How to deal with new people on the yard that you really don’t wanna interact with !

Winters100 said:
I think your main issues are them feeding treats, asking you to help and commenting on the way you manage your horse?

Regarding the management of the horse I would just speak to them in a very positive and polite way, say that you heard that they had some concerns and want to explain why you are doing x or y. Normally is puts people on the back foot if you are direct, and by being polite and friendly about it you will not feel that you have anything to feel ashamed about later. Same with the treats. I would just thank them, and tell them how kind it was that they include my horse in the carrots, but explain that for now it is not allowed.

Regarding helping, unless I truly had no time at all I would just help them out. If I really could not I would apologize and explain why.

Ultimately when you look back on this situation you are unlikely to be upset for long about how others have treated you, but if you feel that you have let your own standards of behaviour and kindness to others slip then it will bother you for much longer.

Remember that you soon will be the new person at another yard, and I guess that you will hope to be made welcome even if the neighbor is leaving soon. In the same way that one leaves personal problems outside of the door of the office, or business problems on the doorstep when arriving home, it is good to do the same at the yard. Whenever I have problems I just remind myself that so does everyone else, and that being positive costs nothing.
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Totally If they don’t want to be polite back I am not bothered but no need to slag me off . Because i don’t have all day standing around with a drink being available to chat . I will do try to explain to them . Next time they feel it’s necessary to comment . I don’t feel I let my behaviour slip . I have just leant over the last few months that people abuse your generosity so I have stopped being as helpful and flexible. My problem is in the stable it’s causing me so much stress and my body is in so much pain because I shouldn’t be doing all the stuff I am . Thanks
 
Well it does sound a bit chaotic so you have my sympathies as someone who likes to keep themselves to themselves. On keeping to time in the arena, just go in at your allotted time and carry on. Up to you if you are happy for them to carry on too and I do believe in sharing if at all possible as it is good for the horses but it is not their call to decide they can carry on, it is yours. Just be confident and assertive about it. Similarly with kids etc running in the school. I wouldn't be having that either it is a safety issue as well as being annoying. I'm not sure however that you have a leg to stand on in relation to new people making remarks about you behind your back etc. You seem to have come on a public forum to do the same about them.
 
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Grit your teeth and keep your head down. Headphones are a good idea.

If they ask for help just say "sorry I'm a bit pressed for time"

When I left a previous yard a family a bit like this turned up a few days before. They were very loud and took the place over. They came over to introduce themselves and I was polite enough but wasn't interested in engaging knowing I was leaving in a few days. Once I told them I was leaving they lost interest.

Just try and get through the next week or so and you'll be fine.
 
Mary3050 said:
I didn’t mind until they didn’t say please or thank you . They also didn’t want to learn just expect you to tack up from them . The first few times I thought fine but the next time I said why don’t you give it a Go and give me a shout if you get stuck and I can check it for you before you get on . I am trying to avoid spreading myself to thinly as my horse had been very ill and I spend a lot of time concentrating on her . I usually don’t mind tbh I can usually get on with everyone am I more concerned with my horse than talking to people . Thanks
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So you have been helpful to the newbies that have asked for help. But it sounds like they didn't actually want help, without a groom tacking up their horse for them, which is their problem, not yours. I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect them to have learnt enough after you helping them a few times, to give it a go themselves.
Saying that if you run into problems, just give me a shout, and offering to come over, and check if they got it right or not, before they ride, both of those things sounds like being as much politely helpful as anyone could expect. Especially when they haven't thanked you for your help the previous times.

I don't think you sound immature, I think you sound like you have a lot of things going on, and felt a bit grumpy over the situation. Hope the suggestions about using headphones, and vaguely just saying Morning/Afternoon to people works.
 
Leaves stuff in front of your stable, rude, uses your buckets without permission and not left clean, very rude, over running on time slots because "they were late", yes I agree, it's not for you to run your life around their life's schedule, pointless having a schedule if people don't stick too it, if you go in 15mins late and over run by 15 minutes, then the people after you may not be so flexible, and you will be the bad guy, children in the school when in use is an accident waiting to happen, nothing wrong with helping others, we all had to start somewhere, but you are not obligated and it's not your responsibility to help others, more so the yard owner, but if it's DIY she isn't obligated either, just good manners, I wonder why the groom pisses off when they arrive ? tit bitting others horses "without permission" is well out of order, especially as it's all over social media about the public feeding horses and causing choking etc, and no doubt if a horse bites someone, especially a child we all know how that will pan out, you and your horse will be the bad guys, not seeing a problem with kids in the tack room with friends as long as they are behaving and not causing any trouble.
Looks like you are going to have to either move early, or just suck it up, but unless it's in your livery contract, to be Mrs unpaid happy smiley child minder help yourself to my stuff clear up after others I have all day and my time isn't important equine instructor, then so will they have to suck it up as well.

