Husband just quick work and threatened to sell our horse...

lazybee said:
'Beef cake' you say? 'Meat head' sounds more like it. As long as you're not rubbing his nose in it every five minutes about how it's your business and how he can't drive blah blah blah. Shrugs.

As a bye the bye

I know five meat heads (steroid users) none of them have had a long term relationship.

1/ Was beaten up by his dad when he was young.

2/ Was beaten up by his dad when he was young and had to watch his sister and mum get beaten up. His sis was even thrown down the stairs.

3/ Has a massive red birthmark on his face

4/ Is partially sighted.

5/ Has flat feet. So got out of games at school.

Seems like most of them have something to prove and have issues.
Click to expand...

I definately think he feels like he's got something to prove, despite his size and loud nature his self esteem is nearly non-existent, which I keep trying to remind myself but he makes it very hard!
 
Poor you - a bad relationship is not a nice place to be - been there, got the tee shirt and moved on

The only person who can solve his issue is him - have you suggested counseling to him? If not I would be seriously reconsidering my future. You only get one go on this earth.
 
Just hoping he doesn't read this thread or the cat will really be in with the proverbial pigeons. Ignore the threat about the horse as you own it and people often say stupid things in an argument which they can't back up.

Maybe worth discussing this with professional counselling I.e relate ? You do hold al the cards (for once) and I have yet to meet a man whose ego can take that. Not defending him just that has been my own unfortunate experience.
 
Cant comment in the relationship part as we have all been in horrid relationships that we stayed in because we didnt realise how bad things were until its over.

However as he has quit work, he can't claim from the job centre for the next 6 weeks as he volunterily left work. I would remind him that the horse is infact yours and if he was worried about the money situation then he should give up his passion (steroids) and sell his stuff, not yours
 
Luci07 said:
Ignore the threat about the horse as you own it and people often say stupid things in an argument which they can't back up.
Click to expand...

Don't ignore the threat about the horse if you think he is serious.

There is serious potential for the horse to be sold without your consent. You hear of people selling horses that they don't own fairly frequently. Often while they are on loan. There is even more risk here as he could argue the horse was given to him as a gift, that it was purchased with joint assets or that he has your authority to sell and you would have a very tough time getting the horse back if he managed to sell it. Most sellers wouldn't question a horse being sold by the spouse of the person on the passport.

I know someone who sold their spouse's horse without their knowledge or consent (for rather better motives though), and I recently sold DH's car, he knew about it but the buyer never questioned the fact that he never spoke to DH, met him or had anything in writing from him.
 
jrp204 said:
Do you need him in the business? Does he earn his wages? if you have to do everything together you are possibly doubling up on alot of things. So he's quit, you know longer have to pay him so there is a saving there. Is it just your business?
Sorry, i'm rambling. His steriod use is bad news and can easily account for the rants. Will he not give up the steriods?
He is probably bluffing about selling the horse and with todays market and him being a shiverer i doubt he'll be worth much (sorry).
Maybe it would be a struggle living on one wage but i'm sorry i wouldn't tolerate his behaviour and perhaps a honest assesment of your relationship would be worth considering.
Click to expand...

He's a liability as an employee and is a control freak, you know what to do change the locks!
 
Boy my heart goes out to you..... sounds as if you have had a terrible time. He obviously has a lot of 'issues' and although is 'trying' to be a man, he is reliant on you for everything, isnt he? I guess he knows he is probably in a pretty bad place without you but is almost trying to pull a 'power stunt' on you.
I would treat him like a naughty toddler who has just had a tantrum and thrown all of his toys out of the pram. He is nothing without you, so I hate to say it but take control! He needs to pull himself together and 'man up' a bit!
Make it clear that you will not accept being 'threatened' by him selling the horse. that you paid for it and that if it comes down to it you will fight him every inch of the way to keep it. I would come down very hard and fast and hopefully he will accept that he just blew up and will apologise to you.
And last of all..... you may love him... you married him so there must be some good in him somewhere??? But do not be a victim!!!!!!!
 
Well from what you've said there doesn't seem to be anything positive about him. Do you have anything positive to say about him? If not I would call it a day.

It certainly sounds like he's got you exactly where he wants you a nice easy life for him.
 
Control freak is a scary word but definately rings true. He's now trying to tell me he did nothing wrong and that he's sure a job will come up. I was hoping inside that I'd get home and he'd be remorseful and hoping to come back to work tomorrow, more fool me for thinking that. :(
 
Have huge sympathy for you - and have been in that place in the past! As Hic says, I'm not going to criticise on here as you've got plenty of comment already!

But - if you bought the horse, and have a recipt and its passport, it is yours.

If he has walked out of a job, then you don't have to keep paying him. Give him his holiday money and tell him to hop it. He won't!

Talk/write to his doctor, if the steroids are on prescription. Confidentiality will probably prevent the doctor talking to YOU about it, but he will, if he's worth his salt, make a note of it and address the problem when he next sees your husband.

Finally, remember there are a lot of kind and concerned people on this forum who will give you support, even if it's on the ether. So here's an ethereal bottle of gin for you - ooops, sorry, I seem to have drunk most of it. xx
 
*hic* said:
Just a word of warning, use this place to rant and rave about how awful it all is, and all the rest BUT and that is a BIG BUT dont be swayed by other people's views of your relationship. When the power switches off it's you and your husband left in the room to discuss it, none of those people offering advice, telling you to chuck him out or berating you for not being an understanding wife (just to pick two opposing sides) know the full and actual story or the realities of your life together.

