How to over come grief when horse is PTS

[indie999]

I'm so sorry for both your losses. I really think that time is a great healer. I lost my old boy two years ago, and it was my decision to have him PTS which is a lot different to loosing a horse suddenly or in tragic circumstances.

Time is a great healer, and I still miss him now, some days more than others. I have lots of photos of him around the horse and great memories I can hold onto. Thinking of you.

I agree with this and all the other similars. We are all agreeable that the pain will lessen. I was the same. It literally took me weeks for the sadness to lift. Bereavement does put things into perspective of what is important in life. Before losing my horse I couldnt understand why tough horse people were so down for weeks. But now I do. It was a total shock to me that losing my horse affected me so much. BUT I often remind myself he had a good home, was loved and cared for. Not like some animals. 8 months on I still havent got another but would like to. Everyone kept telling me oh you need another. I just dont think you can replace one for another and they are a big part of our lives. I hope you can find comfort in the support on here and look after yourself properly. You cant hide from the emotions and dont be hard on yourself. I found this forum so helpful(& I dont do facebook etc ). So many of us have been in this situation and do understand. Big hugsx. Sorry to ramble but this just makes me remember what I was like too.

 

[MrsMozart]

OP if your grief is still that raw then maybe some grief counselling would help. You sound, in my limited knowledge (I'm not medically trained), to be slipping into a depressive state.

I lost Dizzy two weeks ago tomorrow. Unexpected, though had fought for over four years to keep her sound, so knew it would happen one day.

I cry. It just hits me and the tears start. I try not to think about her as I feel lost and bewildered, like a child. Where did she go? The feeling of loss for her, her braveness, her beauty, for the life we were meant to have together, is more than I can currently comprehend. I know that in time this numb pain will pass and I look forward to having the peace to remember her.

 

[Tnavas]

(((((HUGS)))))

It takes time to learn to live with their absence but the heart is huge and has space to love again and as much. The memories can never be taken away from you and when the sadness hits remember the wonderful times you had together and use them to help you through the day.

I lost my young spaniel 15 years ago, he was not quite 2 and I think of him often and my heart lurches when I remember how I lost him he was my life and far too young to go. My new dog has a place in my heart as he did, its different and the same.

 

[Farma]

I really feel for you, I lost my horse before christmas and was so devastated, I felt like my whole world had ended and my best friend had been taken away.
I had her for nearly 20 years so it was a massive shock not to have her around any more, I was so depressed I couldnt think straight and everything just felt exhausting and pointless. It has been 6 months now and i have only just started to feel better about it and like I can cope with what happened, if i think too much about her i feel like i have been winded and want to go and cry like a baby! But...I do feel better and so have hope that I will go back to normal with more time and that is all you can do, let yourself grieve and give yourself time x

 

[Janah]

I had my boy PTS two weeks ago, it was planned with the vets full approval, my boy had 3 issues. I had owned him for 12 years. I cried solidly for 3 days.

A friend invited me to ride a horse of hers. I enjoyed the ride but he was the wrong size, colour and didn't smell like my boy. I also felt disloyal to my boy, daft, I know.

When people ask about my boy I just cry. I think about him a lot.

On the + side the dogs are getting more attention as is the housework.

I have just managed to put some of his 'stuff' away, the rest I can't face doing yet.

Just typing this has made me cry, wimpish I know.

 

[Happytohack]

TBH I don't think you ever truly get over losing a loved one, be they animal or human. Eventurally you are able to accept what has happened and remember them without the awful pain you are going through now. Allow yourself this grief. My heart goes out to you.

 

[Sophstar]

I lost my boy two weeks tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's the fact he was PTS so suddenly and it was the hardest, yet easiest decision to make because he was in so much pain (suspected strangulated lipoma) but amongst all the pain and the heartbreak, there is a small piece of me that has a sense of calm. It was the right thing to do, he didn't suffer long and I got to be with him to say goodbye. For the first few days, I didn't function, I slept 15 hours the day after and could cry at the drop of a hat and felt like a zombie for the whole first week. It has massively helped having my other little pony as a lot of my memories of my boy, include the brat pony nipping or pestering him in some sort

As hard as it's been (the vet bill arrived today and I cried all over again!) I have actually found the best way to get through it, is to talk about him. My fellow liveries for the past couple of weeks particularly my field share have heard nothing but stories or highlights about my time with him and his character. It brings back a lot of good memories and makes me smile, just the thought of his dopey face and clumsy feet. We did a sponsored ride a week after he was PTS, and the entire ride was me chatting about him and wearing a bracelet with his name engraved on meant he did the whole ride with us I put flowers on the fence at his favourite resting point in the field after and his stable door plaque and a poem dedicated to him is written on the wall of my other pony's stable. He may be gone, but he will always be with me.

 

[PoppyAnderson]

I cry. It just hits me and the tears start. I try not to think about her as I feel lost and bewildered, like a child. Where did she go? The feeling of loss for her, her braveness, her beauty, for the life we were meant to have together, is more than I can currently comprehend. I know that in time this numb pain will pass and I look forward to having the peace to remember her.