NOFA
 
Muddywellies said:
Can't you move sooner? That would all drive me bonkers.
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I am working on it so fingers crossed .
Leandy said:
Well it does sound a bit chaotic so you have my sympathies as someone who likes to keep themselves to themselves. On keeping to time in the arena, just go in at your allotted time and carry on. Up to you if you are happy for them to carry on too and I do believe in sharing if at all possible as it is good for the horses but it is not their call to decide they can carry on, it is yours. Just be confident and assertive about it. Similarly with kids etc running in the school. I wouldn't be having that either it is a safety issue as well as being annoying. I'm not sure however that you have a leg to stand on in relation to new people making remarks about you behind your back etc. You seem to have come on a public forum to do the same about them.
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I don’t mind like interacting with people but at the min I don’t have time to sit sipping tea and chatting. I will do that they are in before me tomorrow night so if it happens again I am going in. That’s what worries me with the kids I just don’t want them to get hurt . I just have to deal with there opinions! Thanks
 
Sossigpoker said:
Sorry but how old are you? You sound very immature... you don't have to be friends but saying hello and good bye or a few words about the weather is all you need to do even with people you can't be bothered with. It's called being civil.
That's what i tend to do with people.
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I say hey how are you etc one just blanks me . The another said I wasn’t friendly because I don’t sit and have a tea with them and chat because I am
Pushed for time. How does that make me immature ?
 
Mary3050 said:
Defo counting down the days . I am happy to share but then the yard owner brought in a booking system and you have to book your slots . But they told me to wait outside they needed a few more minutes. I waited 5 minutes . They said they need to go around one more time . I said okay can I get on she was like not really as I need all the school . At 15 mins into my slot . I just said I am sorry but I only have 15 mins left and need to work my horse. I can’t hack my crazy coming back into work mare . I may die ? . I will just have to remember that I am lucky but I never usually have any issues .
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I would politely but firmly enter when it is your slot. Treat it as you would if you hired an external arena, she ran late so it cuts down her booking not yours. After all if you run later the next person's slot is impacted so she is being selfish to more than just you.

For the new people, some sound annoying, but probably you seem annoying to them too. you are there for your horses not a social club. Be polite and keep a polite distance and keep your earphones on, cuts down on the need to interact.
 
FinnishLapphund said:
So you have been helpful to the newbies that have asked for help. But it sounds like they didn't actually want help, without a groom tacking up their horse for them, which is their problem, not yours. I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect them to have learnt enough after you helping them a few times, to give it a go themselves.
Saying that if you run into problems, just give me a shout, and offering to come over, and check if they got it right or not, before they ride, both of those things sounds like being as much politely helpful as anyone could expect. Especially when they haven't thanked you for your help the previous times.

I don't think you sound immature, I think you sound like you have a lot of things going on, and felt a bit grumpy over the situation. Hope the suggestions about using headphones, and vaguely just saying Morning/Afternoon to people works.
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Thank you i am glad it’s not just me who thinks I have done enough . I have a lot going on and just don’t want to do more for people as I don’t even get chance to ride my other horses or give them a quick groom. I tried the headphones yesterday and today worked well until the youngest decided to knock them off ?
 
Pedantic said:
Leaves stuff in front of your stable, rude, uses your buckets without permission and not left clean, very rude, over running on time slots because "they were late", yes I agree, it's not for you to run your life around their life's schedule, pointless having a schedule if people don't stick too it, if you go in 15mins late and over run by 15 minutes, then the people after you may not be so flexible, and you will be the bad guy, children in the school when in use is an accident waiting to happen, nothing wrong with helping others, we all had to start somewhere, but you are not obligated and it's not your responsibility to help others, more so the yard owner, but if it's DIY she isn't obligated either, just good manners, I wonder why the groom pisses off when they arrive ? tit bitting others horses "without permission" is well out of order, especially as it's all over social media about the public feeding horses and causing choking etc, and no doubt if a horse bites someone, especially a child we all know how that will pan out, you and your horse will be the bad guys, not seeing a problem with kids in the tack room with friends as long as they are behaving and not causing any trouble.
Looks like you are going to have to either move early, or just suck it up, but unless it's in your livery contract, to be Mrs unpaid happy smiley child minder help yourself to my stuff clear up after others I have all day and my time isn't important equine instructor, then so will they have to suck it up as well.

NOFA
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I have moved there stuff yesterday into the back of there barn they can see it but it’s not in front off my stables . No they are full livery’s. She said to one of the other livery’s the other day she fed up of them pestering her for stuff . I know and she will do but she’s bit me a few times the last last week wanting treats so I will make a sign . Well it’s the whole Covid situation they really shouldn’t be sat around without masks with others outside there house hold . I am trying to move earlier . Haha love that we don’t have a contract so that no issue ?
 
Gosh Mary! I hope the co-liveries at your new yard welcome you and treat you in a friendlier manner & with more consideration than you appear to be showing at your current yard! Blimey! :oops:
 
Tagoat said:
Gosh Mary! I hope the co-liveries at your new yard welcome you and treat you in a friendlier manner & with more consideration than you appear to be showing at your current yard! Blimey! :oops:
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Have you actually read the replies . They only think I am unfriendly because I don’t have time to sit with a coffee and gossip with them all day . Don’t see why I should tack other people’s horse up when they don’t say thanks or even want to learn!
 
