skoll
Member
Hi all,
Haven’t posted for a while, but I’ve come to a point where I need to seek some advice! Hope this is all okay. There is no identifying information here.
Basically in 2022 I sold my horse and temporarily give up horses/horse riding. I was moving to a new area with my partner and starting a full time (unpaid) postgraduate position, and there were a few reasons for my decision.
My income was going to reduce substantially for a bit, which was causing a lot of stress as I didn’t want my horse to lack anything. I would also by didn’t know anybody in the new place and couldn’t find a suitable stable in time, even if I wasn’t worried about cost and being able to afford a properly good vet, farrier, emergency fund and other necessities.
But there was also an emotional consideration - I was becoming extremely burnt out and doubting myself as a horse owner and rider. In 2021 I moved from my long time drama free livery yard to a new place with a friend. I was promised peace and quiet, off-road hacking (uncommon here since we have no bridleways) a x-country course, a lovely neat hot water wash bay, ect.
It seemed wonderful and we had lots of fun riding round the fields but I quickly found myself a bit of an odd one out - all the other ladies there had been friends for years and maybe didn’t really appreciate younger people joining them. One of the ladies in particular kept a close eye on me and soon started accusing my horse of box-walking and attacking people when I wasn’t there. When I was there he was wonderful as always. This would be very out of character for him. Nobody else shared these complaints and nobody else I asked had witnessed any of this behaviour including the people in the stables directly beside us.
Soon it progressed. Comments were made about stains on my boy’s white areas (he was piebald, I did wash him frequently but he would invariably roll in some sort of dust or wet.) Comments were also made about how back in the day nobody respectable would ride a coloured horse and they shouldn’t be allowed at shows.
When I arrived I shaped my banks differently from theirs. I learnt how to do it their way, asked for guidance and advice, and really really tried to make it as neat as possible, I was all but getting out a spirit level. My horse would immediately come in and roll and kick and make it uneven and dirty overnight. He was a very wet boy. By early morning it looked awful. There would then be constant remarks about how it wasn’t staying clean enough.
The horses were fed morning and evening, all horses were fed on this schedule (I’m very very aware this is really not ideal but it is extremely typical for yards around here and I didn’t feel I could argue) by the yard owner. I would leave the biggest pile of hay I could to be given in the morning along with a substantial high fibre, low sugar feed. Then in the evening I would add hay until the pile was almost the height of the 15hh horse, to last the night (plus more feed). I was so worried about ulcers. He often wouldn’t finish it and would drag it around. But one day one of the ladies approached me and started shouting at me. She said she had checked in on my horse several hours after his feed and he was stood not eating, he had dragged his hay through his bed and said it looked dirty and I was going to give him ulcers. She really shouted at me. I just apologised and left crying.
Shavings and feed started going missing from my storage area. The ladies talked me into letting a local showjumper school my horse and I was so eager to do the right thing and impress them that I agreed. I came down to find he’d been ridden in a totally different bit which bruised his mouth, his rug had been changed to one which didn’t fit and caused him to be badly rubbed and his gel poll guard (he had a sensitive poll and would shake his head without it, but never with it) was off his bridle. When I protested I was told I didn’t know anything and a lot of snarky remarks about how it was a shame I’d come down as my horse needed a good rider ect. and that’s when I finally decided to sell and give up horses, mainly due to the reasons above but this all played a role, I was crying the whole time we loaded him to go to his new owner. (He’s in a wonderful home now.)
My issue is after all this I severely doubt my own ability to keep horses. I’m scared that I truly don’t make up the stables right, or feed right, or maybe I don’t understand tack and won’t make the right choices if I get another horse. I feel if I was a better person the stable wouldn’t have gotten wet at all and he wouldn’t have had any stains or dragged his hay around. I always spent hours upon hours doing research and listening to advice but I feel I’m somehow lacking or don’t fit into the country set and never will. My partner frequently talks about me getting back into riding once my studies are finished, but I’m privately very anxious about it, although I badly want to.
Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this? How did you overcome it? I plan to take lessons before riding after such a long break, but it’s the stable management I really doubt myself on. Would it be kinder to horses if I leave them alone and maybe got a bike instead?
Haven’t posted for a while, but I’ve come to a point where I need to seek some advice! Hope this is all okay. There is no identifying information here.
