I would be really grateful for some stories

[TheBlackMoth]

Let me explain a little.

We have a 14.2 Welsh Section D that my younger daughter rides. She is 17 and has been riding her for four years. She was our first owned horse and I am a very non horsey mum.

The first year we had her she was fine. In fact, after we had had her a few months we went to our first jumping competition and she came third with little or no preparation (I know - we know better now).

Anyway in the second year we got an instructor who would come and teach at the farm where we kept the horses. She was a lovely girl and really helped the girls but after a while Ebony (horse) got worse and worse at competitions - she just kept refusing or running out. If she had gone round the course once (say 2 ft) then the second time she would jump every jump but the first time would refuse half of them. After about 18 months she was beginning to refuse everything. Now our instructor told me that she was a spooky pony and she wouldn't ever be able to compete successfully.

So I thought about it and bought a horse for my daughter with the instructors help. This turned out to be a disaster - a four year old Belgian Warmblood with terrible ground manners - the girls just couldn't cope. Eventually, after trying for a year we moved stables and found a new instructor who helped us make the decision to sell said horse and we found it a lovely home.

Still with me?

The new instructor said Ebony was a fantastic pony with great breeding and just needed to be schooled better. That was six months ago. They have been having regular lessons since then and come on a lot.

Yesterday we went to a show and they did three classes. Mountain and Moorland working hunter, 2ft 6 show jumping and novice working hunter. In the M & M class she went fine but refused a simple double. (2ft 3) In the show jumping she just refused the planks. In the novice working hunter she went clear and did a great show and came third out of twelve.

Now my daughter was very worked up about it all and said she must be a crap rider as she couldn't get her round a course. I tried to say to her that it takes time to repair the damage done by two years of being told that Ebony was a spooky pony and wouldn't jump and in particularly in the show jumping I could see my daughter tensing as she approached the planks and knew she was thinking she wouldn't do it. I talked to her about positive mental attitude and believing in herself and told her it would take time and determination and that she would have to learn to get over her disappointment and keep trying.

One of her answers to me was that 'everyone else' was doing fine and that when she reads HHO all she sees is people going to their first show and coming first. I told her that loads of people on here have issues - and some never get placed. I told her that people knock poles down, have refusals but celebrate the improvement rather than beating themselves up about not getting to the jump off.

So what I am after -after that very long winded introduction - is some stories about not winning but not failing if you see what I mean.

I know you will have great stories about not quite getting there but learning from the experience and would appreciate some of them so my daughter can learn that she is doing well and just has to keep trying!

Thanks very much.

 

[lucemoose]

Tell your daughter to search my posts! bless her I suppose lots of posts on here are about celebrating results and the bad days are kept quiet about...

 

[connie1288]

I think as Prittstick says, bad days are sometimes 'forgotten'
We all have not so good days and the damage a demoralising instructor can do can take a lot of repairing!
I am the last one to talk as my PMA is zero but as you say very important.
The number of times my nursery stakes pony got eliminated at county shows at the 1st fence, your daughter got round every class, i always see that as a bonus!!

 

[Cliqmo]

What your daughter is experiencing was practically my whole childhood! I was viciously competitive as a teenager and thought I'd let everyone down if we didn't get placed (and we hardly ever got placed!)
I used to get myself so tense at competitions that everything used to go wrong (caused by me riding like a numpty!) and it began affecting the horse- who had always previously been very kind hearted and genuine.
It took lots of perseverance, lessons and far too much of my poor Mum's patience but eventually I realised that horses are meant to be FUN and winning didn't matter! It took a fair while to undo the attitude quirks I had put into the horse as she had learned to stop and nap, but eventually we got there

 

[Halfstep]

The number of times I got eliminated SJ on my old horse, I can't count! It took ages for me to learn to ride him, but when I managed to get things right he was amazing, and we ended up doing very well. And I can't tell you the number of truly crap dressage scores I've had - you learn to make the best of it and take the good bits away to keep you going, and try to learn from the mistakes. Or at least that is the theory

 

[only_me]

Tell her to keep persevering!

My old pony was 3/4 connie and had the traditional connie spook! he was the type of pony to look first and then jump. I got him when I was 14 in 2003/2004 (he was 5 years old and 14.2).

