How would you deal with this person (a rant)

[Esmae]

I'm with the "wind your neck in and F off" brigade. Sorry if that makes me a terrible person but can't be doing with drama.

 

[BackintheSaddle1983]

Why do so many yards have these fruit loops? We had one years ago. She never shouted directly at anybody but would shout about people on her phone whilst they were right there. She was definitely a bit crazy. We printed a list of self help places and psychiatrists and pinned it to her stable door

 

[Fred66]

I generally try and avoid getting into conflict in a face to face environment, however once I am pushed beyond my tipping point (and someone screaming in my face would definitely be a number of steps beyond) then I do come out all guns blazing albeit exceedingly politely.

Your friend needs to develop a ”don’t mess with me I’ve had enough face and tone”.

She should at the time have said:
a) I am on the phone if you wish to talk to me then please wait and then please talk, do not scream
b) please do not invade my personal space it is both rude and aggressive
c) my livery arrangements are between me and farmer and I am sure HE will let me know if he wishes to change them, however I will let him know next time I pay my livery to him that you think that we should all be paying him for our livery and that you want to discuss appropriate renumeration.
d) well mucking out isn’t anyones job I’m just helping farmer as a friend, regarding mine being in then it’s something we agreed to give injured horse company I will get farmer to check it with the vet again just incase.
e) is there anything else I can help you with ? *smiling sweetly*

 

[black and brown]

I think I would be saying to the farmer that I cannot continue to look after his horse under these circumstances. Being shouted at like this is totally unacceptable, particularly when your friend is doing him a favour. He needs to sort this situation out.

 

[AmyMay]

I think I would be saying to the farmer that I cannot continue to look after his horse under these circumstances. Being shouted at like this is totally unacceptable, particularly when your friend is doing him a favour. He needs to sort this situation out.

This, basically.

 

[Barklands]

Update: friend has just called and crazy woman has thrown all her belongings on floor and smashed friend's feed measuring cup - farmer has said oh it is probably just the cats knocking things off as very clearly does not want to get involved!

Have a good mind to go round there and give woman a piece of my mind myself! Friend doesn't say boo to a goose so doesn't deserve all this!

 

[blitznbobs]

Update: friend has just called and crazy woman has thrown all her belongings on floor and smashed friend's feed measuring cup - farmer has said oh it is probably just the cats knocking things off as very clearly does not want to get involved!

Have a good mind to go round there and give woman a piece of my mind myself! Friend doesn't say boo to a goose so doesn't deserve all this!

Perhaps she should say boo to a goose then

 

[Burnerbee]

If this was me and I was afraid of this woman (which she’s entitled to be), I’d be taking a calm friend with me, just as a third party so I had someone else there. Not suggesting this be an ongoing thing - I realise that’d be hard to organise, but then the other woman is less likely to flare up, and if she does there’s a witness. I’m not suggesting taking someone who would be up for a fight / would want to inflame the situation.

 

[nagblagger]

Friend is losing the pleasure of horses, I bet she dreads going there now. This will impact her mental wellbeing, she either needs CCTV, record the woman or look elsewhere. I reckon the woman is jealous of your friends relationship with farmer so trying to get her out.

 

[Flowerofthefen]

Update: friend has just called and crazy woman has thrown all her belongings on floor and smashed friend's feed measuring cup - farmer has said oh it is probably just the cats knocking things off as very clearly does not want to get involved!

Have a good mind to go round there and give woman a piece of my mind myself! Friend doesn't say boo to a goose so doesn't deserve all this!

Wildlife cameras can be bought cheaply and are great for things like this. Get her doing it on camera then next time your friend has to mention it to the farmer just show him the footage. I'm afraid I would have lost my shit with her and we wouldn't be on speaking terms by now. I would just get on with my duties and completely forget she existed. Unfortunately I've had practice at this but it's liberating!!

 

[Slightlyconfused]

Update: friend has just called and crazy woman has thrown all her belongings on floor and smashed friend's feed measuring cup - farmer has said oh it is probably just the cats knocking things off as very clearly does not want to get involved!

Have a good mind to go round there and give woman a piece of my mind myself! Friend doesn't say boo to a goose so doesn't deserve all this!

Is she able to find somewhere else?

And just tell the farmer that she should not have to put up with this behaviour from a grown woman and she is leaving the yard unless he sorts it. Yes he doesnt like confrontation but this should not be allowed.

Can friend get a lockable cupboard in the mean time?


And also if she can get it on film you can always go to the police, just let farmer and crazy woman know beforehand that you will be doing this is yhis behaviour continues. This is bullying and haressment.

