Horses and babies/children.

[Chestnut mare]

Horses and babies.

I have a 3 year old and 7 week old baby.

When my 3 year old was a baby he was guaranteed to fall asleep in the car and sleep for hours so 99% of the time I could whizz round doing my horse whilst he snores in the car parked on the yard so I could keep an eye on him!

Even now at the yard he’ll either fall asleep on the way and I’ll leave him in the car or he’s happy playing with scooters/bikes/bubbles/wheelbarrows etc that are up the yard.

This new little man is completely different, is very clingy and will not sleep in the car even though I leave for the yard when he’s ready for a sleep.

I’m having to do all chores with him in a stretch wrap!

Sadly the livery who I was sharing duties with horse was pts last week so I’m having to go up twice daily and the weather is horrendous!

I’m really struggling....

Living out isn’t an option at this yard, I deep litter stable, do all haynets at weekend when hubby is home, I have a sharer that comes up 2 mornings a week.

Any one else in this situation? Any tips to make my life easier? I hate doing horses at the moment, really dread it!

Sharer has offered to do more but she’ll have to turn out/bring in early/late which means all other horses won’t be out yet/already in and my pony hates being on her own. She’s 24 this year so selling/moving isn’t really an option.

 

[AFB]

Do you have the option of paying someone for services? That would take the burden off, albeit if only for a short time to see you through the clingy phase or winter, whichever ends sooner!

 

[Chestnut mare]

Not at the moment unfortunately as surviving on statutory maternity pay.

 

[mairiwick]

Sharer has offered to do more but she’ll have to turn out/bring in early/late which means all other horses won’t be out yet/already in and my pony hates being on her own. She’s 24 this year so selling/moving isn’t really an option.

Could your sharer turn out one of the other liveries horses to keep your pony company? Would said livery then be open to helping in return with bring ins - or vice versa?

EDITED as I can't spell...

 

[Antw23uk]

Sell it or give it away (I would get rid of both personally) and buy a 2nd horse. Go back to a lovely life of luxury and horses

 

[stencilface]

A 7 week old will change so quickly, hang in there! Does the 3yo go to preschool or anything?

My only advice is the winter won't last forever and you will get through. Use the wrap, or maybe get a pushchair and persevere with that to get the nap. It's hard I know, I bet he goes to sleep on the way home doesn't he? I can't be bothered with stables anymore so mine is feral. As my sister stables hers she slings food at mine so basically I don't go down during the week. I feel guilty but not that guilty!

 

[pippixox]

my now 16 month old has never been a great napper. I would occasionally get a brief power nap out of him, but not long enough to get everything done! so I got used to mucking out with him in a sling! then as he got bigger he went in a buggy (I have good horses who I can lead with the buggy) now he crawls around and I distract him with snacks.

the only things I found helped was using the sling so at least he was not crying and he would sometimes sleep. and basically letting my standards drop! if you have got the basics done, as quickly as possible, that will be fine. I would keep turn outs on to save time (as long as you adjust them and take them off for a breather sometimes). just think of anything that saves even 5 minutes.

winter won't last forever. I have an impatient 16 month old and 3 horses on DIY! I keep them out as much as possible but the weather has been terrible so they are mostly in at night now. it also probably feels worse as it is such early days. I barely remember the first 3 months! and I only have 1.

 

[Nudibranch]

I can only offer sympathy but no practical help really - mine isn't a good napper at all but was a summer baby and the horses live out 24/7 at home. Even now at 18 months my riding is restricted to a couple of times a week and I couldn't have dealt with a stabled horse in the winter! Things change all the time so it won't last...I realistically don't think I'll get much more riding done until he's at school!

 

[Flyermc]

could you double up with another livery or get you OH to help?

i was in the same position in sept/october, hubby and other liveries helped me out. Unfortunately my amazing pony was PTS on the 30th Oct due to a field injury that took an awful turn for the worst

dont be hard on yourself, im sure your doing a great job!