He came from england, and had been trained on the bungie - when he came off it he went like a giraffe. Everyone thought he would never improve because it was so bad - many instructors told me this, including an FEI sj instructor. But my YO and I perservered, and it took 1 year for him to work properly, but he did. We learned together.

Then I started to pony club event him. In 2005 we were eliminated in the xc at every event we entered. and thats not exaggerating - I got soo frustrated I that I comtemplated selling. What was worse was that i was usually in the lead following dressage and jumping (he has an amazing jump) and then exterminated xc.
But I am not a quitter, and I dont like to give up on something - I never have and didnt want to start. So I worked on his xc by doing tetrathlon and Making myself super super fit so I had more energy to make him xc.

And in 2006 something clicked with him - from being exterminated at every event we won every event. We won individual and team at our area trials pony club, and came 5th at the pony club champs in sansaw.

We also won the area dressage and I was highest placed area 17 at the champs.

Then in 2007 I concentrated on working hunter, and we were always placed/won in every county show we entered. I qualified for RDS and had a brill time!

So peresverence is worth it - my pony is now in a fab home showjumping with another person, who will eventually event him i think

ohh that turned out to be rather long! oh and we won our first event in 2004 (2f9) but then spent the rest of 2004 and 2005 being exterminated. So chin up, riding difficult ponies makes you a better rider!

 

[kirstyhen]

This could be as equally long as your post

But here goes

I bought Henry 8 years ago as a very green 7 year old, he was a nightmare! He wouldn't tie up, wouldn't stand to be shod, would bolt and spin, couldn't canter (apart from flat out or bucking!), funnily enough jumping was the only thing he seemed to have the hang of!

I took him out Show Jumping a few months after I bought him, just for experiance, he flew round two classes with no problems and came fifth, I thought we'd be fine...

That summer consisted of being eliminated at the first fence in every class I entered and when we weren't in the ring he spent his time rearing and trying to bugger off

Someone called me a stupid girl for taking him out in pubic

I used to wait until the show had finished then smile sweetly at the organisers and ask to take him round the jumps, at first with a lead then on his own.

Eventually he started going past the first fence and we'd get eliminated further around

Then one day we got all the way round

By his second season we'd begun to get the odd rosette and finally we won a class at the end of that season

That year he won Most Improved Horse at the Riding Clubs AGM (I nearly cried I was so proud

) and since then he has rarely been out the ribbons! Plus he can now tie up, canter (just about

), stand to be shod, hack out on his own without being too silly, etc!

Just keep persevering, it can take ages, especially if you've had someone telling you that you will never do it (my instructor told me Henry would never learn to Canter) but it feels so much better when you finally get it

 

[wizoz]

Awww bless your daughter. Let me tell you that we have all gone through that "I must be a crap rider" scenario heaps of times. Horses are great levellers, one minute on a high, the next on your butt, literally

I had a horse that got to Intermediate level eventing, had an accident and had 2 years off (before I had him) I then got given him to hack and as he got stronger, started to compete at dressage, then some showjumping and eventually back to eventing. He taught me heaps but a few years down the line and he started refusing on the xc, i'd get to fence 3 and he'd point blank refuse to go any further

This resulted in me beating myself with a big stick (mentally) Anyway, I had some lessons with a different instructor, he could see what my horse was doing and how to get around it and eventually I affiliated him BE again for a couple of years

I thought it was because of ME that he started doing this but it wasn't. It was just him.

Tell your daughter not to give up, be very positive in her riding and her pony will gain confidence from her and trust her again.

 

[kit279]

Chestnut horse eliminated for 2 stops at the first fence in his first ever BSJA class, was eliminated in his first ODE for 2 stops in the SJ - are you spotting the pattern here?! It took me the better part of a year to get him jumping happily - in his defence, he has been playing polo for 7 years and the change in career took him by surprise but he is the most improved horse I've ever had. Yes, it was slow and definitely painful (because I fell off him lots) but his progress means more to me than any other horse I've had. He did his 2nd ODE yesterday - spooked at the dressage boards but pulled it out the bag for a good score, was quite looky at the colourful fillers SJ but went clear

and then a little hesitant over a big ditch XC but do I care?! No! He was a zillion times better than he was last time and he'll get better and better as we carry on.

