I don't know what to do...

[Bikerchickone]

OP in your position I would either look for selling livery or look to sell the horse via project horses. If having the horse is getting you down so much you don't even want to be there to care for her then letting go sooner rather than later would be the way I'd go.

At least by letting her go now you won't have the care or the expense through the winter and can put any savings towards another horse if you decide you want one. Depending on what area you are maybe someone on here can help you?

Have to say I don't usually get involved in any personal comments made on here but Bobajob, seriously? This horse doesn't need putting to sleep, and all your comments about stallions and looking after them yourself like you're better than the rest of us, well to me that smacks of insecurity and trying to big yourself up! There's no need to be rude and offensive as you are above, and trying to pull the racism card is ridiculous, this is a forum, none of us would know you if you walked up to us in the street, let alone know anything about the colour of your skin!

 

[bobajob]

Thats hypocritical... calling someone a bully, and then saying something like that.

Some people can give it but cannot take it. When I first came on this forum certain posters made a big deal that I was a Troll and was very insulting. I see that they are keeping up the good work.

Kids come on these forums and I have seen what certain posters have told them to do or just been really rude.
I usually find this attitude coming from inexperienced people.

 

[rhino]

OP daft question, but what/how have you actually done to try and bond? I think some horses (and people) you click immediately with, but personally some of my best friends are people I didn't get on with particularly at the start.

I questioned whether I had done the right thing buying my old ginger boy, even a few months after I got him he remained extremely aloof. He wasn't spooky, he wasn't aggressive in any way, he just couldn't care less who was handling him or what they were doing. He was a bit 'shut off'.

He is now my absolute rock, I wouldn't change him in any way. Actually him having an injury which meant he needed to be box rested helped. He really appreciated getting out on the lead rein to graze in hand, and all the extra grooming and fussing he got made him come out of his shell a bit.

Some horses seem to trust you immediately, some seem to need to know you trust them first. Anthropomorphic nonsense possibly, but I very nearly passed up the chance to keep the horse who has turned out to be the perfect horse for me. He's still not an overly affectionate horse, but that's just him

Please don't put yourself under any more pressure. Do you really need to have a competition fit horse now. Can't you just see how it goes, and do as little or as much as you feel like? Take care x

 

[bobajob]

OP in your position I would either look for selling livery or look to sell the horse via project horses. If having the horse is getting you down so much you don't even want to be there to care for her then letting go sooner rather than later would be the way I'd go.

At least by letting her go now you won't have the care or the expense through the winter and can put any savings towards another horse if you decide you want one. Depending on what area you are maybe someone on here can help you?

Have to say I don't usually get involved in any personal comments made on here but Bobajob, seriously? This horse doesn't need putting to sleep, and all your comments about stallions and looking after them yourself like you're better than the rest of us, well to me that smacks of insecurity and trying to big yourself up! There's no need to be rude and offensive as you are above, and trying to pull the racism card is ridiculous, this is a forum, none of us would know you if you walked up to us in the street, let alone know anything about the colour of your skin!

The kid is asking for advice and all I see is people rounding YET again on me, I wonder why? How would you know if this person has the money to support this horse? Has she the time? Does she really want to sell it on not knowing where it will end up? How many people have come on these forums telling stories of how they put the horse on loan and it had been sold on to goodness knows where?If its lame, a danger or unrideable how many people would want to take it on as a companion? People are skint these days it is just another mouth to feed to be blunt. How would she know it was going to a 'good home' it could end up being passed around from pillar to post. Having it pts would be the kindest thing to do.At least she will know where it is and not going hungry in a cold field.

 

[Shantara]

Bobajob - selling a horse isn't a terrible thing like you make out. If no one sold horses, only breeders would have them!
People sell horses all the time, why does it seem to be a big issue?

 

[Bikerchickone]

Agreed Nah, how would we all get our horses if nobody ever sold one?

Bobajob, I suggest you read my post more carefully, I was advocating finding the horse a new home to avoid paying costs for it over winter. I'm also honestly bemused that you can't see why people would be rounding on you, when some of your comments are downright provocative.

 

[Wagtail]

Its a great feeling just being able to do what you want when you want?
My Stallions have grazing and stables and I am fortunate enough to be able to feed them and take care of them, can you say that?

