How long did it take you to bond with your horse?

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chaps89

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I started riding a horse back in July. Lovely horse to ride and so far we've done alright. But because I normally only go up to ride him I don't have a bond with him. He's rude and bolshy on the ground as well as very stressy- but particularly so when his owner is around. If the owner isn't there the horse is somewhat calmer but still quite agitated/fidgety on the ground. I'm always firm but fair with him- if he's naughty, he gets told so, and rewarded when being good and I'm always consistent with how I handle him to get the best chance at him listening to me.
Horse is sensible and calm to ride and has never given me any cause for concern but I don't feel like I click with him particularly. I go up about 3 or 4 times a week and always make sure I spend time grooming him as well as riding or lunging him. I would have thought by now we would have started to bond a little?

So, how long did it take you to bond with your horse and to really like them and for them to respect you? Particularly those who might share a horse?

Thanks
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I think it is always difficult if you share a horse. I bonded instantly with my horse, which is what made me take her on. But I ride some other horses and despite seeing them regularly I don't have anything approaching the relationship I enjoy with my own.

Personally I find that owners always do things slightly differently to you, might indulge the horse in it's bolshy behaviour more etc (I know I tolerate more from my own horse than other peoples!
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) - and don't forget that just the silly little things like feeding in the morning, changing rugs etc that owners do, helps to cement a bond
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. It is going to take longer if you don't see the horse every day.
 
I've always felt that my horses took 1 year to bond with fully- but I mean knowing them inside and out and all their little idiosyncracies (sp??). Sometimes its more, and sometimes you just don't gel.
I don't bond with every horse just as I don't bond with every person.
I would say focus on the things you like best about him when working with him (positive thinking and all that) and that may help you bond better.
 
Hi, when i shared my old horse i bonded with her instantly, even when i only rode her 3 times a week, something just clicked with us and i never hesitated to take her on when her owner gifted her to me. I never thought i would get that bond again when she was pts in May 08.

With my new mare, it has took me 2 years to really bond with her and funnily enough i do still call her my new mare (even though i have had her for 2 years lol), i suppose the difference being my old lady was a total school mistress and she was a 'get on & go' whereas my new mare was a green youngster and there have been 'issues'.
 
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I don't bond with every horse just as I don't bond with every person.


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This is a really good point
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Just because you might like a horse doesn't mean that you will always be able to strike up the same bond as you might with others. Not saying this is necessarily the case in this instance, but I have certainly experienced this in the past- sometimes it is frustrating but just not 'meant to be'.
 
I agree it took about a year for each of my horses......for different reasons.

With Monty, he is a very stressy boy and can be a total pain under saddle. It took time for him to relax with me and realise that I wouldn't put up with his naughty napping, but conversely, it took time for me to realise the things that were just part of him and learn to put up with some of his nonsense (ie scary shadows and crisp packets).

With Zoom, she was a polo pony and tbh lacked personality! She was a bit of a robot and totally mad and fizzy to ride. She is very sensitive and took time to chill with me and pretty soon her lovely personality came out as she learned to be relaxed around me.

I think there are a few horses that you click with straight away but both mine have taken time and patience to realise our potential as a partnership.
 
I've had my boy a year and tbh I'm only starting to bond with him now. He is nervous and stressy and he also lacked 'personality' and was very distant when I got him. Only now is he relaxed enough to start enjoying my company and realise that people (and carrots
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) are actually quite nice.
 
Thanks guys.
Am mulling it over a bit, I'm happy to carry on working with the horse, try to bond with him but am having owner difficulties and starting to resent going up now. Which quite probably isn't helping.
I know if I ride for other people I understand to some extent I'll always have to ride/handle the horse as they wish.
But the owner is very old fashioned in his thinking. The horse recently had his teeth checked for the first time in over 2 years as well as having his wolf teeth removed. I wanted to continue working him in a snaffle so he could learn it didn't hurt him but owner has put him in a pelham on the curb rein only, which just goes against everything I've ever been taught or previously done and has been quite rude about it.
Sorry, I didn't mean to go off on one then, just a bit upset today. *blames the pmt*!
 
Nettie my ex racer was my horse in a life time and we bonded as soon as we met. However with D it has taken a while, i knew he was the horse for me when i went to view him but after loosing nettie, i couldnt shake off what i had with him. D is a completely different horse, that i have to work with differently, but we have bonded, just took us a while to find that bond.
 
It took me about 3 months to bond with Merlin when I had him on a part share basis, then i took him on part loan then full loan and then bought him...owner kinda lost interest with him, but we had a fantastic bond we were sooo good for each other and I miss him terribly now he's not here!
Minnie didn't take very long either I knew her when sis in law had her, so helped out with her on occassions, then had to look after her full time back in may last year til I bought her in December, we have a good bond now and I love her dearly.