Sometimes it helps to go and have a sit on a horse that really *wants* to do it to get your confidence back. I use my grey horse to boost my confidence before a competition because he's big and bold (and unstoppable but you can't have it all) and it makes me feel better. Chestnut is very polite, a bit shy and not terribly brave but he's safe as houses and careful as they come - to ride my grey horse all the time, I'd be massively overhorsed. It's a trade-off - you either get a timid horse which means that *you* have to be brave for the both of you, or you get a brave horse who basically ignores you and carries on regardless. I might get a bolder horse next time round but the satisfaction you get from a horse who does it for you, because you ask rather than because he wants to, is very special.

Chin-up, see if you can find a buddy with a big bold schoolmaster type to boost her confidence.

 

[TheBlackMoth]

Thank you everyone - this is exactly the stuff I was looking for. I know you have to work hard and be patient - it can just be hard can't it!

 

[Booboos]

Oh your poor daughter!!! Everyone has problems all the time!!

I spend tonnes of money on lessons, training, physio, saddler, etc. only to go to the show and come last because 'insert favourite silly excuse here'. It happens to eveyrone!!!

To me it sounds like your daughter did brilliantly at her last show! I've been eliminated at the first fence before!

 

[faerie666]

Well, I went to the hunter trial at Peover Park 2 weeks ago, Robbie refused every jump in the warm up at least once, then went out on the course, refused the first once, refused the second once, refused the third twice, at which point I put my hand up and retired.

No excuses, he just didn't want to do it.

But I certainly questioned my ability that day, especially as four weeks earlier we did a bigger hunter trial at Eland Lodge, and while I still had 2 stops that day, they were green rather than naughty, and I was pleased we'd completed.
All I can do is move on from the crap day, put it out of my mind and hope for better things next time.
Tell your daughter to look at the improvements she's made, from refusing alomst everything 18 months, to just one stop per round in two classes, and a clear in the third.

Persevere, and it will come good in the end

 

[Nats_uk]

Really feel for your daughter - horses really can be heartbreaking

Well I bought my chestnut horse (in sig) I got him from a dealers who told me he wouldn't make a showjumper. Well, he jumped about 2'6 when I tried him out but you could tell he was scared and confused.

I took him right back to basics and he would always stop at everything first time and he always had to look at it before I could bring him round to jump it again. We started off jumping tiny cross poles and was entering this big 16.3hh WB in 1'9 SJ classes where he would stop and look at all the fences. I had to go through it all again when I started to introduce fillers - he would need to stop and look at them before he would jump. Personally I think he was overfaced at the dealers and they broke what little nerve he has.

In the last two years we finally have really seemed to crack it - we won the Intermediate, Small Open and Open trophys at our RC, came 2nd in the Intermediate SJ team at RC qualifiers, Jumped clear in the 1.05m Hickestead Team of £ SJ challenge (and our team won!) and we have recently attempted our first Newcomers BSJA (1.10m).

I was also chuffed with him this weekend as we went to a new SJ venue with brand new fillers and he jumped really well and didn't look at anything (and we didn't get into the J/O of the 1st class, and had 8 faults in J/O of second)

Please tell her there is light at the end of tunnel - it will just take time for the relationship and trust to build between the two of them but she sounds like she will make a really nice sympathic partnership with the horse.

 

[ColouredFan]

Being very inexperienced at the time my mum bought me a 7 yo connie pony when I was 13, turns out said pony was 4 and greener than the grass. She was awful in traffic, wouldnt jump ditches or fillers and was soul destroying some days, we got a good instructor, Joined Pony club (highly recommended if you are not already a member) and slogged away.

I was eliminated at every Hunter trial for about 2 years and was lucky to make it around a SJ course. by the time she was 7 we were winning 3'3 open Show jumping and jumping ditches XC! She then was passed down to my sister who won loads of working hunter with her and lots of PC tems SJ (3'3- 3'6)

We then sold her to a dressage family where she competed up to medium level. SO it can be done, practice, blood, sweat and tears is all it takes!

