How do you know when he's just not 'The One'

[Identityincrisis]

Horse that is!

I bought my youngster 2 1/2 years ago after losing my horse of a lifetime to old age. I bought this one, admittedly against my initial instincts, as he was very aggressive, bitey, rude and dominant. But my friend said not to worry that I'd be able to get rid of that as 1-2-1 should help (i bought off his breeder) now i am an experienced horse person and very confident in my abilities but this horse has really tested me! He was a nightmare on the ground and I'm a real stickler for ground manners but slowly, slowly i made big progress with him and he has been a gem to back BUT i just don't know if i love him. I have been off horses for 4weeks after breaking my hand while leading him, i had an operation came back too quick, broke it again and had to have another op, anyway i decided to be sensible and take the time off. So i went back on Friday to take over duties again and he was a pig, wouldn't stand to have feet picked, swinging his bum into me, now i stood him up and would not allow him to walk over me , he was snatching his feet out of my hand (physio would have kittens!) All just general arseiness. And i just thought at 51/2, after 2 years of very black and white handling he should be passed this. I was leading him today and as i stopped to say hello to someone he bit my jumper! I'm tired of constantly correcting him. I do reward good behaviour. I have had the help of a pro on his handling which got us this far. And lastly he won't load, which is an issue, again I've had an IH guy out who after 9 sessions declared he was the most difficult loader he'd experienced. Something must have happened before i bought him as when i went to collect him he was sedated and they were clearly very worried!

Wow that was longer than expected! I just want to enjoy my horse rather than constantly revisiting manners! And i understand youngsters are hard work, my riding instructor refers to him as a boundary checker as he's always testing

Re reading this i haven't gone into huge detail about his difficulties, but believe me there is more than what i have gone into.

So how do I know if i should keep on persevering?

 

[scats]

Who has been handling him while you've been out of action? Could he have been getting away with murder for a few weeks with someone else, hence why he is suddenly being so difficult again?

Regardless, life is too short to keep something that you don't enjoy spending time with. I do wonder how easy he would be to sell on however.

 

[Shay]

You've really tried. There is no harm in accepting that he isn't right for you at this time in your life. My only worry would be how easy he would be to sell on. But in your place I definitely would try.

 

[springtime1331]

Sounds a bit riggy to me

 

[Arzada]

Horse that is!

I bought my youngster 2 1/2 years ago after losing my horse of a lifetime to old age. I bought this one, admittedly against my initial instincts, as he was very aggressive, bitey, rude and dominant. But my friend said not to worry that I'd be able to get rid of that as 1-2-1 should help (i bought off his breeder) now i am an experienced horse person and very confident in my abilities but this horse has really tested me! He was a nightmare on the ground and I'm a real stickler for ground manners but slowly, slowly i made big progress with him and he has been a gem to back BUT i just don't know if i love him. I have been off horses for 4weeks after breaking my hand while leading him, i had an operation came back too quick, broke it again and had to have another op, anyway i decided to be sensible and take the time off. So i went back on Friday to take over duties again and he was a pig, wouldn't stand to have feet picked, swinging his bum into me, now i stood him up and would not allow him to walk over me , he was snatching his feet out of my hand (physio would have kittens!) All just general arseiness. And i just thought at 51/2, after 2 years of very black and white handling he should be passed this. I was leading him today and as i stopped to say hello to someone he bit my jumper! I'm tired of constantly correcting him. I do reward good behaviour. I have had the help of a pro on his handling which got us this far. And lastly he won't load, which is an issue, again I've had an IH guy out who after 9 sessions declared he was the most difficult loader he'd experienced. Something must have happened before i bought him as when i went to collect him he was sedated and they were clearly very worried!

Wow that was longer than expected! I just want to enjoy my horse rather than constantly revisiting manners! And i understand youngsters are hard work, my riding instructor refers to him as a boundary checker as he's always testing

So how do I know if i should keep on persevering?

This isn't a youngster being hard work. This is a completely non-cooperative horse and yes horses may check out what we call 'boundaries' but they are a species that fundamentally cooperates. From your OP it looks like there is no let up. What is his work schedule?

If I wanted to work on this horse's attitude to having his feet handled then assuming that this is something that he can do I would be in the school with a lunge line attached and at the first sign of bum swinging he would be off on the lunge. Not to punish but that he has a choice - it's stand and cooperate or work. I may only work on one foot on one day, depending on progress.

I guess that the answer to your final question lies in another question - why have you persevered this far?

 

[Identityincrisis]

Thanks all for being gentle, it took a lot of guts to post.

His work schedule before breakage of hand was 5 days ridden, consisting of schooling and hacking (erring on more hacking) he is great ridden! I backed him myself, and while we had a few issues they were worked through easily enough.

The ability to sell on is obviously in my mind as i think he would suit someone who competes and is less interested in having a friend! But his loading issues remove that!