I come on here to find out information on what is going on in the horse World in England, but all I am finding is the likes of certain sad lonely women who think it is great to pull people down.
This blog is about someone asking for help and all you do is round on me, is it because Im not a Johnny English and the dark stuff on my skin will not wash off?

I always find that when people have very little knowlege or experience with horses, especially Stallions they come out with alot of c***.

What the heck does skin colour have to do with it? There are white idiots, and black idiots. They are all idiots. FWIW I thought you were an ex pat. Skin colour had not even entered my head.

I think you are making a bigger fool of your self every post you make. But that's just my opinion. Must make me racist I suppose.

 

[Littlelegs]

Bj- you want some ketchup to go with that chip on your shoulder?

 

[Always Henesy]

The kid is asking for advice and all I see is people rounding YET again on me, I wonder why? How would you know if this person has the money to support this horse? Has she the time? Does she really want to sell it on not knowing where it will end up? How many people have come on these forums telling stories of how they put the horse on loan and it had been sold on to goodness knows where?If its lame, a danger or unrideable how many people would want to take it on as a companion? People are skint these days it is just another mouth to feed to be blunt. How would she know it was going to a 'good home' it could end up being passed around from pillar to post. Having it pts would be the kindest thing to do.At least she will know where it is and not going hungry in a cold field.

Agree with some of your points funnily enough....but not in this case.

I am surprised tbh that I would agree with a previously banned member...but life is full of surprises eh?
You enjoyed trolling on one of my posts once

 

[the watcher]

My view is that it is really not necessary to bond with a horse in order to get it fit and sound enough to sell, I can say that from the perspective of working with many horses, some of which I don't particularly like.

I know that if it is your own horse this may be more of a challenge, but really the horse doesn't care if you love them or not, as long as you treat them fairly, observe routines and address all their needs. My advice is to disassociate yourself from this emotionally, treat it as a project with reasonable timescales with a view to finding a buyer in the spring.

 

[BillyBob-Sleigh]

Some people can give it but cannot take it. When I first came on this forum certain posters made a big deal that I was a Troll and was very insulting. I see that they are keeping up the good work.

Kids come on these forums and I have seen what certain posters have told them to do or just been really rude.
I usually find this attitude coming from inexperienced people.

I'm amused at the fact that you seem to throw the term around that anyone who disagrees with you is "inexperienced". No. Just some of us have a difference of opinion, that does not give anyone the right to start offending others saying they have no clue about horses (which is basically what you're implying). You also think people are rounding on you - is there any wonder? It seems to be your way or the highway.

OP - you've had a lot of advise on here, probably best to have a good think about everything different users have said and come to your own conclusion about your horse - only you know how you feel and what is right.

 

[Batgirl]

What the heck does skin colour have to do with it? There are white idiots, and black idiots. They are all idiots. FWIW I thought you were an ex pat. Skin colour had not even entered my head.

I think you are making a bigger fool of your self every post you make. But that's just my opinion. Must make me racist I suppose.

Oh for a like button.

Bobajob you are IMO the biggest hypocrite and in my un-expert opinion a bully, you write extremely personal posts towards anyone that disagrees with you and ram your 'wealth' and questionable 'experience' down their throat in a personal and unhelpful way.

Your downright bizarre and randomly scattered references to racism are offensive to the idea of equality and diversity, and in this I AM an expert.

I rarely judge people from internet posts but yours take the biscuit. Grow up, stop boasting and stop crying racism.

 

[BillyBob-Sleigh]

Oh for a like button.

Bobajob you are IMO the biggest hypocrite and in my un-expert opinion a bully, you write extremely personal posts towards anyone that disagrees with you and ram your 'wealth' and questionable 'experience' down their throat in a personal and unhelpful way.

Your downright bizarre and randomly scattered references to racism are offensive to the idea of equality and diversity, and in this I AM an expert.

I rarely judge people from internet posts but yours take the biscuit. Grow up, stop boasting and stop crying racism.

Like button again please - do you reckon if we start a poll that TFC will allow us to have one

 

[lhotse]

Agree with some of your points funnily enough....but not in this case.

I am surprised tbh that I would agree with a previously banned member...but life is full of surprises eh?
You enjoyed trolling on one of my posts once

Please do tell!!

