting (and quite humbling) to read these stories. Just shows the determination that peeps have to carry on riding after nasty experiences (or just breaks). It really would be so good for Riding Schools and Clubs to set up Nervous Nelly days, I think they would be amazed how many riders would turn up. ;)

A therapist a long time ago swore by the book "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway", and it really helped me at the time - the upshot is that you tell yourself "You'll handle whatever happens". It's worth a read :)

Bach Flower remedies are really good too - Rescue Remedy of course, and Mimilus is for "fear of known things".
 
Thistledhu said:
I'v only been off my feet for two weeks and all ready Im worrying. I have at least another 8 weeks to go before thoughts of riding can happen.
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Thistledu, I'm in a similar position to you in that I'm unable to ride due to illness and am building it up into a huge mental thing. I think the key is you need to give yourself permission to stop worrying about it. Is there anyone who can keep your horse ticking over for you until you're back on your feet? If not, then don't worry; there's nothing you can do to change your situation so accept it as it is, turn her away for a couple of months, focus on getting better and then start afresh.

Now, if I could just potter off and take my own advice ;)
 
I agree with the giving yourself permission thing. I have done a lot of mindfulness meditation that has been very helpful in dealing with chronic migraines. It gives you the ability to look at your thoughts like "I can't do this" and think "that's just a thought and isn't necessarily true" and also emotions e.g. "that's fear - I'm afrad but actually that's ok".

Right gotta get up and buy a new hat after totally the current one. . . "that's ok - this is just irritation at having to spend my hard earned wonga".

Paula
 
Awesome idea Shysmum! I would definately join. My confidence does seem to go up and down for no apparant reason. I think its my over active imagination that does it:) So many threads on here about confidence issues I am sure many people would like a club.
 
shysmum said:
A therapist a long time ago swore by the book "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway", and it really helped me at the time - the upshot is that you tell yourself "You'll handle whatever happens". It's worth a read :)

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I bought that book for my daughter after she had a bad accident..only read a little bit but what I do remember from it is " to a worm in horseradish the whole world is horseradish " :) My daughter was dealing with post traumatic stress disorder and depression and the book did help her a bit.
 
I was a fairly confident rider until I fell off my four year old in April. I was so concussed I couldn't get back on and I did irreversible damage to my back meaning I wasn't allowed to ride for six months.
Last month I had a cheeky sit back on. A little walk around the arena and that was as much as I could do before I practically had a panic attack. The thought of getting back on makes me feel sick.
I could really do do loan a safe confidence giver but I just can't afford it. Nor can I afford to pay for lessons on a schoolmaster when I have my 4 year old and a 2 year old to pay for. My 4 year old is being wasted with me but I keep clinging onto the idea that one day I might wake up and not be so scared. It's really upsetting considering I've had him since he was 4 months old, backed him myself and I'd waited so long to finally get him going.
 
Toast said:
I was a fairly confident rider until I fell off my four year old in April. I was so concussed I couldn't get back on and I did irreversible damage to my back meaning I wasn't allowed to ride for six months.
Last month I had a cheeky sit back on. A little walk around the arena and that was as much as I could do before I practically had a panic attack. The thought of getting back on makes me feel sick.
I could really do do loan a safe confidence giver but I just can't afford it. Nor can I afford to pay for lessons on a schoolmaster when I have my 4 year old and a 2 year old to pay for. My 4 year old is being wasted with me but I keep clinging onto the idea that one day I might wake up and not be so scared. It's really upsetting considering I've had him since he was 4 months old, backed him myself and I'd waited so long to finally get him going.
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Toast, thats a really tough one to get over, you do sound like you need schoolmaster for a bit. Have you any friends that have a more established horse you can get on ?

I wont be getting on my youngster until my confidence is much higher, as its a recipe for disaster.
 
so today i have another riding lesson- i thought that by putting my goal on here i cant wimp out, as my intention is come back on here tonight and be able to update that i achieved my goal!!


So deep breath- today my goal is to canter on both reins at least once in my school,
to many this may seem really basic but the thought of cantering at the moment gives me butterflies!!

so thats it- my goals out there- hopefully i'll come back on tonight to update with a smily face
 
Hi All, how is everyone doing??