I'm much the same. I lost my dog about 5 months ago and I've had periods of time where I've actively pushed him to the back of my mind, as it's been too overwhelming to deal with. However, it's all a normal part of the grief cycle and it helps me to know that you go through a process, in any bereavement, from denial, anger, depression and finally through to acceptance. It can take weeks, months or years to reach the final stage but it certainly helped me to understand the emotions I was going through.

 

[AmyMay]

Every horse I've lost has left a terrible hole in my heart. When Amy was put down I couldnt get out of bed, and the grief lasted months. She was my absolute world.

Another horse I still think about daily, tempered with the guilt of knowing the decision I made was the wrong one. I will never get over that, and repent every day my actions. It hangs over me like the most terrible cloud.

Time does heal, when the decision that was made was the right one. When it wasn't, well lets just say, if I could turn back the clock I would in an instance.

 

[Slightly Foxed]

Every horse I've lost has left a terrible hole in my heart. When Amy was put down I couldnt get out of bed, and the grief lasted months. She was my absolute world.

Another horse I still think about daily, tempered with the guilt of knowing the decision I made was the wrong one. I will never get over that, and repent every day my actions. It hangs over me like the most terrible cloud.

Time does heal, when the decision that was made was the right one. When it wasn't, well lets just say, if I could turn back the clock I would in an instance.

Oh, AM, what can I say...

 

[morrismob]

We lost my youngest daughters horse to a broken leg in the field september 2011. Although he was her horse I adored him and felt a huge bond with him as did she. On the night I was totally useless and when the vet arrived and confirmed our worst fears I went inside with my daughter leaving with him with my eldest daughter who stayed with him right to end even cradling his head and till the vet said he's gone.

The pain was huge, I found going into the yard almost unbearable, we keep them at home so I had to do it. I have pts others before but this pain was huge, not a day goes pass when I don't miss him, we have photos everywhere of him. We made a bracelet from his tail which my daughter wears everywhere inc events.

Finally she put together a video of his time with us last month and I cried my eyes out but it is a lovely memento. Daughter has learnt at such a young age ( 14) that you can lose something that is so dear to you it takes your breath away. We coped over time but to this day it doesn't make his loss easier just bearable. We have other horses and they helped as they grieved too. We found another horse quite quickly which we worried others would think was brutal but for us it helped and he has found a place in our hearts but Vernon was so special, for me I'm never sure he can be replaced but time does help.

Big hugs to you and Amymay that brought a tear to my eye very poignant a hug for you too. x

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Unfortunately you just have to get on with it. Time does help to make the grief feel less raw. I think it can help if as a child you had small pets with a short life-span, you come to realise that no matter what, life goes on. The loss of a pet is a rehearsal for true tragedy, which will happen for all of us at some time.

 

[mtj]

Firstly a plea to Amymay and Slightly Foxed to not use this thread for a slanging match. Highly inappropriate regardless of other current threads.

OP I do think Mrs M may have a point regarding depression. My father has needed doctor's help after the loss of a cat. Maybe consider an appointment with your gp.

i lost 2 horses within the space of 3 months some years ago. The second was in tragic circumstances which i found especially hard to accept. It was 18 months before I was ready to consider buying another horse.

The Blue Cross helpline is an excellent suggestion.

 

[AmyMay]

Slightly Foxed was extending her sympathies and compassion. Something I failed to do to her last night.

You have misread her comment mtj.

 

[morrismob]

You have misread her comment mtj.[/QUOTE]

Agree with the above. Losing a horse/friend is an emotional time which we will all deal with differently.

 

[Slightly Foxed]

Slightly Foxed was extending her sympathies and compassion. Something I failed to do to her last night.

You have misread her comment mtj.

Indeed AM, you're right, MTJ has misinterpreted my comment. I'm truly sorry for anyone who has lost a dear friend, animal or human!

 

[poiuytrewq]

I lost the most important horse 5 years ago now, almost 6. Im still devastated and will never ever forget him- he was my world and my first pony- I had owned him about 18 years.
He had an awful death and I couldn't help him, I wont get over it, as someone else said I also turned (in a small way im no drinker) to drink and I started smoking again having given both up to afford my ponies medication.
All I can say is that in time you will be able to think of your horses and laugh at that silly thing they did, smile at the times you had and enjoy the memories instead of just missing them and hurting. I can now talk about my horse and tell people about him whereas at first i'd just cry randomly or if he or anything to do with him was mentioned.
Big humongous hugs too you, you will hurt but it will get easier I promise.

Amymay, your reply has shown another side too you that tbh I didn't realise existed! Love to you too, life's tough and sadly the very fact we love our horses sets us up for a fall from time to time. xx

 

[AmyMay]

Thankyou poiuytrewq.

