Horse loosing his best friend

[Hormonal Filly]

As some of you may know, I’ve said I’ll have my cob put to sleep before winter and at the end of this month will be his time. Hes only 10, but has severe neck arthritis and it isn’t fair to put him through another winter. He’s had a nice 6 months retired with the sun on his back but it’s clear to me he isn’t happy.

It’s the thought of the heartbreak my other gelding will feel that’s killing me most.

My cob and other gelding are the best of friends, they have lived together for over 5 years now. My other gelding doesn’t know life without him.

I can ride my other gelding out on his own and box away from him, but he calls for my cob if he’s in a field without him. When I went to camp this year on my cob, my other gelding actually adjusted really well turned out on his own, so it is possible.

On my livery yard (apart from me) all the horses have their own big paddocks. All within eyesight, in fact over the fence from each other so he has friends next door etc. I don’t plan on getting another and really don’t wish to put him in with anything else (bad experience) so would like him to stay on his own in the future if possible.

My questions are.. shall I let my other gelding witness it ‘happen’ which sounds awful, or is it best if he doesn’t see it? (I have opted to have my cob shot) I want him to understand he’s gone, without being traumatised. I’ve never been in this situation before and can feel myself welling up just thinking about it but know it’s the right thing to do.

I hope he doesn’t suffer to much without him, I’m hoping he learns to accept life without him gradually but being a typical welsh he’s OTT about everything in general.

To add, has anyone else’s been through similar to this? Did their horse accept it well?

 

[Teajack]

I only owned one but there was another in the same field who was never more than a few feet away from her - she led, he followed everywhere - and he always waited for her at the gate when she was out. When she went (it was in the yard) he was allowed to see and sniff her body afterwards. He knew and didn't look or call for her.

 

[Auslander]

I do think you're maybe making things more difficult for a horse who is used to having a companion, by deciding that you'd rather he lived alone, particularly when he's just lost his life partner. Previous bad experiences are in the past - don't let them affect the decisions you make moving forward.

I've got an old girl here who will be PTS before winter sets in. She is closely bonded with one of the other mares, who can be a bit hysterical about not being close to her buddy. I have already started preparing for the event by introducing a new friend for the remaining mare, and gradually separating separating her from the old girl, to try and reduce her dependence. When the deed is done, I'll let them see the old girl, and sniff her if they want to, and then I hope that the new pair will be happy in each others company.

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

After you've had your horse PTS, then I would at that point let your existing horse have a look at the body; research apparently has shown that if this happens, the remaining horse copes better and accepts the fact their pairbond has gone.

I personally wouldn't allow one horse to see another one PTS; but that is your decision at the end of the day.

Re. the future. When my old boy (several horses back now) lost his field-mate, I didn't know then what I do now. He was on his own, and was grieving for his friend, and I accepted an offer from a friend-of-a-friend to put two youngsters in the field with him, "for company". It wasn't the best choice I could have made, they were pairbonded with each other, and all they wanted to do was hoon round the field (as you'd expect with youngsters), and as an older boy he just didn't want to, and their presence seemed to make him even more morose, poor old chap. So if you DO decide to get a companion, my advice after this experience would be to choose very very carefully and try and get something with compatible "energy" if that makes sense.

Last autumn at around this time, I had my two oldies PTS, together, same day. I'd already got my youngster, and had fortunately got another horse to be her fieldmate. For a few weeks before the "deed was done" they were in adjoining fields, separated by leccy fencing, so basically were one herd. I think this helped the two remaining horses to settle more quickly after the event; they already were beginning to pairbond. We let the older mare see the bodies of the other two, she was fine with it. My youngster was visibly unsettled by it, but the vet said it really was the best thing to do to let them see the bodies.

So very sorry you are in this position. It never gets any easier does it.

 

[J&S]

When my very elderly NF was PTS my other pony did not seem to miss her, even though they were best of friends and the old pony had been very much a "mother" to her. I think this was because there was another young mare in the field with them. However, 20 years or so on when the little field companion to the pony who was left, died suddenly without warning, and there was no other pony left in the field, although we left the body over night and she sniffed and was aware of the situation (we thought) she was devastated when the little pony was collected. My step daughter, who is a vet, commented, better a dead pony than no pony. So leaving the body for a while is no certainty that there won't be some upset but I believe it is the way to do it. I too think that your remaining horse will need a field buddy and introducing one asap will help. Just a small, easy keeper.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I wouldn't let him sniff your cob after he has been shot, because there will be a small amount of blood, which could panic him. However I would let him see what happens, we have always done that and it has never caused any upset. We have always had ours shot, imo, it is best/quickest for the horse.