Rode tonight for the first time in floodlights so didn't know how how she would react to big bad shadows etc... NO Bother - had the most relaxed lesson I have had in a good while, loads of cantering & lots of canter pole work .. confidence is near fully instated! :)
 
How did you get on?

ellis9905 said:
so today i have another riding lesson- i thought that by putting my goal on here i cant wimp out, as my intention is come back on here tonight and be able to update that i achieved my goal!!


So deep breath- today my goal is to canter on both reins at least once in my school,
to many this may seem really basic but the thought of cantering at the moment gives me butterflies!!

so thats it- my goals out there- hopefully i'll come back on tonight to update with a smily face
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Can I join too please? :o

Heres my story...

Rode as a kid, rode everything, no matter how naughty. I was the rider who was asked to ride the new RS Horses or the ones who had misbehaved in a lesson. The naughtier the better. Then I got older, falling off hurt a lot more! started sharing and had some lovely share Horses. I was a confident rider, but didn't enjoy naughty Horses anymore so wanted a calmer Horse to share. Responded to an advert for a 17YO 16.2 Ex racer who was described as a happy hacker "plod" brilliant I thought. Went on a hack with the owner on another Horse. We went for a walk around the lanes then on to some fields, as soon as we stepped foot on the grass, the Horse shot his head up (no martingale, so almost had my teeth out!) he was getting stronger and stronger, I talked to him and calmed him down, he felt like he was going to explode, I could feel his heart racing and he felt so tense. I was just about to suggest to owner that we swap as he wasn't what I was looking for. And he bolted, took off down a road, I tried everything. One rein stop, Singing, Talking, Leaning back, sitting deep, giving him his head, scratching his withers. Nothing was making a difference, so I thought of bailing out, but on a concrete road thought better of it. He ended up falling over and skidding into a wall, my leg got stuck in the stirrup so when he got up I did too, my other leg went through a concrete pipe which tore off the wall and snapped in half. He bolted again, this time heading torwards a steep downhill slope, which leads onto a national speed limit road! Luckily he tripped over and I was able to get off.

The owner screamed at me she said he had never done anything like that before and he was going to be lame again now. After asking what she meant, it turned out he had been on 6 months boxrest and this was his first time ridden. I now have a scar on my leg left from the pipe. The Horse has since been PTS, after bolting with another rider and throwing his owner which resulted in a broken back.

After that I gave up for a few months, I didn't want to be around them anymore. My friend persuaded me to come and have a ride on her Horse, Nelly. I agreed but was so frightened, I was white, I felt sick and I even felt like crying :o she put me on the LR and asked if I would like to share once a week. I agreed. For the first couple of months I would only walk, I got laughed at because Nelly is a very talented little mare (pops round metre courses for fun!) and people thought I was wasting her. My friend was very supportive and said she didn't care that I was just walking, its her Horse and she didn't mind. I gradually got a bit braver and introduced trot and then even braver and introduced canter and very small jumps. I would only ever hack Nelly on the roads though as she could be excitable in open areas. I shared Nelly for 2 lovely years, she helped me so much and I owe her so much. I decided it was time to get my own. My friend owned her own stables so saved me one free of charge, she also let me ride Nelly free of charge too whilst I was searching. She also came to every viewing I had and rode the Horses first for me just to make sure.

I saw loads of different Horses, I wanted a 9+ 15hh bay gelding. Didn't feel safe with any of them. I put a wanted advert on FB and got a reply from a lady, she had 2 Horses for sale. One ticked the boxes. The other was a 14.2 5YO coloured mare. Wasn't interested in her but went to see the gelding. They showed me both Horses, there was something about the coloured. So I asked to try her first, watched the owner walk and trot (very unlevel grounded field so couldn't do much more) and then it was my turn, I felt sick to the stomache as I hadn't ridden in a field since the bolting accident. Horse made me feel very at ease, so I trotted, again I felt so at ease and safe. So I hacked her out (friend came on foot) took her to a huge field and walked and trotted, I felt more safe with this Horse then I did with Nelly who I had been riding for 2 years! I got off and asked the owner to show me a canter, Horse refused and hopped, chucking the girl off :o I was very shocked that this Horse did that. So declined to get back on.

