I miss riding my horse

[MrsMozart]

and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get back to how we used to be.

Due to various moves (always for the horses needs, not ours), and various damaged bits (both me and horse), we've not really done much in the last six months - in fact I've probably ridden her a grand total of a dozen times.

Now I find myself wondering if I'll ever get back that feeling of being safe and happy on her; if we'll ever hack out either alone or with someone else, or if I'll be able to ride her in a school without being scared (or at least slightly worried).

I've sat on so many spins and backing ups and 'discussions' and every time I felt safe. I had the confidence, even when I first got her, to ride her forward through whatever was the issue at the time.

I tend not to think of the slip on the road that resulted in a cracked bone in my forearm (though I'm reminded every day as my left arm often won't move properly, which is a painful drag). The one I think of is the fall that resulted in a bleed on the brain

. It was the first time I'd fallen off in more years than I can remember; it wasn't a problem fall, as in she wasn't being an idiot other than a bit of a head wave that pulled me forward (my fault, should have been sat in deeper!), but I don't know if I can get over/past it

.

I have ridden Dizzy since the fall, albeit it briefly due to the weather, but only at walk and trot. I've cantered both Big Cob and Little Cob in the school, and they were fine, other than I felt I lost my balance a little on BC (not his fault) and the feeling was enough for me to notice and remember it. I'm not sure I could canter the Dizzy one though

.

Sorry for the whiny post. It just seems that every time I get going with my horses, something happens and I go right back to (almost) square one

. This has been going on for over two years now. It has to change at some point, doesn't it?

Maybe I should give Dizzy to Daughter1.

*wobbles off to drink hot choccy and contemplate Life*

 

[Serenity087]

I haven't ridden my girl for 3 years. And I won't be able to ride her for at least another 6 months. I'm going stir crazy!

All I want is to go hell for leather round a grassy paddock pretending we're following hounds. But I guess we'll have to wait and see if she's even ridable after all this

*huggles*

 

[lindsayH]

I feel for you, many years ago I lost my confidence after a fall and didn't ride for nearly a year. I think it's important not to rush things but to push yourself very slowly in the right direction. Build up your confidence and riding fitness on horses that you trust. 2009 has been an awful year for many, but don't worry, 2010 is going to be great I reckon! Best of luck and keep at it x

 

[FeatherPower]

**hugs***

I know exactly how you feel. I made a side door exit from my lad (he spooked so I bailed off - he can gallop fast!!) and broke my lower rib in the fall and severly bruised my bottom (and ego, have never hit the deck before)

Literally 6 weeks later my lad tried to jump some electric fencing and took the fence and me out with it, snapping my ankle/leg.

A week in hospital and a metal plate and 7 screws later I knew I probably will not ride again for a very very long time and made the horrible (but right) decision to offer him MrsElle, who has my old mare and had him on loan once before and loved him with all her heart.

I had ridden with the broken rib and it was agony, but I was not put off and if anything brought me closer to him. Now, having heard my own leg dislocate and then snap I am petrified of anything happening again and I do not know how this will effect me in the future. Right now I don't see how I will ever be able to own a horse again. I have nightmares about it - how silly!!

How do you get over the fear?? I just don't know

 

[Puppy]

Ok, in all honesty MM, I think you need to let go of the dreams and give up on Dizzy.

She has caused you serious injury, more than once. She isn't a sound horse, and does not have a promising future. Sadly, she is exactly the opposite.

If I were your daughter then I would feel devastated if you were to persevere, and risk/experience further injury (I say this as a daughter who has been responsible about the horses I let my mother ride, despite her many years experience!)

She is a pretty looking mare; nice colour/nice face, who you are very fond of, but that isn't always enough to keep investing money into. If she has had this amount of soundness probs at the age that she is, then maybe you ought to see this as a sign...

I really appreciate the want to fight for the horse that you hoped she would be, but please, maybe just expect she can't be that. xx

 

[Ellies_mum2]

A very close friend of mine had a nasty fall and was dragged behind her horse many years ago (20 ish) and rather than get back on she walked the horse back to the yard.Luckily she only had scrapes and bruises from it.
She never rode again due to the fear BUT all being well will be getting on her uncle's very safe and sane cob soon.

