Horrible panicking when I feel out of control

[Wizpopagain]

You will find that the more you think back to your fears and anxieties, the more and bigger they get! That’s because our brains are wired( from ancient times) to protect us from danger. Part of our brains will send out warning messages: “ remember what happened last time?”, then we re run the whole incident, in glorious techni colour and as large as life- and so it feels real.
This is where a sports psychologist, or NLP/ hypnosis practitioner can really help. I would advise you to contact one as it will really help. Or you can message me for a chat as I’m trained in this area.
We are supposed to enjoy our horses!

 

[myheartinahoofbeat]

I think hypnosis might help you here.
I have suffered crippling anxiety, to the point where I gave up riding for a while. Hypnosis did help me to get it under control for a while.
Now I am post-menopause I no longer give a f*^& and have taken it up again. I do still get worried by things but not to the point where I have to go and vomit before getting on.

That’s for posting this.
I am menopausal with much more anxiety about riding than before. I’m glad to know that you came out the other side of it.

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Good point about them not wanting to tire themselves endlessly. When I was anxious my current loan would bolt, I knew in the back of my mind from previous rides that he'd never shot off for more than a few strides. But I was having flashbacks to a time when my TB loan tanked off for home down a similar type of lane and it just flooded my brain so I couldn't think of anything else!

I love the idea of doing the checks! I'm definitely going to put those into practice with my next horse, knowing that they're willing to respond would definitely give me confidence

A lot of what I am doing with the sports psych is imagery based. In the session we develop a bit of a script (there's more to it than that actually in the session) which I've found helpful to audio record then I play it back to myself multiple times. The sports psych has explained the various things this is doing from a brain point of view, and I can't remember all of it, but one of the really helpful ones we have done involves visualising the horse running on and me riding through it. We put the anxiety in all of the imagery, because the work is on 'anti-freeze' not on getting rid of the feelings completely (i.e., you can be very anxious AND still do what needs to be done).

This was tested beautifully last week when unexpected sideways rain appeared. My brain offered up the usual unhelpful image (me being run off with), of course I was anxious, but because I had practiced using the imagery, I had more trust that my body knew what to do and could slow myself down. I've also found that I'm quicker to get in there with alternative images of what I DO want - in that particular case it was just visualising taking a few steps forwards on a horse that was going sideways/backwards. A situation that would previously have had me crying and/or dismounting I came away from this time going - 'what a fantastic learning opportunity!'

We're also working on some self-image type stuff which has been interesting!

I won't ever be someone wanting to ride hot/sparky horses, or go off team chasing, but any horse can have a moment and we can't control the unexpected things that can happen, so I'd like to be someone that can switch into 'I've got this, we are fine'. With the sports psych sessions I'm having I've not just got hope (I've had that for a very long time otherwise would have given up long ago!) but now some tangible progress.

 

[Widgeon]

Yep, that's the thing! If you could reassure me that a horse would absolutely NOT bolt/take off, I wouldn't mind things like spooks and being difficult. That's exactly what I feel, I've always struggled in lessons as a lot of instructors just can't grasp how crippling my anxiety is, but I've been finding loaning really helpful to take it at my own pace. I'm trying out a different horse by the same owner next week, she's supposedly a bit greener in the arena but a lot more laid back than the one I have tried, which seems like a trade-off I could handle if so!

If you're looking for a loan / share, could you try to find a situation in which you can almost always hack with the owner? Lots of people will have two horses, often an older steady one and a youngster, and will want someone to ride the old boy out with them on the baby.

My confidence was utterly destroyed a few years back by a very troubled little horse who used to take off in panic (he had both mental and physical issues). When I bought my next horse, who is 98% saintly, I was still terrified, and the way I "fixed" it was to hack in groups or with another livery / the YO on her baby horses, so I knew that even if something terrible happened (which it never did) my horse would be highly unlikely to leave the others. It took a few years but I have got my confidence back now. Having calm, competent people around me was very reassuring and eventually I remembered that I was also a reasonably competent rider!

 

[SaharaS]

lots of good advice here and something else that may help you...If you are able to, this works at any point of panic...but if you can practice it just before you are in a situation that you would typically start, even better. You can repeat as many times as you like. ( it takes seconds and this is important to note for the simple exercise: I'm not talking panic seconds...but really slow long one Mississippi two Mississippi /elephants etc seconds)

deep breath in thru nose for 4 seconds
hold breath for 5 seconds
exhale thru mouth for 6 seconds..& hold for 5-7 seconds...

if you can imagine yourself as a massive builders sack of heavy wet sand or a ton of potatoes at the same time, even better

I also find a slow rhythmic tapping with two or three fingers helps usually too. just on your decolettage below collar bone, above the bit where your bra finishes - if you're a wearer- works for everyone. Place the heel of your hand on chest kind of over your heart & where your fingertips land is about right... slow your breaths as you do this. I think its the breath work thru the exercise that works while you are drawn to concentrating on the task in hand...finding the spot & tapping!

