How do you deal with the resident know it all?

PapaverFollis

PapaverFollis

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My new yard has a spectacular one! Like... jaw dropping, can't believe you were just so rude level.

Smile, nod, "Im sure you're right", make an excuse and walk away is the planned tactic (as per) but I feel like this one might be beyond that. My confidence is a fragile thing and won't take too much battering before I'm second guessing myself all over the shop.

Any hints and tips. Is it acceptable to tell someone that you don't want any advice thanks? Hopefully we can just ignore and be left alone but we shall see.

How do YOU deal with that person? Are you that person? :lol:
 
Put a pair of headphones in and ignore them. Pretend you didnt hear them and if they catch your eye just take one ear out and say 'sorry Im studying a new language and need to concentrate, thanks' and then put back in ear and continue. You dont even need to be listening to anything. Thats how I used to school and get the 'know it all I'll give you a lesson' types to go away :)
 
Just pretend you have an expert nutritionist / saddler / farrier / vet already on board and promise to 'run that by them' if you need to be polite......
 
Luckily our resident know it all bears a grudge against me (reason unknown) and won't offer her worthy advice. I feel especially lucky!!
 
They might be just nervous and trying to fit in & create a social relationship by being helpful and useful. Be kind. Don't judge someone on their worst day. if it was me I wouldn't avoid them. I'd want to get to know them better. They may just struggle in social situations.

As for your confidence, trust yourself and your knowledge of your horse. There's nothing wrong with saying "Thanks, I'll bear that in mind" and do what you think is right.
 
AFB said:
Luckily our resident know it all bears a grudge against me (reason unknown) and won't offer her worthy advice. I feel especially lucky!!
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:lol:

Tbh once they try and offer my husband advice while he is riding I am most likely to be in this position (reason known).

Going to try headphones if I'm arena riding and can't get away. In many, many ways I wish I had the guts to just say "oh do shut up"... But I have a bad track record on yards even when I try to be polite, not sure what would happen if I just said what I thought. Maybe it would be better because I wouldn't become the resident doormat! :lol:

I will definitely see if appeal to authority holds any sway as that is an approach I am comfortable with. I suspect she will clatter rough shod over that one though, sweeping aside all expert opinion in favour of her own...
 
what kind of things is she dispensing advice on?
I usually go for the smile & nod technique but sometimes you do need to tell them to put a sock in it :D
 
Ignore is the best thing.

Best is to cultivate a neutral "Blank Stare" expression which looks through rather than at them; and if they do launch forth into their pearls of wisdom, look into the distance and after 10 mins or so suddenly come alive and say, "sorry, you were saying???".

OR (if you can manage it), say "sorrreeee, nooo speekkie Eeenngleesh"............

Whichever :)
 
I am that person on my own yard lol.

It can be stressful though. I sublet a yard to one of those horsey women. Although she could be very nice her constant, overbearing belief that anything she didnt know wasnt worth knowing got me to the point where I would avoid her at all costs-and I lived on site. And this one wasnt trying to fit in, she was an overbearing horror and very manipulative.

How to deal? dont engage on those topics you dont want to. say something like 'its a lovely/horrible day, nice to chat but I must be getting on'.
 
After being kicked in the head in October, most people were on board giving me advice (often conflicting) but their intentions were at the heart of it all.

HOWEVER, we used to have one lady who used to come along and give me "riding lessons" when I was in the arena doing my own thing, did not ask for this advice at all. She knew every professional rider going and of course "that's how such a body does it". In the end I politely asked her to show me and all of a sudden I was left alone :D
 
Ignore and stare before carrying on and actively not taking the advice...

Or say (to the dispensed advice) ‘well that’s a load of *******s, isn’t it?’ Add a trademark ‘your a muppet’ look.And walk off.
 
Another reason to be grateful I don't have to endure Other People: I've never kept a horse on a livery yard - although I have (briefly, but not briefly enough...) run one. You'll all be glad to know that I don't part with my pearls of wisdom at all unless liberally plied with money :-)
 
Well I’m not sure really.... i mean, nobody seems to have the knowledge and experience I do on the yard, so I try and help them?
 
Well, **ahem**, it starts with F and ends in Off ...

I`ve learnt there`s know it alls in every walk of life. I used to be a people pleaser and do anything for a quiet life, all that got me was bullied to the extreme and slagged off when I didn`t "conform" to what the know it alls thought was best ... Light bulb moment came when I finally stuck up for myself and realised I didn`t actually give a crap about their advice or what they thought, it`s been quite liberating lol.
 
PapaverFollis said:
My new yard has a spectacular one! Like... jaw dropping, can't believe you were just so rude level.

Smile, nod, "Im sure you're right", make an excuse and walk away is the planned tactic (as per) but I feel like this one might be beyond that. My confidence is a fragile thing and won't take too much battering before I'm second guessing myself all over the shop.

Any hints and tips. Is it acceptable to tell someone that you don't want any advice thanks? Hopefully we can just ignore and be left alone but we shall see.

