How can I deal with this lady?

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l.ark don't give up, people are trying to help, you've said previously you suffer with depression so i'm guessing all these negative comments are getting to you:(

Sometimes the advice you get isn't going to be what you want to hear, especially on this forum!But if you are sure that you can cope with something that needs a bit of work then stick with your decision, go and look at the one the YO has found though just in case, no harm in looking and you might surprise yourself by deciding you like it and want it. ;)
If you don't like it then try and explain to the YO it's not quite what you were looking for, suggest age 6 or 7 as your ideal, they can still need a lot of input at that age but for some reason people don't balk at the age like they do a 4 yr old.
oh and fwiw, my old boss got me a unhandled 4 yr old when i was 17 and with their guidance i broke it in, ;) it was a steep learning curve but i loved it, if it's what you want to do make sure you have experienced help to hand, i certainly couldn't have done it without the help of my boss:)
 
I can see why this forum gets such a bad name, if people are so quick to judge and be rude to people who are just asking for advice, not a judgement.
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No one has been rude to you - or judgmental.

However, throw a teenage tantrum, and you'll get short thrift.
 
amymay said:
Petulance is a most unattractive feature.....:rolleyes:

If you trust this woman, have a sit down and a chat with her. If she is as experienced as you say she won't steer you wrong - whether she comes up with a 4 year old horse or a 14 year old horse.

Nothing beats experience when buying a horse, especially a first horse.
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Sorry if I'm petulant. I have a temper and I have issues with people doubting me so strongly, even though I know it's not rational to listen to such strong opinions from people I know. I obviously have a lot of problems.

My mum spoke to her and she had the wrong end of the stick. So no, she wasn't thinking I couldn't handle a 4 or 5 year old, she thought I'd said older. So thanks.
 
Agree with the above but I'd also like to say that I wouldn't rule out a horse that's older thinking it's been there and done that and you won't be able to bring it on. I bought my first horse a couple of years ago and he was 12.

Although he'd been and done quite a lot especially jumping and hunting, his flatwork left a lot to be desired after being owned first my novices and then by a teenager. At 12 years of age he didn't even know the correct aids for canter! So I've spent the last two years bringing him on. He carries himself properly now and has competely changed shape. I've also been able to bring on his jumping as he just used to launch himself at the jumps. It's been hard work but I've enjoyed every minute of it and feel like I've achieved a lot with him.

I also have to agree that your attitude perhaps isn't right for owning horses....not everything will go your way all of the time and believe me my pony has challenged me on a regular basis along the way. Remember that horses are great levellers and just when you think you've cracked it they'll show you that you haven't!
 
Okay. I'm done. I won't be back on this forum so you can all jump for joy. You've made my morning really great, so thank you.

And maybe you don't think you have been rude and you've just said the best thing, but you should all take into account how you come across to other people.

If you have nothing helpful to say on the topic, then why post. You may not say anything particularly horrible but it is the way you come across.

And as for anyone who posted saying that if I'm throwing the towel in so soon after being critisised then I'm obviously not ready for a horse, then you clearly have not read what I put about how I'm not exactly a happy person and such unhelpful posts completely shutting down the idea does get to me.

Also, if anyone can tell me how I can delete this account, that would be helpful.
 
Sorry l.ark I didn't see your posts about depression. It's a horrible thing. Have you been to the doctors?
I just wonder if a share might be better for you as you get the horsey fix but don't have to take on full responsibility for one especially on those days you feel so bad you can't get out of bed!
 
To be blunt, and I speak as someone who has 35 years experience and more than 25 as a freelance instructor, teenagers with anger issues should absolutely not take on a youngster or something which doesn't give 100% correct results at the first ask. My girl was 11 when I bought her and I had to take her right back to the beginning, so believe me there was PLENTY of teaching and learning to be done by both of us.

Bear in mind the practicalities too - you are 17. In a couple of years time you could be away at University, college or moving to your dream job at the other end of the country. What will you do with a young horse then?
 
On the offchance that you do come back to read this forum - I can't see that anyone's been rude, sorry.

I realise that you may not like the advice that people have given but please do read it.

I also went for a youngster for my first horse, despite many years of experience, and I didn't realise how much work it would be, physically and mentally. I don't regret it but I do think I would have been better off getting something with a few more years under its belt.

If you have been offered help by someone with good experience to help you find this horse, I'd take it. You don't have to buy a horse just because someone says so - you can say no. But having someone help you through the process will at the very least help you know what is and isn't going to be right for you. What's the worst that can happen - you view some horses that aren't right for you. You never know, one of them might just be "the one", anyway.

Good luck, and I hope you find your horse.
 
I.ark please don't give up on owning your own horse, or no this forum :-)

This place can be full of fantastic advice, help, support & full of laughs. You mustn't take it too seriously.