Obviously, if you're on a horse, maybe just the breath work & both hands relaxed onto horses neck...and never be embarrassed to use a neck strap even as a grounding tool sometimes just knowing its there is a huge help

 

[HaplessHorse]

I get exactly how you feel! I’m only 16, as well. I sometimes get terrified of cantering to the extent that I won’t canter for a few weeks. I haven’t even had that many issues in canter, I just feel that I struggle to control it sometimes. My cob in particular sometimes gets out-of-hand about canter, she sometimes gets hugely overexcited and leaps into a full-blown gallop. I’ve only fallen off her properly once, but it was something that made me nervous before that point.

I’ve had this “fear” of cantering since I had my section D, over a year ago now. He definitely ruined my confidence a bit, but my cob is helping me rebuild it. She gives a clear forewarning if she’s tense, without being dangerous, so I can change my plans if needed. On the whole, though, she’s pretty relaxed and easy.

If I feel myself getting nervous, I do what my cob would do, stop, take stock, breathe, relax my rein and seat, then carry on. Sometimes cob does still feel tense and overexcited, if this is the case, I just don’t canter that day!

It’s too wet for me to canter safely, and without tearing up the turnout area, so at the moment it’s a moot point, but the thought still applies.

 

[Spirit3106]

If you're looking for a loan / share, could you try to find a situation in which you can almost always hack with the owner? Lots of people will have two horses, often an older steady one and a youngster, and will want someone to ride the old boy out with them on the baby.

That's actually the situation I'm in ATM! I was riding her youngster who is very good but I had an incident a few months ago where I got anxious and since then I've been on her daughter's 12hh pony so not ideal. There's been a few issues with it otherwise though so I'm looking for something new. Also I know it probably sounds a bit ridiculous for someone with my anxieties but I've always wanted to work on hacking alone! The horse I'm going to try next weekend is on a yard backing onto mountains/forestry so hoping we will be a good match!

 

[Spirit3106]

I have no advice but I could have written your post and I do absolutely understand how you feel. And I think it is difficult for people who don't have he same issue to understand (although people on here seem to ). Because it's a viscious circle. For me, I am hyper alert to a horse's energy and any change in behaviour or the environment that might mean my pony (who does bog off) might go for it, so he senses it and he is hyper alert, then a leaf falls and he goes, and I adopt the fetal position and tense up more, so he goes faster, I have zero effective aids and even pulling is impossible because I just pull myself forward as I am not even sat properly in the saddle anymore, and at this point I am no longer breathing either, and he has decided that a lion is obviously somewhere in the area if it is that scary for me, and so it goes on. Even an instructor shouting at me to sit up, pull etc has no effect because it is a automatic response after all this time.

I have never found a solution, but I have never used a sports psycologist either. Honestly, I just used to avoid riding horses that had that sort of energy and stuck to those that I felt safe on. I have my pony through circumstance and we probably aren't the best match (for reasons above) but I have really started to go back to basics and work on my seat, my balance, breathing, and not putting myself or him in situations where I know I might not have control. This is fine because I have no grand ambitions, and neither does he!

I personally would not take a horse on loan that I already know triggers my panic reaction (she says, with her pony that does exactly that). Because it is very hard to go to the stables, knowing you have to ride because the horse needs to get out and you are scared. It is better to be honest about what you enjoy in a horse and your riding and find a partner who can give you the confidence to achieve it, going out of your confort zone little by little and building confidence to handle situations on a horse that you feel confortable on and work with a professional on the side on the psycological aspects.

This is exactly how I am, and it's so relieving to hear another person struggle with those issues. It's a habit I've had for *years*. Instructors tell me to just sit up tall and I physically can't do it! I've been working on it for so long but it's difficult to fix, especially when there's setbacks.

No, definitely not. I didn't agree to loan that horse because I just knew that the last thing I need this winter is to be spiking my anxiety riding a horse I don't feel safe with! I generally enjoy horses that are a little bit more woah (not complete plods but just something that needs to be pushed on rather than held back!), but sometimes it feels a bit embarrassing to only want "safe" horses (I learned in riding schools with kids and teens that would all fight over who got to ride the insane pocket rockets so I know it's silly but it's ingrained into me!)

