How to move on from long term trainers?

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oldie48

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Much as in the title really. I'm stuck in a bit of a rut and having had some input from a different trainer I feel I need to rethink my training regimen as I'm bored, the horse is a bit bored and I'm just not progressing (and time is not on my side). However, I work with two regular trainers who complement each other and who I've been with for years. They have become friends, they have helped me through difficult times and I have a lot of affection and respect for them. I don't want to hurt their feelings, ugh it's just so difficult. Help!
 
Do they know about the new trainer?

You know my feelings on the matter, I hope you get some good suggestions but I think no matter what you do there's a risk they might feel a bit disappointed. .. but that's not something you can control really, nor something you should feel bad about. My oh is a farrier, his take on it would be that clients come and go for their own reasons and there's no need to take it personally.

I would hope if they had the same feelings of respect and affection for you that they'd take it on the chin and wish you the best with your new direction.... though I'm not stirring, honest ;)
 
Change is good and I like to mix it up a bit but usually end up going back to my regular trainer. Are there any clinics near you that you can go on?
I think people tend to move around a bit anyway so I doubt it their feelings would be hurt but if you had a clinic or something you could go on for a change you could just explain you were going to do a few different things to widen your horizons a bit over the winter and go from there - you might want to go back to them, so you don't want to close the door entirely.
 
Would it be possible to extend the time a fair bit between lessons? Excuses can always be made without you having to feel bad.

I personally wouldn't stop going to them completely, just don't go as regularly, try some new trainers and then decide :)
 
yeah id be the same, wouldn't stop going to them, would just string out time between lessons and do clinics and look around for a new trainer.
 
Have you talked it through with them, I would drop some heavy hints that you want to shake things up a bit next year and could you discuss some new ideas which might re-energise your sessions with them. At least it gives them a chance to rethink what they are offering and if then they don't get you to where you had hoped, then maybe look to move on then.
 
Having spoken with the OP about this I think stringing out the other trainers is not necessarily going to be the best plan...

firstly, if her heart isn't in the lessons, and the horse is going much better with a new trainer, then it's not going to do the OP any favours to keep returning to the old trainers just to avoid having a straight up conversation. Waste of money, time and effort :o
Secondly it's not really fair on the old trainers, even if you are doing it to save them any hurt, it's not the best feeling to be left hanging where previously you would have seen someone regularly.

Sorry OP, I do think you'll need to think of a way to phrase it so that it's clear you appreciate all the work you've done together so far, but feel it's time to move on to a new approach, even if you say 'for now'... at least it's clear where you all stand. No one has to feel bad. It's just that you've found a better fit now :) change is good :)

eta. I've dealt with exactly this situation badly in the past... learn from my mistakes. It's more awkward if you dodge the issue :o
 
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Oh I know, I know! I'll pm you if I may but I think you know how hard I am finding this!!
milliepops said:
Having spoken with the OP about this I think stringing out the other trainers is not necessarily going to be the best plan...

firstly, if her heart isn't in the lessons, and the horse is going much better with a new trainer, then it's not going to do the OP any favours to keep returning to the old trainers just to avoid having a straight up conversation. Waste of money, time and effort :o
Secondly it's not really fair on the old trainers, even if you are doing it to save them any hurt, it's not the best feeling to be left hanging where previously you would have seen someone regularly.

Sorry OP, I do think you'll need to think of a way to phrase it so that it's clear you appreciate all the work you've done together so far, but feel it's time to move on to a new approach, even if you say 'for now'... at least it's clear where you all stand. No one has to feel bad. It's just that you've found a better fit now :) change is good :)

eta. I've dealt with exactly this situation badly in the past... learn from my mistakes. It's more awkward if you dodge the issue :o
Click to expand...
 
milliepops said:
Having spoken with the OP about this I think stringing out the other trainers is not necessarily going to be the best plan...

firstly, if her heart isn't in the lessons, and the horse is going much better with a new trainer, then it's not going to do the OP any favours to keep returning to the old trainers just to avoid having a straight up conversation. Waste of money, time and effort :o
Secondly it's not really fair on the old trainers, even if you are doing it to save them any hurt, it's not the best feeling to be left hanging where previously you would have seen someone regularly.

