I'm an anti-social livery and I need advice

Clodagh

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I too would favour the blunt-but-honest approach to the mother; reiterating that the daughter has done nothing wrong, and is polite and pleasant, it's just that you're tired after a full day's work and commute, and don't have the energy for company.

I enjoy my own company, but have come to realise that a lot of people find this an alien concept, and really need it spelt out to them.

I totally agree with this. Tell the truth and just explain that it is when you are escaping from your family and lovely though 'Girl's name' is, with her with you it is just not as good an escape as you would like.
 

Equi

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I don't tend to have this issue. I think i have a classic "resting bitch face" and kids are scared of me lol there is an older lady who has not yet found this a deterant though, but shes getting better. I just work on what im doing giving one word answers. If i want to talk to you, ill stop and give you my attention, but when i don't i will just carry on and mostly walk away. Im not very sociable.

Another of my tips is that when you are talking with them, bring in to conversation how much you enjoy being on a quiet yard cause you generally like to be alone to do everything cause thats your down time. Might be passive but it must work, cause im generally alone.
 
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Louby

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I'd feel the same too, I'd be fine on the odd occasion, but it would drive me mad every night. Slightly different but I used to be on a yard years ago, another liveries young child latched onto me, why I dont know as I must be the most unmaternal person going lol but she would grab my hand and go everywhere I went. Meanwhile Mum was doing all her jobs and ready to go home whilst Id done nothing as I basically couldnt. I admit to saying nothing as Im a wimp but left the yard soon after (not because of the child lol) so that was the end of that.
Probably the best way would be to have a word with Mum, just saying something like its 'me' time after a stressful day at work and you like some time to be alone and relax or if you find that difficult like I would, then start going at different times for a short while or riding as others have suggested.
Hope you get it sorted.
 

googol

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Thank you all for the feedback, i really appreciate it.
I genuinely want to be nice to the girl and remain friendly with her mum but equally i don't want to take responsibility for her or encourage her more to hang out with me. I know I could take time getting her to help with the mucking out and grooming or even letting her ride but put simply I like doing these things for my horse. As others have said she has a family horse she could do things for albeit he is too young and flighty for her to do much handling and riding but I'm not sure I'd be happy with her doing these things for me either. I think mostly she's lonely as she lives in a fairly rural area with no school friends nearby.
I don't want to bring the YO into this as I'm sure the policy is no unsupervised U16s but this would cause fall out and undermine the friendship I have.
I think for the next few days I will wear headphones and see how we get on! I suspect she will just follow me around anyway. If that doesn't work next week I'll speak to her mum.
I know come the middle of winter when it's freezing and raining horizontally and I've not seen anyone for 3 weeks I will be thinking "wouldn't it be nice to have someone to chat to"... Oh the joys of being a contrary, miserable, mildly eccentric woman!

Haha I could have written this too. A yard I was at was over run by kids and I used to LOVE having it to myself. I also enjoyed doing the tasks myself and was of course the only one who could do them right so I totally get where you are coming from. It’s a tricky one! I never resolved the situation, luckily the annoying kids at my yard tended to get bored quickly, and the other one was the YOs daughter who was actually much less annoying and I enjoyed riding with her occasionally as she made me do jumps and poles that I probs wouldn’t have done on my own lol
Good luck with the ear phones sounds like a good plan
 

Woah

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I would talk to her find out what's she's about. She's old enough to be a help and I'm sure if you took her out to the field filling water buckets and poo picking or get her to take the full wheelbarrow to the muck heap, you might find her presence rather less pressing and of use (there's nothing worse than someone wanting to talk/watch) when you're busy trying to get things done. If she doesn't like doing these jobs she'll likely stop hanging about, and if she does you can rave on to her mum about getting her her own pony or else hinting that she should be more involved with their family horse (because she's so keen!). If you make it clear from the offset that no free rides are available on your horse (just make up some excuse if you have to about why not), then she may back off a bit too. I definitely wouldn't say anything to her mum about not wanting her around all the time. The thing is at her age it could all change soon anyway (new friend to hang out with, new interest, anything).
 

