Horsey phrases with different meanings to "normal" people

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

I was once moaning about how someone was riding and said that they basically just 'hoiked his head into his chest and kicked him round' and someone walking past to go to the photocopier said 'oh gosh, is 'C 'okay?' C meaning my boyfriend.....

 

[babymare]

This thread has made me smile on a sad day. Thank you HHO XX

 

[Sealine]

This thread is very entertaining

Not really horsey but ..... I was sitting in a room with a dozen or so people waiting for a meeting to start. I decided to make a quick call to my local saddlery to see if they had something I needed in stock. I was after a new numnah, I told the person what size and colour and she came back saying she'd got this colour and this size etc and I kept repeating 'no it's got to be black and extra large'. I suddenly realised everyone was in hysterics and when I realised what they were laughing at I couldn't speak for laughing myself.

 

[Sealine]

Essentially it’s slang for a woman pleasuring herself/being pleasured. I had no idea and that was most definitley not what I was announcing to my colleagues when I was explaining why I wasn’t joining them for a pub lunch!

You learn something every day. I often say to my husband when I go to the farm 'I'm going to play with my pony'. I hope I've never said it in public!

 

[thefarsideofthefield]

All conversations had in public places . There are many , many more !

" I swear I've been to every shop in a 20 mile radius and I just can't get a decent flash " .

" You don't happen to have a 6" wilkie do you ? "

" I only had time for a quick twenty minutes last night but he gave me an absolutely stunning extension " .

" I've done a full clip this time , even the saddle patch has come off " .


" He's quite nervous so I'm taking it slowly . I've lain across him a few times but I haven't actually had my leg over yet . "

" If you want to keep warm in winter you can't beat a decent pair of chaps . "

OH : " Why are you limping ? " .
ME : " I was jumping the young lad in the field .He's up for anything but he's so athletic I got bounced off " .
OH : " Well tell me next time and I'll come and watch you " .

 

[humblepie]

I must admit sometimes I have to double read Facebook posts about babies or three year olds to work out if child or horse................

 

[tallyho!]

"Coloured" really is taboo in the US - thanks to the way Jim Crow laws codified 'coloured' water fountains, schools, etc. - so I still cringe when using that word to describe a horse. I go with paint or pinto, which gets baffled looks from British people.

We definitely need to change that terminology in England to Paint or Pinto or simply piebald or skewbald… so important… coloured is really not of the time anymore. I’ve done it accidentally a few years ago at a clinic and it really wasn’t funny at all… I wasn’t the only one and a few of us changed our language instantly… it’s time for show schedules to change too… ok sorry back in my box!

 

[EarsofaSnowman]

Another thread reminded me of coming home to announce "I can cope with bigger provided its inch by inch". I was of course talking about learning to jump. Although even that could be taken out of context ?

 

[Boots*McGruber]

I was with some non-horsey friends and at the same time on the phone to a horsey friend. She was struggling to get someone to come and help out in a showing class & I said “Don’t worry, I’ll come and help you strip.” Got some funny looks.

 

[st_marks]

I am shopping sight unseen with one to co-own with a friend. Last one we bought together didn't have great hooves so that's a big thing to double check this time. Looked down at my phone the other day and realized I'd just texted her "pls send feet pics."

 

[ycbm]

One for the old timers.

Worrying conversation for the other passengers on a bus "did you see what a mess he made of that coffin? "
.

 

[rabatsa]

As good as falling into the coffin.

 

[lynz88]

Omg these are hilarious. I am guilty of some of these tbh. A good few years ago a horse - whose name is a human one - freaked out and in essence bucked me off though I sat threw a good few before falling off. I was talking to someone about it but all that anyone at work heard was "yeah I couldn't believe it - he actually got me off!" I was working in a group of males that knew I was talking about a horse and falling off but still decided to take it the wrong way. Didn't hear the end of that one.

My horse also has a human name - so many times I've openly said "yeah I rode Jonny on the weekend" and gotten some odd looks.

My whatsapp status also says Jonny with a bunch of hearts. A colleague and I started chatting on whatsapp and I was new to the company. I was heading off and my colleague says out loud "oh are you going to see your bf?" I was confused but used to people joking that I'm 'married' to my horse given his human name and I would do anything for him. I was a bit confused as to how she knew this joke so said "what bf?" Her response was "Jonny?" I laughed and said "that's my horse!!" Everyone on the team laughed and she said "omg. All this time you were talking about Jonny I thought was your bf but is your horse! Now everything makes sense as you revealed a lot of strange details!!" ??

 

[Blanche]

I must admit sometimes I have to double read Facebook posts about babies or three year olds to work out if child or horse................

I have had various similar conversations over the years but this particular one sticks in my mind. In office setting a woman and I get talking and realise we have horses in common. She rode out for a local trainer and had an ex racer from there she took low level eventing. She sold him when she had her child and said she just had a youngster now. I asked her how the youngster was bred, presuming wrongly that that had also come out of training. Turns out she was talking about her child and she was not amused!

 

[abbijay]

The worst I ever (inadvertently) said at work (to an all male group as I work in construction) "I had a brilliant bareback blast with my old man on the field last night". What they thought I had done with the husband was very different to what I had actually done with the horse.
Also once after a day off, "my friend took me to his harness room. It was fabulous."