You will have another horse (your gelding) to focus on after your cob has gone, please let him have a new friend to take his mind off his loss, too. It sounds as if there are possible friends available for him to buddy up with. Horses are herd animals and don't do well on their own.

 

[The Fuzzy Furry]

I wouldn't let him sniff your cob after he has been shot, because there will be a small amount of blood, which could panic him. However I would let him see what happens, we have always done that and it has never caused any upset. We have always had ours shot, imo, it is best/quickest for the horse.

You will have another horse (your gelding) to focus on after your cob has gone, please let him have a new friend to take his mind off his loss, too. It sounds as if there are possible friends available for him to buddy up with. Horses are herd animals and don't do well on their own.

I would, and have done - if pts with gun then knackerman will often oblige by bagging the head and then throwing an old rug over, if he's asked to. I've let mine see the body, sniff and sometimes they try and bite or dig at them. Once they realise that their friend isn't going to get up, then they appear to understand and can be led away.
OP, am sorry if the above is too graphic for you x
I never let mine watch their companions being pts or winched away, but if a pair bond then I try to let them say goodbye.

OP, as others mention above, please do let your other one start building a friendship with another as soon as you can, it will really help him x

 

[irishdraft]

I had to let my mare go in February and this was one of my biggest worries my gelding had been with her his whole life 12 years. I decided to let him see her after she had been pts my husband thankfully dealt with it all but the gelding did sniff and seem to realise she had gone . I do have other horses here but they were not in with my gelding . He didn't call for her but started pawing the fence so I think he was stressed in his own way. I then got my other horse in with him but they took along time to settle together and even now 8 months later my original gelding will chase the other off if I'm in the field with them but I'm glad I did have the other horse to go in with him I don't think he would have been happy on his own even tho he has a pony friend the other side of the fence.

 

[Britestar]

My gelding lost his mother who he'd lived with all his life. She was 32 and he was 16.

He neighed non stop the next day. Broke my heart. The day after that he called every 30 mins, the next day every hour. Gradually he stopped.

He had the same 7 other friends as he'd had all his life.

Him calling was far harder for me than loosing his mum in some ways.

 

[PapaverFollis]

The Beast ended up in a field on her own after Granny horse was PTS. She's been ok but I think she'd have been better with a pal that wasn't over a fence really.

We let her see the body after the event. She sniffed her feet and seemed to kind of get it but she did call a bit in the field for a few days. About a month ago she saw a new pony walking up the yard near where she last saw Granny horse... it looks a bit like Granny. And she did a huge "Oh my god HIIIIII!!!" whinny which basically broke my heart. So I don't know how much they really understand. But we didn't give her enough time with the body I think cos everything was unplanned and awful.

 

[milliepops]

I think it's also important to keep in mind that although he may be upset about being alone all of a sudden, he won't be going through the same emotions that you will be.
He won't feel the sadness that your cob had this untreatable condition, he won't be feeling sad that he's gone at a young age - all that stuff that seems so unfair and makes it so upsetting to let a horse go is not comprehended by other horses. So don't make it worse on yourself worrying about him in that respect.

Try and do proactive things instead - the suggestions above are all good ones and I think in the end it probably isn't the end of the world whether you let him touch the body or not - just do whatever feels right on the day. The other things will end up being more important in the long term - routine, company established beforehand etc.

 

[milliepops]

We let her see the body after the event. She sniffed her feet and seemed to kind of get it but she did call a bit in the field for a few days. About a month ago she saw a new pony walking up the yard near where she last saw Granny horse... it looks a bit like Granny. And she did a huge "Oh my god HIIIIII!!!" whinny which basically broke my heart. So I don't know how much they really understand. But we didn't give her enough time with the body I think cos everything was unplanned and awful.

Just on this. A couple of my horse have had really close friendships with others, and when separated for a number of weeks they do seem to get a bit forgetful about the finer details of their previous buddy - Kira will get really interested in any bay with a broad blaze in lieu of Millie, and Salty is really interested in all piebald horses. So I think sometimes they just see something familiar.

 

[AlinFaolan]

I ask on here earlier in the year regarding my lad and his field mate when the very elderly mare with them was being PTS. They were allowed to be with her while she was put down, by injection and then spent some time with her body before being put back in their own field when the digger came, they did call a bit and hung round the gate for the rest of the day, wondering off in the evening, the called on and off for a couple of days but coped ok.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I would, and have done - if pts with gun then knackerman will often oblige by bagging the head and then throwing an old rug over, if he's asked to. I've let mine see the body, sniff and sometimes they try and bite or dig at them. Once they realise that their friend isn't going to get up, then they appear to understand and can be led away.
OP, am sorry if the above is too graphic for you x
I never let mine watch their companions being pts or winched away, but if a pair bond then I try to let them say goodbye.