 

[Korg]

This is exactly how I am, and it's so relieving to hear another person struggle with those issues. It's a habit I've had for *years*. Instructors tell me to just sit up tall and I physically can't do it! I've been working on it for so long but it's difficult to fix, especially when there's setbacks.

No, definitely not. I didn't agree to loan that horse because I just knew that the last thing I need this winter is to be spiking my anxiety riding a horse I don't feel safe with! I generally enjoy horses that are a little bit more woah (not complete plods but just something that needs to be pushed on rather than held back!), but sometimes it feels a bit embarrassing to only want "safe" horses (I learned in riding schools with kids and teens that would all fight over who got to ride the insane pocket rockets so I know it's silly but it's ingrained into me!)

It's completely reasonable to prefer riding the less energetic ones. Though, be aware that many young horses appear less energetic since they don't fully understand that they can go forward, so the brakes don't always work. And sometimes they suddenly get really forward. The risk of this is of course lower with an adult horse who is schooled. I'd just recommend riding a horse where you can test the brakes. But it really is not something to be ashamed of, the slower ones also need their people : )

 

[Gropony]

This is exactly how I am, and it's so relieving to hear another person struggle with those issues. It's a habit I've had for *years*. Instructors tell me to just sit up tall and I physically can't do it! I've been working on it for so long but it's difficult to fix, especially when there's setbacks.

No, definitely not. I didn't agree to loan that horse because I just knew that the last thing I need this winter is to be spiking my anxiety riding a horse I don't feel safe with! I generally enjoy horses that are a little bit more woah (not complete plods but just something that needs to be pushed on rather than held back!), but sometimes it feels a bit embarrassing to only want "safe" horses (I learned in riding schools with kids and teens that would all fight over who got to ride the insane pocket rockets so I know it's silly but it's ingrained into me!)

There is nothing embarrassing about safe .

 

[Pedantic]

I don't think anyone likes not being in control when riding

 

[Breather]

Check out Thought Field Therapy. Try Jo Cooper. She’s excellent.

 

[Spirit3106]

I don't think anyone likes not being in control when riding

But I mean, people still hop up on high-strung thoroughbreds and gallop them, hack spooky horses, school youngsters for the first time, and ride strong and exciteable horses over courses all the time. There's several people in this thread alone who've been through scary experiences with their horses and losing control, yet are able to get back on that horse and push through. And I know the obvious answer is that people like this are experienced and know what to do, but there has to be a learning curve, surely? That's what I struggle with, I think.

 

[Gropony]

Some people like jumping off tall buildings with a parachute strapped to their back. We can all learn to do it but we wouldn't all be loving it

 

[Spirit3106]

Some people like jumping off tall buildings with a parachute strapped to their back. We can all learn to do it but we wouldn't all be loving it

You know, that's actually a good point Inside the sport sometimes it does feel like wanting and preferring to ride hot and forward horses is the norm, never actually considered it on the bigger scale!

 

[Korg]

But I mean, people still hop up on high-strung thoroughbreds and gallop them, hack spooky horses, school youngsters for the first time, and ride strong and exciteable horses over courses all the time. There's several people in this thread alone who've been through scary experiences with their horses and losing control, yet are able to get back on that horse and push through. And I know the obvious answer is that people like this are experienced and know what to do, but there has to be a learning curve, surely? That's what I struggle with, I think.

I enjoy schooling youngsters and working with projects, but really I don't think I'm the most sane human to exist. If everyone was like me, humans would probably have been extinct by now. It's also great for me that there are people who enjoy taking these horses when they're safe and schooled, that not everyone wants the extra excitement of the before-version. Otherwise, I would be stuck with a bunch of nice, schooled horses that I find slightly boring to ride.

 

[4Hoofed]

I hope this thread has assured you that you are not alone by the way. I’m coming back with a longer comment as I’ve thought more about your experiences. Apologies it’s gonna be long.

I do ride “problem” horses for people on my yard still, but no like I would have when I was younger. Backed my last horse, my friends cob and will back my youngster. I’d just like to assure you OP that that does not mean I’m a super confident, invincible rider who experiences no fear!

A lot more people are scared or nervous then you realise, and the more crappy experiences you pile up the worst that anxiety can get.

