Hurtful remarks from instructor

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mushroom

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I had a lesson this weekend with someone who has taught me a few times before. She always ends up riding my horse for me as I'm such rubbish. Needless to say, my horse goes like a dream for her immediately every time.

It takes every ounce of my courage to book a lesson with this instructor as I know she's too good for me, but I pay my money like anyone else and hope to learn just something.

This weekend she asked me if I really wanted to go on trying to school my horse and said that there was nothing wrong with hacking all the time like lots of people do (absolutely right and I do hack a lot).

I'm absolutely devastated by her comments. I feel so humiliated. I know I should be able to laugh it off, but I can't.
 
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Why on earth do you continue to book a lesson with her if she makes you feel uncomfortable?

My instructor tells me that I look like a plonk all the time when riding, but he also makes me feel confident and happy. Thats what an instructor should do. YOu should not have to summon courage for a riding lesson!
 
Vote with your feet! There must be a different instructor in your area, where are you - I'm sure some lovely HHOer will be able to recommend someone who inspires and improves you, not someone who takes your money and makes you feel worse for it!

Although I don't have many lessons (time/money constraints) I have fortunately in the last year found 2 ace instructors, I leave every lesson feeling better, even if to the external eye I didn't acheive much. :)
 
OK ditch this person and find an ''instructor'' yes, this previous person you have paid for lessons is not an instructor, as personally its THEIR job to teach you.. So if they cannot do their job and teach it shows they are lacking not you.

p.s now, tomorrow and in a moments time someone else will be saying hurtful comments to other people... It happens and we must carry on and continue to do the best we can. If we took on board everything that was told to us, many would not leave the house! Chin up and good luck in finding someone. Might be worth posting where you are so someone can recommend a decent instructor to you.

X
 
Yes defintely find an instructor with whom you feel more comfortable. In her defence, perhaps she senses your angst and feels that as you are not enjoying yourself it would be better to take things a little more slowly, but again, that would all change with the right instructor for you.
 
R2R said:
My instructor tells me that I look like a plonk all the time when riding, but he also makes me feel confident and happy. Thats what an instructor should do. YOu should not have to summon courage for a riding lesson!
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Thats what mine do, but not in a nasty way - I don't mind having a giggle :)
 
I am so sorry you have had such a rubbish lesson however the fault does not lie with you but your instructor. If she cannot tell you what you should be doing in order to get the best from your horse then the problem lies with her and her teaching methods.

No decent instructor would leave a pupil feeling so low about themselves and their riding ability

Get yourself another instructor. Pronto
 
Not all of us can be brilliant in the school, but it can be such fun trying.

What a very hurtful thing for her to have said. She's not better than you deserve - quite the opposite.

Don't use her again.
 
mushroom said:
...I know she's too good for me...
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No, she's not good enough for you - because a good instructor won't make you feel like that.

I have been in your shoes, and I have now vowed never to go there again. Riding is an expensive hobby, I'm not wasting my money on someone that stops it being pleasurable.
 
I would change to someone else. if she was that good she would have made improvements to your riding. I think the main thing about training, is that you do need to have regular tuition if you want to improve. Maybe save up and have a lesson every day for 3-4 days, rather than random lessons. Also some instructors only like teaching high level stuff, rather than normal human beings.

I had a friend who's trainer hated mares and was really rude about her horse. Personally I would have told him where to go.
 
Spudlet said:
No, she's not good enough for you - because a good instructor won't make you feel like that.

QUOTE]

Exactly, Spudlet! Agree with those who say ditch her and find someone more effective. Lessons should be fun - I'm all for constructive criticism, but negativity is unacceptable.
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Would you pay for someone under other circumstances to make hurtful remarks to you?
To be honest id be finding myself a new instructor that inspires you and gives constructive criticism, horses are supposed to be enjoyable, lets face it we invest enough time and money into keep them.
:D :D
 
Sounds like a right cow and **** teacher! You've been paying her all this money she should have found a way to help you school not tell you to give up. Get rid and get a good instructor who is actually able to teach!
 
Definitely find a new instructor. Your not paying for someone to humiliate you and ruin your confidence. Yes there is nothing wrong with people hacking all the time but if your horse has the ability to go like a dream then your instructor should be finding ways of teaching you how to get the most out of him/her.
 
That she "ends up riding my horse for me" all the time would be reason enough to drop her, let alone her crass comment.

You pay an instructor to tell who how to get your horse to go correctly. IMO, an instructor should only get on if the horse (or rider) really doesn't understand what is being asked of them. Otherwise, why pay to stand and watch her ride your horse?
 
I've had my horse for five years and have always struggled with schooling as like lots of mares she has a lot of attitude. I work my socks off to keep her and love her to bits.

Thank you for all your supportive comments. This instructor is considered the best person around but I'm sure there are others.

It's strange the way that hurtful comments in one area of your life can make you doubt yourself in all areas. It's like pulling a brick out of the wall.
 
quirky said:
That she "ends up riding my horse for me" all the time would be reason enough to drop her, let alone her crass comment.
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It's due to a combination of my embarrassment at not getting it right and her impatience as she knows how well my horse can go when ridden properly.
 
A good riding instructor/trainer doesn't give up on horse or a client no matter what level they are at.

Their job is to instruct, simple.

Find yourself another instructor that gives a dam and one that believes in you.

