How to approach this? Husband + horsebox = moaning Husband

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Mongoose11

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Ok so, I know I'm not riding a great deal at the moment, but I am getting there and I know I have never competed, but I dream about it....

Well it seems that the only chance I will ever have of owning transport has gone and landed in my lap and I need some help. My instructor/friend has asked if I would like to buy a little lorry with her. I have been dreaming wistfully about it as I can't tow and Olive wont travel with another, so I really would need something I could use independently (3.5t horsebox). I definitely couldn't afford one on my own, but I can afford a 50% share :) I trust her explicitly and it is very unlikely that we would ever want to go somewhere at the same time as she competes at a high level. Fun trips to the XC etc could be done in two loads as we have amazing facilities within a ten mile radius.

I know I won't use it every week and I know that I won't get my money's worth for a while, BUT it's my only chance.

Now comes the complicated bit that I need to explain very carefully. My Husband. I earn 75% of our income, but I don't feel that gives me the right to just spend it as I wish. Husband would not approve of this purchase because he is a worrier, this would be unfounded worry. A recent pay rise means that I can afford this lorry :o and this is surely a suitable 'well done for the promotion' gift?!

So, how do I go about this? I genuinely thought about buying it and saying nothing (which would mean lying) and I just can't. He's so honest and trust is so important - obviously. I could just tell him that I am buying it and other than an initial moan I know he would end up saying 'well it's up to you', but I don't want him to worry about the costs. He really doesn't need to, but he will. I think it is because he isn't really in control of the finances.....

So, how do I go about this. I had some advice from a friend which was that I should 'time' my hints about it really well. You know, mention it during the afterglow or just as I put a steak down in front of him .... :D

Over to you...
 
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Positive association? Start yelling "lorry" during intimate moments and, possibly muttering it in his ear every time he takes a bite of steak... Until the mere mention of equine transport has him salivating and ... well... y'know... :p

And then you tell him you're buying one :D
 
I would favour the direct approach the steak the red wine the talk .
I don't know how old you are but pointing out that no one has forever to ride at their best might be one of the lines as might be the living your dreams line which works a treat with mine .
Then move like a glacier towards your goal ie firm but unstoppable.
Are you sure though this is a sensible deal and it is not going to turn in a nightmare ?
 
sex, sex and more sex.......

I don't know how you work out your household finances but me and OH both pay a set amount into the joint account every month which pays all the bills and adds to our savings. The rest of what we earn is ours to do as we wish.
 
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JFTD said:
Positive association? Start yelling "lorry" during intimate moments and, possibly muttering it in his ear every time he takes a bite of steak... Until the mere mention of equine transport has him salivating and ... well... y'know... :p

And then you tell him you're buying one :D
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:D:D:D

I think I would do as your friend says and just drop lots of hints and have half/casual conversations about it and warm him up to the idea over a period of time and then come out with the proposal at an opportune moment. Good luck :)
 
JFTD said:
Positive association? Start yelling "lorry" during intimate moments and, possibly muttering it in his ear every time he takes a bite of steak... Until the mere mention of equine transport has him salivating and ... well... y'know... :p

And then you tell him you're buying one :D
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Excellent ideas JFTD, I'll begin right away. Did Sir order the fillet? :D

Goldenstar said:
I would favour the direct approach the steak the red wine the talk .
I don't know how old you are but pointing out that no one has forever to ride at their best might be one of the lines as might be the living your dreams line which works a treat with mine .
Then move like a glacier towards your goal ie firm but unstoppable.
Are you sure though this is a sensible deal and it is not going to turn in a nightmare ?
Click to expand...

Agreed, I could give the old... 'Before we have children' blah, blah, blah...

Definitely not a nightmare. Purchase is with a very straight forward, honest and trustworthy person. No chance of a nightmare.

Carefreegirl said:
sex, sex and more sex.......
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****** :rolleyes:
 
Billie1007 said:
Excellent ideas JFTD, I'll begin right away. Did Sir order the fillet? :D



Agreed, I could give the old... 'Before we have children' blah, blah, blah...