Basically in 2022 I sold my horse and temporarily give up horses/horse riding. I was moving to a new area with my partner and starting a full time (unpaid) postgraduate position, and there were a few reasons for my decision.
My income was going to reduce substantially for a bit, which was causing a lot of stress as I didn’t want my horse to lack anything. I would also by didn’t know anybody in the new place and couldn’t find a suitable stable in time, even if I wasn’t worried about cost and being able to afford a properly good vet, farrier, emergency fund and other necessities.
But there was also an emotional consideration - I was becoming extremely burnt out and doubting myself as a horse owner and rider. In 2021 I moved from my long time drama free livery yard to a new place with a friend. I was promised peace and quiet, off-road hacking (uncommon here since we have no bridleways) a x-country course, a lovely neat hot water wash bay, ect.
It seemed wonderful and we had lots of fun riding round the fields but I quickly found myself a bit of an odd one out - all the other ladies there had been friends for years and maybe didn’t really appreciate younger people joining them. One of the ladies in particular kept a close eye on me and soon started accusing my horse of box-walking and attacking people when I wasn’t there. When I was there he was wonderful as always. This would be very out of character for him. Nobody else shared these complaints and nobody else I asked had witnessed any of this behaviour including the people in the stables directly beside us.
Soon it progressed. Comments were made about stains on my boy’s white areas (he was piebald, I did wash him frequently but he would invariably roll in some sort of dust or wet.) Comments were also made about how back in the day nobody respectable would ride a coloured horse and they shouldn’t be allowed at shows.
When I arrived I shaped my banks differently from theirs. I learnt how to do it their way, asked for guidance and advice, and really really tried to make it as neat as possible, I was all but getting out a spirit level. My horse would immediately come in and roll and kick and make it uneven and dirty overnight. He was a very wet boy. By early morning it looked awful. There would then be constant remarks about how it wasn’t staying clean enough.
The horses were fed morning and evening, all horses were fed on this schedule (I’m very very aware this is really not ideal but it is extremely typical for yards around here and I didn’t feel I could argue) by the yard owner. I would leave the biggest pile of hay I could to be given in the morning along with a substantial high fibre, low sugar feed. Then in the evening I would add hay until the pile was almost the height of the 15hh horse, to last the night (plus more feed). I was so worried about ulcers. He often wouldn’t finish it and would drag it around. But one day one of the ladies approached me and started shouting at me. She said she had checked in on my horse several hours after his feed and he was stood not eating, he had dragged his hay through his bed and said it looked dirty and I was going to give him ulcers. She really shouted at me. I just apologised and left crying.
Shavings and feed started going missing from my storage area. The ladies talked me into letting a local showjumper school my horse and I was so eager to do the right thing and impress them that I agreed. I came down to find he’d been ridden in a totally different bit which bruised his mouth, his rug had been changed to one which didn’t fit and caused him to be badly rubbed and his gel poll guard (he had a sensitive poll and would shake his head without it, but never with it) was off his bridle. When I protested I was told I didn’t know anything and a lot of snarky remarks about how it was a shame I’d come down as my horse needed a good rider ect. and that’s when I finally decided to sell and give up horses, mainly due to the reasons above but this all played a role, I was crying the whole time we loaded him to go to his new owner. (He’s in a wonderful home now.)
My issue is after all this I severely doubt my own ability to keep horses. I’m scared that I truly don’t make up the stables right, or feed right, or maybe I don’t understand tack and won’t make the right choices if I get another horse. I feel if I was a better person the stable wouldn’t have gotten wet at all and he wouldn’t have had any stains or dragged his hay around. I always spent hours upon hours doing research and listening to advice but I feel I’m somehow lacking or don’t fit into the country set and never will. My partner frequently talks about me getting back into riding once my studies are finished, but I’m privately very anxious about it, although I badly want to.
Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this? How did you overcome it? I plan to take lessons before riding after such a long break, but it’s the stable management I really doubt myself on. Would it be kinder to horses if I leave them alone and maybe got a bike instead?
. I have a horse whose a wobbler, he drags his hind feet when he moves in his stable, the state of his bed is shocking in the morning. I just get on and muck him out, he's fine.
Which I know is sometimes easier said than done.
if your horse if happy and healthy, you are doing it right. And there are many different ways of doing it right! 
