Im so ashamed of myself

I think i feel bad because he has been beaten my other horse would not have got away with any of it but must say wouldnt dare try its taken me a while for him to trust me to pick up his feet groom his head as he was head shy i have ordered controller halter i am now wearing a hat must say it was the first time he reared on me bit of a shock really but i trying to reason with myself was it temper or fear that made me lash out if it was temper i dont think i the right owner for him which is my worry i wont give up on him whats so bad one day comes in like a donkey next he really bad theres no trigger for it i do praise him alot when he good and normally growl when he bad but i hate rearing lets just hope it was the first and last time he also came to me skin and bone now hes not maybe feeling a bit to good
 
Whether you did it in temper or not I don't think it's an issue as you evidently feel guilty about it. I am not sure anyone can truly 100% say they have never ever lost their temper with ahorse over the years. I fully admit i have on occasion in the past got very angry with mine and shouted and slapped him as his behaviour has been rude, dangerous and out of order (barging through stable doors and me, knocking me over etc etc). I have immediately regretted ever losing it with him and in all honesty he doesn't seem to havebeen affected by it ever. In fact, even losing your rag with him doesn't seem to make any difference so I know it is pointless gettingmad at him. Ok, so he may listen for 2 mins after the 'event' but his ears are like a sieve - and he is verey sleective in what he chooses to remember! Lol

I had (and still have) a pony who was very sensitive and quite nervy when i got him and god yes, if he was shouted at (I didn't as he didn't do anything to make me) i have no doubt he would 'remember' it and would become more nervy. There have been incidents with him where he's panicked about something and it takes a good long while to get him to get over it. He too was head shy when i got him, had been through various dealers and owners (very talented pony but psychologically he couldn't cope in a competitive environment), you couldn't tie him up, get him in or out of a stable without drama and he used to cower in the back of a stable so I don't doubt he had suffered some heavy handling BUT we didn't continue that the same as you aren't so he soon turned into a much calmer, trusting pony. He may well be 'scarred' from his past but just remember you are not continuing the bad treatment so don't let it prey on your mind.
 
I've been there; I bought a new horse a few months ago, she was bit bolshy with me, I totally misread the situation & gave her a couple of smacks, which achieved nothing, just upset her & made her even more difficult, she wouldn't even let me get on her!
I took a step back for a couple for months & just lunged, brushed & did ground work with her.
Everything is fine now but it really knocked my confidence, as I got it so wrong.
As he came to you skin & bone have you been feeding him up? Maybe changing his diet will help, do you have any experienced friends you trust who can help you out a bit?
Try not to feel too bad, animals are very forgiving, if you're nice to him the rest of the time I'm sure he will forgive you!
 
He only on lots of hay and handfull of safe and sound iv even taken his apples away it doesnt help i live on my own so nobody to help me as he in my back garden my biggest fear is my other animals who would look after them if i got hurt
 
A badly behaved horse needs telling off no matter what its past. they are to big to have no respect, it will get over it,
 
BonneMaman said:
Yes - and I expect you flinch too when he looks like he is going to play you up again??

Personally, I think he deserved it - he did try to hurt you!

Spend a bit of 1 on 1 time with him grooming and scratching and he will soon learn that you don't hit all the time. But DO NOT go soft on him due to guilt and let him get away with murder!

Good luck.
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I don't condone hitting horses unnecessarily but I agree that he was deliberately aiming for you and therefore he should be told its wrong.

Don't forget that if he did that to another horse in the field they would have returned the gesture to him by kicking, biting, rearing bucking at him and possibly causing a lot more damage than you have. Horses are big animals and a smack once in a while doesn't usually have a disastrous impact unless you are doing it every day which you clearly are not. Each horse is also an individual and they all have differing tolerance levels of what they are prepared to accept. For example if I tapped my Anglo Arab on the nose for biting he would be deeply offended and mistrust me immediately but my 9 month old cob would not be bothered at all.

I would get yourself some help though. If you were having problems in ridden work you would have a lesson so why not pay for someone to come and help you with handling? There must be a sympathetic but firm teacher in your area. This is something he has learnt to do and he knows it scares you and he will continue to do it and push your buttons because he knows your scared.

Good luck
 
Ashamed or Dead?
Ashamed or Dead?
Ashamed or Dead?
Ashamed or Dead?
Ashamed or Dead?


Why are you ashamed? Your horse made a chice to rear on you - it was the wrong choice.
 