I've persevered as i worry about his future, i feel a huge responsibility to him and i buy horses for life BUT they are my down time and he's just not! I do wonder if he's a 'man's horse'

 

[gothdolly]

Oh no poor you! I had a horse like yours after the death of my beloved Domino, he was so much like yours that I actually briefly wondered if it was the same one. I only persevered for 6 months though. I also really struggled emotionally with the decision to sell on as all our horses stay for life, and I worried about his future if I passed him on.

I had broken in two of my other horses successfully so am not inexperienced. I was always consistent, firm but fair and he behaved exactly as you describe yours does. He then began to seriously frighten me. I had the help of 3 successive "horsemanship" trainers but all 3 concluded that he was extremely uncooperative and disrespectful to humans, that we were not a good match and that I should sell on. He was very "riggy" but rig test was negative. I eventually sold him back to his previous owner, but for less than I paid. I didnt care at that point, I just wanted to move on but know that he was OK. I then learnt that he had been like that with his previous owner. He is now a field ornament and very happy. Those 6 months were incredibly miserable and I had started to dread going to the yard. Im so glad that I parted with that horse, because now I have a lovely, friendly, quirky, willing horse who is a delight to be with and ride.

 

[Sukistokes2]

I really feel for you because I know what it's like. In my case it was my little traditional and boy I love the bones of him. He is stunning, cheeky, fun and to admit he wasn't the horse I wanted to ride was horrid. I'd had him since he was 11 months and he was a joy to handle and to back, yes he had his Kevin stage but he is just such a sweet lad. However, I never got on riding him, he just felt too small and we were a bit stop, start, due to stifle issues and growing, which didn't help. That lad didn't do anything wrong but I was never confident on him. The day I stopped try to fit a round peg into a square hole and gave up, it was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I now have a new horse and I've done more with him in less then a year then I did with Moses in three years. I'm happy and so is Moses, he has just started in a loan home with a fifteen year old girl, he adores her and she him, so fingers crossed for a long stay.
My advice would be to find the horse that suits you. Everyone is happier that way.

 

[helenchat]

I can't pretend to be experienced in youngsters - but have previously called 'time' on a horse that I felt just wasn't working for me. It is a very difficult decision and often hard not to attach personal judgments to it- I remember feeling like I'd 'failed' or 'given up', but realistically riding is entirely a fun hobby for me - and whilst having goals to work towards and improvements to make is one thing, I just found I wasn't enjoying it anymore, and was literally dreading going to the yard.
Sorry I can't offer any concrete help- just wanted to let you know I've been in a similar situation! Best of luck with whatever you decide to do x

 

[Back with a bang]

Some horses you just have to keep on top of their behaviour and I know mine would try taking advantage if someone was handling him who was unfamiliar. It could be that whoever has been seeing to him while you've been out of action has been letting him get away with things and has created this behaviour. I had a similar situation with my horse, I bought him from a breeder and he was the sweetest thing for about 6 months, then really started to test my patience and became quite dangerous to handle. He started refusing to load too. I fell out of love with him and decided to cut my losses and put him up for sale. Then I had a few people mess me around with buying him and I moved him to my new place and things just slowly started to click. I have sought help for various issues from IH trained people and they have taught me handling techniques and enabled me to understand him more. I now feel more confident in dealing with him and feel like we are getting somewhere. So don't give up on him unless it feels like the right thing to do.

 

[Identityincrisis]

Thank you everyone for your help. I think ultimately we're not right for each other, who knows with a different person he may be better?? It's just sad as I have tried so hard and he has improved hugely but I'm ultimately a gentle handler and he doesn't respect that, I don't like the person I have to be with him (I'm not rough but have to be tough)

Now to try and sell a tricky horse who won't load!! Any advice on that one?!

 

[PorkChop]

Thank you everyone for your help. I think ultimately we're not right for each other, who knows with a different person he may be better?? It's just sad as I have tried so hard and he has improved hugely but I'm ultimately a gentle handler and he doesn't respect that, I don't like the person I have to be with him (I'm not rough but have to be tough)

Now to try and sell a tricky horse who won't load!! Any advice on that one?!

Where are you and what type is he?

 

[Identityincrisis]

Where are you and what type is he?

I'm in Durham, North-East England. He is an Anglo Arab

 

[ihatework]

It sounds as though you know he isn't the one.
For my 'keepers' I have to love having them and working with them, both when they are being good and when they aren't. Of my own I can honestly say I've only ever had 2 that ticked those boxes. One of my current ones and one I lost in the summer.
They are too damn expensive to keep for a matter of pride!
I remember one that I purchased at 18 months that ticked so many boxes yet I never loved him. I dithered at 4/5 about selling him but unfortunately didn't get my act together quick enough. I eventually sold at 7 for a tiny price after injury.
Something not dissimilar happened to the one I bought as his replacement.

I think once you have had a horse that really hits the spot, it's difficult to continue with one that doesn't.

