how quickly would you ? possible difficult subject

What about if they are on a livery yard. If they don't have a horse they may lose their stable!

It could also be that they are not looking for a new horse but another one that is perfect comes along.
 
When i lost my first dog i felt really guilty even thinking about having another dog, but the house felt too empty without her and i couldn't bear to be at home alone as i missed her so much. A friend who had kept many dogs over the years told me not to feel guilty about needing another dog, she said it was a great tribute to my lost dog that i felt the need to bring another dog into the home and i should go out and look for one without feeling any guilt. Within a couple of weeks we had a new puppy and i eventually realised that each dog had its own personality and i could love my first dog for all her lovely qualities, and love my second dog just as much for entirely different reasons. When i had to have my horse pts i knew i would need to replace her, although i didnt rush straight into it i felt comfortable with the idea as i knew that behind my desire to have another horse was the knowledge that my previous horse had given me so much joy, and in return i had kept my part of the bargain and ensured she was given a happy and comfortable retirement and a quiet and dignified end. Thankfully i was surrounded by lovely people who encouraged me to do whatever i felt was right, at whatever time i felt was right for me without passing any judgement.
 
Lolo, because I know the situation and I know what was 'wrong' or not wrong with the horse should we say.
 
This is something many animal-owners often debate, be it horse, dog, cat.
It's such a hugely personal decision.

My husband and I are such softies over our animals that we somehow often end up with more than one "replacement" animal... not so much with horses, as it's not too practical, but often an "extra" daschund or rabbit somehow also comes home to us to try to fill the void.

The void always remains, I think, but more creatures to love and enjoy do ease the pain.... but never fully.
 
FionaM12 said:
I'm not sure what you're saying here, I find your writing style rather confusing. For example, I've no idea what "Opinons of mine not what she did" means. :confused:

However you intended it to sound, your original post did look very unkind. It certainly appeared that you thought the lady was wrong (possibly uncaring?) to get a new horse so soon. Like I say, maybe that's not how you meant it, but I can understand why people are responding as they are.
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Well it wasn't meant to look that way. If people weren't sure exactly what i meant all they had to do was ask not write horrible things. there nothing more to say really.
MrsMozart said:
Maybe I'm hurting just a bit too much to read all the replies.

And just maybe having the good grace to explain yourself, no matter how many times you have to do it, is the way to appease those you have caused upset.
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I have ? quite afew times now iv'e explained I can't say anymore than i already have.
 
I have never understood the mentality of those who think it's 'too soon' to 'replace'. Really? Does anyone honestly think an owner is attempting to 'replace' their beloved animal. The new horse is a new horse, another horse, a different horse and we could probably assume that the new horse will bring positivity to the life of the person who has recently lost an animal. So why would anyone question it?

Oh and OP before you say that yOu weren't questioning it, just giving your opinion... You said something along the lines of 'personally I think, what do you think', so yes, you were questioning it.
 
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amymay said:
My new horse arrived 4 days after having previous one put down, having agreed a price several days prior.
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Very similar to myself - in fact I would add in that I put her down BECAUSE I had found my new mare. The mare I put down had the most horrendous kissing spines and I do not have my own land. I had only had her for a few months (TB sales purchase).

In fact new mare scared the bejesus out of other livery as she is also a dapple grey - when she stuck her head out over the door the livery thought it was a ghost!

TB was beyond repair - if I had not found my new mare I know it would have taken me a lot longer to make the inevitable decision on PTS. New mare just speeded up my reluctant decision.

OP stop being judgemental - or perhaps you should tell us what a "suitable" grieving period for her would be????
 
I lost my boy on 11th November when he broke his leg. We were going to wait until the spring to start looking again, if we did at all!

By Boxing Day Kenny was with me. I couldn't stand not having a horse to look after. It was driving my crazy. I ended up asking friends if I could muck their horses out (of course they jumped at the chance) ;)
 
I think everyone should lay off the OP a bit here. It was unfortunately worded but she has explained and apologised over and over.

I hate seeing this type of thing on here. You're having a go at her but being no better yourselves.
 
mcnaughty said:
Very similar to myself - in fact I would add in that I put her down BECAUSE I had found my new mare. The mare I put down had the most horrendous kissing spines and I do not have my own land. I had only had her for a few months (TB sales purchase).

In fact new mare scared the bejesus out of other livery as she is also a dapple grey - when she stuck her head out over the door the livery thought it was a ghost!

TB was beyond repair - if I had not found my new mare I know it would have taken me a lot longer to make the inevitable decision on PTS. New mare just speeded up my reluctant decision.

