I don’t love my new horse, help?

Do you think we expect too much of this relationship we have with our horses? They are not our children, or our partners after all. I just think it’s so so hard to find nice, safe, talented, easy, sound…so many stories of people on here ending up with the wrong horse, all the heartache that goes with that, and all the vets bills etc etc.
I wouldn’t sell a really nice horse simply because I don’t love him. As long as I like him, enjoy riding him, feel safe on him, and he does the job I want him to do, I don’t have any other expectations. I love my kids, and my husband (most of the time) the I guess the dogs…one of the horses maybe, but not all of them. They don’t know this, they are all treated the same and get everything they need and I’m kind to them.
 
Cheeky Chestnut said:
This is why I bought a foal. I knew I would need a focus but not something ready to ride. Something I could mould into what I needed and wanted and who would grow on me without the riding pressure and to give myself time to forget what riding the same horse was like.

Kia was PTS Nov 2018 and now I’m backing my Foal (now 4) who I bought Oct 2018. He’s honestly exactly what I needed him to be and definitely has a place in my heart alongside my old boy.

If he’s not what you want then I would sell him. If you think you need time then take it and ride school horses or a loan/share and give yourself time
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Tried this. Bought a 2-year old PRE a year ago, when my old horse, who was 28 and with me for 21 years, started to show her age. I was still hoping she would rally and hang in there for another year. I was deluded, and she didn't. I had to put her down at the start of June last year. But I was going nuts with nothing to ride, so bought horse #2, a green ex-feral Highland with some quirks (the market was the market), but ridable. Kind of hoped one would be a sales project, but I like them both, so nobody's a sales project. They are both very different from my old horse. Breed, personality, everything. And it's all just different. I got that horse when I was 17, and she died when I was 38. That's so many years, so many experiences, so much life. Me and her were like a pair -- Emily and Gypsum just went together because that's how the world worked. I miss her like hell, but I can't look at my new horses and compare them to her. It will be something else, something new. I'm okay with that. I have to be.
 
I think when you have previously clicked with a horse, it’s human nature to compare (even if subconsciously) another horse to them.
I had the most incredible relationship with Diva and I trusted her in every way. I never felt one ounce of worry when on her back. She was also very loving and cuddly and my total soul mate.
Millie couldn’t have been more different- sharp, spooky, indifferent to me in the stable. For the first 12 months, hacking her was a bit of a chore because she was so daft at times and would spook, spin and run.
It was so hard not to feel frustrated with her, but I had to put Diva out of my mind and accept Millie for who she was.
4 years on and we’re a pretty tight unit. She’s mostly brilliant to hack (though still has her moments!) and I have accepted her indifference to me in the stable. We don’t have the relationship me and Diva had, but realistically, I don’t think I’ll ever have that with any horse again so I need to let that go now. Me and Millie are a pretty good match and she has proved on a number of occasions that she’s actually quite fond of me. Her spooking is a million times better and we have a lot of fun together.
 
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I think some you love straight away, some you grow to love and some you just don’t click with.

if I was you, I’d give him a bit more time. Maybe in another 6 months, after having the summer together, you could see if you still feel the same and make a decision.

I also think your still grieving. I’m fortunate that I’m yet to lose my old horses but when I lost my beloved cat to a road accident I got a couple of feral kittens to keep me occupied. It was maybe too soon and it took a long time to love them properly but it was a good distraction and nice getting to tame them and get them to trust me.
What helped was thinking to myself ‘I like when they do that, meow when they want to jump on something etc.’
Acknowledged when they put a smile on my face. No comparing to my other cat, just letting them make me happy.
 
How did you feel about your last horse only 8 months after owning him? I ask because you seem to be comparing the finished article that he was (after all the work you had put into him) with a young ex-racer. This chap has had a massive shift in his life at all levels and still seems to be the yard sweetheart. Are you looking for more of a challenge from him to give you something to work on?

It is important to grieve but - forgive me for sounding like Granny - there comes a time when it is just necessary to get on with life. If you can't stop making comparisons then maybe it is better to sell him and go without a horse for a while until you feel ready to commit again.

Only you can answer that one.
 
I'm so very sorry for you, you are obviously grieving. I would try and see if your new horse can help you through your sadness. Horses pick up on emotions, and I'm sure he'll try and help you if you give him a chance x
 
The horse who follows a special horse often has a hard time in this respect .
My advice that special bond you describe is special and you won’t get that with every horse.
You may never have it again .
I have had that five times ( I am 61 )and once it was with a horse I never rode I think we have had over fifty horses .
You can enjoy a horse without what you describe and something that specialness develops over a longer time .
I ask myself is the horse doing its job does it deserved the risk of changing home and I get on with getting the horse to do it’s job here for .
I don’t love Sky in that way he’s a nice horse he makes me laugh he does his job and I look after him well it’s enough .
 
I agree. I’ve ridden lots of horses. Two stand out. I’ve owned or loaned six. So it’s not a high percentage! Having said that the others have brought different things to the party. Wouldn’t have not had them.
 
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