Horses and Family?

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Sophskies

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Hi, I was wondering if anyone could help! I'm 28 and would like to start a family with my Husband. He's very supportive and says when the baby arrives he is more than happy to look after her/him whilst I ride and can bring it up the stables etc to watch while I compete as he does quite enjoy coming up to the yard even if he doesn't ride himself. I'm worried about having enough time though and wonder how realistic this is? I work full time mon - fri normal office hours and my horse is currently on 5 day livery so the stable chores are only my responsibility on saturday and sunday, however, I ride around 5 times a week sometimes more. Does anyone else have a horse and a young family? I'm also worried that as my horse is 10 at the moment I will be wasting her peak years to compete after I've put years of hard work into her schooling and jumping when she was a youngster. I do want kids, but I don't want to resent them because I can't do what I want to do after they arrive. Any experience or advice would be gratefully received!
 
I'd be interested to hear what people say about this (there have been a few threads on it recently which have been interesting). BF and I are talking about starting a family next year. We're both 33, I'll be 34 at the end of the year so don't want to leave it much longer before starting to try. Obviously I might fall pregnant immediately, or it could take a couple of years. However, I've finally got things going how I want with my horse, planning our first BE90 in the summer and instructor tells me we should be BE100 by the end of next season, so I want to be able to carry on doing horsey stuff. However, I'm sure once I have a child I'll wonder why I ever wanted to put the horse stuff first!
 
I totally understand what you mean, mine has just started going beautifully too after years of hard work but I also want to explore all the different things in life having a family will bring. My other worry is, what happens if, like you said, you have your child and your priorities change and the horses aren't important any more - I have a responsibility to my horse to look after her until she dies in my mind - I've had her since she was 2 and I feel like her guardian. I suppose there are always loans but she would have to stay at her current yard as I don't trust anyone enough! She was there first after all!
 
If you have a supportive OH or family members around to help you should be fine! Although my hubbie is totally non horsey, he would happily do the child care so I could ride and have horse time. He would come home from work, I would hand baby over, then off to do the horses. Again as long he was at home at weekends I carried on competing.

It also does depend on the baby though - I was very lucky as had an easy pregnancy and birth, and the baby was born in July so by the time winter came, was sleeping through the nights and life was generally easier. My son was also a very placid baby and would sleep in his pram whilst I was on the yard, though once they start moving it is easier to leave the baby at home!

Your horse is 10yrs old and established, and although you may find your hours in the saddle may well lessen for a while if and when the baby is born, she will be there for you to pick up as and when you can.

The other thing to factor in is whether you will continue working - if so it may help to have the horse on full livery if finances will stretch, so that all your time is spent riding rather than chores. I went back to work part time, so couldn't comment if it is possible to have a newborn, plus full time job, plus horse....

I was also lucky to afford the baby going to nursery for for 2 mornings a week - a god send in winter when I couldn't ride in the evenings.

Now my 'baby' is 12 yrs old he has a horse of his own and it is so lovely going off and doing horsey things together - we are even going on a 2 day riding camp this summer, where no doubt he will show me up!!!! I do not compete as much anymore, but that is more as I no longer have the inclination, than childcare issues.




Good luck!
 
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Oh wow that's really lovely, thank you for that it has made me feel much more positive :) Lovely for you to have a horsey child too, have great time at camp - how wonderful :)
 
I felt pretty much the same as you OP. I wanted a family, work and my horses, was not sure how it would all fit in. It can be done, You just have be very organised, take the offer of friends and family to have baby whilst you grab an hours riding. Do not feel guilty about having your "me " time. I found it exhausting at times but its worth it. My daughter is 21 now and all those hectic days seem a blur now :)
 
I'd hope that with a supportive partner it would work, even if it's a bit painful for a while. My BF said to me the other day that he hopes we'd manage to work things out so we'd both have time for our respective hobbies too, even if we did less of them for a while. So that's promising. Though he made me promise only one horse at a time... either I have one or the child does... spoil sport! ;)
 
It's great to see so many positive comments about managing to have it all :) I'm feeling much more positive now so thank you all.

Chestnut Cob The only response to your BF is to get a bigger house with land so you can keep two horses at home for the price of one at a yard ;o) I'm going to be working on that one for a while though I think!
 
i to am 34 and considering having a baby but wondering how it would affect my horses, my lad is young so could turn him away for a year (hes 4) other one is 27 and retired and then have my mare whom i could loan out. so thinking now is maybe the best time before i put a lot of work into my lad (he is my main Horse)

my partner is supportive so that helps :) he would have baby whilst i ride.

its nice to know it can be done x
 
Babies are only babies for such a short time as well. With a supportive OH (or mother-in-law in my case) it can work fine. My son is now 13 and my stepson 19 anf both have now sadly given up riding but my proudest photo is of the three of us out hacking together.
 