 

[LadyGascoyne]

Posting for a friend who is not a member of the forum but I thought you lot may have some good ideas or may have dealt with similar types!

My friend is a very non confrontational person and keeps horses at a farm belonging to a friend, she pays to keep her horses there as well as exercises and competes one of his horses. A woman also keeps her horse for free there in exchange for some work for the farmer. She is known for screaming and shouting at people, gossiping and being unpleasant. Friend has managed to stay out of her way thus far but another of farmer's horses was injured a few weeks ago and he couldn't get her in from the field (it lives out 24/7) so she did and it was stabled next to trouble maker. Friend was helping farmer feed, clean wound and muck out injured horse when she could (friend has very busy, high pressure professional job). She stabled one of her own horses on the other side of injured horse to keep it calm when it first came in as not used to being in and troublemaker's horse wasn't in. Trouble maker then demanded to farmer to take over caring for the horse a couple of days later. Turns out this only extended to feeding and nothing else (seems a bit pointless IMO but she apparently considers herself a vet... which she is not... although its well known that she did recently bring it upon herself to scream at a vet recently ).

Friend has been chipping in and has carried on mucking out as and when she can. Her horse has also been coming in to the stable on the opposite side of injured horse almost every other day for several reasons 1) to give horse a break from the grass as prone to lami in spring so keen to be proactive now 2) injured horse loves her horse so its nice for them to be able to see each other 3) horse asks to be brought in when weather is bad 4) roof on its own stable is very dodgy so a worry in current weather and can't see any other horses from there so worked out well coming into stables where injured horse is. Farmer is happy with this.

Friend brought her horse in when troublemaker was there. She noticed that some of her belongings had been thrown on floor but she said she didn't think much of this as it is quite narrow so could have been knocked off (although in hindsight I said to her I think this is unlikely!). Friend sorted own horse then checked on injured horse but noticed no one had mucked out so called her mum who she was supposed to be eating with to keep food warm for her as had to do a full muck out of another one.

Whilst on the phone troublemaker started screaming and shouting at her that it is not her job to muck out (of which friend is well aware) and then is faced with a whole other barrage of abuse and accusations such as its a wonder her horse hasn't died of colic (note the comment about considering herself a vet above ) because bringing horse in as and when it suits, that its stressing injured horse out (it isn't) and making wild accusations that she is sponging off farmer (she's the only one that pays him anything) and that she's into everything taking things belonging to troublemaker and farmer. Friend rides and competes farmer's horse through the summer, she uses farmer's things for farmer's horse, he is well aware of this and has asked permission on many occasions.

She is now worried about having this screaming and shouting again, but also isn't going to be bullied out of the stables by her. How would you deal with a person like this? Farmer won't get involved as knows what she's like so doesn't want the screaming and shouting either!

I have told friend to politely but assertively warn never to speak to her like that again but is it best to say nothing? What would you do in this situation?

Empty barrels spring to mind...

EDIT: to add trouble maker came out of own stable and into injured horse stable and got into friend's face (she is unhinged), friend is not confrontational (although not a push over) so stepped back away from her

I would:

Step back from doing anything with farmer’s injured horse. Not even a pat on the nose.

Sort out my own companion for Horse, if it needs to come in, and be totally self-sufficient. Have horse officially moved to a different stable if original stable roof is not fit for purpose, or fix roof / have roof fixed by farmer depended on livery arrangement.

Keep all my loose belongings in a plastic box. I use one of those ‘really useful’ boxes if any of mine are on livery.

If there is any further escalation, then I’d do this:

I once said to someone Like this…I can’t hear a word you re saying and I won’t talk to a screaming banshee, come back when you can discuss things calmly like an adult. And I walked away. They just want an escalation of emotions..don’t give it to them.

Or sometimes I find that absolute calm, cold eye contact paired with ‘what gives you the idea that your behavior is in any way acceptable?’ can get people like that to step right back.

I also wouldn’t be fussing or bothering the farmer about broken feed scoops or items being knocked off ledges. I’d just keep my items together and in a closed box. If I was running a farm and had liveries complaining about that sort of thing, it would make me feel exasperated and like a preschool teacher, rather than anything else.

 

[holeymoley]

Leave.

We have one of these. I've known her for years. Confrontational, always has a say, falls out with everyone at some point and is generally a loud mouth pain in the a*se. Can be physically abusive too. I've left before because of her. Thankfully she doesn't seem to take anything off me, seems to know better than that. I'm more than willing to put her in her place and have done so before but it becomes very tiring especially when YO doesn't want the hassle of resolving issues or putting her back in her place. She's on her high horse at the moment about something and it's always her way or the highway. It gets very mentally tiring! There are extreme mental issues with her that couldn't be more clearer.