 

[Superhot]

I'm so pleased to read that someone else feels they would be disloyal to their departed horse if they rode another one...I absolutely feel this way, but think others feel I'm being stupid. My horse was retired for 6 years before she was pts, and during that time well meaning friends offered me their horses to ride, but I simply couldn't. It's been 6 months since I lost my girl, and though I envy people when I see them hacking out in the forest, I knew and trusted my horse so much, I just couldn't ride another horse...

 

[AmyMay]

That's a real shame Superhot, because riding another horse shows no disloyalty to your own. Apart from anything else it's so good for us as riders to take every opportunity of riding other horses. It improves our skills no end.

 

[MrsMozart]

Superhot - maybe just have a five minute ride? If of course you want to ride again.

It's different for sure. I went from missing a short-ish appy neck to a long chestnut with blonde mane. At first I cried, then as the rides went on I started to love her for who she was. Never stopped loving Tiggy, still fell in love with Dizzy, and so,eday in the not too distant future I hope to love another one. The love is no less for each horse.

 

[mtj]

Glad I got that wrong. Apologies if I have offended anyone.

OP I rode a few days after the tragic loss in a pre booked lesson. My OH called ahead to explain what had happened - I couldn't get the words out - so I was put on a very steady horse that could cope with an emotional rider. Glad I did it so quickly.

 

[Keenjean]

I can conpletely sympathise op. I had my girl pts on 7th jan this year and she was only 5. I have never had a connection with a horse like I did with her and I still can't look through pictures of her or think about her too much as its so painful still that I just cry and cry. I miss her so so much and not a day goes by when I don't think of her with fondness that then turns into sadness. I know things will get better but she was my world, my best friend and I really wanted to grow old with her. She may be gone but I know I'll never forget her and I have no regrets with the decision I made. Had I kept her alive it would have been for purely selfish reasons and she would have been in pain.

Op I have found being around other horses helps and whilst they aren't my girl they have helped me to make new, different happy memories with them and it's nice to have a horsey shoulder to cry on when you can't bare to talk to people about how sad you are about your horse. They never get bored of your grief,ask awkward questions or tell you it was just an animal.

 

[Foxhunter49]

Whenever anyone gets a new 'pet', a puppy, a kitten or a horse the fact that, with any luck, we will out live it.
From a young child I was brought up to understand that pets die. It is our duty to give them as good a life as possible and then a good death.

I do not mourn my pets, i do miss them but I rejoice in the enhancement they have given me and the knowledge that whist they were in my care, they lived well.

 

[Superhot]

I went to a tack sale with a friend the other day, and apart from catching up with old friends, I just loved the smell!!! I used to bury my face in my horses mane and I miss that wonderful smell sooooo much. So horse rugs gave me my fix that morning.
I guess now I haven't got the confidence or ability to ride another horse. Arthritis is taking it's toll, not sure I could even hold the reins properly these days, so I think I'll just stick to helping out people/clubs etc as and when needed. Please don't get the violins out...I've got 20 years of brilliant memories no-one can ever take away.

 

[NinjaPony]

Time is a good healer. 2 years on I still miss my mare hugely but I no longer feel a sense of overwhelming grief. Losing any animal you care for is hard, for me I loved her just as much as some people. Just take each day at a time. I leant heavily on my little pony, he really kept me going. And buying my next pony helped me realise I had room in my heart for another pony, not as a replacement but to help me give love to another. I always think "Love is immortality" because while you still care, the one you lost will never truly leave you.
I am so sorry for your losses x

 

[poiuytrewq]

Super hot I felt bad even looking at other horses- I now have another (2!) and its different but its helped no end. I am very close to both, they don't replace my old boy though and never will... Don't feel bad x

 

[windand rain]

When grief is raw and close by we do feel disloyal but to move on and get involved again pays a huge tribute to the joy the departed friend has given you. When the time is right and you are ready you will be paying your old friend the best possible epitaph to go on and enjoy another animal.

I have often told my OH that I would never have another man in the house if he dies before me his comment was I dont know whether to be honoured or insulted by that statement.

Translating that to horses and pets maybe we should honour their memory by getting a different friend into our lives passing on what the departed one has taught us and giving love and devotion to another needy soul along the way. They are not a replacement but a compliment in my view

 

[Emma_H]

So sorry for your loss. I lost my first horse 2 years ago and I didn't realise how much I was grieving until I saw a councillor.

For about a year I was just really down to the point of depression and had despression medication prescribed.

I got so cross at feeling angry at everything that I went for councilling, amongst talking about everything else we had a session about my boy, I didn't stop crying through this whole process but afterwards I felt different. I can now look back with fondness and remember the good times we had (and the not so good too).

My advice from experience is dont jump into anything too soon, and give yourself plenty of time to grieve

Hugs xx

 

[Pipkin]

Time is the best healer. I lost my girl 2 weeks ago, i'm still in denial even though she's in a casket in my room :/ I haven't been too bad but I was prepared for it after 5 months of trying to keep her alive