Doesn't matter how long it takes as long as you get there in the end

 

[MrsMozart]

Thankies for the thoughts and words

.

As to riding, then you're right, slowly does it. Thank heavens for Little Cob, and indeed Big Cob

.

As to the Dizzy one. I've tried to give up on her, but I can't, not yet. If she'd been doing something daft either time, then yes, she'd be gone, but the slip was just that, a slip - when we were both lying on the ground she rolled off my foot, then stood with me while I got up, then stood still while I tried to get on. The fall in the field was me being an idiot - I wound her up (long story as to why), and I lost a stirrup and I came off - as all have said, it was just damned unlucky that I bounced my head off the ground, as I actually landed on my side/back and none of that hurt (thanks to the Mountain Horse jacket I expect

).

As to her lameness. Yes, that is fact, no getting away from that one. The thing that isn't fact though is how it will affect her going forward. Sue at the AHT said some horses have it and are fine, and others have it and aren't fine - there is no rhyme nor reason. According to the NFU I have until next December to claim LOU if it turns out that she isn't going to stay sound/be able to BSJA.

Tied into all of it is our search for our house with land. Depending on what we get, and depending on how business goes, it could be that I can keep her and get another, or it could be that I have to sell the lot of them.

Life. Isn't it sometimes a tad testing

.

 

[Box_Of_Frogs]

Awwww Mrs M. Hugs and Cadbury's chocolate fingers. Now listen up. But first, we need a smile. I have been trying to get down to Yeovil from S Wales for the last week but have been defeated by the weather every time. I'm giving one of the shetlands VictoriaEDT posted about a new home. I'm desperate to get her home (pony, not VictoriaEDT). Then a few days ago there was a traffic announcement that the M5 (road I'd have to drive on) was closed because of a 10 vehicle pile up and 4 of the vehicles had burst into flames. This horrified me and I was telling everyone at my yard and one lady - never one to dwell on negatives - said oh well, make sure you take some marshmallows. Nothing like putting things into proportion.

Here's what I think. You're not in any state at the moment to decide what to do with Dizzy. Our imaginations let us down when we've had a brush with the Grim Reaper so you need to concentrate on getting YOU well before you worry about what to do with your beloved neds. You'll know when the time is right to make a decision, but it will be based on reality, not the glorious technicolour memories of near disaster. Turn yourself away for a few months - it's what you'd do for a ned in the same circumstances. I bagsy see the pics of you out in a field in a Rambo rug xxx

 

[MrsMozart]

Oh BoF - made me laugh you did

.

And trust me, me out in a field in a Rambo rug would be better than me out in a field naked - roflmao

.

I'll give Dizz a carrot from you.

 

[annret]

Hot chocolate and hugs, firstly.

Secondly, no wonder you find it scary - horses ARE scary, and you've had such an unfortunate series of events in such a short space of time.

I'm just at a loss as to what to say, really - it just seems so unlikely and so unfair because there are plenty of people who put in far less effort / care and don't have a 1/10th of the problems you've had.

What I would say is this - confidence ISN'T rational and I am more scared of my mare now she is impeccably behaved almost all the time than I was when she was a little naughty every time I rode. It's knowing the potential for things to go wrong which weighs heavily on the mind.

Similarly, I continually worry about lameness because of a past problem even though she's sound, so even though I've never enjoyed jumping a horse more than with her, I won't ever jump her again. Again, it's an awkward limbo position which fills me with dread because if the problem reccurs, I'd always feel responsible...

Add these two together with another fall from another horse, and I am just about starting to think of actually riding again...

I know it's a different situation, and I know that this is probably entirely depressing but I do feel for you, though I can't fully relate because I've never had an injury as serious as either of those and i still take weeks or months to recover mentally. The main thing for me is that it's only a handful more years until my mare would naturally retire anyway.

I would see if you could have a relaxing hack on someone else's obliging horse to just chill and remember why you have persevered thus far, but I do think that your accidents cast a different light on having a youngster.