Good luck to you and your daughter

 

[vikkiandmonica]

When I got Wings, although I bought him as an affiliated SJ, ready for me to do affiliated events on him, yet I couldn't get him to jump the smallest of jumps. I thought it was me, but then I got a lesson, and it turned out his tack was ill fitting, and therefore he couldn't jump comfortably. We are now getting to the stages where we could do affiliated eventing or show jumping, and it was completely down to perservation and hard work.

JUst tell her that her hard work will be rewarded in the end when she ends up with an amazing horse!

 

[Fiona]

Ben my welshie was a complete nightmare when he was younger, I got him when I was 16 and he was 6 (and I had only had a schoolmaster 13.2 before that). We had about 18 months of really bad behavior (on the ground as well as being ridden) before I started to find the key to him at all. Even when he started to get the idea with showjumping and would jump round nicely, XC was a different story completely and we would get as far as the water before the big E.

All I can say is that it does eventually start to get better. Ben eventually became a real pushbutton pony within his comfort zone (about 1m), intro evented at the age of 24, and was a fabulous hunter.

My problem now is replacing him.

Hugs to your daughter. I'm sure her riding is absolutely fine, and the pony will come good in the end

Fiona

 

[Weezy]

I haven't won a rosette EVER in this country, in SJ or dressage...tell her that LOL!

 

[BeckyD]

Tell her my stories then! I had a super mare, bought very cheap as she'd been good, then been used as a broodmare, then wasted for a long time. At home she would jump anything - I even did some short 4' courses on her (clear). At shows, we'd get eliminated in the 2'3". The only time we ever went clear round a course it was 2' high and she tanked off half-way though the jumpoff back to the collecting ring, I must have lost half a minute getting us back to where she tanked off. We came 3rd out of 3 but I was over the moon just to have got 2 (sort of) clear rounds. It felt like such a massive achievement after my previous embarrassments. I then managed to get placed in three smallish classes nearly a year later, and I was so so proud of her. Looking back it was probably my riding at shows that caused it but we'll never know as it was 15 years ago!

I now have a lovely ex-racer who was jumping double clears at 3 foot and 3'3" when I bought him (supposedly

) but I'll be damned if I can get him round a 2'6" course clear!! The week before he broke I'd had a lesson with a local SJ coach, who was brutally honest about my numpty riding but Ronnie jumped out of his skin, didn't refuse anything and just sailed over everything including the scary STOP sign filler that everyone normally took literally

. I cried afterwards out of frustration with myself but also immense pride in him and how well he'd gone for once - felt like we'd turned the corner. Unfortunately he then broke and hasn't come back into proper work yet. And judging by the state of his leg, won't for some time!! But the feeling jumping that filler in particular was amazing. From being the horse who wouldn't go within 10 feet of a sheep filler to the horse who sailed over a fairly big oxer with scary filler in the space of just a couple of months, I'm smiling now

It's what has kept me going through these dark injury-laden months.

Good luck to your daughter - tell her that people don't post about the bad things on the whole as we don't like to dwell on them. The good things do get posted about as people want to share their joy. It sounds like a massive improvement upon where she was and she should be able to draw some comfort from that. Success is down to hard work and a bit of luck and the right mental attitude. Take pleasure in the small achievements.

 

[TheBlackMoth]

Thanks for your stories everyone.

I think you are all fantastic and I don't have half the nerve you lot have. I can't imagine ever really riding a horse let alone jumping!

 

[flyingfeet]

Remind you daughter that people only tend to post on here when things went well

For example I did not post about the time my horse dumped me in a oxer at a blue chip 1m qualifier, which is instant elimination! Actually that little git got eliminated far too many times, which wouldn't be so bad except it was costing around £5 per jump at BSJA!!!

Horses that don't love show jumping can get put off easily, if i fiddled before a jump he would easily grind to a halt. These are much harder to ride than a horse who loves the game. So not necessarily being a cr*p rider, more that you are heavily punished for each mistake.

 

[ldlp111]

yeah my mare when i first had her back from schooling yard she would get a clear everytime apart from xc lol. now we seem to have lots of stops and been eliminated a couple of times now its so disheartening for me, knocking my nerves quite abit which i think then makes her worse its a vicious circle.