 

[Identityincrisis]

It sounds as though you know he isn't the one.
For my 'keepers' I have to love having them and working with them, both when they are being good and when they aren't. Of my own I can honestly say I've only ever had 2 that ticked those boxes. One of my current ones and one I lost in the summer.
They are too damn expensive to keep for a matter of pride!
I remember one that I purchased at 18 months that ticked so many boxes yet I never loved him. I dithered at 4/5 about selling him but unfortunately didn't get my act together quick enough. I eventually sold at 7 for a tiny price after injury.
Something not dissimilar happened to the one I bought as his replacement.

I think once you have had a horse that really hits the spot, it's difficult to continue with one that doesn't.

You are absolutely right with everything you say! Especially after you have had 'The One'. I enjoy riding this one, he's fun and happy in his work, it's just on the ground we don't gel.

And if I was on the outside, and I have dished out this advice, I would absolutely say sell. My favourite quote is 'A bad horse costs as much to keep as a good one, so why keep a bad one'

 

[Identityincrisis]

UPDATE

I just thought I'd let you know this little monster is still with me and we've made big, big progress.

I took advice from you and decided to sell, I wrote out his advert, read it and thought 'who on earth would want to buy this horse' as there were very few positives! Anyway, perhaps my blase attitude towards him helped us?! As he started to behave better, and become a much nicer chap to have around I'm still not riding due to hand injury (how on earth has it taken 6 months and still not healed?!) but hoping that is soon and will start preparing him for that any day now.

And for my MASSIVE grin that will not remove it's self from my face, he has been very difficult to load, in fact the last time he was loaded was when he arrived at my yard, you can see he is genuinely scared. Well last night he went right into the trailer!!! I cried with happiness as he was quite relaxed about it too! It has taken 2 years to get to this point, and the game changer? I put a mirror in there! What a difference. I have tried loading him with other horses in the past but he didn't want to know. But he was a different horse with the mirror. We have a long way still to go before he'll be comfortable having the ramp up but this has given me real hope, finally!

Just a post to gush about how happy I am we've managed to turn it around

 

[scats]

UPDATE

I just thought I'd let you know this little monster is still with me and we've made big, big progress.

I took advice from you and decided to sell, I wrote out his advert, read it and thought 'who on earth would want to buy this horse' as there were very few positives! Anyway, perhaps my blase attitude towards him helped us?! As he started to behave better, and become a much nicer chap to have around I'm still not riding due to hand injury (how on earth has it taken 6 months and still not healed?!) but hoping that is soon and will start preparing him for that any day now.

And for my MASSIVE grin that will not remove it's self from my face, he has been very difficult to load, in fact the last time he was loaded was when he arrived at my yard, you can see he is genuinely scared. Well last night he went right into the trailer!!! I cried with happiness as he was quite relaxed about it too! It has taken 2 years to get to this point, and the game changer? I put a mirror in there! What a difference. I have tried loading him with other horses in the past but he didn't want to know. But he was a different horse with the mirror. We have a long way still to go before he'll be comfortable having the ramp up but this has given me real hope, finally!

Just a post to gush about how happy I am we've managed to turn it around

Ah that's really encouraging news. I hope you continue to make good progress together.

 

[JJS]

That's wonderful news, OP!

 

[milliepops]

I took advice from you and decided to sell, I wrote out his advert, read it and thought 'who on earth would want to buy this horse' as there were very few positives! Anyway, perhaps my blase attitude towards him helped us?!

Great update, well done OP. and I recognise this ^^
I set a date for my very difficult project, by which if she hadn't come right then I'd book her a one-way ticket to the hunt kennels. Bye bye, hound food. Oddly enough, after I set the date, somehow I must have relaxed more and lo & behold, we started to make progress. I guess I wasn't putting so much pressure on myself - and therefore her- and we tuned into each other better as a result.

That was nearly 2 years ago now (where does the time go ?!) and she's turned into a little cracker. Hope you continue to enjoy working with your chap.

 

[Pinkvboots]

That's really good news I am glad you have started to make progress and him loading is really great well done, I think sometimes it can take 2 years to click with a horse I know it did with one of mine I regularly thought omg what the he'll have I done but I honestly wouldn't be without him now.

 

[Apercrumbie]

Excellent news - now you're making progress on the loading, he will be more sellable if you ultimately decide to part ways. However, do I infer that you are less bothered about selling him now? If so, that's even lovelier news.

 

[Identityincrisis]

Thanks everyone, it's such a fine line with him, very firm so that he knows I am leader/boss but fair as he can be such a sensitive soul.

Yes apercrumbie, he's staying

 

[Flame_]

I buy all my horses with the view that they're on a two year trial period. During this time we're working together, getting to know each other, trying to address problems or issues that arise and seeing how it works out. By the time two years comes around I expect either to be wrapped up in having a lovely time with an enjoyable horse that does not scare or frustrate me, or to be parting company. I think that's fair.