 

[MrsMozart]

[ QUOTE ]
Hot chocolate and hugs, firstly.

I would see if you could have a relaxing hack on someone else's obliging horse to just chill and remember why you have persevered thus far, but I do think that your accidents cast a different light on having a youngster.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ta for the hot choccy and hug

.

I'm lucky in that I can borrow Daughter1's Little Cob

. He makes me laugh

. Dizz is not bad for a youngster really. I konw that sounds like I'm making excuses for her, but I'm not - if she was twelve and acted the prat that she occasionally does then I'd be having some professional help in. As it is, I have a couple of good instructors who will happily get on the Dizzy one

.

All I need to do is settle down and get some good work going with her, ride LC and BC when I may, and take it slowly - I think

. If I have to work away I'll have one of the instructors ride her mid-week and wherever I am I'll have couple of lessons mid-week on schoolmasters, then a lesson at the weekend on the Dizzy one

.

Thank you

.

 

[MrsMozart]

Forgot to add (it's late, m'brain is addled

):

Hugs to all those who are having issues with riding, whether that is a confidence thing or a poorly ned thing.

Hot choccies.

 

[annret]

I don't think she's bad for a youngster at all! She wasn't trying to get you off, much better than plenty i've met. I just think she is a youngster, and you might be lucky enough to witness a teenage rebellion or two yet to come

I'm glad you have LC & BC to give you your confidence back, and quite honestly I wouldn't give up yet if I were you either

but that's probably why I've got a bit of a (stunning) crock (who i love) and barely ride

Good luck whatever you decide, I'm sure it will be the right choice for you.

EDIT - something funny happened to my sentances at the top!

 

[MrsMozart]

Ta hun

. I think that's it, neither time was she trying to get me off. She has tried once, but she's such a numpt she just kept on going into a hedge - it didn't work and she hasn't tried it again

. Everything she does is just strop, it's not aimed at getting rid of me - if it was then I'd have had to give up on her as she's too big and powerful for me to sit to, plus it would be a side of her that would mean I wouldn't want her, if you understand what I mean

.

 

[Rudey]

Oh dear, poor you! I think you could do with a special - I like baileys in my coffee, but in your case in a hot choccy.... now the decision to make is if you want normal baileys, toffee or mint flavoured!!

Years ago Sammi fell on top of me twice in one day at a big show, luckily I wasn't hurt seriously. I then went for a weekend away and managed to stamp a tent peg through my foot!! It had gone in the ball of my foot, so I had time off riding until it was healed. I was a nervous wreck when I finally got back on. What I hadn't appreciated was I had pre-entered open pairs at a xc with my friend - I was petrified but didn't want to let her down. Physically feeling sick I started on course, part way round I started to actually ride him, towards the end I started to actually enjoy it! It gave me the confidence boost I needed - I believed in Sammi and most importantly, believed in myself again

Then in February 09, Sammi did his superman impersonation and stood 7 yards out from a jump. We didn't make it. He got the poles stuck through his front legs, I flew off, he flipped over, landed on me, and used my face as a boogie board across the paddock! Blood was pouring from my mouth, my teeth had gone through the bottom of my lip, I was concussed, had bruised ribs and ached from head to toe. The next day I got back on him and did the same jump. I had to - for my confidence after what had happened before with it. I had a couple of weeks off riding, then got back on as if nothing happened.

July a friends youngster reared over, landed on me and badly broke my ankle. I'm still not walking. I would never in a million years EVER get on that mare again. So I appreciate how anxious you must be after having such a scarey injury as a bleed on the brain. I think you are a very brave lady for getting on LC and BC - nevermind on Dizzy.

I know my break has effected my confidence as I now wonder if I truely want a youngster to break in and school. Before I was really excited of the thought of doing everything myself for Rox my yearling - but admittedly now, I have major doubts it is the risk I want to take.