 

[ArklePig]

I have had various similar conversations over the years but this particular one sticks in my mind. In office setting a woman and I get talking and realise we have horses in common. She rode out for a local trainer and had an ex racer from there she took low level eventing. She sold him when she had her child and said she just had a youngster now. I asked her how the youngster was bred, presuming wrongly that that had also come out of training. Turns out she was talking about her child and she was not amused!

Oh god, not horsey but this reminds me, the other week a colleague was talking about her dog and his recent trip to the vets (dog is a bit of a liability he's always there). Another colleague who has dogs pips up with 'my youngest got hit by a car the other day and broke his leg'. My colleague politely said 'oh that's terrible, I hope he's okay. What kind of dog is that?'. It was his child, and he was also not amused.

 

[thefarsideofthefield]

Just remembered this telephone conversation with my daughter whilst standing in a queue at the supermarket checkout . We were discussing her pony who was staging a protest having been confined to the starvation paddock . My side of the conversation went like this :
" He's absolutely furious , wouldn't even look at me this morning . And he's sh*t in the bath again . "
Pause
" No , I cleaned out the one from yesterday but he did another one last night . "
Pause
" Absolutely it is on purpose ! I cleaned it out again this morning and then while I was getting his breakfast I watched him back up to it , stick his bum over the edge and then sh*t in it again . "
Pause
" I DID ! But he just tries to bite you ! "
Pause
" No , I've just left it in the bath . You can deal with it . "
Pause
" Of course I haven't ! I've given him a bucket of water , and if he wants to sh*t in that too , well , that's up to him . OK . Bye .See you later . "
And then , as I put my phone away , a hand gently touched my arm and I turned to face the woman queuing behind me . She smiled at me knowingly and said softly
" You're doing a grand job pet . I've got elderly relatives too and it's bloody hard work "

 

[SilverLinings]

Just remembered this telephone conversation with my daughter whilst standing in a queue at the supermarket checkout . We were discussing her pony who was staging a protest having been confined to the starvation paddock . My side of the conversation went like this :
" He's absolutely furious , wouldn't even look at me this morning . And he's sh*t in the bath again . "
Pause
" No , I cleaned out the one from yesterday but he did another one last night . "
Pause
" Absolutely it is on purpose ! I cleaned it out again this morning and then while I was getting his breakfast I watched him back up to it , stick his bum over the edge and then sh*t in it again . "
Pause
" I DID ! But he just tries to bite you ! "
Pause
" No , I've just left it in the bath . You can deal with it . "
Pause
" Of course I haven't ! I've just given him a bucket of water instead , and if he wants to sh*t in that too , well , that's up to him . OK . Bye .See you later . "
And then , as I put my phone away , a hand gently touched my arm and I turned to face the woman queuing behind me . She smiled at me knowingly and said
" You're doing a grand job pet . I've got elderly relatives too and it's bloody hard work "

That is hilarious! Please tell us what on earth your reply to her was?!!!

 

[Gloi]

Just remembered this telephone conversation with my daughter whilst standing in a queue at the supermarket checkout . We were discussing her pony who was staging a protest having been confined to the starvation paddock . My side of the conversation went like this :
" He's absolutely furious , wouldn't even look at me this morning . And he's sh*t in the bath again . "
Pause
" No , I cleaned out the one from yesterday but he did another one last night . "
Pause
" Absolutely it is on purpose ! I cleaned it out again this morning and then while I was getting his breakfast I watched him back up to it , stick his bum over the edge and then sh*t in it again . "
Pause
" I DID ! But he just tries to bite you ! "
Pause
" No , I've just left it in the bath . You can deal with it . "
Pause
" Of course I haven't ! I've given him a bucket of water instead , and if he wants to sh*t in that too , well , that's up to him . OK . Bye .See you later . "
And then , as I put my phone away , a hand gently touched my arm and I turned to face the woman queuing behind me . She smiled at me knowingly and said
" You're doing a grand job pet . I've got elderly relatives too and it's bloody hard work "

That's brilliant ?

 

[Lady Jane]

You learn something every day. I often say to my husband when I go to the farm 'I'm going to play with my pony'. I hope I've never said it in public!

I've said it!

 

[Ratface]

You're all ? ? ! Feeling a bit fragile this morning and, having read through your posts (especially the one about pony s***** in the bath), has made me shriek with laughter!

 

[spacefaer]

Never Google "gag bits '

I was engaged when I was 20 to a guy about 10years older than me. We had a party to introduce me to his (older) friends who were a bit dubious about the whole engagement (rightly as it turned out ??)
Talking to one chap about my 3 yr old called Rupert - he asked where he was that evening and I cheerfully replied that I hoped he was still in the field I'd left him in.
His face ???

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

I've just had a conversation on the way back from the gallops that went a little something like this:

The lass who rode this yesterday is banned from sitting on him again. The poor boy is terrified! They have obviously been very handsy with him as he normally so soft and supple but today he was just stiff, solid and wooden through his front end. You need to ride him quietly, coax him into believing he can do it, you can't push him into it.

 

[MurphysMinder]

Never Google "gag bits '

I second this having once googled Black leather gag !

 

[Elno]

Searching German riding method on the internet is an eye-opener

I only got dressage when I googled? ?

 

[Lady Jane]

Not horsey but today out riding I met a guy I recognised from the pub and he had a 4 month old cocker spaniel so of course I stopped for a chat. As I rode off I called back 'hope I meet you soon in the pub for a cuddle'.....I hope he realised I meant the puppy!