I have a stalker! Advice needed

[millreef]

A few weeks ago I posted a thread entitled “whinge, moan’ God I hate people”. The gist of it being that people are copying some of the things I do and it’s weird. Update!
Strange occurrence #1. Last Saturday after I finished riding my horse, the arena was not being used so I slipped her saddle and bridle off and let her loose for a quick roll. This lady, let’s call her “The Dr.”, entered the arena and started to prance about my horse LITERALLY like a hobby horse, jumping from behind the wings and frolicking. It was truly bizarre. I politely asked her to leave my horse alone and leave the arena (which she did).
Strange occurrence #2. later that day she was mirroring everything I was doing with my horse, if I sat on the floor she did etc. I know this sounds petty but at the time it was clearly obvious and slightly creepy to see my exact movements being copied in real time.
Strange occurrence #3 I spoke with the club owner whose horse The Dr has on livery and just asked if she was a full shilling. Apparently she wants to get a trainer out to train her horse “to do the same thing I’m doing”. Bear in mind that she is an adult beginner and I am not. I’m training my horse from scratch for dressage. I’ve owned and ridden all my life and competed too. Strange occurrence # 4 I had turned my horse out into the small paddock that was free and she asked one of the grooms if I could put my horse back in the stable so that she could turn hers out! Selfishly weird. Strange occurrence #5 Last night I was training with my coach via WhatsApp and she was riding in the arena with some young riders and the instructor. I had booked the arena but I’m not going to say to them “bugger off” because we can all share. However, The Dr. kept riding in the wrong direction to her lesson and also her horse (with a De-gouge so she control it), was getting dangerously close to my horse and at one point they both spooked. Luckily I can ride and she is just lucky so nothing happened. She actually appeared to be riding her horse towards me! Like she was claiming her territory! I’ve written the club owners and we’ll see how this pans out but it’s so freaking weird.
And because I’m British, as we’ve not been introduced yet I have never spoke to her!!! Except to mutter expletives, not always under my breath. It’s a weird situation. Not sure what to do. I love the yard but the Dr is a liability. Would appreciate your opinions or advice.

TL;DR: All the gear no idea noob adult learning with cash to afford a livery is being a pain in my neck.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

I understand that the behaviour is weird, but imo you are starting to blur the lines between explaining your observation and actually being quite degrading about this woman; and imo you're coming across quite 'high in the instep' at this point. I'm not sure when being a novice became a crime, nor having enough cash to have a livery and learn that way, but if you would like her to stop then I would suggest speaking with her and telling her to knock it off, rather than speaking to everyone else about it and writing a mean post on here.

 

[AmyMay]

You don’t need to be ‘introduced’. Just talk to them.

 

[millreef]

I understand that the behaviour is weird, but imo you are starting to blur the lines between explaining your observation and actually being quite degrading about this woman; and imo you're coming across quite 'high in the instep' at this point. I'm not sure when being a novice became a crime, nor having enough cash to have a livery and learn that way, but if you would like her to stop then I would suggest speaking with her and telling her to knock it off, rather than speaking to everyone else about it and writing a mean post on here.

Not my intention to be mean. If I come across as high and mighty then apologies. Just getting a bit weirded out by all this attention. The offhand comment at the bottoms of my rant was too much I agree.

 

[millreef]

You don’t need to be ‘introduced’. Just talk to them.

I’m an introvert and it just feels like it’s been too long now.

 

[JBM]

I would be completely freaked out too you need to have a frank conversation with her about her behaviour before she gets one of you hurt.
Keep an eye and let people know of their behaviour.
It’s all just weird until it becomes dangerous
She sounds obsessed

 

[Sanversera]

Just leave,go elsewhere.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

Not my intention to be mean. If I come across as high and mighty then apologies. Just getting a bit weirded out by all this attention. The offhand comment at the bottoms of my rant was too much I agree.

As a fellow introvert I understand the feeling of literally rather doing anything else other than directly speaking to someone about something uncomfortable, but I think it's the only way that this is going to stop. I do feel for you, it's horrible when someone ruins your quiet/happy place.

 

[nagblagger]

I too would find it weird and probably not do anything in the first instance. However she has reached the point its impacting on your horse and your safety so things have to be said.
Does she do it to anyone else, she is probably jealous, or trying to be your friend but in an odd way.
Open a conversation with her, saying how nice her horse is, she how she responds and then maybe you can say that her actions have caused you concerns.

 

[motherof2beasts!]

