How do I tell, I cant tell. A lady from our yard that she drives people nuts with her incessant talking(shouting)while hacking.

[Bluewaves]

If you don't like hacking with her, then stop doing it. I think it will offend her if you tell her she talks too much. If you are going to say something, then do it with humour and with a light touch. I have no suggestions though for how to do this. I'd just have to suck it up or try to distract her by bringing up your own topics of conversation that are interesting to you?

 

[dogatemysalad]

A good hacking buddy is a rare delight. Over the years it's amazed me that there are so many variations of quirks and issues that riders have. As long as they don't put their horse or mine in danger, I can suck up most foibles these days.
For the lovely, chatty lady, I'd suggest bringing a few very chewy toffees in your pocket and offer one each time the shouting becomes too incessant.

 

[Backtoblack]

Three options,1. Don't hack out with her,2.wear earplugs or ear defenders over your hat,3. Tell her to shut up you're sick of her incessant yakking.

 

[Sealine]

I was all set to book a 1:1 guided trail ride before I figured out that the guide might well think it polite to chat away most of the time with me. I like to enjoy the scenery and the horse without distractions, a 'natter hack' is my idea of hell, so I have binned the idea.

In that scenario I think you can politely make that clear before you start and it shouldn't be an issue.

It's easier to stop someone from starting to do something than it is to stop them doing something they are already doing.

 

[OrangeAndLemon]

I want to hack with you, please!

I used to hack weekly with someone who was a little older and lived alone (apart from dogs) and their main conversation each week was telling me about what the characters of Heartbeat had been up to on ITV3 this week. They talked as if they were real people and were recounting actual things that had happened.

I have never been a fan of Heartbeat and found it very confusing because my friend would react to things on our ride and say "This wouldn't happen in (whatever the fictional Heartbeat village is called) because X would say no to it) and I honestly struggled to remember if the person was real or a TV character.

My friend was happy and I could zone out and just enjoy my ride so it didn't matter. Safer and less stressful for both of us to ride in company (my horse used to plant on his own and friend had developed an occasional habit of being brought home by ambulance if not supervised, not ideal for someone well into their 70s)

 

[Flame_]

If you ended up far in front of her a couple of times just use that as your excuse... Your horse just walks too damn fast for hers, they're not a good match, you both need to hack with different people. Job done.

 

[smolmaus]

Is she nervous? I used to babysit a nervous rider and she'd talk non stop as a distraction. I was ok with that because when her anxiety bubbled over she used to get off and not even want to lead ger horse.

This is me. Constant stream of consciousness drivel. But to be fair I am talking to the pony and perfectly happy to be ignored by any human companions.

I am also pretty deaf so you can't actually have a conversation with me on a hack unless our horses are stacked on top of eachother.

 

[MagicMelon]

Id just find a new hacking buddy! If shes on your yard, I guess you could just say you cant hack at the same time as her. I cant think theres a nice way to tell her to be quiet...

 

[Squeak]

I used to make a game of it and see how long mum would keep going hacking without a response. I’m probably not that dissimilar but if im hacking with other people am expecting to chat for most of it, I’d I don’t want chat I go on my own

This would be my understanding too. If I didn't want to chat on a hack I'd go by myself and if I'm hacking with someone then I'd expect to chat and feel a bit rude just being quiet.

 

[Bob notacob]

We were hacking in a group and she had asked to join us with her new horse. So maybe it was nerves.

 

[irishdraft]

I talk far too loudly & probably far too much when I'm out with others be it hacking or hunting but I get regularly told, in a joking type of way, so I do make an effort to tone down as I know people don't mean it unkindly , I hope . Maybe OP you could try mentioning it in this fashion rather than being too direct about it .

 

[Quigleyandme]

Sorry, way off topic but that reminds me so much of the good hairdresser I had to ditch!

I had to ditch a beauty therapist who never stopped yakking whilst giving me what should have been a blissfully relaxing facial so I know what you mean.

 

[littleshetland]

I think it was Friedrich Nietzsche (philosopher) who famously said 'Hell is other people'. I completely get his point sometimes....

 

[J&S]

I have always said, better no person than the wrong person! (in ANY situation!)

 

[magicmoments]

That may all be true but, for me, my horse time is my me time and I take that very seriously. I think OP is being kind and looking to resolve his discomfort without causing hurt or offence.

I wanted to give this more than a like, because that is totally how I feel. I'm more than happy to speak to liveries when I'm on the yard, and frequently do, but when I'm riding I want to concentrate on my horse, not have constant chatter. At a previous yard I made it quite clear from the start that I preferred to ride alone, so no one would feel it was about them. Horses cost so much, riding is often a small part of the time spent caring for them, that frankly I begrudge feeling guilty about how I should spend my riding time.
Obviously the op has a slightly different scenario, and may otherwise prefer to ride in company.

 

[Jellymoon]

You clearly don’t have kids as you haven’t yet learnt the art of zoning out incessant chatter!
I feel sorry for her and would never have the heart to tell someone to shut up, that would be mean. And she’s not forcing you to ride with her is she?
Just let your mind wander and interject with the odd, ‘mmmn’ or ‘yes, indeed’…and find some ways of riding on your own.
You could say, ‘do you mind if I go on my own today? My horse can be a bit nappy and I want to make sure he is still ok to go out on his own’. Or you could say, ‘something a bit rubbish happened at work/home today and I just want to work out how to handle it, I’ll tell you all about it next time we ride out together..’

 

[FFAQ]

I often get shushed in general conversation because I have a very loud voice ! I also really struggle to hear people when out hacking unless they're right next to me and it's embarrassing to keep asking people to repeat themselves (and it annoys them) so I started to avoid hacking in groups.
Anyway, I don't mind at all if people let me know I'm talking too loudly if it's done with kindness. OP you sound kind from the way you worded your post. I'm sure you could find a way of sharing conversation fairly!

 

[Muddywellies]

You could just try to be a bit more compassionate and be grateful she hasn't told you what your faults are.

Maybe she has no one at home to talk to.
Maybe no one at home listens to her or allows her to speak.
Maybe she is talking to deal with nerves or anxiety which don't have to be related to horse riding.
Maybe she had an unseen disability which means her social skills aren't as perfected as yours.
Maybe she just wants a conversation.

I can't lie, this would drive me bananas But I also agree entirely with this. I would just hack alone instead. Problem solved.

 

[Jenko109]

I used to know a woman whose voice was very shouty and always sounded somewhat aggressive.

The mare I rode HATED her. She would become immediately on edge if we happened across her on a hack and she tagged along with us.

I was not on a yard with her so was not in the same situation as you, however I would just perhaps ride with her a little less? Just explain to her that you want to do some hacking alone so your horse doesn't become dependent on always hacking with others. Perhaps then just say you're happy to hack with her once a week or whatever.

I think that would be a fair balance.