If anyone finds my confidence please can I have it back?

[Niddlynoo]

Please can I join club as well? Never been overly brave, but unable to ride at the moment due to broken pelvis and chemotherapy. Have a new confidence giving horse, daughter rides him fine but I know when I am finally allowed to ride I'll be a gibbering wreck!
It doesn't help that the last time I tried to ride I was thrown as I was halfway on and knocked unconscious etc (have had lessons at RS since and I no longer have that horse).
It is reassuring to know that I am not the only one with confidence issues, lets hope that we can all beat it!

 

[seoirse]

Niddlynoo - sorry to hear you've got so much to deal with at the moment, doesn't sound fun at all. Really hope you are feeling much better very soon and are able to start thinking about getting back in the saddle. I've just read some of the blog from Cathy Sirrett and its really very good and some great food for thought there and worth reading while you are laid up.

Kezz86 - I am definitely going to invest in the Kelly Marks book as a few people have said its good. It's great to hear from someone who has regained confidence. I don't care how long it takes as long as I get there!

 

[janei]

Count me in to the 'confidence club'! Never really been that confident with my boy, had loads of probs with him that have posted about before but always have in the back of my head 'he's dangerous, its only a matter of time before he kills you!' Cant quite get rid of the self doubt lol and everytime we move forwards we take several steps back!

I do have a fab instructor who has done wonders with my seat and my confidence over the past year but I still darent canter in the school lol - I will make myself out on a hack with a friend pushing me! This is my goal for this year.

Bless him I have had a couple of silly falls but nothing major and really in the early days. Its a shame we cant all get together to make each other do stuff but its a great idea to post updates on here and have had lots of positive comments and suggestions that has really helped. Lets all keep it up, set ourselves little goals and shout about our successes on here

 

[Charlie Bucket]

I'm 19 - am I eligable to join?

I have never, ever been nervous...but now I have a 5 yr old, who has rodeod me off 3 or 4 times and I'm a jibbering wreck!
I feel so ashamed of myself...where has my brave, get on anything, the madder the better former brain gone?

Have enjoyed reading this thread though...lot's of usueful tips! I like the one about boring yourself...walk until you are bored of walk etc! That sounds like it could work for me although I think if my boy was made to only walk for a week he'd go mental! Haha

Good luck everybody with regaining your confidence, with you all every step of the way! x

 

[Circe]

Another member here
I'm working my way through the Kelly Marks " perfect confidence", I haven't finished it yet, but I was looking forward to riding last wk, and didn't feel that usual sick feeling.
I also don't put any pressure on myself, when I ride now, I get on with the intention of just sitting on my horse for a few minutes, then anything else I do is a bonus, and I can be proud of that.
I'm trying to do the "positive visualisation' thing, so I imagine myself successfully doing a hack or schooling session etc... I'm not very practised at that though.
Its infuriating that i used to happily ride anything, but now I get nervous. The odd thing is that my old appaloosa was a bit of a sod, really pushed me and could be unpredictable, but I never felt scared on him, all my fear is with my current boy who is a lovely character.
Kx

 

[seoirse]

The odd thing is that my old appaloosa was a bit of a sod, really pushed me and could be unpredictable, but I never felt scared on him, all my fear is with my current boy who is a lovely character.
Kx

It's funny isnt it? Its the same for me. Old boy was a hoodlum, but I'd had him years and we were so used to each other and I guess I got to know him when I was still fearless! New horse is a gent but I'm scared stiff sometimes for no real reason.

Charlie Bucket - do NOT be ashamed of yourself. Anyone who gets rodeoed off a few times and doesn't take a confidence knock is seriously tough! I love the idea of boring yourself too and it does work - sometimes I get on with the aim of just walking for half an hour and I always end up doing more cos I get bored!

Good luck everyone. Its definitely helping me already to know I'm not alone and to be able to try other peoples ideas out too.