This is such an interesting thread...I am 30 (as is hubby) and we got married last year, one of our wedding presents was a foal (he wasn't horsy before we met - is now!) and I am trying to work out when a "good time" would be to fit a baby in. My ridden exmoor is 11 and we are doing really well just now so I am loathe to have to stop riding her as we seem to be getting somewhere and we are aiming at some Hoys qualifiers etc for experience this year then maybe in earnest next year. Hubby and I both work full time although I am the main breadwinner so I could see me needing to go back to work full time after a baby arrives. I can't see how I would fit my horses and my job and a baby into my life - it's manic enough as it is!! It's lovely to hear stories when things go well but I don't think I am particularly maternal (human babies don't make me go all gooey the way foals do!!) and worry that I would be the worst mum ever by constantly giving my baby to other people to look after so I could go and see my horses after having left it all day with someone whilst I was working!!! :(
 
I have a 10 year old son. If I had my time over I wouldn`t have children. But it is a very personal choice lol

Now my son is a lot more independent things are easier, but juggling everything when he was younger was a nightmare, and I wouldn`t do it again, ever.

It can be done, and being organised makes a huge difference, and i`m not trying to tiddle on anyones bonfire, but it is hard work ...... rewarding, but hard work :)
 
DCJACE said:
I have a 10 year old son. If I had my time over I wouldn`t have children. But it is a very personal choice lol

Now my son is a lot more independent things are easier, but juggling everything when he was younger was a nightmare, and I wouldn`t do it again, ever.

It can be done, and being organised makes a huge difference, and i`m not trying to tiddle on anyones bonfire, but it is hard work ...... rewarding, but hard work :)
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Thank you for being honest!!
 
exmoorponyprincess1 said:
Thank you for being honest!!
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No problem, I have a couple of friends with horses and 1/2/3 children and they seem to spend their lives exhausted. I have just about got the work/home/horse life balance right (my horses are my world and my everything), but I have an extremely understanding husband. I feel awful, but I regularly find myself wishing my sons life away (for him to be older, and want to be off with his friends etc) so I can have my life back, and my life not revolve around school etc.

I have friends tell me i should enjoy these years, but I don`t enjoy the tantrums, hissy fits, and growing pains that all children go through (myself included in that lol .... i`m sure I was a brat too growing up). I know our relationship will come into it`s own as he gets older, i`m already finding conversation is better with him now, and we have things we can talk about .... i`m really not good with kids lol

I know lots of mums who revel in being in it up to the eyeballs, who are rushed off their feet 28 hours a day, who seem to run non stop on adrenalin and lack of sleep, but who wouldn`t have it any other way.

I think you just need to sit down and all be truly honest with yourselves, and what you REALLY want out of life ... as once they`re here, there is no returns address ;)
 
I think it's a very personal thing and you won't really know how you feel about it until you do it.

I have given up work to stay at home with MiniBoo and do a lot less with the horses as she takes up most of my time. For me it would not be my choice to work 9-5 and then spend the evenings with the horse as I'd never see my child and OH, however this is not a criticism of what other people chose to do. I don't think you can really know how you will feel about it until you do it.
 
I'm a little bit older than you OP, husband same age as me. We talked about having kids but decided against it. While my husband is very supportive he also has his own interests and is as busy as I am. We both work full time and have a commute of around 2.5 to 3 hours round trip, this wouldn't change if we had kids. We struggle to fit everything in as it is and as the above poster says, I would want to spend time with my child in the evenings if I had one,

We decided that we didn't want a child enough to give up our other interests.
 
It is possible especially with a supportive OH. When I had my son I had three horses at home so took the baby out the stables with me in his pram and rode on weekends only whilst my husband looked after the baby. I also had a huge support from my sisters, mum and MIL who all helped muck out, walk the dogs and look after the baby. If you have more people around you willing to help accept it and don't feel you have to do everything yourself. My sisters learned to love walking my dogs and usually took the baby with them as well whilst rode or slept, whichever I needed most.
 