This is a great place to let off steam but don't take on board too much of the comment you will undoubtedly get.

You have my best wishes that you and you husband can come to the best solution for you both.
Click to expand...

TOTALLY agree with this!
 
He sounds like a right charmer.

In his defence though, mens egos are delicate things and he may feel a bit imasculated (sp?) by you. Now your have done nothing wrong!!!! You sound an amazing lady who is being far far to nice to him and giving him a very comfortable life but he may be feeling like he isn't the man of the house?! Hence the steroids to build himself up and the attempts to control you. However in order to change that really he needs to take responsibility to change his own life and not act like such a big baby.

Personally I think life is too short to be with someone who is difficult and makes you unhappy.

I guess the question you need to ask is what do YOU want?
 
firewell said:
He sounds like a right charmer.

In his defence though, mens egos are delicate things and he may feel a bit imasculated (sp?) by you. Now your have done nothing wrong!!!! You sound an amazing lady who is being far far to nice to him and giving him a very comfortable life but he may be feeling like he isn't the man of the house?! Hence the steroids to build himself up and the attempts to control you. However in order to change that really he needs to take responsibility to change his own life and not act like such a big baby.

Personally I think life is too short to be with someone who is difficult and makes you unhappy.

I guess the question you need to ask is what do YOU want?
Click to expand...

I agree with this totally!!!!! Life is far too short so although my last post was hoping it would be alright as you also were when you got home, it wasnt and is he really worth wasting the rest of your life on?
You have to think about yourself... you , you , you. Whatever has happened to him, ie the driving ban etc, he brought upon himself. My husband also was banned a few years ago and I drove him around for a year ane boy I never let him forget it!!
 
Well wether or not he could sell the horse in law would depend on if it was a gift in which case he could or joint property in which he could not.
Steroids are nasty dangerous things which alter mood I feel for you and hope you can get it sorted. life is short be happy, even if you have a bit of crap on the way there.
 
You describe him as a beefcake and on steroids - so I am going to assume these are NOT prescription steroids but dodgy stuff he pays through the nose for? If so, now the plank as walked out of his job, who is going to pay for his steroids.

I can guarantee that within a week or two of not having money to fund his addiction (and make no mistake, this is an addiction like ANY drug out there), you will find your 'beefcake' replaced by a gibbering, tearful and pathetic wreck, and possibly aggressive and very unstable too.

It is entirely your choice to either support him to get himself off his addiction (again the same as any street drug) or continue to enable him to continue being an addict.

I know what my choice would be - but its down to you really isnt it, not virtual people in the ether of the internet?:(
 
O_P,

never loose sight of the fact that the most important person, to you, MUST be you. Without you, your business, and the financial support which I suspect you provide, and your apparent generosity, he will probably be back, where you found him, very soon.

Muscle men, it seems to me and all so often, have very little self esteem or respect. Whilst I agree, with the post from *hic* and without question, you really do need to consider your own well being.

In your shoes, I'd seek legal advice, and a bit sharpish.

Alec.
 
Might not be what you want to hear, but don't stay with him. If you think he will change, he wont, they never do.

Sorry to be harsh, but in short leave him.

Do it sooner rather than latter as men like this wear down your self respect overtime and you'll end up staying with him out of habit rather than happiness.
 
Thank you all for being so kind. I think I'm exhausted of being the one who has to do all the 'looking after'. I was proud of myself to begin with for being strong but now am thinking that sometimes everyone needs to be looked after, and that includes me. I do think that my self esteem has been gradually chipped away over the past three years, and possibly more than I realise. Still don't know what to do and how to do it, he's not helping by slamming doors around the house and making me out to be the bad one for not understanding. I totally understand how he must feel awful for feeling reliant on me, having had the shoe on the other foot I know it's not nice.
 
KristmasKatt said:
Don't ignore the threat about the horse if you think he is serious.

There is serious potential for the horse to be sold without your consent. You hear of people selling horses that they don't own fairly frequently. Often while they are on loan. There is even more risk here as he could argue the horse was given to him as a gift, that it was purchased with joint assets or that he has your authority to sell and you would have a very tough time getting the horse back if he managed to sell it. Most sellers wouldn't question a horse being sold by the spouse of the person on the passport.

I know someone who sold their spouse's horse without their knowledge or consent (for rather better motives though), and I recently sold DH's car, he knew about it but the buyer never questioned the fact that he never spoke to DH, met him or had anything in writing from him.
Click to expand...


Hmm I didn't express myself clearly and kk you are right. I think this is an empty threat as sounds like this man is looking for an angle so will throw anything at the op to get a reaction. A passport and a receipt does not prove ownership so if you are genuinely worried then I would either move the horses or tell him the horse has been signed over to a third party. Proving ownership is legally impossible ( just read some of the threads on the missing forum) but that could also work I'm your favour.
 
Luci07 said:
Hmm I didn't express myself clearly and kk you are right. I think this is an empty threat as sounds like this man is looking for an angle so will throw anything at the op to get a reaction. A passport and a receipt does not prove ownership so if you are genuinely worried then I would either move the horses or tell him the horse has been signed over to a third party. Proving ownership is legally impossible ( just read some of the threads on the missing forum) but that could also work I'm your favour.
Click to expand...

if the horse was a gift it's his.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top