I think its important to help each other as much as possible with this sort of issue. A friend of mine is worried about hacking on her own, even though her horse is really steady. So tonight (probably in the pouring rain!) she is going to hack around our village, its only about a 15 min hack, and I am going to follow on foot a few meters behind, so I'm there on hand to help if needs be, but can pretend I'm not 'with' them if she feels confident.

 

[seoirse]

Count me in to the 'confidence club'! Never really been that confident with my boy, had loads of probs with him that have posted about before but always have in the back of my head 'he's dangerous, its only a matter of time before he kills you!' Cant quite get rid of the self doubt lol and everytime we move forwards we take several steps back!

I do have a fab instructor who has done wonders with my seat and my confidence over the past year but I still darent canter in the school lol - I will make myself out on a hack with a friend pushing me! This is my goal for this year.

Bless him I have had a couple of silly falls but nothing major and really in the early days. Its a shame we cant all get together to make each other do stuff but its a great idea to post updates on here and have had lots of positive comments and suggestions that has really helped. Lets all keep it up, set ourselves little goals and shout about our successes on here

Is that your boy in your pic? He's very handsome.

 

[mytwofriends]

I'm well into my 40's, have ridden since I was 9 and used to ride anything, anywhere, in any circumstances. Never used to think about "hoof sized holes" in the ground when galloping, never used to give a hoot about checking the take off or landing side of logs, hedges etc. that we used to hurl over.

I had kids, a couple of (not really very nasty) falls and hey presto, confidence gone. Not totally, I have to say, but I over-analyse situations and quietly heave a sigh of relief when whoever I'm out going out with suggests a quick bumble around the lanes!!

 

[Bernster]

Another member for the group

I have perfect manners by Kelly Marks but will put perfect confidence on my list now too!

I went to a confidence clinic a couple of years ago, run by IH/Kelly Marks people. This was aimed at loading issues I'd had with my boy at the time (which are, touch wood, now a thing of the past!). Lots of interesting stories and some v similar to people on here. I was amazed at (1) how many people go through this and (2) that my problems in comparison were really nothing. And (3) actually, they were all women ! Really good weekend away and I learned loads about myself and my horse, so well worth it.

Small steps, building confidence gradually, support from others and a good horse all seemed to be the biggest factors to people overcoming this. And of course having the desire to get through it as it is all in the mind.

NLP seems like a good option as well, although I've not tried that (the threads on here about positive thoughts are kind of NLP I think?).

 

[margaretb]

Me too, very late 40's, confidence went a week after I had bought my pony, I go from being happy and confidentish to nervous nelly in the blink of an eye. Too many "What ifs", too much analysis of the situation. My latest wobble is actually getting on! I make such a meal of putting foot in stirrup and making that leap of faith so to speak! She's only 14.1 for heavens sake!! Then I get off in a rush and cause her to jump a bit!
I did have a lovely groundwork lesson, right back to basics which was a real eye opener, and I have loved putting into practice and getting the results with P. In my dreams we are trotting across the fields, a little canter, in reality, dare I go that little bit further!! I have the sweetest pony I could have FHS!! I am so lucky though when my OH said it didn't matter to him whether I rode her or not, pressure lifted straight away. But I want to ride her!!

 

[hairycob]

My confidence has been missing for a while too. I think it ran away with my spare car key! My big issue is cantering after my youngster bogged off with me a few times last summer - you remember when the ground was rock hard when you hit it!
I have recently found an idea that is helping me a lot. I spent time thinking about canters I really enjoyed. I found ones on holiday work best as remembering the smells, sounds, colours is important. Every night I think about one as I go to sleep so I am relaxed & I focus on something in the memory - a deer that ran along beside us, the smell of wood smoke from a village, something like that. As soon as I start to tense up riding I focus on one of those memories & I find it instantly relaxes me. I had 3 really good canters at the weekend & even laughed when my son's horse spooked & mine swerved to avoid him.

 

[xxMozlarxx]

Just to add that I had NLP for my fear of flying, I have had serious panic attacks on planes and really made a fool of myself . Since the NLP I have flown without any serious panic, even looking out of the plane window.
Definitely worth a try if anyone gets really stuck.