Your posts sound as if you are slightly paranoid , and also rather full of your horse/riding abilities … many “I’m better” comparisons. Just leave and find somewhere quiet where no one is around to copy you …..

 

[Ratface]

Mental ill-health? You are a better woman than I. I would have had some "to the point" words with the woman.
Perhaps calmly explain that she is behaving in a dangerous way and ask her to leave you and your horse alone.
If this doesn't work, perhaps look for somewhere else?

 

[millreef]

Your posts sound as if you are slightly paranoid , and also rather full of your horse/riding abilities … many “I’m better” comparisons. Just leave and find somewhere quiet where no one is around to copy you …..

 

[millreef]

Your posts sound as if you are slightly paranoid , and also rather full of your horse/riding abilities … many “I’m better” comparisons. Just leave and find somewhere quiet where no one is around to copy you …..

. Just trying to quietly get on with training my lass. It’s not really fair to say I’m slightly paranoid. The woman is stalking me. As I said, apologies if I was rude. I’m really freaked out.

 

[Spotherisk]

I think if she was stalking you it wouldn’t be so obvious.

Maybe she is full of admiration, maybe she wishes her horse went like yours, maybe she too is an introvert and doesn’t know how to approach you as your definitely not giving her friendly vibes.

Maybe she just is a bit different, and the situation needs handling, rather than leaving to rumble along.

 

[4Hoofed]

Please take this as in the spirit it’s intended which is to be helpful and maybe a different perspective. Normally I’d joke and probably be a bit sarky but I can see this has got you upset and clearly has caused you some anxiety so I’ve reined that in. I think maybe you need to take a step back and a deep breath. Okay the prancing about etc is a bit strange but you asked her to stop and leave and she did? Problem already solved!

You’ve also complained twice to the yard owner about her now, once insulting her mental capacity to a third party, so maybe time to live and let live? You’re not going to like everyone you meet and sometimes you just need to ignore/avoid people who don’t get on with. Imitation is the highest form of flattery after all!

In terms of the school riding if she was riding in a lesson did her instructor not tell her to avoid you etc? Or as she’s clearly learning maybe next time as you start the arena share maybe *kindly* ask if she knows of the rules of the school? And *politely* tell her you are happy to share the school but you are training/working your horse and need space. It sounds like maybe if your horse and you are doing well maybe she was just trying learn. Whilst irritating it’s potentially not malicious. Or if you’ve booked the school just say you’re using the whole space and won’t be sharing today and you won’t have to deal with her.

But I do think maybe you need to also have a bit of self reflection, this is not stalking. And you’ve said some quite cruel things on here and to the club owner, which could get back to get her or colour how people look at you or her going forwards. But this post doesn’t make me jump on your side saying you’ve never spoken to her but you have scolded at her and sworn at her? Maybe she just wanted a horsey friend and admired you? I think give it a few days, try to not think about it as it’s clearly rubbed you up the wrong way, then go about your business. If maybe you see her hanging about you about strike up a conversation, offer her your trainers number, people can’t improve/learn if we constantly knock them down. And that also applies to manners and social skills for all involved! She’s been odd or strange at times but sounds like maybe you’ve not been an angel either! or worst comes to worth and she behaves weirdly around you just politely tell her it’s upsetting you and to stop. Preferably in front of witnesses.

 

[Sossigpoker]

She sounds like an enthusiastic novice , maybe a bit too enthusiastic, but a stalker she is not.

 

[Lucky Snowball]

This behaviour would upset me as well. I hate confrontation and would probably alter my routine to avoid her. If it still happened then yes, I would say something.

 

[Bonnie Allie]

Get some professional help to allow you to speak with her. Silence never solved anything.

You will need these skills again. Build them with some help and practice them. You will have a happier life.

 

[Lois Lame]

Yes, she sounds like a huge admirer of you and wants you to know that she's pretty smart too.

Strange occurrence # 4 I had turned my horse out into the small paddock that was free and she asked one of the grooms if I could put my horse back in the stable so that she could turn hers out! Selfishly weird.

I would have been rather peeved if that had happened to me. Hopefully the groom saw sense and said, 'It's occupied at present' or something like that.

I suggest you set to educating her a little. Politely and patiently. I think it will pay off. I wouldn't like to leave such a place that sounds rather good, just because of The Doctor. (I'm thinking in particular of Strange Occurence # 5, which I don't think you interpreted accurately. Yes, it appeared as though she was heading straight towards you etc etc but I doubt she was claiming her territory or anything like that. But I wouldn't take the risk here and I would say as someone has already suggested, that you are booking the whole arena. I'm sure this person will appreciate straight talk delivered kindly.)