For the most part, people on here are very caring & there is nothing nicer than hearing about how other members are getting on, however it is frustrating to read about people who ignore advice & then experience all sorts of problems.

I think that a lot of people will understand exactly how you feel, it would be such a shame to lose that support.

I hope the viewing goes well tonight. Will you let us know, good or bad what you thought of him tomorrow?
 
fatpiggy said:
To be blunt, and I speak as someone who has 35 years experience and more than 25 as a freelance instructor, teenagers with anger issues should absolutely not take on a youngster or something which doesn't give 100% correct results at the first ask. My girl was 11 when I bought her and I had to take her right back to the beginning, so believe me there was PLENTY of teaching and learning to be done by both of us.

Bear in mind the practicalities too - you are 17. In a couple of years time you could be away at University, college or moving to your dream job at the other end of the country. What will you do with a young horse then?
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how much experience do you have dealing with young people with depression?
 
l.ark, it's just in peoples' natures, particularly on forums, that they try and advise people against falling into any sort of problems and preach conservatism. I probably do it myself. The fact that you are 17 doesn't help matters, as then it is automatically thought that you are young, naive and incapable.

I was young and naive when I bought my just rising 4 year old when I was 17. My instructor said I probably couldn't bring on a youngster, but the thing was, I did have knowledge, had ridden loads of horses and had the guts (if not always the optimal finesse) to manage pretty much anything - in short, I was capable.

It could have all gone horribly wrong and if it had, I would have learned from it and would have had to sort it out, but fortunately it didn't. Cassie and I went on to really enjoy ourselves, competing at regional level in pony club, hunter trialing, team chasing and affiliated eventing and show jumping. We had so much fun and did it all ourselves (with lots of lessons along the way from the same instructor who said I couldn't bring on a youngster - I wasn't pig headed, just confident and wanted to learn as much as possible).

The confident teenager that was me wouldn't put my horse on this lady's yard, as I think a previous poster was correct, she is going to be all over you. If you like doing things yourself, then find a small DIY yard, make sure you keep a budget for lessons with an instructor you trust and you find the horse that you want. Don't be silly about it, try to be objective, take your friend or instructor to see horses and get a proper vetting. If it goes wrong down the line, so be it. You will have learned loads and know more about yourself. Standing on your own two feet shouldn't be knocked, and there is no reason to think that you couldn't manage a youngster and have fun with it. Don't let people on forums put you off, IF you are certain you know your own mind. I would just ring the lady and say thank you very much for helping so far, but you have changed your plans and don't need help anymore.

BTW, I had Cassie until a year and half ago when she was pts at age 22 - we a lot of good years together :)
 
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Sorry you have depression, but as someone who has had more than one cheap project from people who've overhorsed themselves, or been paid to reschool them when it goes wrong then its a case of being cruel to be kind. Far more upsetting & costly to part with it when it goes wrong. Like I said, you could be the exception but no need to stop using the forum because you don't get the answers you want.
 
I wouldn't get help from someone buying a horse who hadn't seen me ride.
I would also not get a youngster if I had depression. My ex suffered with it dreadfully, and still does, he had a youngster, but thankfully had something else to ride alongside. It is very hard work having a youngster, and yes you may be able to cope with it ability wise, but mentally, and emotionally it may be much harder than you think.
This is just my personal experience of a nice guy, with depression, having a youngster.
 
I dont think anyone has been harsh or critical, they are just speaking from experience as is the YO when she offered to help with your horse hunting, she may have misinterpreted what you are looking for but it sounds as if she is willing to help and offer you some much needed guidance.

Horse buying is an exciting time and it is easy to get carried away with enthusiasm, an advisor with years of experience is invaluable at this time, talk to her and explain what YOU want and take the help offered, it is usually worth it.
I speak from experience of frequently picking up the pieces after the wrong one has been bought, having help at the start is one way of reducing the risk for you, take it onboard and enjoy your search:) .
 
Ibblebibble said:
how much experience do you have dealing with young people with depression?
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None. Not my field. However I do work very closely with some people who have been struck down by it and they were incapable of getting out of bed for long periods, couldn't even care for themselves, let alone an animal.
 
The reason I don't want to use the forum anymore, is not because I'm hearing stuff that I don't want to, its because when people say I shouldn't do this that and the other, they just say because it'll be too much. Not because of any personal experience. What would you all say if I'd said I was 25 or something instead of 17? And no, I'm not going to university and you cannot make that assumption because of my age.
 
at the end of the day, you can do as you please, so suit yourself.
In my opinion, you have received some valuable advice here, maybe it would be worth listening to it.
And remember, most of us have been 17 years old once, in the past, so we do know how it feels and so on :)
 
Why don't you sit down with this lady and go through adverts together, then you can discuss the pros and cons of each horse instead of playing email tennis.
 