 

[111ex111]

funny how there are 16 year olds on this forum who are more polite than 'some' others on here...

 

[Bikerchickone]

Ooh yes AH do tell! I always miss the interesting stuff!

Sorry OP, really did come in to your thread hoping to be able to help and understand that the bickering isn't of any use to you. I hope some of the answers you've received have been of some use. At the end of the day you have to do what you're comfortable with out of all the options. I hope whatever you choose works out well for you.

 

[AmiRobertson]

Op how much ground work have you done with your mare? I do a lot of groundwork with my 4yr old mare and after three months we are just starting to get a basis of a relationship ie she shows some recognition and will let me touch her belly now haha. It takes a really long time to get to know eachother and part of the problem if like you said she is now on full livery is that she only sees you when she is being ridden/farrier etc my friend is having a problem with her mare at the moment because she is on full livery and she has been getting her fit so riding pretty much everytime she sees her means that this week mare will let everyone else catch her but not her owner because so she is focusing on bringing her in making a fuss giving a carrot a lovely groom and then turning her back out again.
The other thing is if she was living in one home for 9years she would of had a pretty strong bond with that home so now she is taking a little longer to settle and trust you.
I would definitely get her fit before selling and work on the manners you spoke about but also try when you see her to go with a positive attitude as she could also be picking up on your negativity which is stopping her from wanting to get to know you.

 

[Auslander]

Thanks for the PM Bobajob - get some guts and post it here so that everyone can share my amusement!

 

[Wagtail]

Thanks for the PM Bobajob - get some guts and post it here so that everyone can share my amusement!

Aw how come you get one and I don't? That's pure favouritism, that is!

 

[PandorasJar]

Every day I am faced with a horse that ignores my existence yet is friendly to most other people. I could deal with her aloofness when she was ridden as watching her improve into a honest jumper who hacked out nicely and was going well on the flat was reward enough in itself. However in the past 6 months, since we have moved to a dream yard, I have ridden about 15 times.
She is not rude on the ground but we do not click and can get on each others nerves. This is something that I have never experienced with a horse before, even the crankiest of ones there was a least a feeling of respect there- and with most I would be counting down the minutes until I could see them again.

In the end I have decided that it is fairer if we go our separate ways, but i am stumped with how to go about this. it is coming into winter and due to her being out of work she is unfit and much of the work that has gone into her has gone a bit to pot. I would be unable to show her off to the best of her ability and she would be unlikely to sell, and with all the horses flooding the market i doubt that she would be wanted if given away.
:

The biggest problem is that you don't click. We've all been there. Put her up for sale with an instructor/rider riding her for viewings etc. Show her at her best and be honest, you simply haven't clicked with her.
I've clicked with some horses that most wouldn't touch with a bargepole and not with others that on paper should've been perfect.

 

[Wagtail]

Looks like the OP left some time ago and is no longer looking at this thread.

 

[HeresHoping]

Late to this one...

First of all, you don't sound very happy, as others have pointed out. Are you feeling yourself? The problem will be that, the more you get yourself into a pickle, the worse the vibes you give off towards her are going to be. It's not just fear we can communicate to the horse. It's also negativity. If you don't feel very loving towards her, you aren't going to get the same back.

Secondly, my mother, Pony Club dragon that she is, often has some wise words. The ones most applicable here seem to be 'It takes six months to a year to really click with your horse...patience helps. And a fair amount of groundwork.' Having been forced to spend some time on the ground with my new boy, I can vouch for this. We did some 'joining up' so he acquired some respect for me. Actually, my instructor's words were "don't call it joining up, it's a wishy washy phrase, call it 'submission' - the connotations are far more positive."

I'll be honest. When he came, I was a little in awe of him. It didn't take long for him to start pushing me around and we had quite a few incidences where I thought I'd made a huge mistake. When it emerged my saddle no longer fitted him and I wasn't going to be riding until the new one came, I went back to the beginning. We did lots of walking around and he learned to behave. If he's going to be a twit moving forward, a short sharp session of turning, backing and any other moves we can think of soon re-establishes who is in charge. I can walk him out on the end of his lead rope with little prattishness now. Of course, reward when he does it right is hugely important. We dropped the sweeties and worked on change of voice and a pat, stroke, cuddle, etc.