 

[Hattikins]

totally know how she's feeling! i think anyone who has owned horses has had the same feelings at some point!

My current mare we bought as a 4yr old, she's a complete angel to SJing - massive scope and very careful. She had no flatwork to speak of but perseverance and patience sorted that out. XC was the big bug bear! we started off with tiny 2' fences to introduce her (this was a 4yr old i was happily SJing BSJA BN and Discovery) and we found out she could plant...big time! she would just shut down 6 strides out from a XC fence and she wouldnt go forwards, side ways, backwards - anywhere! she wouldnt rear or buck or spin - it was like she'd flicked a switch in her brain and turned it off!!

We spent the whole of 2006 taking her to different XC courses, with and without leads - sometimes she'd jump fine, but inevitably at some point she'd plant. wasnt even any point taking my "supposed" eventer out to an ODE as i was just going to get E'd!! Water was even worse - we spent nearly 3hrs at a water complex in the summer 2006! We tried EVERYTHING to get her in - walloping her, spurs, ignoring her, gently-gently, a lead...but she just stood at the edge (about 5inches from the waters edge) and just shut down. I even got off and tried to move each individual leg closer!! finally mum waded in with a haynet and Hattie leant out into the water to reach it - this unbalanced her slightly and she had to dip a toe in the water - HEY PRESTO! she then seemed to think for a second and went "ooohhh why didnt you tell me it was just water" and walked merrily in....we could have killed her that evening!!

We then continued to go to every XC venue with any water, we were still having problems with planting at fences too. To begin with, when she hesitated at water i had to jump off and wade through it with her - *revolting* but worth it!! until she was fine with it

We decided to see if a competant man could get her going XC so armed with big stick and spurs, the son of the guy we bought her off took her XC for me. She planted and her really went for her (i could never have done it - simply not strong enough and too much of a wimp to sit on the explosions he got!!) Since that day in August 2006 she hasnt looked back...something just seemed to click in her brain that XC was actually fun

We went affiliated eventing in 2007 and won our first three Intro events, all double clear and we've gone on from there with a couple of blips at our first PNs with one baby stop here and there. we finished with a 2nd at PN at the end of our first season

The rest is history!! (i shall not mention the fact we are now sitting waiting for blood results to come back as we think she has managed to get yet another virus! but atleast when she's 100% she's turned into a great eventer

)

There is always hope

and your daughter is doing a fab job. Plenty of positive words and encouragement and ever so often look back at how belly up things were going a while ago to see just how far they've come to get to this point today

(sorry think this is v. long!!

)

 

[duckling]

My first ever showjumping competition involved my riding school pony thinking 1'6 wasn't worth bothering with and tanking off round the ring jumping a few fences backwards, just for giggles!

I was absolutely mortified about my obvious lack of control, but my instructor persuaded me that from that disaster you couldn't get much worse, so at the next show I took him into the 2' and although we had a few stops where I stopped riding him into a fence we made it round, jumped all the fences in the direction they were meant to be jumped, and got a special rosette at the end

There was also the time where I ended up on the floor with my pony galloping round, saddle under belly, but we wont go into that

I really hope your daughter isn't too downheartened, she really shouldn't be, it sounds like she's made progress already! Best of luck to her and Ebony for the future

 

[LEC]

I read the posts and think the same. I wonder why I am so crap and cannot get a tune out of my horse. I calm myself down from my jealousy saying you cannot judge every book by the cover and I will learn more on my awkward horses than an easy one would teach me. But I would like an easier one next time!!

 

[jenbleep]

I have been riding Charisma for a year now and started to compete here last Winter - just some prelim dressage and low level showjump classes.

Well, our dressage wasn't half bad actually

but showjumping? Dear me it wasn't good. What with a green horse, indoor school with a tight course and me being nervous it was a recipe for disaster! In the warm up she would jump beautifully, then I remember one event we went in and she didn't actually refuse the first jump...but crashed through it! She just seemed to forget to pick up her feet!

the refused the 2nd.....jumped a few clean but put her foot down at a skinny....you can see where I am going here.

Cue me nearly crying with embarrassment and thinking "everyone thinks I'm crap" etc etc.

