how quickly would you ? possible difficult subject

I lost my old girl when i was holiday so i had to wait to come home before i could start looking. I got home 2 weeks after loosing her and started looking the night i got home. I had no choice really as my other horse and she was on her own so i needed to buy another horse so she had company. I finally found one 6 weeks later. I found it easier to have another horse tha to sit about thinking about it too long. I think if i knew i was going to have to have one pts for a health issue then i would start to look before the deed was done, it is how i cope.
 
I had a break of three months, but mostly because I couldn't decide what I wanted nor could I find 'the one'. I didn't have a break cos I looked after kids that had ponies.

It's a personal thing: having another might be really helping your friend. Don't judge.
 
Coblover63 said:
Horses are hugely time-consuming and if you lose one suddenly, you find yourself with loads of spare time to think. Like others have said, try not to judge as she won't be replacing her previous horse, just the time aspect.
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Yes I would imagine this has a huge impact... I was at a loss when 3 month LWVTB fell thru last year - I know its not in the same league, but I suddenly had loads of time to sit about feeling sad :o

Everyone is different, and it is a personal choice whether to get another asap or wait, and not a choice that anyone should judge imho
 
Oberon said:
Perhaps your comment below confused us?
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Yes I was giving my opinon on the generally about the subject in the person.If that was me i wouldn't have got a horse that soon. I'm not syaing wether she is wrong or right.

Why can't i ask for opinons about something because i wondered. without getting jumped on ? why is it so difficult for people not to say horrible things to someone asking a question.
 
I've 'replaced' pets quickly before (in quotes because as animal lovers I'm certain you know how I mean that) - and sometimes I've needed to wait a good long time before I was able to. It depends entirely on circumstance, and won't always be the same for even the same person. There is no 'right'or 'wrong' beyond what's right for the person in question at that exact moment.
 
I had another within a week but I had been looking for a while as the horse that was PTS had retired from ridden work.

Oh, and I'd better add that I didn't have the poorly one PTS because a new one was coming, he was PTS because he suddenly went downhill.
 
Purple18 said:
Yes I was giving my opinon on the generally about the subject in the person.If that was me i wouldn't have got a horse that soon. I'm not syaing wether she is wrong or right.

Why can't i ask for opinons about something because i wondered. without getting jumped on ? why is it so difficult for people not to say horrible things to someone asking a question.
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I suspect the hostility is because you've inadvertently jumped on a few raw nerves ;).

A few of us have experienced loss and also bitchy livery yards....it's bringing up past resentments :o.
 
Oberon said:
I suspect the hostility is because you've inadvertently jumped on a few raw nerves ;).

A few of us have experienced loss and also bitchy livery yards....it's bringing up past resentments :o.
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I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset anyone :(
 
I had my horse of a lifetime pts at 1pm, I was with her when she took her last breath and sat with her whilst we waited for the disposal man! When he arrived I left my hubbie and good friends to it and went to her stable and promptly moved my youngster into it!

It was my way of coping, I could not deal with walking onto the yard the next morning and not seeing a friendly face!

It didn't mean that I did not love & cherish her mynold girl, it also did not mean that I did not cry myself to sleep every night for months, it just meant that I had to find a way to cope & carry on!

Maybe, it is this persons way of coping and I understand that you feel it's too soon, I can also see that your not judging and this is you opinion but the way I see it as long as this person feels supported in her decisions from the people that matter to him/her it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
 
Everyone grieves in their own way, there's no set time scale.

Getting a new horse will fill this person's time, and distract them from the emptiness left by their old friend. But they will grieve, in their own way.

The grieving process might be partially delayed by the distraction, but they will still go through it. :(

I don't know what I'd do. It's one of those situations which none of us know how we'll deal with, until it happens to us.
 
When the question is judgementally put then you will get jumped on! There are many ways to put such a question. You have done it in a most insensitive manner and managed to upset a number of people.

How somebody copes with their grief has got nothing whatsoever to do with you.
 
Not horses but dogs,over the years there have been many,we always say "we'll wait a while"but a small person,knocks on the door and asks politely to come in.One of our current ones came back from the vet with me after an oldie had been put down.At four months old,she was emaciated and terrified, brought in to be euthanased because she dug a hole in the garden.
Horses for courses,if you need a break for whatever reason thats fine,Mr/Mz Right may not turn up straight away,however if a horse you feel is suitable don't let it slip through your fingers.
 
There is no right or wrong answer to this question , everyone is different. Also not everyone see horses as a family member either. Like maybe you would a dog. Does not mean they don't care though. Life goes on.
 
You have been judgemental though. You gave your uninvited opinions on this lady's actions publicly, and in a way that inferred a negative reaction to her actions.

It is nobody's business but hers how quickly she replaces her horse. It doesn't affect you, so why invite opinions?
 
I think it depends totally on the individual and also maybe the circumstances if the horse being pts. If a sudden accident and a real shock then I would think for most people it would take some time but, if you knew it was inevitable then you habe probably already come to terms with it. Still, everyone's different. 'some' people seem to have no issue with having a healthy horse pts because they can't handle it, and having another already lined up....!
 
When ever they want be it hours, days, weeks or months. Different people deal with things differently and if they find a horse that they like then you should be pleased for them, not questioning how soon they found it.
 
MrsMozart said:
When the question is judgementally put then you will get jumped on! There are many ways to put such a question. You have done it in a most insensitive manner and managed to upset a number of people.