Sorry OP, I do think you'll need to think of a way to phrase it so that it's clear you appreciate all the work you've done together so far, but feel it's time to move on to a new approach, even if you say 'for now'... at least it's clear where you all stand. No one has to feel bad. It's just that you've found a better fit now :) change is good :)

eta. I've dealt with exactly this situation badly in the past... learn from my mistakes. It's more awkward if you dodge the issue :o
Click to expand...

Agree with everything in this post .
It's the hardest thing and the feeling of disloyalty is awful and it sort makes you not handle it as well as it could have been done .
All I can say is good luck once your feeling this you just need to find a way through .
 
Yes, I feel disloyal and because i know what else is going on in their lives I want to be supportive and kind. It is a really difficult situation to be in. thank you for taking the time to respond.
Goldenstar said:
Agree with everything in this post .
It's the hardest thing and the feeling of disloyalty is awful and it sort makes you not handle it as well as it could have been done .
All I can say is good luck once your feeling this you just need to find a way through .
Click to expand...
 
It is very difficult, I hope you find a simple way that prevents hurt all round. Sometimes you do have to move on, I've had a fab trainer for several years, but this year just wasn't working for us. I probably didn't handle it very well (not really good on the people front) but I have no problem with him, just our partnership wasn't working.
 
I am awful for this I just phase them out! I put longer and longer distances between my lessons until eventually they are not happening.
 
Speaking as someone that has been a trainer for many many years and have seen riders come and go, sometimes the same rider coming and going several times before either settling with me or with someone else I can say that I would much rather be told by the rider than hear it from someone else.

A trainer does not own their clients, their time is paid for while giving the lesson, if I give more than I am paid for that is my choice and still does not mean I own the rider. Yes it can hurt a bit but it hurts much more if someone just stops booking and then you hear they are with someone else and you have no idea why.

Most of my riders stay with me for years but I am still friends with most of those that have left and I still follow their progress and feel very proud of them if they are doing well. In fact I can only think of one rider that left me that I struggle to be civil to and that is due to the way she left.

My philosophy is to make it easy for them to come for lessons make it easy for them to go and explore others as then if they want to come back they will.

Most people I teach I will see at shows etc so the better the relationship between us if they move on the more comfortable it is to bump in to them when out and about. That relationship can only be kept friendly if the person leaving is honest and up front and the trainer thanks the rider for their honesty and wishes them well and says to keep in touch, let me know how you are doing and if they ever want to come back they will always be welcome.

Plan what you are going to say and be brave and say it. Thank them for their help and you wouldn't be where you are without them but you want a fresh pair of eyes and are going to spread your wings and experiment with a few other trainers etc etc.
 
CoachinaCar puts it very well. I was discussing this recently with two coaches, both of whom have many more years coaching than I do. We all recognise that there are times when it is right for people to move on, and also that many people have more than one coach. As I specialise in novice riders and those with confidence issues, I'm aiming for the day that I can tell people that they don't need me any more!

OP, put your brave pants on, and be matter of fact. Thank him/her for the help, but it's time to change things but that you hope you will be welcome back when circumstances change again.
 
There is a great deal of good advice in some of the previous posts.

I do not class myself as a good rider although I have ridden for more years than I care to remember! I have been taught for many years by the same person at the same place. I do not compete. Last year I decided to be brave and go to other instructors and other venues. I told my regular teacher about this straight away. I told her that I had at last gained enough confidence to try 'new pastures'. She was very positive about my adventure. I have enjoyed most but not all of the new lessons and still go to my old teacher.

I feel you should tell your instructor if you want to try else where. I am sure they would appreciate your honesty and if you wanted to return there would be no problem in doing so.

Best Wishes.
 
Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read my post and answer, you've given me good advice and it's helped me. I have a plan now which is based on honesty which I hope will enable me to continue my friendship with both trainers but enable me to move on. I'm normally a very decisive person but I have to admit I have been dodging this issue for quite a long time. thanks again.
 
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