Husband just quick work and threatened to sell our horse...

Awww stay strong. I once told my husband that I love him and I love my horse, but don't ever make me choose........ He hasn't and I'm still married. Smart cookie ;)
 
clairew said:
Thank you all for being so kind. I think I'm exhausted of being the one who has to do all the 'looking after'. I was proud of myself to begin with for being strong but now am thinking that sometimes everyone needs to be looked after, and that includes me. I do think that my self esteem has been gradually chipped away over the past three years, and possibly more than I realise. Still don't know what to do and how to do it, he's not helping by slamming doors around the house and making me out to be the bad one for not understanding. I totally understand how he must feel awful for feeling reliant on me, having had the shoe on the other foot I know it's not nice.
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how do your family feel about him, if you have the support of your family it will be easier for you to get tough with him and make him take some responsibilty for his life. He won't like being told to man up as he obviously thinks he's a pretty big one already;) but muscles don't make a man!! If you feel up to it i think it's time for a sit down and a talk with him, time he grows up and comes off the steroids and starts putting some effort into the relationship:) Good luck, not easy as he'll throw a strop for sure but this kind of thing won't sort itself out.
 
Goldenstar said:
if the horse was a gift it's his.
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Seriously, read the posts on horses on loan. Saying its a gift means nothing. There is a very recent example where a girl had to buy BACK! Her horse that was on loan for £2k. Passport etc meant nothing. Police are not int as they deem it to be a civil case. There is NO legal documentation to prove ownership. Husband could say it was a gift, she could say it was a loan etc etc. it comes down to a he said/she said and police do not care.
 
OP, I still can't find anywhere where you make it clear whether his steroid use is prescription drugs or body-building.

Prescription steroids for medical use DO NOT affect mood and behaviour. So I assume it's the other ones?
 
DragonSleigh-Bells said:
Can you explain this please?
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Of course. He was very conscious of it when he was younger and it really affected his confidence. The thing is though, no one else paid the slightest bit of attention to it. I never even heard anyone else mention it, even kids at school. It bothered him more than anyone else. It seems some body builders at the extreme end seem to have something in their past that motivates them to want to be huge. It's not really normal to inject yourself with god knows what because you want to look a bit like the Michelin man.
 
I was married for 13 years to someone whose behaviour was pretty intolerable. He ran up huge debts, abused alcohol, smoked pot in HUGE amounts (he’d regularly spend the month’s mortgage money on his supply), I could do on..... He had difficulty in keeping a job. I covered up his behaviour, kept the family from bankruptcy and repossession until eventually I’d had enough and the marriage ended. We parted bitterly.

Years later, he was finally diagnosed with severe bipolar disorder. Most of his “bad” behaviour turns out to be a direct result of his illness. The ironic thing is, I now realise that by propping him up and covering up his behaviour, I prevented him being diagnosed and receiving help and the right medication sooner.

Sometimes, by putting up with unreasonable or abusive behaviour, we're not helping that person face their problems and do something about it.
 
FionaM12 said:
Prescription steroids for medical use DO NOT affect mood and behaviour.
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Actually they can and do, but usually just make people temporarily a bit 'speedy' and impulsive. It's anabolic steroids that make people aggressive and moody.

OP maybe it's time to take a frank look at what you are getting from this relationship? The payoff you perhaps got in the beginning (feeling like the strong one), sounds like it has long worn off?

He's probably just having a strop, but please look after yourself. People on steroids can be unpredictable and violent.

There are also serious side effects such as heart problems, stroke, not to mention erectile disfunction, a shrinking todger and growing breasts :eek: none of which is very manly. He might want to think about that.

Take care and make the right decision for you.
 
I was going to ask about your family, but Ibblebibble already has. You say your father is a partner in the business, and another person. They will have seen what is happening. This gives you, or should give you, quite a lot of support. Listen to their advice. They will be anxious on two scores:
1. That your OH is running you into the ground, mentally, physically and financially
2. He may well be running their business into the ground

You need wise heads and kind hearts around you at the moment. I hope you can look to them for that.
 
Thank you folks. My family are really good, my mum has been brilliant and although very fond of OH has told me that they'll be there for me whatever I decide. I think dad tries to almost stay out of it because we work together and I'm sure it can be really awkward for him! He did say today though that maybe it was for the better that OH has quit because everyone seems to have to tread on eggshells to stop him going off on one. I don't know, we've had some frank discussions tonight, think I need to rest my weary head and see how I feel in the morning. Thank you for all the advice and kind thoughts, all means a lot. When I'm not so bleary eyed there will be a few PMs being sent in the morning!!
xxx
 
If you are not happy then get rid. YOUR happiness comes first :)

But as someone else has said, only YOU can decide what to do, we can only advise :)

AmyMay - The only thing about upping her wage is the amount of Tax on drawings at the end of the year the OP will have to pay out of her own pocket and can she afford that.
 