Personally if I were you, I would get someone else to exercise and bring on Dizzy for the foreseeable future anyway. Get yourself sorted, start riding LC and/or BC and only get on Dizzy when you are truely ready. There's no point scaring yourself, she will feel you're nervous and it will make her tense. Ride when YOU are ready and don't feel pressured! If you don't feel safe with her, don't get on her.

Chin up and don't beat yourself up about it, you are a very brave lady to ever go near a horse again after what you have been through. Hope your enjoy your special. Man I have babbled on, if you got this far, you can have 2 specials on me and a tin of choccies lmao xx

 

[MrsMozart]

Lol, ta Rudey

. Gawd you've been through the mill haven't you! Ouch. And hugs! And we'll raise a mug of hot choccy together

.

If I could have got straight back on Dizz after the head one, I don't think I'd have had a problem. I got straight back on after the slip and apart from steering being a bit of an issue, I was fine (couldn't get off mind you, but that was physically couldn't due to arm not working very well lol).

After the head banging it was three full months before I was allowed on again. Obviously I could have got on sooner, but not a good idea

. When I did get on Dizz (after the head one), she was a star - due to her being kicked in the field she hadn't been ridden for six weeks, and we had moved. I was very pleased with how she responded.

I think it's that response that is the reason I keep going with her. She's never done anything to purposefully harm me when I've been in the saddle. She's certainly had her strops, but that's all they have been, strops. I know from the ground they looked fairly full on, but no bucks/rears/broncs - little bounces and hops and spins and backwards yes, but nothing compared to what a 16.3hh DWB could do if she wanted me off. I never felt unsafe.

Maybe that's my problem! Is this a Eureka moment I wonder...

.

If I'd come off because she was being an idiot or trying to get me off, then it would be easy - it would have been her fault. As it was, it was my fault. I made a mistake. And I did what I consider to be a basic mistake, I lost a stirrup and I not only didn't get it straight back, but my seat wasn't secure enough to keep me where I should have been. My fault. Maybe I'm worried that I'm not good enough..., whereas before I sort of knew I wasn't, but I stayed put nonetheless.

Hm. Food for thought m'thinks. The nice saddler fitted my Albion saddle to her, which means I now have knee rolls! When I came off I was riding in a dressage saddle (no rolls of any sort lol).

 

[Chavhorse]

[ QUOTE ]
Awwww Mrs M. Hugs and Cadbury's chocolate fingers. Now listen up. But first, we need a smile. I have been trying to get down to Yeovil from S Wales for the last week but have been defeated by the weather every time. I'm giving one of the shetlands VictoriaEDT posted about a new home. I'm desperate to get her home (pony, not VictoriaEDT). Then a few days ago there was a traffic announcement that the M5 (road I'd have to drive on) was closed because of a 10 vehicle pile up and 4 of the vehicles had burst into flames. This horrified me and I was telling everyone at my yard and one lady - never one to dwell on negatives - said oh well, make sure you take some marshmallows. Nothing like putting things into proportion.

Here's what I think. You're not in any state at the moment to decide what to do with Dizzy. Our imaginations let us down when we've had a brush with the Grim Reaper so you need to concentrate on getting YOU well before you worry about what to do with your beloved neds. You'll know when the time is right to make a decision, but it will be based on reality, not the glorious technicolour memories of near disaster. Turn yourself away for a few months - it's what you'd do for a ned in the same circumstances. I bagsy see the pics of you out in a field in a Rambo rug xxx

[/ QUOTE ]

Mrs M You have given me enough Kicks up the Bum so have one back!

I agree totally with BOF and you have yourself hit the nail on the had.....It took 3 months before you could get back on the Dizzy one again! That is 3 months of sitting there thinking "what if" "Ruddy hell that was a close call" "what if that happens again" and lets not even go into the (and I know they have all been supportive as was my OH) feelings of Can't you just take up someting safe like knitting vibes you get form your loved ones.

I have owned Vardi for 15 months now and in that time I was injured for 6 months, he was injured for 4 months and I have managed to ride him a total of oh 12 times and that is since October 23rd. Then just as I start to get my riding Mojo back we get this ruddy weather and I can;t ride for 15 days and lets be honest when you are lacking in the confidence department that is like starting from scratch.