We also did lots of lunging. And what a difference. He can charge off at 90 miles an hour with the best of them, but a short sharp 'Oi' from me and we have good behaviour. He no longer naps on the lunge.

I also spent an age in the stable with him. I tied him up to groom to start with because teeth and hooves were often flying when he got ticklish. I can now groom him, cuddle him, walk under his tummy, and a number of other silly things to boot.

Best of all, he comes when he is called and often wickers a 'hello' when you call his name.

This sounds all a bit me, me, me, but I am trying to show you that you can build a bond and you don't need to throw it all away.

Please see your GP if you are feeling at a bit of a loss in life generally, it's so hard to feel positive about things when you feel so glum. There is help available on a number of levels.

 

[Goldenstar]

I hope OP's ok .
And I bet Bobajob's OH works really hard to stay healthy .

 

[AmyMay]

but most of you on here are talking text book rather than experience.

Bless you Bobajob, you have a funny, if slightly odd, sense of humour.

 

[AmyMay]

OP, have you thought about contacting the breeders to see if they'd be willing to take the horse back?

 

[LaurenBay]

I hope the OP is ok.

It took me around 9 months to click with my Horse. I enjoyed riding her, but didn't really love her to the extent that others love theirs. I did like her though, she was very easy to do. That was the problem, she didn't have much personailty and was very stand off-ish. She went lame and I paid out the vets bills and pysio bills, not because I loved her, but because I felt I owed her, she was bought as my confidence giver and she did just that. But still didn't really like riding her, I got fustrated easily with her, especially schooling.

I blamed her for being green, I booked a lesson and what a head turner that was!! I realised the problem was me. After my lesson was over, I realised what a nice honest lovely little mare I had . After that my attitude changed and we just clicked. She has shown me more of her personality and we now have a better understanding of eachother. I now give her all the kisses and cuddles I can, I look forward to seeing her, I adore being with her (even if I'm not riding) our riding has improved so much. Still have work to do, but I can't wait. I couldn't imagine being without her now. I have done some digging into her history and I found out some stuff that has made me feel so sorry for her, but also explained why she can be so distant.

Please don't feel guilty that you don't click with her, get her into work and then sell up.

To JB, please do us all a favor and stop posting. You sprout utter rubbish.

 

[Toast]

Its called experience love, something I see you do not have, yes I did turn down another Stallion through choice. I do not have horses as status symbols I have them because I like them, but there are more things to do in life. I was always a bit sad I had no one to ride with here but glad in a way as nothing has changed with the bitchy attitude I read by certain posters on here. Green eyed monsters everywhere i see.

Haha! You are just hilarious... How dare you be so presumptuous about my experience as a horse owner. I for one am certainly not jealous of you. You sound like a miserable callous person... What is there to be jealous of?

Jog on love....

 

[Hoofprints in the Snow]

Its a great feeling just being able to do what you want when you want?
My Stallions have grazing and stables and I am fortunate enough to be able to feed them and take care of them, can you say that?

YES!!!

I come on here to find out information on what is going on in the horse World in England, but all I am finding is the likes of certain sad lonely women who think it is great to pull people down.
This blog is about someone asking for help and all you do is round on me, is it because Im not a Johnny English and the dark stuff on my skin will not wash off?

MINE WILL NOT WASH OFF EITHER!!!!

I always find that when people have very little knowlege or experience with horses, especially Stallions they come out with alot of c***.

IF YOU ALWAYS FIND THIS WHY BOTHER??

 

[Hoofprints in the Snow]

Sorry OP but bobajob got me angry. I think if you let her rough off for afew months over the winter then in the spring get her ready to sell on. I sense a bit of depression is going on too and it can creep up on you, even if you have had it before, you are not always the one to spot it. Try and take a step back and not get into a panic that you have to solve the problem instantly. Take Care and don't feel guilty!!!

 

[Shantara]

I do hope you bond with this horse, but if not...would you keep a 'friend' you didn't get along with?

I must admit, I really didn't like Ned when I first stared riding him. I'll even admit I found him ugly, boring and plain to look at and uncomfortable and annoying to ride.
I would say it took a few months for me to start liking him and then a few months more for me to fall in love. It wasn't an instant love, like it was for Sharkie (who I still haven't ridden!)
Like others have said, maybe stick it out through winter, try and get to know her and if not, sell