I think there's never a "good time" to have a baby, especially with horses. Even though planned, I still cried when I saw the pee stick because it meant it would interfere with riding and competing! I rode up until 7 months though, and I had planned to get back in the saddle within days of having the baby but of course, that didnt happen (emergency c-section) so was 6 weeks later before I was. But technically that was only about 3 months off a horse (felt like forever!). Then my mum looked after my son whenever I rode as my OH was always working long hours so I couldnt ask him to. It really depends where and how you keep your horse as to how easy it is. I have horses in 2 places - at my mums (she watches son) and I have two at my own house which is very handy as I just go and work with them once I put my son to bed (6.30pm). All mine are kept out 24/7 which is so much easier to keep chores to a minimum. It also depends on how easy your child turns out to be - if a good sleeper, you could leave them in a buggy while you ride. The "fun" happens later, my son is very active (nearly 2) so I cant leave him in a buggy while I ride as he goes bananas but some kids will just sit with an ipad or something! I dont know how that would work if I had horses on livery... and would hate to think how to work it if I had another one (hence I won't!).

The fun bit is sticking them onto tiny ponies (mine was on as soon as he could sit up!)!
 
I have 5 horses , 2 kids (5 and 2) and a job and a great husband and work evenings... It's tough and I don't get any days off but I love my life and wouldn't be happy without my ponios
 
I have a 22 month old and a pony. For me it wasn't financially possible, or feasible in terms of time, to have him on diy when I was heavily pregnant and baby was tiny (I had a c section, followed by a tough time with feeding, and a rather fussy baby - you just don't know what sort you'll get).

So my pony went on loan - there was no way I would sell him - and I was lucky that my loan arrangements meant I could ride him occasionally.

I now work full time and my little girl is in full time nursery, and pony came back from loan and onto assisted diy 3 weeks ago.

I'm lucky in that I work from home and have flexible hours, so can do pony (and ride) while my daughter is in nursery, plus the yard is very child friendly and my oh very supportive so we often spend a few hours there as a family which is lovely. My little girl adores the pony and insists on 'riding' which is adorable.

It is all a juggling act and to be honest without flexible working hours I'd struggle. Also, don't underestimate the cost of childcare. But, it's 100 million per cent worth it to have a little person :D there's never a good time - you just have to accept you'll be a) skint and b) juggling things andI c) ffeeling guilty whatever you do for a while!
 
Not much fun as a single mum! Family not very forward with their support, so barely get to ride during school hols :/
Wouldn't be without either of my boys though!
 
Im currently 25 weeks pregnant (due on the 5th Aug) and im still riding and will do, until i feel its the right time to stop. Im still working full time and looking after 2 horses. im very lucky that ive not have any MS or lack of energy etc and only a small bump. I intend to ride again as soon as im able and will be back out hunting next season at least once a month. Me and hubby have talked about yard/riding time and while im on mat leave, its very easy as hubby works 2pm-10pm so im able to ride first thing and still have family time before he goes to work, Hubby is also a very outside person and we are hoping to be able to get out together aswell, with him pushing the baby and me riding on afew hacks.

Hubby has his interests aswell and plans to be able to run regularly in the morning when i got back to work with the buggy, then drop the baby at nursey and ill pick her up after work. The horses are on DIY, so ill got before work when i go back, so ill have time after work with the baby.

I dont think it will be easy, but the good things in life arent!
 
When I fell pregnant with my first son, two of my mares were also in foal, so the following year there were 3 babies!! It was a rather hectic time. I was lucky and rode up to 32 wks, no stitches following a ventouse delivery and was back riding 7 days after having him. I gave up full time work to be a mummy. William was happy to be stuck in the pram and ridden round in the field. My hubby was very supportive and I had "me" time at the weekends to ride (I breastfed too, so would stuff him full and then escape quickly!). It was difficult at times, particularly as I had ponies in four different places.

I was also determined that I wasn't going to let being a mum stop me from doing other things so 6 weeks after William was born I entered a dressage test, not having done one for years. It gave me a focus. When he was 11 months old I went to work in our local food store in the evenings so childcare wasn't an issue. It meant that I could still pay for my ponies. When pregnant with son number 2 I stopped riding at 28 weeks as I got uncomfortable in the saddle. I also sold the 2 foals that were now lovely 2yo's as I couldn't keep them all and give them the time they deserved.

It is a balancing act and you do need the support of the other half. When they start pre-school and school it does give you more time during the day to ride etc. It is hard at times, I used to feel guilty that I wasn't riding my pony and then when I was I felt guilty that I wasn't with my family. I still managed to go to shows and hubby has been fab. My eldest son has always loved the ponies and his first word was "Benji". I got him a pony on loan when he was 4 and we purchased a replacement last August. He loves showing too and we go out riding together at the weekends.

Would I change anything? No. Having children has enriched my life and I love sharing my passion with them.
 