I find the more often I ride the better I feel (and I still get butterflies before I step up!)

so cut yourself some slack woman. It is the 2nd of January and the weather is terrible (we have 6 inches of snow again so no doubt no riding for a week again!).

Work out a programme, get your instructor to ride the Dizzy one once a week, book yourself a lesson on the Cob or a RC horse and book a lession yourself with the Dizzy one once a week. Hack the Cob out just for fun (remember that it is what riding used to be before we all started getting old and realising that bouncing hurt

) The good weather will be here again soon and it will all start to look and feel better.

Take the pressure of yourself no one is expecting you to be out competing or hacking the Dizzy one out alone for hours at a time so why do you think you should be? However by this time next year there is no reason at all why you shouldn't if you want to.

Decide on a couple of quick wins maybe you want to hack Dizzy out in Company for 30 mins or have a lesson with your instructor which concentrates on position (I did the no stirup thing on the lunge a few weeks ago whch is amazing for building your confidence up) complete them and your confidence will go up (just keep them realistic

)

So my goal this year is to enter Vardi into an entry level dressage test in August what is yours

 

[MochaDun]

Mrs M don't know what to say as not been in that sort of position so will leave it to others who have gone through similar to give their thoughts but just like to say sorry you are feeling like this at the mo and really hope it all comes good again for you and Dizzy. And also Box of Frogs for PM I think, what an excellent reply!

 

[Sprout]

Oh Mrs. M. I share in your frustration!

Last year I finally found a little ponio for me to hack about on, having been looking for a year and had a disaster with a rearer along the way ......

A week after getting my new boy, I had a problem with my HMS and couldnt ride for 6 weeks, so my daughter rode him for me. I had a few months over the summer when I managed some nice hacks, then my HMS flared up in a major way, I have not been able to ride since and am now having to pay someone to hack him out for me just to keep him ticking over. The lack of regular exercise, winter weather etc has turned him into a bit of a lunatic, and I am now starting to wonder if he will actually go back to the rocking horse on legs that I need, and the longer I am out of the saddle the more I loose what little confidence I had ..... to say I am a little upset about the situation is the understatment of the year!!!!!!

I really hope you can work through your situation, dont rush anything, and it sounds like your coblets are a good wasy of getting your riding legs back in a safer way ... wish I had that option.

You have come so far after your accidents, dont give up, whatever your goal is, you WILL achieve it.xx

 

[Lolo]

I really feel for you- our family went through something similar with a youngster. We loaned her for my little sister (just turned 13 at the time) and we knew she had attitude- if she didn't fancy something she'd tantrum. If you stayed on, she'd give in and not try again, and for quite a while it was good- she had an amazing pop, stunning paces and the attitude to get her over the bigger fences. However, she hurt her back in the field, but we didn't realise because she always bucked and bronced- this renewed vehemence coincided with being asked to do more complex work and we put it down to "just Imy". Got her back checked though, and she had 3 weeks off recovering. When Alice got back on, Imy didn't forgive and forget- she punished. She'd bronc until Al gave in and fell off and then she'd pounce. We stuck at it, but it got dangerous, and my brave little sister who'd be stuck on anything to 'sort it out' because she was fearless began t lose her nerve. We gave her back, and though it seemed like giving in, it was the most sensible choice we'd made. Alice got her confidence back tenfold riding another smaller and wiser lunatic with its own set of issues and now is back riding a youngster 2 years on- only this one's older, dopier and very very generous abd loves A to death.

Letting a good'un go is so hard, but sometimes to go forwards you have to take a big step back and look at what's happened. Dizzy needs confidence and quite a firm hand (but fair) and you need confidence too.

 

[Flibble]

Oh MrsM I understand your Dilema.

I am lucky I have made my decision and the fact that I feel so much happier helps a lot.

My decision is easier really I actually feel like I need time off from my horse and with his potential and my nerves selling is the only option. I just accept the fact that at 55 owning a stonkingly handsome nearly 17hh was a dream I should have filled years ago. I really need a pet horse now not some luscious shiny boy who can do an imitation of a fire breathing dragon when excited and can jump a 5 bar gate without batting an eyelid.