OP, as others mention above, please do let your other one start building a friendship with another as soon as you can, it will really help him x

We had one who had to be pts (shot) by the Hunt in an emergency. She had gone down overnight and had some kind of seizure, the stable arrangement was such that we couldn't get her friend of 20 yrs out of her box until the body had been removed. She saw everything, including the winching, it just couldn't be helped.

She did have 2 other friends who looked after her and although she was a bit quiet for a few days, we kept her for another 2 yrs very happily. She perked up when we brought the next horse home - it gave her something else to think about - and someone else to play with, although she was the oldest the other 2 were too staid for her..

 

[BBP]

I would let him see/sniff the body afterwards. Mine was pretty heartbreaking in that he seemed to try to get her to get up, he was pushing her and trying to lift her up by her ears. Then he settled and walked off to graze. My biggest regret of the whole thing was letting him see her being collected onto the wagon and taken away. Having been apparently ok he then went beserk, charging around the field attacking the other horses with jaws wide open and ears pinned back. This is the kindest friendliest horse and yet for months after her death he was really aggressive towards the others. He would also stop for ages at the spot where she was put to sleep and would just stand there with his nose touching the floor, and would bury his head in her rugs when he first saw them over the door. I think it was seeing her dragged in that triggered it, I will never let him see that again. What saved him was a year later my sister bought a 4yo Connemara x mare with a real alpha mare kindness and confidence. He fell instantly in love and they have been best friends since, it was the first time I had seen a spark in his eyes again and I realised just how stressed he had been without a real ‘friend’.

The other horses (all in a field together) couldn’t give a stuff, didn’t even lift their heads from eating (til mine went after them).

Sorry, you didn’t ask for all that! But I hope part is helpful. Big hugs, it’s never an easy thing.

 

[southerncomfort]

Because of how things happened, I didn't have the opportunity to let my other 2 ponies say goodbye when my old girl was PTS. However, when I brought them in that evening they both took themselves off to the spot where she had passed away. They had a good sniff and seemed to understand. I have no idea how they knew that was the spot.

They were quiet and subdued for a couple of days but were otherwise fine.

I agree with the others that it will make it easier for your horse if he has a new buddy.

 

[oldie48]

Having lost a couple in the last two years, I think they cope better than we do but with my old boy I had a back up plan in case I lost him suddenly as I knew my other horse wouldn't cope well on his own. Sadly the old boy colicked very early in the morning and fortunately I heard him and was able to get him into the paddock where he was PTS. I let Mr B see the body then took him out for a lesson whilst they came to collect the old boy. Whilst I was away my OH put up fencing to divide the field and my very kind friend delivered a pony who was turned out in the paddock ready for Mr B to come home to. It was the most surreal morning but Mr B coped really well and although he called a bit at the gate he was really quite keen to get to know the new pony and settled much better than I expected.
When I lost Mr B at the end of last year, it was very sudden and completely unexpected so I didn't have a back up plan but again I was able to get him out to the paddock and let his companion pony see the body but I put the pony back in the stable before the body was collected. The pony coped really well until I introduced him to my new horse but I did know that he was OK for short period of time on his own however I did spend a lot of time with him and it was obvious that he was grieving and unsettled.

 

[Hormonal Filly]

Thank you for all of your comments.

Unfortunately I am on a livery yard where there is no option to have a companion in the same field. They are all kept separate and no one wishes to share, they are all very relaxed. My other gelding can be quite ‘dominating’ so I’d really worry about putting him in with a new horse for his and their sake. He was in with a mare before and became absolutely obsessed. My cobs neck issue could of been caused by the awful kick he received by a mare on my last yard, no way of telling for sure but he gradually became not himself after that happened, it’s put me off ever putting him in a herd again if I’m honest. The specialist did say a bad injury such as a double barrelled kick in the neck could make a small boney imperfection 100x worse.

Only option is to buy something else but livery costs here will be increasing by the end of the year and if I’m honest I don’t really want another horse to have it on livery if it’s just a companion. I could look at other yards but the only other ‘decent’ yard to us is individual turnout as well.. tough decision. :-(

 

[vmac66]

I would let him see the body.
When I had my horse pts his best freind was very unsettled for a few weeks after. He hadn't seen the body and started box walking and wood chewing. He eventually settled down and became best freinds with my new horse.

 

[PapaverFollis]

If it's a choice between individual turn out or moving him I'd keep him in the familiar environment with over fence buddies he already knows.