I really would not be so hard on yourself, i have done it in he past and i would still do it again if a horse went up infront of me because he could not get his own way.
There will be many that disagree with giving a hose a slap, but now and again it is needed it is what would happen naturally if they were in a herd situation.
At the end of the day everyone at some point lashes out
 
lottie940 said:
I don't condone hitting horses unnecessarily but I agree that he was deliberately aiming for you and therefore he should be told its wrong.

Don't forget that if he did that to another horse in the field they would have returned the gesture to him by kicking, biting, rearing bucking at him and possibly causing a lot more damage than you have. Horses are big animals and a smack once in a while doesn't usually have a disastrous impact unless you are doing it every day which you clearly are not.
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Totally agree with the above - his buddies would of inflicted far more damage than you have done with one smack.
 
I agree with everyone.
You made a mistake (haven't we all!!) and when something like that happens so quickly I would rather wack a horse then have it sat on my head! My life over theirs I am afraid.
A hat lungeline and pressure halter may be the way forward, a bit of protection and if he acts up on a lunge line you can get out of the way and not feel so trapped!
There are loads of professionals out there that can help you with this kind of thing. Or even a good experienced instructor can help you. You can always build the trust back and I agree with others when they say it probibily did him no harm to know he can't rear at you!!
Get a good instructor or behaviourist out to help you both bond and once the bond is there and you trust eachother, the problem will probibily solve itself :)
Izzi x
 
Don't be ashamed of yourself. He deserved it.

When he was young if he'd done that to his mum she would have disciplined him with a good hard bite or kick - and he would know WHY he got it too.
 
Op don't be ashamed and thank you for posting this.

My mare has had a personality transplant and yesterday whilst I was hand grazing her in the garden went up in my face and tried to lash out with her front legs at me as she came down and I was aghast and stepped back from her and feel a fool for not telling her off. But again like yours she's had a crap past and been beaten etc and flinches when someone new approaches her or tries to touch her. She also would freak out if I shouted at her.

I did then make her walk around and stop, turn go backwards etc and then took her back to where she had taken exception and made her stand there for a moment to prove my point. I also tied her up and groomed her for 10 mins to again make my point of you being a beast does not equal you being left alone in your field to do as you please.

But I now feel did I do the right thing and how do I tell her this is not the way to behave?

I think a control halter may well be a good idea just yet more expense :( and again yes I will be handling her on a longer line with hat and gloves on from now.
 
I wouldn't condone anyone hitting any animal but you acted on the spur of the moment and I would think your survival instinct would have been in control. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your horse must learn that rearing is unacceptable, especially the aiming at your head bit!! I'd do lots of ground work to rebuild the trust, I'm sure it won't take too long.
 
If you where ever going to get a ton of ppl turn on you and say your wrong, it would be on this forum.....(that sounds nasty and its not meant to, i just mean people speak more freely than say a friend, or fellow livery would)

However they havent, and no you werent wrong as such, you acted in a spur of the moment panic, yes you shouldnt have hit, but he shouldnt have reared and aimed at you.

Spend a little more time with him over the next few days, take him for a few in hand walks, and have some nice grooms and he will be fine with you.
 
Don be so hard on yourself, he will come around. Just takes time! they need to know thats not acceptable, and you acted on instingt.

There are cruel people in the world who would have done alot worse to him, hes lucky to have you.;)
 
Sounds like a very reasonable reaction (on your part) to me - he might think twice before doing it again!

One of mine 'larks about' sometimes in his excitement to get to the field and no amount of reprimanding seems to deter him from jigging and jogging bout behind me. I'd flatten him if he went past and on the few occasions he has 'gone up' in exhuberance, he has been under no illusions that it is NOT acceptable. I think his mother was a rhino, the thickness of his skin...

On the other hand, even a scowl in the direction of our mare has her quivering! He may well have got his feet a bit too well under the table, so to speak, and your minor explosion has reminded him who exactly is in charge. If he's just warier of you, then that's fine - it's only if he's cowering in a corner and not letting you near that you may have overcooked it a bit!
 
Agree 100% with everyone else, you shouldn't feel bad at all. My youngster went through a very brief bolshy phase and got put in her place rather swiftly when she stepped out of line. She didnt like it, but forward 3 years and she now never puts a foot out of line, has perfect manners on the ground and ridden and is a joy to handle, she's never needed telling off since, not even a raised voice. He needs to know that YOU tell HIM what to do, not the other way around. In a wild herd the "top" horse would bite and kick the others to put them in their place, so its not going to affect him too much im sure. He just needs to learn to respect you.
 