It can take some time to bond with the horse, it will get their but it doesnt help that owners are around either as the horse can get confused....
 
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

I don't bond with every horse just as I don't bond with every person.


[/ QUOTE ]

This is a really good point
smile.gif
Just because you might like a horse doesn't mean that you will always be able to strike up the same bond as you might with others. Not saying this is necessarily the case in this instance, but I have certainly experienced this in the past- sometimes it is frustrating but just not 'meant to be'.

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Agree with this. I loaned a horse for a year when I moved up from ponies and we never 'clicked'. She was a lovely mare, very genuine, easy to handle and nice to ride. She won me my first BSJA Newcomers class, and was normally quite well placed. In short, she should have been the perfect horse, but for the whole time I loaned her I never felt as though we bonded. It didn't help that I had very begrudgingly loaned my pony out (after my legs started touching her knees!) - I don't think any horse could have lived up to what I wanted, which in essence was a 15.2hh version of Savannah. I think in some ways the horse was too 'nice' - I had gone from a nutjob of a pony to a very sensible horse, and I remember going hacking with a friend who commented how boring it must be for me to ride a horse so calm. She also had a very overbearing owner - at first I didn't mind so much, as I was equally as protective of my pony, but it got to the point where she was telling me where I should and shouldn't take the horse hacking. After a year, the horse went back, which I wasn't overly bothered about, and a few weeks later I went to see Murphy. I didn't like him the first time I saw him (he wasn't a 15.2hh version of my pony
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) and he bucked when I tried him, but I bought him anyway, a year to the day after I got the loan horse. As soon as I had him home I felt as though we clicked. He was grumpy and bargy, and still is 6 years later, but he is also my dream horse.
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With the first horse I shared I bonded really well within weeks and he was a bit of a nervous type. He had two other sharers who did things very differently but this did not seem to matter.

With my current horse it has taken much longer after 3 months of the loan I absolutely hated him as I felt he was incredibly antisocial. He was nice to ride but totally unresponsive to me on the ground. He had been a professional competition horse where he was one of many and then turned out for a full summer doing nothing while his owner was unable to ride him. I thought he was just unfamiliar with being "someone's".

He is now a totally different horse with me and everyone, and looking back I think he had just got depressed. These days he is a yard favorite and loves as much attention as he can get - he can actually be a bit full on and cheeky now!

It can take time to bring a horse out of its established behaviour so I would spend plenty of time on the ground with him and continue to be firm but fair (consistent). Also if you have the facilities try some free schooling this helps get the interaction going through voice and body language, rather than direct contact.
 
I've had my boy for just over 4 months now, and we have only just started getting to know each other properly - we haven't yet bonded, but he's got to know who I am and has really started to trust me.

Since I've had him I've done a lot of groundwork which has helped him gain some respect and trust from me. It takes time, but the more you spend doing "fun" things and also "spooky" things so he yields to you, thw quicker the bond will grow.

My pony also hates being groomed in the majority of places, but I have learnt he has a favourite spot just behind his girth area which has shown that we have begun to get a connection as he trusted me enough to let me know he loves being itched there.

Just give it time and be patient, some horses bond more and quicker than others!
 
Interresting thought.

I bred most of my horses, so have known them their entire lives. The mares I have a very strong bond with, and always have had. However with the gelding I compete with most, it is slighty different. I love him to bits, and we get on really well, but I always think that there is a little something 'missing'.

I put this down to the fact that he still has his mum around (she is 27). He adores her totally, and spends every day in the field with her. I think until she is gone, he will always be a little resevered with me, because he doesn't really need me.
 
Although when I bought Archie I fell in love with him very quickly, it took us probably a good six months to bond.

Saying that, I have owned him for 3 1/2 years now and there are times, and I had one recently, when we just do not see eye to eye. Usually, I walk down the track to his field and he runs down to greet me but there have been times when he has seen me and just turned in the other direction. I know he has seen me and I know what he is thinking ... I just know its a day when we are a bit out of sync. To be honest, I think he picks up on my moods (not that I am a moody old bag but sometimes when I have things to juggle like the children, work, being here, there and everywhere) and he reacts accordingly. If I have a lot on my mind I think he picks up on this and confuses him and so he gives off mixed messages too.

I have also learnt that however well you think you know your horse to never, ever be complacent and think because you have bonded things aren't going to happen. I learnt that in February when, even though the signs were there he was wound up, I took for granted and was complacent that he is normally a laid back gentle giant and completely ignored the signs he was giving me. On I jumped, down the field and off I shot when he decided it was a good time to squeal with delight and buck, racing up the field. Off I shot and broke my collar bone.
 
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