To add to my earlier comments I would also try find an instructor when you do get a lot who gels with you more. I teach some teens on my yard who are nervy, and there is an art to teaching people with anxiety or nervousness, especially with specific issues. You mentioned about not being able to sit up tall and instructor just repeating (I think, I’ve read other comments since then! ), even if an instructor is amazing for someone else they may not be the one for you, so try a couple. Be open and honest and say you’re looking for someone to work through some stuff with. Find someone whose method clicks.

For me, a lot of my nervousness I work through with preparedness. If I know it’s spicy, I ride with a good neck strap fitted so it’s comfy to grab. If it feels like the horse is tense I’ll stop and do some massage/grooming for them, breathing and mindfulness for me till I feel like we are in the right place. I teach everything I ride to stop on voice command, and I teach them rein back, to the point that I could probably do an into test backwards in walk! Ground work can help you feel more connected and in tune, get the cobs can book and try some of that, it will help reinforce for you that the horse respects the aids and can iron out any issues with the aids without being in the hot seat. Being the go to “my horse has done x,y…” rider for the yard, long reining is my best friend .

Maybe even have some riding school lessons (and ask for a well behaved school master!). I’m always working on my core, my lower leg and seat. Both through strength workouts and yoga, and exercises in the saddle. Because for me confidence in my lower leg boosts my confidence in riding.

Most importantly give yourself some grace. A lot of us may look outwardly cool and collected but be extremely scared. I do often practice fake it to you make it. I met Pippa Funnell in a warm up ring (very briefly may I add), and someone said to her to smile and she came over afterwards and laughed and joked and said she can’t smile until after the XC through nerves. You are not alone AT all feeling like this.

 

[Babypony]

The vast majority of horses do not bolt. That is to say - they will not run away for no reason and with no regard for their or their rider's safety. If they did, people wouldn't ride anymore as it would be just too dangerous. Most of the time if a horse "runs off" there will be a reason for it and they will stop pretty quickly without intervention (e.g. a pheasant startles them on a hack and they shoot forward 3-10 strides then pull up, turn and look). They are a prey species so while they feel the need to keep themselves safe, they aren't going to run for miles and tire themselves out needlessly.

I've been riding for 32 years and have only ever ridden one horse who would not stop and didn't care and even he didn't bolt in the traditional sense - he just set his neck in trot and trotted all the way home, refusing to slow or turn. I never rode him again. He was unsafe.

It may help you to run some pre-flight checks every time you get on - it's something I always used to do when my ponies were young. Get on, ask them to turn their nose to your toes, one at a time, then ask them to yield the back end one way and then the other, then back up a stride or two. Then hand over a treat or give them a scratch on the withers, do the girth and off you go. If they are willing to yield the front and back end to light pressure at a halt, the chances of them being bolters is absolutely minute. Good luck

Saving your post because that genuinely put things into perspective for me. I think when you’ve been bolted with it stays with you and is added into your brain as a list of things that “could” happen. Not the op but have been struggling with anxiety since coming back into riding and this has really, really helped. Thank you.

 

[kaiserchief]

I'm so pleased that's helpful, wishing you all the best with enjoying this wonderful sport

 

[Spirit3106]

I hope this thread has assured you that you are not alone by the way. I’m coming back with a longer comment as I’ve thought more about your experiences. Apologies it’s gonna be long.

I do ride “problem” horses for people on my yard still, but no like I would have when I was younger. Backed my last horse, my friends cob and will back my youngster. I’d just like to assure you OP that that does not mean I’m a super confident, invincible rider who experiences no fear!

A lot more people are scared or nervous then you realise, and the more crappy experiences you pile up the worst that anxiety can get.

To add to my earlier comments I would also try find an instructor when you do get a lot who gels with you more. I teach some teens on my yard who are nervy, and there is an art to teaching people with anxiety or nervousness, especially with specific issues. You mentioned about not being able to sit up tall and instructor just repeating (I think, I’ve read other comments since then! ), even if an instructor is amazing for someone else they may not be the one for you, so try a couple. Be open and honest and say you’re looking for someone to work through some stuff with. Find someone whose method clicks.

For me, a lot of my nervousness I work through with preparedness. If I know it’s spicy, I ride with a good neck strap fitted so it’s comfy to grab. If it feels like the horse is tense I’ll stop and do some massage/grooming for them, breathing and mindfulness for me till I feel like we are in the right place. I teach everything I ride to stop on voice command, and I teach them rein back, to the point that I could probably do an into test backwards in walk! Ground work can help you feel more connected and in tune, get the cobs can book and try some of that, it will help reinforce for you that the horse respects the aids and can iron out any issues with the aids without being in the hot seat. Being the go to “my horse has done x,y…” rider for the yard, long reining is my best friend .