Definitely not a nightmare. Purchase is with a very straight forward, honest and trustworthy person. No chance of a nightmare.



****** :rolleyes:
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^^^^ I don't think thats legal ;) :D
 
Could you start adding up finances and asking his advice on how to cut back costs of transport and things to shows, emphasizing the costs of hiring/ trailers and then a few days later bring it up again with the amazing coincidence of this deal you've found...?

Try and make it so it's partly his idea, men like it when things are their idea.
 
..just tell him about it with the positive points to it? I never understand having to 'tip-toe' around things, but then that's just me I guess!

We discuss, list the pro's and con's then go from there....

If your husband is just going to dig his feet in just because he can, then I can't advise you, as my husband will always have reasons for his opinions, and never just say 'no'...

Good luck!
 
Luckily mine buys ridiculous things all the time (he changes his car every 2-3 months), so until he stops his mad car buying antics I can buy whatever I want guilt free:). But speaking as the person who is often on the other side of the fence - my OH generally spends two weeks mentioning the damn thing every day explaining not just how it would be a great thing to have but also how he actually NEEDS it. I know exactly what he's doing, but after two weeks I'm so worn down that I really don't care anymore:rolleyes:
 
DragonSlayer said:
..just tell him about it with the positive points to it? I never understand having to 'tip-toe' around things, but then that's just me I guess!

We discuss, list the pro's and con's then go from there....

If your husband is just going to dig his feet in just because he can, then I can't advise you, as my husband will always have reasons for his opinions, and never just say 'no'...

Good luck!
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I am finding this all very odd because I have never tiptoed before, I would usually be very direct and explain what is happening :p I guess it is because there is very good reason NOT to buy it. We would have more disposable income, it would be another payment each month in terms of insurance etc, but what's the alternative? I.... Put... It ...in the........ Bank :eek::eek::eek:

The idea is abhorrent to me.

Funnily enough we always have money for the stuff that is his idea. The car port.... CAR PORT! The garage that is now a luxury gym complete with floor to ceiling mirrors, flat screen tv, carpet AND rubber matting........ All his idea :)
 
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I'm going to be the nay sayer here. It's the sharing that bothers me. Suppose your husband is so sated with sex and steak that's he's happy it's the best idea you've ever had, you've already said you won't get anything like the use out of it. So how are you going to split the bills? Say it does £1K's worth of top end when you're driving it for the second time and you've put 35 miles on the clock but your friend has been out twice a week for the past two months and racked up 3,000 miles. Are you going to split the bill 50:50? What happens if it breaks on a Saturday and someone's booked to use it on Sunday and is going to lose expensive entries or a show qualification?

When I was in your situation, I manage to convince my husband that it was an ideal vehicle for romantic (more steak!) weekends away with the addition of a mattress and a cooker etc as well as me taking ponies to shows:) I honestly think you'd be better trying to find a vehicle that would fit your budget and having it for your own.
 
to be honest, if your not going to use it very often you may be better off renting (sure you can rent a 3.5 tonner for the day), not sure about the figures, but with insurance, road tax, MOT, repairs... if your only going out every couple of months the expense of just renting an immaculate one may be better? I think renting is very expensive if done regularly though
however, if you do want this share, and you know you have the finances, write down all the costs, and just tell him! no tip toeing needed, just have an open conversation... he might just say yes... if not then you start buttering him up and persuading him other ways ;)

also I agree, even though it sounds straight forward, sharing isn't, as like jemima said, if your friend uses it a lot more will she be paying more?
 
Billie, pippixox makes good points. Have a look at the atacanter website to see how much they charge. FWIW even though I own a nice lorry I hire from them on occasion because theirs are much newer than mine and easier to drive and it costs me less to hire a small one and pay the petrol on it than to do a 600 mile round trip in mine with one horse on board.