Some lovely stories here. So the general consensus is it can be done but will mean sacrifices - I will be skint, tired, constantly rushing around and feeling guilty, however, it seems like it's all worth it in the end. I must admit if I do not have a horsey baby I will be disappointed - I would absolutely love to be able to do all the small pony stuff - fab! Thank you all for your honesty and advice x
 
I have two children and work full time. When my first was born, he went into nursery at 7am and I went to chuck my horse out in the field before work at 8am. I finished work at 4pm and went straight to the yard to muck out, etc and picked him up from nursery at 5.30pm. It was a long day for him at nursery but he loved it and I made sure that tea was cooked in slow cooker or made the night before so that we could spend as much time together as possible before his bed time. When they are babies I think it is easier. At weekends I would go down when he was ready for a nap and then leave him in the car right next to school and stables and ride where I could watch him. As they get to about 2 they don't want to sit in the pushchair but if you've got a supportive husband then I don't see it being a problem. Mine isn't particularly supportive (don't tell him I said that) - he hates horses and is a builder so works really long hours but I have managed to keep my horse. It is hard work but so is everything that is enjoyable.
 
Sophskies said:
Some lovely stories here. So the general consensus is it can be done but will mean sacrifices - I will be skint, tired, constantly rushing around and feeling guilty, however, it seems like it's all worth it in the end. I must admit if I do not have a horsey baby I will be disappointed - I would absolutely love to be able to do all the small pony stuff - fab! Thank you all for your honesty and advice x
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I thought that as well and put my son on a pony at about 3 months old! He loved it and at the age of about 18 months would 'ride' my elderly mare in from the field bare back and holding onto her mane. At the age of three he didn't want to sit on the horses any more and has never shown any interest since, he is 16 this year. I was disappointed but it can't be forced and I keep saying he may change his mind in the future but highly unlikely.
 
It can be done but your life will change in lots of ways! My little boy is now 4 but when I fell pregnant (quicker than anticipated) by TB was 8 and I was getting ready to do BE. I have a very busy F/T job and occasionally need to work away.

I did ride until I was about 6 months and the bump got in the way and then had a friend have a bit of fun with him. I changed my horse's lifestyle for a couple of years and he was kept at a friend's house and lived out - which he loved. I still competed, though unaffiliated round BE tracks where I could find them and the odd event on a ticket - mainly due to finances - full time nursery is not cheap! My routine was hectic but my friend used to feed in the morning. I would pick Jacob up from nursery and head down the stables where he enjoyed poo picking, mixing feeds etc and then I would take him to my mum who lived very close to the field. She'd have him while I schooled or hacked for 45 mins or so. Then home for dinner!

Now my boy is four life has moved on. My horse is in full livery and the YO has a little boy around my son's age so sometimes he goes to play and other times stays at home with Dad. My son is pony mad and we bought him a pony a couple of years ago and I actually think he goes out competing with her more than I do with mine sometimes - most weekends are horsey for one/other/both of us.

I'm back out eventing in a couple of weeks and I manage to fit in lessons and competing too - but it is probably not to the same extent as I would without child. I've just got a fab sharer for my horse and that is helping as she rides during the week and will also be competing him SJ too. So there are compromises to be made but it has been worth it for me - and the hour grabbed down at the yard is my saviour - be that on my horse or watching my little boy take his off the lead for the first time


Do it! You know you want to...... :D
 
I have 3 children 1 x 23yo, 1 x 5yo and one nearly 2yo. I worked full time up until no 3 was born and now do 3 days a week. My horses are kept at home which helps. I didn't want children and don't consider my self to be 'Mumsy' but my tribe are all turning out well adjusted nice children/adults. It is a juggling act and in the winter is blimmin hard work. Each stage (baby, toddler, school runs, teens) will have its own trials and tribulations but it is doable. You have to be ruthless and crack on with jobs when you have your 'window' and not dither about. In the early years you may ride less but you will appreciate it so much more. The other thing to remember is that time flies and before you know it they will be at school, out with friends, off to college.

With my eldest we had great fun getting our first pony together and doing shows, gymkhanas, long Sunday hacks taking it in turns to ride the pony/bike. Then later we both had horses. I am hoping mini MM and Micro MM will both be into horses too.

Good luck OP when you start 'trying', I suggest lots of practice !;)
 
Sorry to throw a spanner in the works but I knew a girl who got a youngster, brought her on and they were doing well and then she fell pregnant. Her horse went on loan but once the baby arrived, her priorities changed and she ended up selling her horse. I think it does depend how much support you have and of course everything changes when you have a baby. You might find you may not wish to go back to full time work as you want to be able to spend time with your baby, but can you afford having your horse on part livery, or do DIY to save costs? At the moment I also work full time, have my horse on DIY and don't get home until 8/9pm some evenings. At the moment I'm not ready to have kids because I'm not ready to give up my commitments for them yet. But everyone's different and if I'm honest, I'm not in the least bit maternal and I'm closer to the age of 30 as well!
 
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