How do YOU deal with that person? Are you that person? :lol:
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I think it depends there is a flip side, if you do have 20 plus years of hard won experience and you have some novice owners on the yard that ARE floundering or becoming a safety risk or causing horse discomfort, do you speak up or keep out of it?

It’s a dilema. Some lessons I’ve learnt the hard way. But doesn’t mean someone else will value or appreciate what I’ve learnt to save same learning curve.
 
milliepops said:
what kind of things is she dispensing advice on?
I usually go for the smile & nod technique but sometimes you do need to tell them to put a sock in it :D
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Yes this - I'll smile and nod until they go away if I think it is just misplaced helpfulness, but if it gets to the pont where they're being actively rude I will tell them so
 
wingedhorse said:
I think it depends there is a flip side, if you do have 20 plus years of hard won experience and you have some novice owners on the yard that ARE floundering or becoming a safety risk or causing horse discomfort, do you speak up or keep out of it?

It’s a dilema. Some lessons I’ve learnt the hard way. But doesn’t mean someone else will value or appreciate what I’ve learnt to save same learning curve.
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problem is, most of the time the yard know it all starts offering advice, it's not a safety or welfare issue IME ;) it's usually some random thing that is their personal hobby horse.

and sometimes, even if you can see an accident waiting to happen, mentioning it doesn't always do you any favours :rolleyes:

my mantra is "don't get involved" unless people ask my opinion, and then it is offered but I don't get offended if people do something else :) I think liveries rub along best together if everyone stays a little at arms length :D
 
milliepops said:
I think liveries rub along best together if everyone stays a little at arms length :D
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I think you are absolutely right.

I'll help anyone if I can, even if it's just being a shoulder to cry on or an ear to bend. But I'm there to be with my horse so that's where I try to spend most of my time.

If all else fails I can hide behind her ample backside ;-)
 
Some great replies and useful thoughts. There really is always one isn't there? I shall gird my loins with the knowledge that myself and husband have 50+ years of experience combined and do my best to ignore. Aloof, I am aloof. (And keep working towards buying a house with land :lol: )

I have to my default state is always to be kind and understanding and give people the benefit of the doubt when they act out. But it is starting to change as I have been stung so many times.

I think I might have been the know all on the last yard to be honest. :lol: But only when people asked! And always carefully worded.
 
It was my new years resolution to reply 'Wow! You're really rude!' To these types after years of putting up with nonsense. However, I haven't done it once 😂

One technique I do find amusing is to come out with something ridiculously outrageous and see if they bite. For example:
Bossy boots: 'you really need to kick him on as your horse is fat and should be made to sweat'
Me: 'ahh! He's so lazy that doesn't work but I've just ordered spurs that give off an electric shock when I kick him on, so hopefully that will work. If not, I saw a whip with barbs on the end on eBay so I'm bidding on that as a back up'.
All said in a mock serious tone. Any reasonable person would realise you're joking, hopefully bossy boots will take offence and bog off!
 
Some know it alls are there to gain points at your expense

Some people who know a lot see the start of a problem and hope that a little intervention can stop something escalating.

But it is a fine line to tread, mostly I watch and don’t say things, sometimes might offer have you tried this, on a occasion actively jumped in.
The time when I found a yard teenager on her 4yr on the road in the dark, slowly followed her back in my car. She had been told to stop schooling by the yard expert and to hack, but hadn’t realised about the dark. Did have a chat with her and her mum.

Another occasion found someone having loading problems at one yard, asked if she needed a hand, nope she was fine on her own. Ok no problem but I did stay mouching round with my 2 until she had finished as she was on her own and if there was an accident there was no one to help mop up blood.
 
It's my eternal problem but I can't help it - I just HAVE to wrong foot them, or (sadly) name drop. They wind me up.

If I am in a position where I can see something that could be improved on I preface it by "Do you mind if I suggest something" and I have heard Mark Rashid say he never offers unsolicited advice, however bad the situation is becoming. I guess that is the mark of a real expert - the ones who really aren't that good go wading in where they aren't wanted or invited.

Keep that in your mind OP - they aren't the true experts otherwise they wouldn't be in your face about stuff.
 
I am lucky in that in 22yrs of owning a horse (aside from when I was young and inexperienced) I have not had to suffer a yard know it all, or rebuff unsolicited advice. If I did, I think I would be the type to smile and nod while walking away, unless they were being particularly persistent/annoying/rude in which case I would have to say something.
I have never offered advice without being asked, but have not been in a situation where there is a safety/welfare issue, in which case I would speak up.
 
milliepops said:
my mantra is "don't get involved" unless people ask my opinion, and then it is offered but I don't get offended if people do something else :) I think liveries rub along best together if everyone stays a little at arms length :D
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Totally agree! Especially the last bit... the worst fallouts I have seen on yards tend to be between people who have got too involved with each other. It's nice to have friends on a yard and I have made some great friends through working on yards or being a livery over the years, but I am always wary of getting too close due to what I have seen over the years, it takes me a long time to become good friends with someone.
 
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