I honestly have no idea why you are feeling bad about this. Maybe I'm too harsh but I would have done exactly the same. He needs to understand that trying to kill you is NOT acceptable and he has to respect you at all times. Horses need clear boundaries or they will make them up for themselves. If you had let him get away with behaviour like that it could have escalated into a worse mess.
 
Don't beat yourself up. Smacking your horse when it does something like that DOESN'T make you an evil horse abuser, it's a big animal and cannot be allowed to push you around, be ignorant, or do something that dangerous. As someone on my yard once said - there's no way you'll hurt him as much as another horse would have done in the same situation.

He'll trust you again, don't worry.
 
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Sometimes with horses things can get very dangerous and you have to do what you can to save yourself. I wouldn't feel too bad about it, I bet there's a good few of us on here who have been in similar situations and done similar things to stop something worse happening. I don't like hitting horses, but you weren't just randomly beating him, you were trying to stop his feet landing on your head. Not an unreasonable reaction, don't beat yourself up over it :)
 
well i got him in tonight with gloves hat body protecter and whip he bolted but didnt rear i suppose i cant have everything i have worked out he hates the headcollar getting tight but if he gonna bolt there is no choice i was ready for him this time im not really scared of him its after the event i think what if and then get scared if that makes sense i have so many other animals to take care of who respect me sometimes i think thats why he was going for meat
 
Dont be so hard on yourself. I am fairly sure that most of us on here have done things they would rather not admit ot if we were honest. What would have been the alternative? Half a ton of horse on your head is not condusive to good health.

I have a bolshy boy, who is now nearly 18, and although mostly well mannered, and definitely well mannered when I am riding, he has been allowed to know his own strength by his idiotic, moronic last owner. I used to keep my 'Naughty stick' one inside and one outside of the stable, as he would either try and run me over out the stable door, or he would try and ram me into the side of the stable inside. Lets just say he is much better now and the 'Naughty stick' is now not needed.

Dont worry, just work on your relationship, dont beat yourself up over it, and I am sure it will all be fine. Maybe getting a bit of professional help as well might help you and him out.
 
Double_choc_lab said:
Totally agree with the above - his buddies would of inflicted far more damage than you have done with one smack.
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^^^ This, after I had my horse a week, he went to double-barrel me in the stable. I gave him an almighty whack on his belly with the heel of my hand and he has never tried it since. I feel assured that I didn't hit him as hard as another horse would have.

Also, since I have been having lessons with my trainer - who is a very kind understanding man, he has taught me that horses understand consequences (so to speak) and that if my horse misbehaves, he gets a penalty. I am not saying I beat him - but I make him do something undesirable eg turning in a circle, until he accepts that the other option (ie doing what I want him to) is easier for him.

I think that the Intelligent Horsemanship route could be the best way. I don't think it is bunny-huggerey (!) but may help to regain both your confidence & that of your horse.

Good luck & don't feel bad.
 
There was a horse on my yard once that was an absolute B to bring in, he would rear and come at you, and then try and spin at you and lash out with his back leg. His nervous owner did nothing to check this behavior - he was trying to dominate her, after months of him dominating her he asked the livery service to start bringing him in, after a week they refused to do it as the behaviour was so ingrained that he was considered dangerous and the YO was not willing to put her staff at risk. She moved the horse to somewhere she could herd him in and out - like that is a solution - he finally got her before Xmas and she has now sold him - good luck to the new owners I say! Had she dealt with this at the start it would not have become the issue that it is now. I think you did the right thing, horses are too big and strong for rude/dangerous behaviour like that and the example above, although extreme, goes to show how far this can go if left unchecked.
 
I don't think that you should be hard on yourself for what has happened, reflex actions as you describe cannot be helped.

It is quite normal for horses to rear, but when you are with your horse you need to be in control of whether and when he can rear or not. When you have a horse that rears at you, you really need a long lead rope, 12' at least, so that you can be out of harms way, but still on the end of the rope. short lead ropes have the effect of pulling you into the line of fire, if you hang on, or encouraging you to let go. Once you let go, the horse realizes that if it goes up, you let go so they do it all the more.

With a horse like this, micro managing the head makes their behaviour worse. Holding on to the lead rope under their chin causes them to resist you, so you need to give them plenty of room by giving them plenty of rope.

I would suggest lots of ground work, teaching him to disengage his hind quarters so that he faces you, will stop the bolting. Basically, all horses are looking for a leader to make the decisions, if he does not perceive you as a leader he will feel he has to make his own. Horses are not 'naughty' they just make decisions which are different to what the handler wants, because they do not see the handler as an effective leader.