Just a bit of advise on youngsters .... They are hard work !! Myself and my 2 daughters took on a 2yr 5 years ago and its been a long hard process ... we are reasonably experienced horse owners / riders but never had a youngster before our now wonderful little gypsy cob . That said with deterimation and patience you CAN do it ... but you have to be prepeared to accept people advice , not get upset if someone says something you don't like ... the majority of 'horsey' people want to help , so if you really feel strongly about starting from scratch with a youngster , do it !
 
Oh for goodness sake ! I very rarely post on here, generally just lurk. But I haven't seen anyone being particularly rude, people were just offering advice and posting out of concern, not just for you, but for any horse you may potentially purchase. Because you didn't hear what you wanted to hear you have completely thrown your toys out the pram. And I notice in one of your posts that you state that you have a temper! Do you really think you have the attitude and patience to bring on a young horse who is going to really test you, a lot more than a few comments you perceive as criticism on a forum!
 
For me personally your age is irrelevent. I had a youngster before I was 14, and he is the most fabulous pony, having been an utter brat for years. He taught me so much.
However, your depression is a problem, and I have seen that first hand with a youngster in tow, with a serious amount of professional help (me).
If you think this won't be a problem, then I would look on my own. Personally I love youngsters.
 
I would just like to say, that for once (:p) I agree wholeheartedly with fatpiggy.

I think its absurd that you have reacted so petulantly to reasonable questioning about whether this YO has a point. You leapt instantly to "You all think I'm not ready to bring on a young horse therefore I should not own any horse" after a few casual inquiries about your experience. Can you not appreciate that this isn't a particularly logical conclusion?

If not, I feel you should deal with your own insecurities and issues before attempting to bring a large commitment in the form of a living animal into your life.
 
I would still say that it would be better to get something older for your first horse. I would say that 90% of this forum thought they knew better than anyone else at 17. I, in fact, had been successful with our first pony when I was 17 so bought a youngster. I am no idiot, but it was a major (and expensive) mistake! But hey - if you have the time and the money, make your own mistakes and you will (in 30 years time) be saying the same as the rest of us!

When you are 17 you honestly believe you know everything. You're no different to the standard 17 year old - but add in depression to the mix and I am not sure you will have the right mind set for a youngster. If it is also your first horse then I would be even more wary.

Our youngsters are all charming, but they do test our VERY experienced professional riders at times. People who have been doing this for a living for many years.

May have missed this, but how are you funding this? (tell me to stop being nosey if you prefer!)
 
fatpiggy said:
None. Not my field. However I do work very closely with some people who have been struck down by it and they were incapable of getting out of bed for long periods, couldn't even care for themselves, let alone an animal.
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but not all depression is the same, my dr, social worker and psychiatrist all agreed that my getting a dog when i was early 20's was a huge positive step as it gave me a focus, a reason to get my sorry arse out of bed and a step in the right direction to making me go outside (something i couldn't do on my own for about a year)

whilst i respect your experience with horses, and that goes for a lot of posters on this thread, i cringe at some of the comments made to a vulnerable person who has tried to make it clear that she does have problems.
She's not having a tantrum, she's struggling to convey her feelings because half the time she doesn't understand them herself, perhaps a forum such as HHO isn't the right place for her but while she is here at least try not to send her over the edge:(
 
l.ark said:
If anyone is aware, I am looking for a horse. My friend is helping me (same age) and we went to see one yesterday.


However, the lady that owns the yard has been very difficult. After 2 weeks of hearing nothing from her, I decided to have a look around and ended up seeing a horse yesterday. On the Saturday (day before) she rang me and was very 'unhappy' with me for 'not letting her do her job' and she said 'if you want my help then you need to let me do it'.

I just agreed with her, as I do want/value her opinion as she knows horses. But she doesn't seem to take into account what I want? I'd told her that I was looking for something young that had been broken in but still green so I could bring it on myself. Around 15hh+ and with the possibility to be an allrounder. However, she did send me two links to adverts the other day.. neither of them were remotely what I was looking for.

Now she's just text me saying she has found me a horse to go look at, but I need to see him today as someone else is viewing him tomorrow. But she didn't mention anything about the horse, and I'm working til half 6 tonight!

She's told me about the horse and although he sounds nice, he's 11 and I feel like that's too old. I want something I can bring on myself and teach, but he's been there and done everything!

I'm just going to go see him to keep her happy, but I've only just begun looking and I'm regretting it now. I want something I want, not something someone else thinks I should have :(
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Too right. Don't bother going to see the horse just to pacify her, tell her to get stuffed, you'll find your own horse with your friend's help. Also find another yard.
 
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