 

[seoirse]

I have recently found an idea that is helping me a lot. I spent time thinking about canters I really enjoyed. I found ones on holiday work best as remembering the smells, sounds, colours is important. Every night I think about one as I go to sleep so I am relaxed & I focus on something in the memory - a deer that ran along beside us, the smell of wood smoke from a village, something like that. As soon as I start to tense up riding I focus on one of those memories & I find it instantly relaxes me. I had 3 really good canters at the weekend & even laughed when my son's horse spooked & mine swerved to avoid him.

I love this idea!!! Definitely going to try this too. Thanks!

 

[CathySirett]

ITs horrible when you lose your confidence -- my key moment was when I found myself crying when holding the end of a lead rope -- of a horse I was supposed to be riding!!

that's what started me on my own journey to confidence -- and what that blog is all about -- its all the stuff I know about confidence and use in my coaching every day -- I just wanted it to be out there for free as so many people can benefit from knowing it!

it's a great free resource -- and confidence is SO important as we are supposed to be having FUN with our horses, and when we are worried or scared that just doesn't happen!

Cathy

effectivehorsemanship.wordpress.com

 

[hairycob]

seoirse - it may be a good idea to warn anybody you are hacking with as I sometimes say what I am thinking about out loud & if you suddenly shout "forest" or "wood smoke" when you are cantering along the side of a wheat field your sanity may be questioned!

 

[seoirse]

It's a really helpful blog Cathy, I've already started to rate how I feel 1-10 to try and guage if I should be doing things and it really helping. I also like the bit about phew/yay as I have definitely been getting the two muddled up!

hairycob - love the idea of you cantering along shouting out random words!

I lunged in the school last night, had a terrible cold all week and felt grot which has prevented me doing very much so horse had 2 days off, to be fair though he's worked hard last few weeks so he probably needed a rest. He was a bit jolly last night on the lunge but he soon got bored and settled down so all is well and I was glad I hadn't decided to try and ride - we'd have been fine but he was just a bit full of it so I was pleased I decided to stick to lunging. I'm not riding today as its wet and windy which doesn't bring out the best in either of us at the moment, but my helpful guy at the yard is going to do something with him today for me. Then its meant to be sunny this weekend so I'm going to do something both days - not sure what yet, I'd like to try and get out on a little hack, but depends how I feel when I get to it!
Good luck everyone for a weekend of confident horsey fun!

 

[Barleyboo]

Another member here (in my 40s) and I agree that having a break from riding is a very bad thing. In my case it was because my old pony was losing his sight and I wasn't prepared to have him PTS all the time he was still healthy and happy and coping well, but couldn't afford to keep another to ride as well. During that time I also had two children which doesn't help the nerves either! Now I've got another horse and I feel sick at the thought of getting on him. There's no reason for it, I've never come off him and he's never run away with me. I've had him 5 years and I'm ashamed to say I've never cantered him. I don't think the poor thing knows how!

"The odd thing is that my old appaloosa was a bit of a sod, really pushed me and could be unpredictable, but I never felt scared on him, all my fear is with my current boy who is a lovely character."

You've just described me, right down to my old boy being an appaloosa!

 

[seoirse]

How's everyones weekend of riding been? Hope horses have all been well behaved and confidence giving!

I lunged yesterday as had the most awful headache and couldn't face putting my riding hat on! Lunged in the outdoor school which always brings out the worst in all our horses, in hindsight we should have built it somewhere else as its too close to the road and where the dairy cows hang out when they are waiting to go in to the parlour. Horse spent first few mins flouncing about snorting at the cows but then settled and went really nicely so I was pleased. I managed a hack out this morning and he was super good so very pleased with him. He had back lady this afternoon so needs a couple of days rest so I can just groom and stuff for a couple of days. A good weekend of horseyness! Just hope that the good feeling I have now lasts until Weds when I will get on him next.