How somebody copes with their grief has got nothing whatsoever to do with you.
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I have already answered this if you read the replies. But i'll say it again. I was talking about the subject not the person. general subject
Kat said:
You have been judgemental though. You gave your uninvited opinions on this lady's actions publicly, and in a way that inferred a negative reaction to her actions.

It is nobody's business but hers how quickly she replaces her horse. It doesn't affect you, so why invite opinions?
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Uninvited ? Opinons of mine not what she did. I don't agree but it's her choice.it has been spoken about between friends and the lady in question even before this horse was pts.

As I replied above I was talking about the subject other people opinons of the subject
 
dafthoss said:
When ever they want be it hours, days, weeks or months. Different people deal with things differently and if they find a horse that they like then you should be pleased for them, not questioning how soon they found it.
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Please read the comments before you reply I have already explained i'm not questioning her I am pleased for her infact the horse is bought is beautiful and will have a really good home with them.
 
Purple18 said:
I have already answered this if you read the replies. But i'll say it again. I was talking about the subject not the person. general subject

Uninvited ? Opinons of mine not what she did. I don't agree but it's her choice.it has been spoken about between friends and the lady in question even before this horse was pts.

As I replied above I was talking about the subject other people opinons of the subject
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I'm not sure what you're saying here, I find your writing style rather confusing. For example, I've no idea what "Opinons of mine not what she did" means. :confused:

However you intended it to sound, your original post did look very unkind. It certainly appeared that you thought the lady was wrong (possibly uncaring?) to get a new horse so soon. Like I say, maybe that's not how you meant it, but I can understand why people are responding as they are.
 
Maybe I'm hurting just a bit too much to read all the replies.

And just maybe having the good grace to explain yourself, no matter how many times you have to do it, is the way to appease those you have caused upset.
 
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Horsesatemymoney - can't quote as using my phone but I know of someone who insisted het horse was lame and had vets operate on it even though vets didn't warrant it. She felt the horse still wasn't right (essentially she was scared of said horse because he did the odd exuberant buck) and ended up having him pts. She got another on loan and did similar although was stopped short of having him operated on when the vet rang to contact the owner! Owner was understandably livid as horse was being prepped for surgery! Latest horse got PSD but not enough to warrant an op - she insisted! Again she overhorsed herself with this one. She's now effectively retired it and wants to put it in foal!!! Sadly we reckon she'll have that pts. She's already bought another that failed a vetting and had already had known issues! It's like she has munchausens by proxy but with horses!!!!
 
My girl died traumatically on Friday. I started looking on Saturday, travelled from Manchester to Newcastle, Newmarket and Cornwall that weekend and found my boy on the Sunday. She was my mare of a lifetime he was my gelding that was 8 years ago. People did judge me I didn't care and I still don't. I can still cry my heart out everyday over my girl and blame myself for what happened. Everyone is different, I was lucky I suppose my boy could have been a mistake but even absolutely distraught I knew he was mine the moment I saw his picture.
 
Everyone is different and I don't think anyone should judge, sometimes having another new horse in your life helps you to come to terms with it and move on, doesn't mean your any less upset, having something else to focus on is often a good thing :)
 
ASAP , once their gone their gone , I get on with the next one it would not bother me at all to have one arrive the next day personally I can't bear the empty stable and want it filled ASAP.
 
When I lost my beloved gelding suddenly, I'd only had my mare for about a month - so although I didn't go out and buy her straight afterwards, she hadn't been around for long. Although its not quite the same, i'm so glad i had another horse to care for - I had to force myself to go out to the stables and fields he'd been in, because if I didn't look after her, then who would? It was very hard, but she was something else to focus on. It didn't mean that I missed him any less, but she really helped me to cope. Maybe buying a horse so soon afterwards is your friend-of-a-friends way of doing the same.
 
ladyt25 said:
I think it depends totally on the individual and also maybe the circumstances if the horse being pts. If a sudden accident and a real shock then I would think for most people it would take some time but, if you knew it was inevitable then you habe probably already come to terms with it. Still, everyone's different. 'some' people seem to have no issue with having a healthy horse pts because they can't handle it, and having another already lined up....!
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How do you know the horse was healthy? How? Have you witnessed the long and painful discussions with the vets, the blood tests and the worrying behavior that seems normal to those not 'in the know'.

Comments like this have really got to me today. Please think before you judge someone.
 
I feel its a personal thing. I lost my Clydesdale boy just before Xmas. I cant even look at another Clydie without feeling cheated of Goliaths future (he was only 8). However I did still have my other two boys to think of and that helped massively. If I hadnt had them then I think I would have had to go out and get another asap x
 
I lost my girl yesterday. She had many injuries and illnesses over the years, including cancer. She hadn't been 100% sound for 18 months because of a ligament Injury. She had just recovered from a bad bout of COPD and the resulting steroid induced Lammi. She blew a tendon on box rest. That takes talent doesn't it. I couldn't put her through 5 more months of box rest. I've been saying goodbye over the last week, and yesterday was closure. I could feel myself going through the stages of grief. I was so angry on Friday.

Some people move through the stages more quickly than others, some people have time to say goodbye, some don't. That all affects how you recover from this. Only the person affected knows when it is time to look, and until you have been through this, you don't really know how you would feel.
 
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