 

[Limbo1]

Could u move somewhere with more turnout? As the kids get bigger they will be less likly to fit in with x2 a day visits. My second baby was a non sleeping feeding every 2 hr monster. He still at 8 can't entertain himself but at least he rides! The other thing is horses get used to going out on own. They usually create for a bit but settle down so try letting ur share do more. As everyone else said winter will end one day. My mantra when kids were small was 'this too will pass' I used to receit it under my breath. Must be a quote but not sure grom where.

 

[Lintel]

Sell it or give it away (I would get rid of both personally) and buy a 2nd horse. Go back to a lovely life of luxury and horses

Haha. Great idea... Shame about the realism

 

[AmyMay]

Won't your partner help?

 

[chestnut cob]

You have my sympathy but no real constructive advice from me. I have the ultimate velcro baby and ended up selling my horse as I just couldn't make it work. I don't regret it or miss it in the slightest as I was starting to resent both of them a little and feeling torn.

Is it possible to move somewhere with grass livery, leave horse to be feral and then see how things are in the spring?

FWIW, my husband would absolutely not have helped with my horse. It was my thing so I had to make it work, or not.

 

[Butterbear]

When my youngest was very small I used to get up really early and go and do horses before she and OH woke up. Occasionally she would wake and he'd have to do a brief bit of parenting before I returned but not usually for very long. Since I've been on my own they have exclusively lived out until a recent stint of box rest x2. I have just made the decision to return to DIY now my children are older plus I really need the facilities as ponies are getting older. Perhaps you could do the early get up thing and turn out another horse with yours and get all stable duties done so someone else only has to bring in yours in the afternoon? Or try finding a nice grass/retirement livery somewhere nearby?

 

[Pearlsasinger]

You have my sympathy but no real constructive advice from me. I have the ultimate velcro baby and ended up selling my horse as I just couldn't make it work. I don't regret it or miss it in the slightest as I was starting to resent both of them a little and feeling torn.

Is it possible to move somewhere with grass livery, leave horse to be feral and then see how things are in the spring?

FWIW, my husband would absolutely not have helped with my horse. It was my thing so I had to make it work, or not.

Surely husband would have looked after the baby, presumably that was 'his thing'.

 

[GemG]

Oh I feel for you... been there... but I have a very helpful husband (with horses and children) but both children refused bottles when babies so had to be 'me on demand' .. which doesn't help.

It's a case of trying to reduce work, common sense I suppose. Your prob doing what you can just now. Even though my kids are older chores take ages as have to keep them under control. Hardest bit is turning out/bringing in (most dangerous) when you have little people.

You need help (OH/relative/babysitter/with horses) have you any friends you can drop yours at while you do horses then you return favour. You could operate a token type 'currency' of childminding vouchers which you can spend in your circle of friends (that have kids)... ?

Hardest thing I've ever done (horses + children at same time!)

 

[AmyMay]

Surely husband would have looked after the baby, presumably that was 'his thing'.

You'd have thought, eh?

 

[Chestnut mare]

He leave for work at 5am and doesn’t get back until 6pm so I literally am on my own all day!

 

[Chestnut mare]

Yes, he’s really good at the weekend but works Monday to Friday leaves fine 5am and gets back 6pm! Weekends when he’s home I do a proper muck out, fill a weeks worth of haynets, do the poo picking etc.

 

[Tess Love]

I think most horses adapt to going out alone early and you perhaps need to let it/ make it work and take the help from your sharer. Spring will be here soon and your baby's routine will improve I'm sure. Sounds like you're doing an amazing job good luck hope it all works out for you.

 

[stencilface]

Yes, he’s really good at the weekend but works Monday to Friday leaves fine 5am and gets back 6pm! Weekends when he’s home I do a proper muck out, fill a weeks worth of haynets, do the poo picking etc.

Mines not quite as hard-working but totally understand that. It's fine once they're less dependant but hard at the start, esp with 2. You're only a few weeks/months from it being much easier

 

[Chestnut mare]

The 3 year old starts pre school next week so least I will be back to 1. No baby doesn’t even fall asleep in the way home, he sleeps in the wrap then when I put him back in his car seat he’s back awake again!

 

[Ben2684]

Sell it or give it away (I would get rid of both personally) and buy a 2nd horse. Go back to a lovely life of luxury and horses

This made me lol... not sure that’s what the OP meant though

 

[Ben2684]

Is there anyone at the yard you can do jobs for say in the morning and then they do the evening for you?