I'm sure you've already considered this, but could he have a claim on your business if you split? I know this is rather looking on the bleak side, but it needs to be considered.

As for what you should do, your choice entirely - you've had some good advice tonight. I would add don't make any hasty decisions, take your time. And he really won't change, people never do, that guy slamming doors in your house right now - that's as good as it gets, so do whatever is right for you.
 
Spot_the_Risk said:
I'm sure you've already considered this, but could he have a claim on your business if you split? I know this is rather looking on the bleak side, but it needs to be considered.

As for what you should do, your choice entirely - you've had some good advice tonight. I would add don't make any hasty decisions, take your time. And he really won't change, people never do, that guy slamming doors in your house right now - that's as good as it gets, so do whatever is right for you.
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I think OP should seek legal advice on that front as from my experience, its complicated. Yes married couple, what is yours is mine. However if he isn't a director, then does he have a claim? If OP wants to PM me, I can ask Dad (accountant/chartered Secretary/general know-it-all) about the legalities of such a thing. :)
 
Please wait until the rage you are feeling has calmed down, then you both have to talk, people say horrible things when in a temper and they say it to hurt even though they dont mean it. Be honest with each other...take care..
 
*hic* said:
Just a word of warning, use this place to rant and rave about how awful it all is, and all the rest BUT and that is a BIG BUT dont be swayed by other people's views of your relationship. When the power switches off it's you and your husband left in the room to discuss it, none of those people offering advice, telling you to chuck him out or berating you for not being an understanding wife (just to pick two opposing sides) know the full and actual story or the realities of your life together.

This is a great place to let off steam but don't take on board too much of the comment you will undoubtedly get.

You have my best wishes that you and you husband can come to the best solution for you both.
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Good luck on this one.You do what you feel is right.
 
May I suggest you change your username? You never know who is reading these forums and if your username is your 'real' name, it will make you all the more easily identifiable.
If a few months down the line things have settled down for you, you don't want some do gooder to bring this to your DHs attention and it all blow up again.
 
This is your marriage and no one going what going on a part from you but you sound like his mum than his wife.

You need to address the balance regardless of how you decide to go forwards.

Good luck
 
OP if you want some advice on where you stand legally drop me a PM I know and excellent family lawyer who will be happy to have a chat through it all with you.
 
clairew said:
Thank you all for being so kind. I think I'm exhausted of being the one who has to do all the 'looking after'. I was proud of myself to begin with for being strong but now am thinking that sometimes everyone needs to be looked after, and that includes me. I do think that my self esteem has been gradually chipped away over the past three years, and possibly more than I realise. Still don't know what to do and how to do it, he's not helping by slamming doors around the house and making me out to be the bad one for not understanding. I totally understand how he must feel awful for feeling reliant on me, having had the shoe on the other foot I know it's not nice.
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You sound like too nice a person to be putting up with this....you need to be strong now for yourself.:)

Your family sound supportive of you. Personally I feel it will be tough for you for a while whatever you decide....

Good luck with whatever choice you make.:)
 
clairew said:
Control freak is a scary word but definately rings true. He's now trying to tell me he did nothing wrong and that he's sure a job will come up. I was hoping inside that I'd get home and he'd be remorseful and hoping to come back to work tomorrow, more fool me for thinking that. :(
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Don't take him back, tell him to go and find work, preferably a long way away!
 
If you want to make your relationship work, want him to respect you, think rationally, get a job etc etc he must get off the steroids, the side effects of steroids effect people in different ways, it is known for making people aggressive, paranoid and basically having mood swings all the time, it’s impossible to have any chance of a decent relationship with a bloke on steroids.

Good luck, hope you sort things out.
 
lazybee said:
Of course. He was very conscious of it when he was younger and it really affected his confidence. The thing is though, no one else paid the slightest bit of attention to it. I never even heard anyone else mention it, even kids at school. It bothered him more than anyone else. It seems some body builders at the extreme end seem to have something in their past that motivates them to want to be huge. It's not really normal to inject yourself with god knows what because you want to look a bit like the Michelin man.
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Thanks for this!

I just wanted to see how you percieved this, being someone who has had a large red birthmark on my face.....thanks to alot of plastic surgery and now camoflague, often good to gauge peoples perceptions.

:D
 
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