Anyway after some work at home and a couple of months off competing, just hacking and lessons, I entered last month for out first combined training. I was quite scared, not about the dressage - but the jumping. It was our first jumping since the terrible go at it in the Winter, so I had just an aim to get round without being eliminated!

Dressage was ok, tense as she had never seen white boards before

but anyway onto the jumping.

I didn't actually know the course very well

we got half way round

then I completely lost my tracks

I ended up trotting round going "where next?!" Quite embarrassing

So yeah got eliminated

because of my fault, and when I got my dressage test I was sooo peeved because I would have got 66% and been placed! Agh!

However I was angry at myself but I was *so so so* pleased with C, even though she wasn't perfect I could see a marked improvement in her and for that I was happy.

What I am saying is say to your daughter not to expect too much, and then she will be pleasantly surprised whatever.

When I went to the show that day all I wanted was for us to have fun, oh and C to go on the right leg in canter in our test and for us to get round the sj

it takes months, even years and she must take positives from the negatives and strive to be better

 

[Lolo]

I had an amazing pony who died suddenly and unexpectedly from an aneurism, and soon after we found Patrick. In 4 short weeks I went from being "One to watch" to never getting near the first fence. I got eliminated at every single fence, had countless falls, and had the humiliation of the long walk home for every competition there was.

We stuck at it, and by the end of the summer we did a double clear round a course of 2'3 SJs, and did a ODE with a nice dressage, a clear SJ and although we got eliminated XC, he jumped every single fence. Finally, we went round Burnham Market 2'6 XC, just for a luagh, and went clear until the last, where we had 3 stops. Despite the elimination, that was the best round of my life, and one I will always remember. Together, we won 14 rosettes in total, nearly all for dressage. Yet he is my favourite pony, and I think if we'd had another year together we would have done well- however, he broke down out hunting with horrendous tendon injuries in both his back legs, and is npow 'just' a happy hacker.

 

[rotters13]

I spent the first year with my horse, sitting in ditches watching my horse calmly canter off. Unsurprisingly, I didn't post about that but I did post about the time we came 2nd at Mattingley! HHO is the opposite to newspapers! We only want to post about the good stuff!

 

[DuckToller]

[ QUOTE ]
I tried to say to her that it takes time to repair the damage done by two years of being told that Ebony was a spooky pony and wouldn't jump and in particularly in the show jumping I could see my daughter tensing as she approached the planks and knew she was thinking she wouldn't do it. I talked to her about positive mental attitude and believing in herself and told her it would take time and determination and that she would have to learn to get over her disappointment and keep trying.

[/ QUOTE ]

You are absolutely spot on with this analysis - both with my instructor's hat and my mother's hat on, I think you have nailed it on the head.

We had a spooky pony and we had to enter a class below the one we were aiming at, so we could get the stops out of the way in the first round! But my daughter had a few too many falls on him and lost a considerable amount of confidence in two years. We still have him and he is still the same with another child, but at least I know better how to deal with him.

My advice would be to keep at it, have as many lessons with the positive instructor as you can, and go to as many shows as you can for a few months, just to keep the pony 'topped up', as it were.

Success breeds confidence, which breeds success. Tell her not to beat herself up over the early stops, but to congratulate herself over the working hunter clear. Maybe WH rustic fences, being more consistent to the horse's eye, might be the way forward as well?

I suspect that most people could ride the horses that won the show jumping classes easily yesterday, but it takes true horsemanship to take a horse with a problem and improve it to the point of being placed. So credit where it's due

.

 

[smirnoff_ice07]

I have had my youngster for 2 years, he will be 6 this month. He is an absolute star at competitions but very spooky, it has literally taken 18 months to get him confident jumping. On a good day at home he will fly over 1m and he jumps walls out hunting, but it is taking a seriously long time to get him to the point where i can get him round a course of showjumps.

Sounds like your daughter is doing really well with her, I wouldn't worry about a couple of stops. We all have bad days!

 

[knysna]

The only way to be a good rider is to persevere and to ride all the tricky horses you can get.

The riders who have had schoolmasters all their lives will never be able to ride the "quirky" ones, and won't be able to get a good tune out of the more difficult ones.

Riding is a learning curve, and some horses make it steeper than others!


good luck with your daughter, tell her that time makes everything better