Viewed more Horses, but couldn't get the mare out of my head. So went back to have a look for a second time and then a third time :p Got her vetted and she came to live with me in May 2011. Since I have had her my confidence has grown so much! I started hacking alone again, I started picturing myself jumping proper jumps again, I started riding on grass again!. I was still nervy at first on grass, I would only ride out with another Horse and only behind them in a small area. I started trotting and even cantering again on hacks :D Moved yard and my confidence has grown even more (no choice but to ride on fields so have been forced into it) I have now walked, trotted and cantered in front of another Horse in a big open space. I have walked and trotted by myself in a big open space. I haven't worked up enough courage to canter yet :o I keep getting in the back of my mind that she will bolt. Even though she never ever has!

Sorry for the huge essay. Heres some photos of the 2 mares that helped me along the way..

Nelly

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Ruby

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Both together (and me)

MeNellyandRuby.jpg


NellyandRuby.jpg


Sorry for the huge essay and loads of photos, I am just very proud of how far I have come. I love Ruby so much as she has helped me overcome most of my fears and I will be forever grateful to her (and Nelly too) for looking after me and putting up with my horrendos riding and inability to breathe sometimes :p Nelly is still going strong (currently teaching someone to ride) I don't see her often anymore as I have now moved yard, but I am still in contact with her owner and meet up regulary.
 
sorry it took so long to update- but........ yes i cantered!! only one short one on one rein as we ride in a field and our ground is like rock, but :):) and actually wasnt terrified!! lol
 
I've always ridden, for as long as I can remember and apart from a small blip when I was eight years old after one too many serious falls from my then pony, I've always been confident. The laugh when it all goes wrong sort of person, the one that points and kicks at a big hedge and thinks later.

About three years ago, I was out hacking with a good friend, when my horse spooked at some bullocks behind a hedge; ran backwards, sideways and whatever else and we were hit by an oncoming car. Not badly and neither of us hurt at all, but it really shook me up.

I remember sobbing all the way home, with my poor friend also in shock herself a bit lost for words. I sobbed hysterically all of that night in total shock.

I didn't go near a road on horseback again after that for about two years after that. The rest of my riding was unaffected and I was still happy hacking off road and on the road when out hunting.

Last Summer, I started trailering down to meet my Instructor at her yard and we'd hack from there. One day she took me down a road, a quiet one but there was traffic. I went white as a sheet and it took all I could to hang on. Pony was fine and instructor was next to me on hers, between me and the traffic. That was when I realized how bad I'd got. I'd never been scared before, and for me, my biggest fear was not being able to control the traffic, the drivers and if my horse spooked not being able to stop him going into the traffic.

The turning point for me was last year. We were out hunting and my cousin came off, she was taken away in an ambulance and the fields we'd come through had had livestock turned back out into them. We had no choice but to go back on the road, busy, fast ones at that and at a pace to get back before nightfall... It was not a pleasant experience, not with an extra horse to lead too, but I was with two lovely people and luckily my blood was still up from the hunt and the fall so I managed, I hope to grin bravely, insist on leading my cousins horse (an extra distraction) and get on our way. I can still remember that sickening feeling of turning onto a road, realising it was very busy and then cantering down the verge to get it over with. My horse was a superstar, didn't look at anything and we all got home in one piece. Including my cousin, who had serious concussion, but after a week or so was fine.

After that, I dosed myself up on Rescue Remedy told myself not to be so stupid and went out on the road again - If we could cope with that we could cope with anything. The first few times I did have to remind myself to breathe frequently. There was lots of breathing in for ten and out for ten and some really awful renditions of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star (It's the only melody and words I can remember when the fear descends!). Oh and I now ride out with more Hi-Vis on than is really possible - it makes me feel much safer.

This morning we were out at the crack of dawn to go and meet my Instructor for a ride. I can ride there now instead of trailering up. We were out for nearly three hours and had a wonderful time. It felt marvelous and was appreciated more so due to the fear I've felt previously. Sometimes, when there's a particularly big lorry or a particularly obnoxious driver that feeling starts to rise again, but I've learnt to control it now and I don't even need Rescue remedy anymore.

I've always said that those that are scared of something but still do it are so incredibly brave. If I was scared I wouldn't do something, and didn't until I had no choice in the matter.
 