Maybe even have some riding school lessons (and ask for a well behaved school master!). I’m always working on my core, my lower leg and seat. Both through strength workouts and yoga, and exercises in the saddle. Because for me confidence in my lower leg boosts my confidence in riding.

Most importantly give yourself some grace. A lot of us may look outwardly cool and collected but be extremely scared. I do often practice fake it to you make it. I met Pippa Funnell in a warm up ring (very briefly may I add), and someone said to her to smile and she came over afterwards and laughed and joked and said she can’t smile until after the XC through nerves. You are not alone AT all feeling like this.

Thank you so much, it means a lot that my despairing thoughts and anxieties resonate with so many people and has brought so much kindness and understanding

 

[Red-1]

I guess I'm one of those who you would say was confident. I actually do have wobbles like anyone else, but have the experience to not feel out of control and therefore manage and even enjoy it. I wonder if it is about not being in control of the horse or not being in control of yourself?

Last night, we came back from a holiday. I've been learning to dive. At the moment, I'm not really enjoying it! I like the bits where it goes well, when the sea is beautiful and I see an octopus or a sea horse. But, at the moment, my inner script is more about the water that has ingressed into the mask, or the dryness of the air making me cough, or that I am not in control of my buoyancy.

My boyfriend learned in mid summer. Took him 3 days to qualify and he loves it. Never worries about the fact that you can't breathe under water. He now does the sort of diving where you can't come straight up but have to wait at a staging point to equalise the pressure. I can't think of much worse than being stuck under water, choking or whatever, and not being able to surface. I did a little dive when he did his first but felt awful and only did that one dive.

We did another holiday since, where he dived and I did not, but he wished I'd been with him and, tbh, I was a bit jealous of the fun he was having and the photos and videos. I decided to give it another go, on this latest holiday.

I knew I'd find it difficult, so, before this holiday, I went to a swimming pool to try again somewhere controlled. A bit like being on the lunge I guess LOL. I told them I'd failed once and they were great. I was ages in the shallow end, where I could simply stand up if I wanted, and went through the routines of what to do in an emergency. Mask off and on, regulator out and in again. I felt OK, and went to the bottom in the deep end and was OK.

On holiday, my first dive was with a lovely lady who again went really slowly and did the routines. It was on a sloping beach and we gradually went deeper so I could deal with any water ingress and equalise ear pressure. I had a FAB dive, looked at fish, really enjoyed it. So much so that the original weekend break was elongated to allow me another chance at diving in a more challenging way.

Our hotel was fully booked so we had to move resort for the extra nights and therefore used a different dive company. The second company arranged for me to have 1-1 tuition in the morning and dive off a boat with my boyfriend in the afternoon.

This was different. It was in a marina and I had to swim to a buoy and go straight down a rope, to 5m. He pulled a toggle on my BA and I was going down. My mask filled with water, my ears had pressure. Both needed attending to. I felt in danger and out of my comfort zone. The mask felt awful - water up my nose etc, and I cleared that first. Sadly, my ears should have been my priority and they still hurt today.

The man wasn't incorrect in anything he did, but I had my confidence shattered. I followed his instructions but after a while asked to surface and simply said that this is not for me. I didn't feel safe. He talked me round and I did continue, having re-done the safety protocols. I did do the afternoon trip, simply because I wanted photos LOL. It was exhilarating, somersaulting backwards off the boat, going to 12m, but I didn't really enjoy it. A couple of issues arose with another diver and my breathing equipment, and although I managed, I wasn't feeling confident.

Now I don't know if I want to do it again. I'm sitting here with a sore ear, I didn't feel safe, I didn't enjoy it.

I have booked to go back to a swimming pool to do the protocols again and decide if I wish to continue.

It made me double down on how important a trainer is to go at your pace, in riding too. How we need many good experiences and to know what to do when things go wrong. To feel comfortable.

I won't ever be a carefree diver but would like to persist just to be able to join my boyfriend on some tourist dives.

I write all this as I see many parallels in diving and horse riding. There is a clear and persistent danger in both. One you could fall and die, the other drown and die. Or just be scared and injured. Both are really silly hobbies, TBH, but also both can be exciting and rewarding if we get it right. Both physical and give beauty. Both can have a trainer within touching distance, and the trainer can't necessarily make you safe even if they are in physical contact with you.

Both need you to be able to react and avoid panic. It is an inner job.

With one, I feel confident and in control. With the other, I was a baby and incompetent. Very different feelings.