Only mares are ever lead horses, stallions never and conseqently geldings, therefore, it should be born in mind that although not leaders geldings and stallions can be dominant, and often play a second in command role within a herd. Trying to out dominate a dominant horse can result in constant battles which are unpleasant for both horse and handler. Through effective groundwork you should establish yourself as a leader he can be confident in following, the more confidence he has in you the easier he will be to handle on the ground and in the saddle.
 
I would like to give a big thankyou to everyone who posted their support for me i did feel really down because me and the new horse had come so far then lost everything in one day i have spent time with him and brushing him and trying to build up the trust again he still flinches at me but this will take time getting him in is still a nightmare when i get him i look like im going in a boxing match so much padding im sure we will get their in the end and all your advice as been brillant and i hope i dont have to resort to strong tactics again and have another crying post
 
AndySpooner that was very interesting thank you.

Can I just ask re rearing. How do you tell your horse this isn't acceptable? My mare did this in my face for the first time on Thursday I think out of high Jinx but not very amusing any tips on avoiding such future explosions. I shall get a longer line but for now will use the lunge line as like you said she was pulling me towards her and really not where I wanted to be. Luckily I dodged out the way but was shaking like a leaf afterwards.

We do ground work but I think I need to re-establish this as we are a little out of practice as I really thought we were past that stage as she had been a dream until this week.

Horses hey - never a dull moment :D

Tracey keep up the good work. I am sure I read in one of Richard Maxwells books on disengaging the hind quaters when a horse tries to rush off when being led. I'll have a dig around in my book case and let you know which book it was as I am sure there are lots more useful bits in the book. We all go through cr*p times even when we have an established relationship ( I have had T nearly 2 years) but hey it's all part of lifes rich tapestry ;)
 
Please don't be ashamed. I would say learn from your mistake and move on.

Trust is important but so is respect. We have had to retrain our lad to lead nicely,he used to rear, spin etc. it takes a lot of patience and time. I would say respect first, then trust. He needs to understand that you are the boss and he is not, I would take it right back to basics and start again. And please always wear a hat around him until he is sorted. Please believe me he will get sorted, my lad was notorious and now is described as a gentleman on the ground.

FDC
 
jemima_too said:
It's done. Hopefully he's learnt that you mean what you say, provided you are as sweet as normal with him and firm when he needs it the trust will soon come back, along with hopefully better manners.

Ignore the flinching, other than to speak calmly and cheerfully to him, get it into your head that you have now established yourself as herd leader and that he will now respect you more.
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^This^

There is only so long that you can give a horse a settling in period, adjusting, time to recover, consideration of their past.

If you continue to think of their past as an excuse for behaviour which results in you feeling guilty then problems will arise. Be kind but be firm, take into consideration but do not excuse any issues with past treatment. Horses who have difficult pasts often need firm leadership and security. Your horse will soon learn that you are not abusive, you are kind but will not accept bad or dangerous behaviour!
 
Beatrice5 said:
Can I just ask re rearing. How do you tell your horse this isn't acceptable? My mare did this in my face for the first time on Thursday I think out of high Jinx but not very amusing any tips on avoiding such future explosions. I shall get a longer line but for now will use the lunge line as like you said she was pulling me towards her and really not where I wanted to be. Luckily I dodged out the way but was shaking like a leaf afterwards.

We do ground work but I think I need to re-establish this as we are a little out of practice as I really thought we were past that stage as she had been a dream until this week.

Horses hey - never a dull moment :D

Tracey keep up the good work. I am sure I read in one of Richard Maxwells books on disengaging the hind quaters when a horse tries to rush off when being led. I'll have a dig around in my book case and let you know which book it was as I am sure there are lots more useful bits in the book. We all go through cr*p times even when we have an established relationship ( I have had T nearly 2 years) but hey it's all part of lifes rich tapestry ;)
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Regarding groundwork, I don't believe that this is something you should consider 'well, we've done that now'. These are exercises that should be done most days. I know a lot of people lunge their horses prior to riding, but this, I feel doesn't engage the brain (horses) enough. I like to run through several different exercises involving changes of speed, direction, a few jumps. Having the horse back up 20yards or so move sideways left and right, and to mirror me. Weaving through cones, figure of eights etc. In fact my horse now likes a game of football, which she's pretty skilled at.

Rearing as high jinx is ok, just keep giving them a job to do, eg. 'you can rear, but now back up 20 yards'

It's with regular brain training that the horse accepts you as being the decision maker and starts to ask 'What next?' rather than 'what about this?'.
 
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