Don't waste your time getting upset over this, instead make some phone calls today (or now :D) and arrange another lesson with someone else and should you enjoy your lesson, then arrange to have regular ones so you and your horse progress.
 
QR: get yourself a new instructor pronto - shattered confidence is VERY difficult to fix!!

where are you located mushroom? we might be able to help!
 
Humm . . . Don't spose this instructor also suggested they school her as well did they??

My friend had someone teaching her and always put her down and what they actually said, in the end, was that my friend would ruin her horse and she should not try to school her, instead get someone like herself (the instructor) to come and school her a few times a week. Someone was seeing ££££'s there me thinks!

My friend ditched the instructor, got a new one and never looked back. She was never a bad rider but just needed a confidence boost.

Like all things in life you get good and you get bad.
 
These type of "instructors" make me so cross. They aren't good, quite simply they shouldn't be teaching and taking your money.

Find yourself a proper instructor who has the time to coach you to get what you want out of your horse and yourself. Stuff the fact that it goes well when she rides it - she's selfish and arrogant enough to take the pleasure out of your riding, so take the money out of her pocket.

There is nothing wrong with going for an instructior "above" your level, if anything its a good thing as they can often look at the larger plan and draw more experience into teaching you.

Any instructor worth their salt will talk to you about what you want to acheive and help YOU Acheive it, not them!! You are paying her, not her paying you, now find yourself someone who will help you and don't be frightened to try a couple. A person who can get over your embarrassment and work you through in a positive way will be worth every penny.
 
HappyHorses:) said:
My friend ditched the instructor, got a new one and never looked back. She was never a bad rider but just needed a confidence boost.

Like all things in life you get good and you get bad.
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totally agree with this.

this is what i did after my old "instructor" told me that I couldn't "******g ride" ( her words not mine) across the yard.

I have had 3 lessons with a new instructor. I box to her yard and have lessons once or twice a month and come out feeling on top of the world. She is supportive, complementary and critising in all the right amounts. I get useful homework that I can do not only in a school but on a hack too and don't spend the whole lesson going round and round in circles.

I would take a break from lessons for the rest of the summer and just concentrate on enjoying your horse. See who else is out there and see if you can watch a lesson, so you can get a feel for the new instructor and if their method of teaching is what you are looking for.

Wholeheartly agree with Iconique's comment
Any instructor worth their salt will talk to you about what you want to acheive and help YOU Acheive it, not them!! You are paying her, not her paying you, now find yourself someone who will help you and don't be frightened to try a couple. A person who can get over your embarrassment and work you through in a positive way will be worth every penny.
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mushroom said:
I know she's too good for me

I feel so humiliated. I know I should be able to laugh it off, but I can't.
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Excuse me? Who on earth does your instructor think she is? I find this appalling quite frankly.

My friend gave me a lesson with her instructor for my birthday last year. He events at 4* level and I thought there would be no way he would want to teach a rubbishy rider like me.

Well, not only has he got me to ride the best I ever have & improved my horses way of going, he has inspired me to do better with every lesson (which is every 3 weeks).

He always rides my horse first, but I like this as it always insures I do my homework and work hard to get better. At the end of each lesson I feel great, this is surely how you should feel, not like ****.

Let me know where you are and I'll pm you his details, he is a wonderful chap and will make you feel like the rider you are.

Oh, and ditch the old cow, she sounds horrid.
 
Awwww poor you - sending you virtual hugs, its never nice to have your confidence knocked like that! I had a similar-ish experience the other weekend - I haven't been riding that regularly over the last few months, but have been looking for a new horse for ages. Anyway, I went to try a horse this weekend, and when I got on, I couldn't get him to work forward and onto the bit, and all my transitions were really sloppy...The owner then started giving me a sort of lesson - she got so frustrated with me, and suggested I get off so she could demonstrate. I did this, and of course the horse went beautifully for her. Anyway, afterwards she said that she thought I was totally trying to over horse myself, (this horse was described as a total confidence giver ahaa) as I would be bringing the horse down and limiting it's potential if I bought it! She then advised that I should get some proper riding lessons, and look for some 20 year old plod! It totally knocked my confidence, almost to the point that I felt like not getting back on a horse! Then I went to have a riding lesson with a really good local instructor, and it went brilliantly! She really built up my confidence! :)
 
whereabouts are you - perhaps we can recomend someone, you shouldnt have lessons with her anymore thats shocking
 
Dump her and get another instructor. Seriously she might ride well but she isnt a good teacher!

A lot of years ago I had this big name trainer and all she ever seemed to do was yell at me was 'leg, LEG, LEEEEG' and all I got was horse legging it round getting progressively more and more on its forehand while I puffed and sweated. Eventually I thought what a so**ing waste of time and money. Got another instructor who wasnt even qualified but competed herself and she was amazing - she could just see what was going on and would make small tweaks and suggestions that each made a difference and which all added together made a huge change. The improvement in my riding was amazing.

What I'm trying to say is she might be a 'big name' in the area but it doesnt mean she is right for you personally. Get rid of the cow :)
 
Thank you everyone for all your kind posts.

I'm on a fairly large livery yard so I'll ask around for a slightly more "gentle" instructor. Maybe I'll even go to a riding school where I can be anonymous and have a lesson on a school horse to get a bit of confidence back first.

Thank you again for all your replies :)
 
Good on ya mushroom!

Were always here if you need advice or a rant. :D

You usally find that someone on here has gone through what your going through and just a few kind words can make all the difference. ;)
 
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