Bob notacob

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I would talk to her find out what's she's about. She's old enough to be a help and I'm sure if you took her out to the field filling water buckets and poo picking or get her to take the full wheelbarrow to the muck heap, you might find her presence rather less pressing and of use (there's nothing worse than someone wanting to talk/watch) when you're busy trying to get things done. If she doesn't like doing these jobs she'll likely stop hanging about, and if she does you can rave on to her mum about getting her her own pony or else hinting that she should be more involved with their family horse (because she's so keen!). If you make it clear from the offset that no free rides are available on your horse (just make up some excuse if you have to about why not), then she may back off a bit too. I definitely wouldn't say anything to her mum about not wanting her around all the time. The thing is at her age it could all change soon anyway (new friend to hang out with, new interest, anything).

What a good reply. I was a kid like that,spent my early teens holding racehorses for the farrier , sweeping the yard , every basic job. I just wanted to learn and be part of a team . I wasnt looking for rides or rewards . it was just ....Horses. I knew instinctively who were the best stable lads ,the ones to learn from. Whether you like it or not , this kid has you bracketed as someone to learn from .
 

Sven

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You could try the "send away" technique, saw this on tv once a woman had issues with her husband interfering and following her around in the kitchen so she was coached by a dog trainer to send him away, by asking him to fetch things. He soon got fed up, but not as fed up as when he found out he was being "trained". Things like a pile of unravelled bandages to roll up, and as other have suggested filling buckets (even if you don't need them). Invent a list of jobs for her to do. I would speak to her mum and say she seems keen so I'm going to get her to do things for me, before you get accused of slave labour though☺️
 

MiJodsR2BlinkinTite

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They say the way to get rid of a child is to give it your full attention. I would boor her to death and give her some poo picking to do.

Yep this would be my strategy too! Let her "help" you: i.e. muck-out, sweep-up the yard, clean ALL your tack, polish your boots. She can then groom your horses to death and get them nice & shining. She can then get the relevant tool and tease-out all the hair and gunk from your grooming kit. After that give her your turnout rugs to brush out and clean, ditto stable rugs, numnah's, etc. Then when she's finished that little lot let her poo-pick the field........ after that sit her down and bore the pants off the kid by relating to her all your old Pony Club/Hunting tales and giving her the benefit of your "wisdom".

Gawd, I wish I could encourage a teenager hanging around my place like this who's young and keen and got energy, might get a chance of getting some of the jobs done around here!

But seriously........... whilst I may be (sort of) jesting; do bear in mind that the pimply kid who's a bleddi nuisance now and who hangs around like a bad smell, might turn out to be a real godsend in the not too distant future. Yes she may be a PITA at this time of your life, but give her a few more years on the clock, and a few more years riding & handling experience generally, and - presuming she keeps her interest in horses and doesn't go the Boyfriend route - she may well be a very useful little asset in a few years from now when you're mebbe needing someone to give you a hand and hey presto you've got a very useful asset i.e. a girl who's keen and available, and who has suddenly turned into a damn good little rider who's loyal to a fault and is appreciative of all the time and expertise you've given her, and who'll be only too pleased to come and ride out your difficult/sharp/young horse for you and do the stable-work to boot..............

Just saying.
 
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tallyho!

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Sorry try not read all replies... but I have been there.

Give her plenty of jobs to do. Make the most of it then be prepared for the Mum to complain you’re using her daughter and she’s never to see you again. Worked for me :D
 

9tails

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That kid would be so bored of mucking out and poo picking while I ride that she would never come back! Then I'd miss her company...
 