The Beast was ok with that and she had an awful few days more or less immediately afterwards where she ended up stranded in the field because of frozen paths and the only other horses out there were two paddocks away. We were all pretty unhappy with that but she coped ok. I went to sit in the field with her a lot and she would lay down for a sleep while I was there. Once she was back in a routine with the others around her more or less she was better. I just had to make sure she was one if the first fetched in of an evening for a while but that got better too.

 

[Doublethyme]

I had to let my old girl go this summer, one of my major stresses had been how my other 11 year old mare would cope as she had been with my old girl mostly just the two of them in a field since she was 18 months old. I dreaded her reaction as they were incredibly close and she can be very reactive and sensitive.
I had my old girl injected and the vet strongly recommended letting her field mate have time loose with her. It broke my heart to see her, initially she was more interested in the bowl of forbidden food next to my old girl and seemed calm and fine, so we led her back to the main yard and the other horses. She flipped out and galloped back 😭 to the body, again seemed calm so we left her a bit longer and took her back to the yard. She did it again and broke free back to my old girl. It was heart wrenching but she suddenly seemed to calm, drop her head and really looked at the body. She then let us take her away and was relatively calm. In the evening she went out in her normal field and luckily my friend had agreed to move her calm gelding in with her. She spent the evening standing in the corner looking towards the barn where the body had been calling even with all the other horses out in the field around her.
However next day she was calm and happy and to be honest has completely amazed me in how she's coped. 2.5 months down the line and she's happy to be in the field on her own or with her new field mate and actually is calmer than she has ever been. I definitely feel letting her have time with the body was massively important even though it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
Although I also think having a new companion who she already knew really helped.

 

[Cocorules]

I have had two put down. One was mum and daughter was in stable next door. Daughter didn't witness it but was shown the body. Mum and daughter were very close and daughter was 13 years old at the time and except for weaning had always lived together. Daughter was in a field on her own for a while with horses next door. Eventually she shared with another mare but they were very far from good friends. Eventually I got a second that she hated for months and then one day almost overnight she changed her mind and they became best friends.

Many years later it was daughter who was put down and the best friend was in the same field. This was by injection and best friend came very close while it was happening. I wish I hadn't allowed that. I was more concerned about the one being put down and thought she would be upset at not having her friend with her. Actually I am not sure it helped her and it wasn't in the friend's best interests. The friend did at least know she had gone as did the other pony who shared the field and various field neighbours.

The best friend was upset. The other pony didn't seem nearly as concerned. It was when mum was put down that daughter was really upset. She was turned out the next day and galloped around screaming. It was heart breaking, but I wouldn't have done it differently with her.

 

[Sandstone1]

I think it's unfair to keep a horse alone. I know its difficult at livery but in a ideal world I would gradually introduce new friend either a companion or another livery who can be next door if not in with him. I would let your horse see the body. Some horses really do grieve in afraid.

 

[meleeka]

Definitely let him see the body. The first time I had to have it done I didn’t and it was awful for a couple of weeks. I think they cope better when they know what’s happened.

 

[dogatemysalad]

My mare had to be PTS in the field recently. The herd stayed with her the whole time and remained with her for 3 hours after until the wagon arrived to remove her. It was so lovely to see how much they loved her.
My gelding had been euthanized 2 years previously, he was her rock and she was never the same after he died.

 

[AnShanDan]

I had 2 mares kept together for several years who were inseparable. My own mare (the younger) was taken away for hacks etc. but the elder was retired.

The elder became poorly last Nov/Dec and despite lots of vet attention she was pts one evening by emergency vet. When we took her out of the stable for this to happen my mare was fussing and neighing as usual. After it was done we took her round to see her friend's body. She sniffed and looked. We took her back and put her in a stable between 2 others. She ate her hay. Normally she'd have been hysterical but she 100% knew her friend had gone. Next morning she went out with 2 others (that she knew and had been turned out with before, but not recently), she was totally fine, but I wouldn't have turned her out alone.

 

[Milliechaz]

I personally would never let them witness it being done but I would always let them say their goodbyes to the body afterwards.Without a shadow of doubt it helps them to understand they have gone and they don't fret and worry about where they are. Mine had to say goodbye to their friend this summer and although they were devastated and visually sad and depressed for a good week afterwards they didn't shout for her as they usually would because they understood she had gone.

 

[Honey08]

So sorry youre at this point OP, but its a very well timed thread for me as one of mine may need to be pts soon and my two horses have been together at home for 12 years. We actually took on three liveries this year, so he won't be alone, but they don't turn out often and I like mine out every day, so its a bit of a worry. Plus Ive never had to worry about liveries bringing their horses in while mine are still out, as theyve always been in a pair, but obviously now I will have to make sure he's not left out alone.