Update:)

We hacked out on Monday for the first time with my new favourite person @ the yard... Open fields, and to the Forest which @ the weekend has many Paintballers so we had to navigate around paintballing barriers, an army tank etc... also to get there we had to ride through a field of loose horses! Mare didn't bat an eyelid! We arrived back in one piece with no hairy moments! Another milestone reached.
 
Right guys :)

I want to hack Idiotpony out on his own more, he lives on a small yard with 5 other horses, one of which is retired, the other unbacked and the rest belong to owners that work. I can only really get there during the day.

I have and do take him out on my own, but the first and last 2km absolutely terrifies me, we have to cross a busy road, go under a small bypass tunnel which I have to really duck under and he's only 13.3! There's lots of gypsy tethered ponies including a wee grey foal that he's terrified of and I do get off and lead when I'm on my own.

He's only 5 and to be fair he is really good once he gets past these obstacles, and we carry on our merry way with no problems but I've now built them up in my mind to make me really worry about taking him out.
I think its worse as he's not mine and I hate the thought of having to explain to his owners that we've had an accident.

I chat to him and sing to keep breathing but I really don't start enjoying our hacks until we clear them out of the way and I really don't want to keep getting off and leading him, although I feel that's better than me winding him up as he's already picking up on my nerves about getting past them.

Its so stupid, I can ride him in the field fine, once we get past all these things its fine but just the thought of taking him past them really puts me off going out!
 
Another nervous rider here!

I rode as a child in a riding school, jumped a little and loved bombing about like a lunatic! I went to work as a groom when I left school, but at 19 I married, moved away and gave up horses.

A few years back (whenever it was I joined HHO, 2008?), I decided I wanted to ride again. I had a few lessons and took on a loan horse. He was wonderful to ride, but a nightmare on the ground and injured me on more than one occasion. He went back and I got a lovely old mare (Ellie) who was just what I needed. I was scared to reach beneath her to get her rug straps when I first got her, as the devil horse I had before used to try to take my head off if I did that (he ended up naked, I quite like my head attached to my body!). However, I was nervous and while I have had horses for the past four years I ride rarely. I really don't know what it is as Fat Lad is as bombproof as you can get. He is too unfit to tank off (a big fear of mine), and doesn't bat an eyelid at anything we have come accross on the roads so far.

We are hoping to move house in the next 7 or 8 months, and are looking at places with good off road hacking nearby. OH has said he will help me, in that he will come with me, lead rein in hand 'just in case' and he will also nag me to go. I don't like riding with anyone else as I feel a bit embarrassed at my ineptitude and panic attacks. I also can't really remember how to ride properly. I can steer, start and stop and that is about it. Oh, I can do rising trot, and when people have seen my sitting trot (if they have seem me out and about and Fat Lad has broken into trot due to me giving him the wrong aids!) they are quite impressed by my smooth 'sit'.

I am determined to get out riding at least twice a week when we move. Not sure I will get there while I am still where I am, there are a couple of people who have critised my ability (or lack of), and laughed at me happily plodding around at a walk who make me feel very small and crap about myself :(
 
So glad to know were not all alone in here ha ha

UPDATE:

I had another fab ride on my boy last night, we are practising from our lesson and yes am hurting again he is hard work but work that will pay off in the end.

I cannot fault his behaviour he is so so good, again a great big tractor in the neighbouring fields doing whatever making lots of noise I know that but he couldn't have cared less about it, he was more interested in why a mare was being hand grazed ha ha bless him.

We both worked really hard, I had my hubby come and sit in the school with me taking piccies so I can see how i need to improve and also as a confidence thing for me.
I like to have people around when Im riding at the moment, we also went for a walk to cool off down the lane afterwards yep nothing more than a bimble along.

I really need to work on my own issues as my lad is a superstar..albeit it a babyish one.

:D :D
 
shysmum said:
ah, the joys of vino - maybe have one before you get on :eek:

Totally agree with not leaving it too long, things just get more scary.
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That's a good idea--the old stirrup cup. Only I've got to drive home afterwards!

What symptoms do you get when you get nervous? How do you overcome them? I keep thinking I'm going to fall off and then I start to hyperventilate. Feel shaky. I'm better in an indoor, but there isn't one where I'm riding now.
 
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