OP stop being judgemental - or perhaps you should tell us what a "suitable" grieving period for her would be????
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In your case having the new horse horse arriving made you take the decision that needed to be taken, as hard as it is no one wants to see a horse(or any animal) suffer.
Until anyone has gone through it no one can say how quickly they would get another horse. As said before it is not replacing the horse but replacing your time with something to do again.
 
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One can never 'replace' the lost animal in ones life; whenever I've had one go to the great pasture/rabbit warren (dogs)/mouse town (cats) in the sky, I've had to have something to look forward to, so I go animal shopping as soon as I can.

However, it is such a personal thing, that no one can judge another.

Mrs M (and everyone whose lost recently) - hugs to you xxx
 
Patterdale said:
I think everyone should lay off the OP a bit here. It was unfortunately worded but she has explained and apologised over and over.

I hate seeing this type of thing on here. You're having a go at her but being no better yourselves.
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Rare that I disagree with you Pattersale, but in this instance we are poles apart.

The OP's opening post was crass.

I don't care how many times one has to say 'sorry' if one has hurt others through ill thought out wording, that's the way of it. The 'apologies' such as they are do not come across as heartfelt as the opening OP.

It's a question that can be asked for sure, but it's such a sensitive area that it's a question that, if one feels the need to ask it on a open forum where practically daily people are losing their beloved horses, should be asked with sensitivity and certainly not with a real life example to hand.

I'm off now to play with my remaining horses, which no matter how many I have now or in the fiuture, will never 'replace' those I've lost.
 
I have been thinking about this since reading this thread and I honestly dont know what I would do. On one hand i would be absolutely distraught if I lost either of mine but on the other I would want my suriving horse to have company as soon as - Im on a very small yard with only 2 other horses and we do our own thing with t/o and so on. I would never have moved to this yard with just one horse so that would be a consideration. It would be an incredibly upsetting time regardless though and I think people do what they need to do at the time. I dont think that makes them any less upset if they get a new horse sooner than others - some people need that distraction to move on
 
Patterdale said:
Who's 'Pattersale?'

:D

I do see your point MrsM, I just feel a bit for OP; we all get it wrong now and then ;) :)
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It's y'new name don't y'know m'duck :rolleyes::eek::D That and cos I can't type straight :rolleyes: I will remember to spell check!

I know we all get it wrong. Indeed we do (and I'm certainly no exception!). The point is though that once one has realised one has got it wrong then one has to suck up the apologising, not expect a couple of 'sorrys' to make it all ok for those who were hurt by it. I'm just so blinking glad I'm not the other livery refered to in the OP. even though having Dizz put to sleep was right for her, one can't help but think 'what if' and they leave a massive horse shaped hole in one's heart and life and sometimes the only way to heal is to fill that hole with another horse (and then the journey starts again :cool:).
 
Purple18 said:
Kat.

I'm not being judgemental in anyway I have said my opinon and am asking for other people veiws on what the subject. The sitaution got me thinking that's alll no need to bite my head off :)

Yes they can do what they like iv'e never said they didn't ?
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It's the sheer fact you have asked on here which makes you sound/seem judgemental. It hasn't come across well.

FWIW, I'm another who thinks it's nobody's business but their own and I'm also another who doesn't see any horse as irreplaceable so don't blame them for replacing it so quickly.
 
Sorry for everyone that has lost horses.

I think it is a very personal thing, we all react differently. When Dolly's foal was stillborn, I couldn't face the thought of trying again, but within a month of Doll being back to herself and being given the ok by the vet, she was back at stud.

Have never lost a horse yet, other than our filly, second pregnancy was lost early on, so not meant to be. Doll was my first horse and is my horse of a lifetime. She is 20 now, I have an arthritic 16 year old, and a 5 year old. I have to face the fact that doll and mac are getting older, arthritis will get steadily worse, but I can't imagine not having horses. Obviously Ollie "should" be with me for many years, but who knows what the future holds. I think when I lose one of them, I will be happy having 2, but not sure I would be happy just keeping 1. What scares me is, all 3 of mine found me, one with help from a fellow forum member, and all are great horses and friends in their own way. If I went looking, I really don't know what I would look for, as never done the horse shopping thing, and would probably end up with something totally unsuitable which would break my heart all over again.
 
I look obsessively for the next horse from the day the decision is made. Can't see why it matters really, its not like the current horse knows and its going to hurt their feelings is it?
 
Oberon said:
I suspect the hostility is because you've inadvertently jumped on a few raw nerves ;).

