Horse Sale Phrases Translated. (Stolen off FB)

C

Chinchilla

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Prefers living out........and if stabled will kick down walls.

Forward going.....aye, like a bloody rocket.

Easy to catch....once exhausted from being chased round field.

Bombproof.....a figment of the horse buyers wishful dreams.

Easy to box....refuses to exit box

Happy hacker....wont go faster than a walk.

Three lovely paces.....and a trot that will dislocate your spine.

Good for farrier....loses shoes weekly.

Likes to jump....over paddock fences.

Good doer....disgustingly fat.

Needing TLC .... Knacker yard reject.

Beautiful mover....you can admire as you try to catch them.

Very friendly....will mug you for food.

Lightly backed......barely halter broken.

Older, quiet horse.....check for a pulse.

Young, project horse....spoilt teenager who naps and flounces.

Active personality ......insane.

Stocky build..... Impossible to find a saddle that fits.

Show quality..... Thanks to Photoshop.

Dope on a rope....sedated for sale or will ONLY hack nose to tail.

Good lead rein pony....don't ever, ever let go.

Cheeky personality.... Will "playfully" try to trample you in field.

High spirited...Jumps at shadows and treats every ride like the Grand National.

Can be shy of farrier.... Requires three strong men, sedation and full sack of carrots.

Needs confident rider.....professional jockey or cowboy preferred.

Laid back personality....bone lazy.
 
Horse searching at the moment and these are pretty spot on! :p a few of my own...

Seen hounds... once, three miles away from in a stable, which it then jumped out of

Always in top ten after dressage... then records show it’s eliminated first fence SJing

Good to hack in company... if your company is a string of racehorses
 
Not novice ride- Put its last 3 riders in hospital.
Bargain- I'll practically pay you to take it away.
Horses like this don't come along very often- Thank *** for that.
 
I love these!

‘Readvertised due to timewaster’ .... failed the vetting;
‘The whole family can ride him’ .... preferably at the same time;
‘Never sick or sorry’ ... bl**dy full of himself;
‘Dressage potential’ .... won’t jump a twig;
‘Potential jumping horse’ .... head carriage that makes a giraffe look overbent;
‘Quirky’ ..... dangerous;
‘First to see will buy’ .... priced at the unsuspecting novice market
 
Slowly produced and allowed to mature.....we got as far as backing it before deciding we were terrified of it 3 rides in and have been clicker training it from the ground ever since.
 
Sold from the field..... has been turned away cos it's lame
Lightly competed..... it's been lame
Back in work having had a foal.... it's been lame
suitable for light hacking......its lame
competed by a professional but looking for a quieter life...it's lame
 
"Very flashy"... shame it's mental
"Gets on with a job"... must be mounted by flying leap as won't stand for love nor money
"Funny personality"...we think it's just hilarious to watch potential buyers get double-barrelled across the yard
"What you see is what you get"...and what you get is horrendous
 
Oooh, he's never done that before!" - I hoped he would not do that today.


Oooh, I've never noticed that before!" - I hoped you'd not notice that.


"The vet said it wasn't a sarcoid when we bought him." - We didn't notice that when we bought him/ he didn't have that when we bought him.


"Would you like to ride him first?" - He's for sale because I poo my pants at the thought of riding him.
 
"Confidence giver" - won't move without a cattle prod
"Never sick or sorry" - we never get the vet for any reason
"Great potential" or "ready to affiliate" - a nightmare at competitions so we don't dare create a record
 
'Sensitive horse' - it's permanently on the edge and a slight shift of balance will see it go into orbit. You can test this by looking for a fixed smile on the face of the seller once you're on it.

'looking for a quiet, sensitive rider' - as above, do not move a muscle once you're on, unless you're wearing a padded spacesuit.

'Looking for a competitive home where he can go on to achieve his potential' - you must be a pro rider because you're coming off if you're not.

'Never been known to/never seen to <buck, rear, bolt, turn itself inside out, refuse to load, attack unwary passersby minding their own business>' - you can pretty much guarantee it does those things but the owner had their eyes shut at the time.

'Eyecatching movement' - mad, does pirouettes when asked to walk forward.
 
&#8216;Current owner over-horsed&#8217; ... current owner on first name terms with all members of the emergency services;
&#8216;Mother&#8217;s dream&#8217; ... the Freddie Kruger of horses;
&#8216;Lead rein pony&#8217; ... needs a big adult to anchor it to the ground;
&#8216;Rosette machine&#8217; ... just hang on tight and hope you don&#8217;t die;
&#8216;Lovely stable manners&#8217; ... the problem comes when you&#8217;re in the saddle;
&#8216;Lovely manners under saddle&#8217; .... never take your eye off it on the ground - been known to eat a child.
 
Home bred.........our mare was knackered and we didn't know what to do with her
Suitable first horse for a teenager.........is used to being galloped on every blade of grass in the county
Allrounder.........useless at everything
14.2 pony..........is either 14hh or 15hh
Broken late........lived half way up a mountain and we couldn't catch it
Good to do in all ways...........a nightmare to ride
 
Good to load....shoots off again before you can get the breech bar up
Travels well....once you can get the b***** on the lorry
Will stand all day.....needs a rocket up its bum to get it to move
Has lots of presence....you are going to die if you take it into the show ring in hand
 
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