Years ago with my old horse I was SJing jumped a treble at nearly 1 metre (big for me) jumped the first part got the second wrong and so we crashed through the last element and I ended up in a complicated nest of wings and poles while he played cantering in circles.

I got back on cleared the fence once rebuilt and then had a shower after I tucked him up and made him cosy.

That isnt me anymore. I dont bounce my hormones are all over the place with flaky HRT and I accept the fact that I am a diffrent phase in my life unfortunatly I didnt make that decision until now.

I wont advise you what to do because in the long run maybe you will have to sit at the top of your stairs with a mug of Tea and your cat and decide what you want to do.

Stupid reasons on my against selling list were (god I hope your sitting dwon to read this)

But what about all the rugs I have bought him

I might not get around to buying another horse

Where would I store my trailer

If I got another horse after a break I might not be able to get my old stable back

I'll put on weight if I dont ride every day

What if I enjoy not owning a horse

I cant stand the thought of having people come to try him

What if I decide to rehorse and cant find one I like.

What am I going to do with the spare time I will have?

 

[Tiffany]

(((hugs))) I sympathise with you because I'm in the same position. I've not even had a fall for over 3 years so, my thinking is totally irrational.

Have you lost your confidence with every horse or just Dizzy?
I've ridden other horses and feel fine so I'm seriously
considering loaning or buying a confidence giver to help me get back to where I was. I'm at a loss what to do.

Sorry Mrs M that I can't help but at least you know you aren't on your own in the way you feel.

In a recent copy of H & H there was a rider who was competing in dressage and she explained that she'd researched confidence building techniques on internet and it helped her.

Take care

 

[eahotson]

I will say to you what my instructor said to me when I was getting increasingly terrified of the spooky one.Do you want to ride? A fair question as not every horse owner does.I did.Do you enjoy riding your horse? No actually.A hard decision made.So, do you want to ride Mrs.M and do you enjoy riding Dizzy?I put the spooky one on a selling livery which worked incredibly well for both of us and he got a smashing new home that just suits him.Its not a question of giving up on them sometimes but giving them more and better oportunities.I have a new one. We have been to our first show. I am buying a trailer. Booked a camp and am hoping to motivate our livery yard into running an interdressage comp.Think what you could be planning this time next year!
Another thing. Of course your horses health/happiness are of great importance,but not MORE than yours, which are also important.Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[jodie3]

I sympathise too Mrs M. I have a very handsome little cob, technically I suppose he is now a 5 year old. I've had him from an unhandled weanling so I know everything thats happened to him and everything he knows I've taught him and he was supposed to be my horse of a lifetime and possibly my last horse too (I'm 48 and had visions of us growing old together)

As a two year old an accident in the field with him ended up with me in hospital having my jaw rebuilt as he managed to break my nose, both cheekbones and my upper jaw. Still have problems with my teeth and one side of my face is still fairly numb, but he's a horse and accidents happen.

Sent him off as a four year old to be broken professionally - after offering him as a guinea-pig for a Kelly Marks demo and they turned him down on the grounds he was too quiet! Really easy to break, no problems. Turned him away for a couple of weeks, first time I got on bucked me straight off onto gravel drive. Lots of bruising, no idea why he did it, everything checked and ok so decided it was just one of those things. Then my saddle was damaged in a botched buglary so sent him back for refresher training at yard who broke him while saddle was repaired. Again no problems, came home to new yard. No problems for six weeks or so then on a hack round fields suddenly went very tense and then bucked me off. More bruising and sore neck (already have back problems so not really what I need). Again check him all over, get back man out who gives him a good going over and says all is Ok. Ride him two days later, the second I mounted went into a total bucking frenzy which only stopped when he had actually bucked me off over the school fence into the field. Quick trip to A&E this time and end up on a spinal board. Eight weeks off work for me. Physio looked at cob and recommended lungeing for 6 weeks with a pessoa or similar to build up muscle before riding him again. I watch him on the lunge and now I just think I don't ever want to ride him again. I keep thinking how I nearly got on him on the yard that day so presumably would have ended up on concrete rather than the softer bank.