@Mary3050 while you may not have a written contract you do have a verbal contract. Of course you can leave whenever you like, but you either have to give the required amount of notice in advance or pay that notice period. So if you pay weekly, that would be 1 week or 1 month if you pay monthly.

I often find that it’s not what was said/done that has been the issue, but the way in which it was said/done.

When I was last on a yard, I had very little time - I was a master at the “hi, fine thanks. Your boy is looking good’ while filling haynets, mucking out, sweeping up.

But of course you stop and help in an emergency (the horse that comes back without a rider etc)
 
Tagoat said:
Gosh Mary! I hope the co-liveries at your new yard welcome you and treat you in a friendlier manner & with more consideration than you appear to be showing at your current yard! Blimey! :oops:
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I bet Mary will be more respectful and show more consideration to the other liveries at her new yard though, not leave her stuff everywhere and not expect them to tack up her horse for her. These new liveries don't seem to be showing Mary any consideration.

I'm sorry, but I think she's been more than patient with them. I can't believe all the people saying Mary is being unfriendly. She's just trying to mind her own business. These people have been at the yard 5 minutes and already they have used up her good will. We are all busy with our own horses. She's already helped them out by the sounds of it but how is not wanting to be an unpaid groom being unfriendly? ?
 
Tagoat said:
Gosh Mary! I hope the co-liveries at your new yard welcome you and treat you in a friendlier manner & with more consideration than you appear to be showing at your current yard! Blimey! :oops:
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You are not obliged to put up with other peoples crap. She doesn’t have to be nice to people there is no requirement.

Being polite then having it chucked back in you face because you won’t do what others want isn’t being unfriendly. I can be on my yard for 3/4hrs and say ten words to people or I can be on the yard or out a hack and chatting away, depends who’s talking to me. I don’t give a fig what they think and they know it. I get offered tea etc all the time, I never take it, doesn’t make me a bad person I just don’t want to sit and gossip I’d rather be doing what I went there to do.
 
I've found on a few yards that if there's a strong personality that pushes people 'for teas and chats' that it's often a kind of control thing over people. some people naturally establish gossip networks as a form of control and to place themselves as a central figure in a yard. if someone stays outside or isn't influenced by that network then it can annoy the other person as they don't have control over them. that's not on every yard, but I have seen it happen on a few I've been on and I recognise it when people get annoyed if you don't gossip or have a more intense relationship with them. tea and chats are a natural organic thing, it's not something you give out to someone for not doing.
 
View said:
@Mary3050 while you may not have a written contract you do have a verbal contract. Of course you can leave whenever you like, but you either have to give the required amount of notice in advance or pay that notice period. So if you pay weekly, that would be 1 week or 1 month if you pay monthly.

I often find that it’s not what was said/done that has been the issue, but the way in which it was said/done.

When I was last on a yard, I had very little time - I was a master at the “hi, fine thanks. Your boy is looking good’ while filling haynets, mucking out, sweeping up.

But of course you stop and help in an emergency (the horse that comes back without a rider etc)
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Yer I will be just paying it anyway and not stay . Yer If it was an emergency I would stop . Thanks
 
JulesRules said:
I bet Mary will be more respectful and show more consideration to the other liveries at her new yard though, not leave her stuff everywhere and not expect them to tack up her horse for her. These new liveries don't seem to be showing Mary any consideration.

I'm sorry, but I think she's been more than patient with them. I can't believe all the people saying Mary is being unfriendly. She's just trying to mind her own business. These people have been at the yard 5 minutes and already they have used up her good will. We are all busy with our own horses. She's already helped them out by the sounds of it but how is not wanting to be an unpaid groom being unfriendly? ?
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Thank you I thought I wasn’t as bad as some people make out . I don’t get the groom to do the things she paid to do so I am doing more than I should with my own . Never mind everyone else’s too. I am more about actions than words .
 
Cheeky Chestnut said:
You are not obliged to put up with other peoples crap. She doesn’t have to be nice to people there is no requirement.

Being polite then having it chucked back in you face because you won’t do what others want isn’t being unfriendly. I can be on my yard for 3/4hrs and say ten words to people or I can be on the yard or out a hack and chatting away, depends who’s talking to me. I don’t give a fig what they think and they know it. I get offered tea etc all the time, I never take it, doesn’t make me a bad person I just don’t want to sit and gossip I’d rather be doing what I went there to do.
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Thank you I didn’t think I was obligated to let people walk all over me and treat me like crap. That’s exactly like me I am a do not a sit and chat kinda girl
 
paddi22 said:
I've found on a few yards that if there's a strong personality that pushes people 'for teas and chats' that it's often a kind of control thing over people. some people naturally establish gossip networks as a form of control and to place themselves as a central figure in a yard. if someone stays outside or isn't influenced by that network then it can annoy the other person as they don't have control over them. that's not on every yard, but I have seen it happen on a few I've been on and I recognise it when people get annoyed if you don't gossip or have a more intense relationship with them. tea and chats are a natural organic thing, it's not something you give out to someone for not doing.
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Defo they all seem to love a good gossip that includes the YM and groom. It’s just not me and I don’t want to be involved in it . I think it annoys them but it makes me there favourite topic of convo . Thanks
 
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