A few of us have experienced loss and also bitchy livery yards....it's bringing up past resentments :o.
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Actually, I, too, thought that the OP sounded judgemental and we keep our horses at home and have never experienced unpleasant comments about 'replacing' a horse.
We had a horse pts last week aged 31 and I have been looking at ads. A new horse wouldn't replace the old lady, she was retired, she was my Dad's driving horse primarily and only just big enough for me to ride but we do now have an empty stable available and I didn't get another when my ID was pts about 18 months ago.
It depends on all kinds of things, including finance. No-one should judge what someone else does and certainly shouldn't say in the bereaved person's hearing that they wouldn't do what they have done.

By the way, we still remember and talk about our first horse who was pts over 30 yrs ago and not 'replaced' for 2 years. That decision was influenced by finance, practicalities and life events. We often talk about all the horses we have had pts over the years.
 
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I havn't lost a horse so can't respond with any kind of certainty.

But for me I think it would depend on the situation.

If I lost Willow, I think I would get another asap, as she is retired and we are aware its only a matter of time. (But then I probably wouldn't as am very happy with just 1 riding horse so thats academic)

If I lost Squirrel, my eventer, suddenly in a tragic accident or due to colic, I think I would need a break.

He is just so perfect for me that I feel having another horse immiediately would frustrate me as there is just no way they could match up to him. So to get one whilst feeling very raw about losing him would be a bad idea for me I think as I feel I would resent them and be unable to bond as well. Makes me tearful just to think of it!

But then I do work with horses so its not like I would be without riding or seeing them which might make a difference.
 
Right.



I'm saying this one last time..

I was not saying anything about her in person she can do as she likes the subject just got me thinking and wondered how other people have coped and how long THEY personally beileve they should leave before getting another horse.

The lady in question is loving and in no way have i said that she is replacing this horse that has passed too early it's her way of coping that's is fine I have never said that it isn't. I was saying PERSONALLY i couldn't get another that quickly nothing against the lady in question.

I'm not saying she loved the horse that has passed any less by getting another horse.I am sorry if i have upset anyone. To anyone you has lost their horse recently I'm very sorry for your loss this thread wasn't meant to upset anyone.

I can't say anything else but sorry and if everyone looks through i ahve said it alot now if that's not good enough then please walk away from the thread. I don't have anything else to say I have said everything plenty of times now.
 
It was six weeks and three days from losing my mare to my new horse being delivered. This was only because I had to wait for the insurance settlement to come through.

My mare died on the Thursday before Your Horse Live so I went on both days as I couldn't bear not having the weekend routine, and I started searching the following weekend.

As many people have pointed out, having a horse is a lifestyle not a hobby, and for me, like lots of other owners, my social life was mainly with people from the yard, so the gap was just enormous. I felt no guilt for looking straight away.

My YO even asked me on the same day if I wanted to keep on the stable - not as callous as it sounds, she was very kind how she asked, but when all's said and done, she's running a popular business with a long waiting list.

I lost my beautiful dog about five weeks ago, which is the longest I've ever been without one. My OH won't even consider getting another one, and this makes it harder to get over my loss.
 
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Everyone is different, people cope with loss differently. It could take days, weeks, months, years etc..
I wouldn't be judgmental about it. Each to their own.
 
I would say if you are not ready in some form or other, you won't have been looking, let alone buying. It's different for everyone.

I got my mare a month after my last one was suddenly PTS. The new one filled a physical need in me to care for her, made me keep in my routine, gave me a distraction. 20 months later I am still grieving for my last horse, but I have a new friend to occupy me.

Some yards will still be charging for the empty stable. It makes financial sense to get on and fill it.

If the horse has been ill/injured for a while I think that a certain amount of grieving and consolidating feelings and reasoning has already happened, the actual PTS point becomes less important.

Ramble....ramble....
 
I dont see why the OP is getting so much flak - from the sound of the post it seemed as though this thread was started out of curiousity as to what other people found was an acceptable amount of time to wait for buying a new horse. It did not sound in the slightest judgemental, it was more factual. Quit giving the girl such a hard time for simply asking a question.
 
Had my horse PTS on the 22nd March 2013 and knew for two weeks beforehand it was going to be done. Looked online at some horses beforehand and then swithered between looking and being too upset to look for a couple of weeks after (I do have 2 ponies as well). Can't afford what I want right now but was offered a lovely horse on loan for the summer, got him last sunday.

I miss my old horse terribly, he was only 11. I still cry a bit and its very odd having a new horse.
 
We started looking about four or five days afterwards. In practice, it took 4 months - but there was a failed vetting in there.
 
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