Worth a shot? Some people would love a lay in in return for bringing in PM-works well with a few at my yard. For example I bring someone’s horse in in the evenings to save her coming up (she has a young baby) and she does all my poo picking for me in the mornings when her husband has the baby!

 

[chestnut cob]

Surely husband would have looked after the baby, presumably that was 'his thing'.

Baby could not be left. She's the ultimate velcro baby and only now at nearly 10 months am I able to go out for a couple of hours without her. She's BF on demand and doesn't take a bottle so life has to revolve around her. We tried her staying with him and me going to the yard. She just screamed the entire time and I wasn't prepared to put her through that. I also tried loaning him out and had to remove him from them after three months in welfare grounds, so was going through that again.

Also I'm going back to work full time and childcare is expensive. I couldn't justify keeping a horse as well. Plus when I'm away from my daughter all day (and some nights, as I sometimes have to travel), I have no desire to spend several evenings and half of my weekend doing horse stuff when I could be with her.

 

[chestnut cob]

You'd have thought, eh?

There's no need for snarky comments.
Do you have children? Have you ever tried to leave an exclusively, on demand breastfed baby who won't take a bottle with someone who isn't mum? You can't reason with a baby and ask them to wait two hours until mummy comes home. We tried baby staying with dad. She wanted me for a feed (regardless of how well we thought we'd timed it) and cried herself to sleep every time.
I also wasn't prepared to spend the money every month to keep a horse when I'm on maternity leave.

So yes, the baby IS my husband's "thing". And as she gets older, it's getting easier for me to go out do things. But the commitment of a horse was far too much for me once we had a young baby. He's now living with someone who adores him, he has a great home for life, out competing, hacking, everything I didn't have time for. And I don't miss it one bit!

 

[stencilface]

CC you answered those posts far better than I could!

 

[chestnut cob]

CC you answered those posts far better than I could!

Well it just annoyed me. There's often an assumption on HHO that you should do everything in your power to keep the horse, whatever the circumstances even if it means wearing yourself out, having no money and palming off your child on other people. No one likes to admit that they actually prefer their baby to their horse. I refused to run myself ragged trying to school the horse once a week at best when I could sell him to someone who actually had time for him. It was unfair of me to leave an 11yo horse who loves to work, to languish in a field for 13 days out of 14. He's far happier with his new situation and his new owner adores him.

 

[cobgoblin]

There's no need for snarky comments.
Do you have children? Have you ever tried to leave an exclusively, on demand breastfed baby who won't take a bottle with someone who isn't mum? You can't reason with a baby and ask them to wait two hours until mummy comes home. We tried baby staying with dad. She wanted me for a feed (regardless of how well we thought we'd timed it) and cried herself to sleep every time.
I also wasn't prepared to spend the money every month to keep a horse when I'm on maternity leave.

So yes, the baby IS my husband's "thing". And as she gets older, it's getting easier for me to go out do things. But the commitment of a horse was far too much for me once we had a young baby. He's now living with someone who adores him, he has a great home for life, out competing, hacking, everything I didn't have time for. And I don't miss it one bit!

You sound angry and resentful about everything.

 

[Farma]

Well it just annoyed me. There's often an assumption on HHO that you should do everything in your power to keep the horse, whatever the circumstances even if it means wearing yourself out, having no money and palming off your child on other people. No one likes to admit that they actually prefer their baby to their horse. I refused to run myself ragged trying to school the horse once a week at best when I could sell him to someone who actually had time for him. It was unfair of me to leave an 11yo horse who loves to work, to languish in a field for 13 days out of 14. He's far happier with his new situation and his new owner adores him.

I think the whole horse and child thing is a contentious issue for many people on here. I have worked hard to keep my horses going and keep riding since having mine but its hard and I am often caught between feeling guilty that I am either neglecting one or t'other.
I have finally conceded that I will have to sell one of my horses to lighten the load but its been a long road to get to that decision because I will find it so hard to part with any of them. I very much admire mums that appear to do it all as its easy to lose yourself in motherhood!