I still want to ride, I think I have to accept my limitations and go for something older that has the T shirt and has been round the block a few times.

If you've got this far better have a whole packet of jaffa cakes!

 

[LankyDoodle]

(((MrsMozart))) It must be awful for you having had an accident like that. I've only ever had near misses and that makes me nervous enough. You have said you miss riding, though, which is a positive sign. Have you considered any form of counselling (I know some will laugh at that, but I'm quite serious).

I know exactly how you feel. Lanky will probably never be ridden again, or at least not to the extent we enjoy. Added to that, I am pregnant so haven't ridden since July and won't be riding until April/May

I am desperate to get out on my George-horse but have to wait. My husband rides him a bit to keep him going, though. I suppose at least I have a lovely summer to look forward to with him.

Hubby or me riding the bike with the baby in the carrier and the other of us on the horse.

Try and look forward if you can. I know how frustrating it is.x

 

[MrsMozart]

Thank you folks for all your thoughts and words. So sorry to hear that some have had such down times

Good to hear that people are/have worked through the issues.

If the Dizzy one was being an idiot when I came off, then yes, I'd stop riding her/sell her.

Do I want to keep riding - yes, I do

Do I want to ride Dizzy - yes, I do

. I've thought about it, and surprised myself by thinking about it, but I yes, most definately, I want to ride Dizzy. I galloped her three days before the head accident and it was amazing - I can still feel the sensation

.

I don't know yet if my nerve has gone. I guess I won't know until I try. When I got Dizzy I rode her the first day, because I was scared. And I kept riding her and I got less scared. Then she was lame, but when she was sound again I rode every day, and every day I got braver and more confident on her.

I'm hoping that my nerve, if it has indeed gone awol, will come back. I know it's going to take time, and I know that I'll be frustrated at the fact that I'm back to where I was a year ago, but I am a better rider than I was, I am fitter than I was a year ago, and I know more than I did a year ago.

If I either don't get my nerve back on the Dizzy one, then I'll let Daughter1 try, and if that doesn't work I'll consider a foal from her (after discussion with vet, etc.), and if that isn't an option I'll look at loaning her out.

I know she's beautiful and flashy and eye catching, but they aren't the reasons I love her. I love her because she looks to me; she moves out of my way, but looks to me for attention and affection; despite not being ridden for some weeks, she accepted me on her back; I know she'll give me her last ounce of strength; if she's scared she looks to me for support, and if I say it's okay she does what she's asked (she keeps questioning, but she does it). I love her.

 

[humblepie]

I don't have any words of wisdom but have some good wishes.

 

[MrsMozart]

Thank you B27

 

[Flame_]

Mrs M I just really hope things improve for you, with or without Dizzy. You'll get back to regular riding soon and it might be worth getting a good instructor to come for a while and give you some tips to help your confidence and get you going again, if you don't already have one.

 

[Pony_Puzz]

Having been there with a Dutch Warmblood who was 4 and I should not have bought, I can sympathise. I hit rock bottom with my confidence and ended up (after battling with nerves and my heart) selling her and buying an "older" horse. Who ironically did almost the same due to being a rig and dangerous to handle with 4 mares around. I now have a slightly nappy, not too fast brilliant little 5 year old irish x pony, having gone from 16h/16.1hh to a 14.2hh pony, once I realised I didn't want too much horse! And all I can say is.. its wonderful! I can get on, he can be naughty and have a tiny buck, rocking horse moment but I feel safe (especially as its maybe 3 foot to fall not 6). If you enjoy riding Dizzy MrsM then keep going, take it easy and don't push yourself into anything you don't feel comfortable with. When I felt pushed I went back in confidence not forward.

I hope you get there and its better to walk around slowly smiling than to be bolted off with dreading the ending. Someone else said it (can't remember who sorry!) but riding different horses who are fairly safe can help, it stops you worrying about "what if this one.." because you get bored of it and just start to enjoy it