Good luck and let us know how you go.

 

[scats]

Can’t you just talk to her?

 

[motherof2beasts!]

. Just trying to quietly get on with training my lass. It’s not really fair to say I’m slightly paranoid. The woman is stalking me. As I said, apologies if I was rude. I’m really freaked out.

I think it’s a bit of an insult to those who have experienced stalking …. This is not stalking . She is probably clumsily trying to make friends or saw your post about how everyone copies you and is taking the mick.

 

[blitznbobs]

Perhaps she admires you and would like to be your friend but because you are so much better than her she is afraid to approach you… if someone told me they wanted there horse to go in the same way as mine I’d be incredibly flattered

 

[millreef]

Perhaps she admires you and would like to be your friend but because you are so much better than her she is afraid to approach you… if someone told me they wanted there horse to go in the same way as mine I’d be incredibly flattered

Thank you for being able to see past my awful post. I’m starting to realise that I’m seeing this from one side. I must sound like a . I really appreciate your advice.

 

[millreef]

Thank you to everyone who read my awful ranting post. I wrote it immediately after the incident and was highly emotional. I don’t mean to sound like a know it all or I’ve done this and that etc. I just find it difficult coping with all this attention and wanted to ask the H&H folks for advice. I really appreciate the posts that were honest and not snarky (even though my post probably deserved it). I’m going to see the yard owner today (who is lovely) and get the whole picture. I won’t be getting professional help for my introvert nature as I love being an introvert. It’s magical being happy in your own company. Anyway, many thanks for trying to help an old fart!

 

[cauda equina]

Thank you to everyone who read my awful ranting post. I wrote it immediately after the incident and was highly emotional. I don’t mean to sound like a know it all or I’ve done this and that etc. I just find it difficult coping with all this attention and wanted to ask the H&H folks for advice. I really appreciate the posts that were honest and not snarky (even though my post probably deserved it). I’m going to see the yard owner today (who is lovely) and get the whole picture. I won’t be getting professional help for my introvert nature as I love being an introvert. It’s magical being happy in your own company. Anyway, many thanks for trying to help an old fart!

Nice post, it's good to see someone taking YABU replies with such good grace
And good luck - I hope you can find a solution you'll be comfortable with

 

[Reacher]

Don’t worry OP - Lots of people write a ranting post on here to let off steam! There are also a lot of people on here who go to the livery yard for quiet time with their horse and don’t want to be bothered by other people being a bit over friendly / pushy. One piece of advice which is often given is to wear headphones either listening to music or just so people think you are listening to music and are less likely to bother you while doing jobs etc.

I’m not surprised some of the incidents you mention are stressing you out - and FWIW I don’t think it’s your job to educate this livery. Definitely tell the YO of any potentially risky behaviour or anything contravening yard rules. (clarify if you can book arena for sole use?)

I hope things improve for you (from one unsociable introvert to another!)

(BTW am I correct you are talking about an adult livery?)

 

[ycbm]

Thank you to everyone who read my awful ranting post. I wrote it immediately after the incident and was highly emotional. I don’t mean to sound like a know it all or I’ve done this and that etc. I just find it difficult coping with all this attention and wanted to ask the H&H folks for advice. I really appreciate the posts that were honest and not snarky (even though my post probably deserved it). I’m going to see the yard owner today (who is lovely) and get the whole picture. I won’t be getting professional help for my introvert nature as I love being an introvert. It’s magical being happy in your own company. Anyway, many thanks for trying to help an old fart!

Best post on the forum this week.

 

[I'm Dun]

I think it’s a bit of an insult to those who have experienced stalking …. This is not stalking . She is probably clumsily trying to make friends or saw your post about how everyone copies you and is taking the mick.

This. I am sure you didnt mean any harm, but dont you dare use that word to describe this nonsense.

 

[The Fuzzy Furry]

This. I am sure you didnt mean any harm, but dont you dare use that word to describe this nonsense.

Whoa, she's already apologised, no need for a such a dictatorial post!

 

[motherof2beasts!]

I didn’t mean to be snarky but in my job I work with victims of DV and stalking and I think it was a bit extreme to use that word for someone that’s either just a bit annoying , admires you , wants to be friends or is taking the mickey.

I too am an introvert , I don’t cope well on busy yards so was lucky to find one where my area is quite self contained and I work so don’t see anyone unless I want too. Thankfully the others are all friendly and supportive bunch , no competitiveness so I’m quite happy to be less anti social.