Elbie

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Another vote for just being honest with the Mum. Explain she’s lovely etc and you’ve been the horseless teen so understand but this is what you do for your down time and the reason you are not on the main yard and go at later hours so would ask she gives some space
 

Squeak

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I would talk to her find out what's she's about. She's old enough to be a help and I'm sure if you took her out to the field filling water buckets and poo picking or get her to take the full wheelbarrow to the muck heap, you might find her presence rather less pressing and of use (there's nothing worse than someone wanting to talk/watch) when you're busy trying to get things done. If she doesn't like doing these jobs she'll likely stop hanging about, and if she does you can rave on to her mum about getting her her own pony or else hinting that she should be more involved with their family horse (because she's so keen!). If you make it clear from the offset that no free rides are available on your horse (just make up some excuse if you have to about why not), then she may back off a bit too. I definitely wouldn't say anything to her mum about not wanting her around all the time. The thing is at her age it could all change soon anyway (new friend to hang out with, new interest, anything).

Agree with this. There must be some jobs that you don't like doing that she could do, it would also stop her just standing and talking the whole time. As said above as well there may come a time when you're very very glad to have some help. I also feel incredibly sorry for the girl, she must be very lonely and I doubt it will stay as intense as this for long. I'd be looking to turn her from a hindrance to an asset and you'd also get the feel good factor of having done a kindness, we've all been that horse mad kid. I still remember with a huge amount of gratitude the adults who took the time to teach and help me when I was younger.

Personally I think the earphone approach is a bit rude and unkind. She will know that you're doing it because you don't want to talk to her and as she likes you so much it could be very upsetting for her. I think you'd be better to explain to her mother that you need your own space than to do that.
 

abbijay

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How’s it going now?

I have mostly avoided the issue, I can't stand conflict anyway. I have made the most of my kids being away for a few days so I have gone at different times, then I'm away for a few days and then they're away for a couple of weeks. That should take us to the end of school holidays and the nights drawing in.
When I have seen the kid I have remained polite but not been overly chatty, answered her questions but not fully engaged in conversations and reciprocated questions to her.
My horse is also currently out of work and I have noticed her hanging around me less now she knows I'm not riding at the moment. That definitely makes me think she's hoping that by hanging around she will get a ride out of me.
Once normal service is resumed if she is still sticking to me like glue I will then have a quiet word with her mum.
 

DD

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another way to tackle it is the insurance issue. just tell her mum you cant ever let her ride because your insurance wont cover children riding your horse ( or anyone else for that matter if no one else rides it). Does away with any conflict type stuff and is generally accepted. So if she becomes a pest later in the year you might want to try this approach. And BTW thanks for the update .
 
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cundlegreen

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another way to tackle it is the insurance issue. just tell her mum you cant ever let her ride because your insurance wont cover children riding your horse ( or anyone else for that matter if no one else rides it). Does away with any conflict type stuff and is generally accepted. So if she becomes a pest later in the year you might want to try this approach. And BTW thanks for the update .

Absolutely. Especially after that court case where the rider was paralysed after riding her boyfriend's mother's horse......
 

abbijay

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another way to tackle it is the insurance issue. just tell her mum you cant ever let her ride because your insurance wont cover children riding your horse ( or anyone else for that matter if no one else rides it). Does away with any conflict type stuff and is generally accepted. So if she becomes a pest later in the year you might want to try this approach. And BTW thanks for the update .

That would work if I didn't let other people ride my horse but I do! I let one of the other liveries ride him the other week when she was there. She also knows my young children ride him so I think that's why she is interested. She has asked me directly before and I said no which her mum agreed with.
 

Fred66

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That would work if I didn't let other people ride my horse but I do! I let one of the other liveries ride him the other week when she was there. She also knows my young children ride him so I think that's why she is interested. She has asked me directly before and I said no which her mum agreed with.

Maybe a halfway house. Say that she is a lovely child and you quite enjoy her company some of the time but that you do like to have me time too.

You could either fix days where you are happy to have her visit or you could leave it that either you text mum or mum texts you to check its ok before she comes over.

This way might be easier to keep friendly with Mum and also keep time for you as well ?
 
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