Plus you know the things have been maintained and will definitely start when you want them.
 
jemima*askin said:
I'm going to be the nay sayer here. It's the sharing that bothers me. Suppose your husband is so sated with sex and steak that's he's happy it's the best idea you've ever had, you've already said you won't get anything like the use out of it. So how are you going to split the bills? Say it does £1K's worth of top end when you're driving it for the second time and you've put 35 miles on the clock but your friend has been out twice a week for the past two months and racked up 3,000 miles. Are you going to split the bill 50:50? What happens if it breaks on a Saturday and someone's booked to use it on Sunday and is going to lose expensive entries or a show qualification?

When I was in your situation, I manage to convince my husband that it was an ideal vehicle for romantic (more steak!) weekends away with the addition of a mattress and a cooker etc as well as me taking ponies to shows:) I honestly think you'd be better trying to find a vehicle that would fit your budget and having it for your own.
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I do understand your concerns but to be fair this deal will end up getting me far more than just the independent use of the box. This woman does a lot for me already, is so keen to help me progress, loves my horse and genuinely has my very best interests at heart. She isn't cheap and I know this box will mean that she will accompany me to shows, coach me and my sharer while I am out and bring us on in leaps and bounds. I know she would never be anything but fair and will take into account how much she uses it compared to me. She isn't short of money and has no other reason to let me buy into this box other than she knows how much I would like to and she genuinely wants me to fulfil my horsey dreams. She certainly doesn't need my financial input.
 
FfionWinnie said:
I would just be straight with him and say if it turns out to be too costly you will sell your share ;)
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He'll probably realise that selling a share in a horsebox won't be easy if the person who owns the other half can't afford it!

edited to add - cross posted with Billie:)
 
FfionWinnie said:
Pah life is for living. You will be out in it every week if you have your own transport Billie and you will train Olive not to mind sharing. :D
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To be fair I have never even put her next to another horse on a trailer or lorry. I daren't. She has major space issues, has to be led in on her own because kicking occurs. It is genuine fright. Over a fence she will groom and it is lovely to see. Without a barrier she shows such genuine concern. I know there is a barrier in a box but I just can't bare the thought of putting her/the other horse at risk. She loves to be with another horse, just not too near.
 
JFTD said:
He certainly takes his gym seriously.

*wanders off looking puzzled by the concept of fitness and "working out" :eek: *
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He is a complete gym freak (personal trainer by trade). He makes me sick

Sorry, but you all seem to have missed the CAR PORT!
 
Billie1007 said:
I do understand your concerns but to be fair this deal will end up getting me far more than just the independent use of the box. This woman does a lot for me already, is so keen to help me progress, loves my horse and genuinely has my very best interests at heart. She isn't cheap and I know this box will mean that she will accompany me to shows, coach me and my sharer while I am out and bring us on in leaps and bounds. I know she would never be anything but fair and will take into account how much she uses it compared to me. She isn't short of money and has no other reason to let me buy into this box other than she knows how much I would like to and she genuinely wants me to fulfil my horsey dreams. She certainly doesn't need my financial input.
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In that case go for it!!! I have just survived a horse, a new horse that I can actually ride after ist new horse was a actually a full up comp horse , a trailer and a manage grader. As someone on here said to the woman who bought the 2K saddle - tell him naked;) careful with the 75% of income stuff because i was that woman for 14 years or so now my public sector practice has shrunk and his is thriving - it's all swings and roundabouts in this game of love:)
 
FfionWinnie said:
A carport that's like a field shelter innit. Practically the same thing as a half share in a lorry.

You could get a full partition in your own lorry ;)
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Full partition? I have never heard of such a thing! Partition that would withstand the worried hooves of a frightened Olive?
 
Billie1007 said:
He is a complete gym freak (personal trainer by trade). He makes me sick

Sorry, but you all seem to have missed the CAR PORT!
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just blurt it out! then run away, hide for a few hours, sneak back in and cook something that someone who goes to the gym likes! (i dont know if skeak fills this description?) youll be fine!

also once you get the lorry, youll be wanting a lorry port! keep it out of the cold etc etc
 
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