in shock, need to vent

weesophz

weesophz

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just got a text telling my YO finally passed away today after battling cancer since july last year.

i knew it was coming but not as soon as this, cant take it in. she did so much for me, i wouldnt have fox if it wasnt for her. she looked after him and took charge when he fractured his leg when i was on holiday a couple of years ago, shes always been there to advise me when he's being a total turd, i dont know what im going to do :(

i know i need to keep strong and all that, but her daughters horse is stabled next to mine, and i have no idea even what to say to her. ive been close to the family since i moved to the yard 7 years ago. so so gutted.

sorry for the depressing post, sitting at home alone with no one to talk to :(
 
me too ems, its been awful, especially big jim moping about. no idea what im going to say to any of them when i see them now. such a crap crap situation. so true thats the only plus that shes not suffering, she'd been really bad this week so i should have known but think i was in denial :( yeah i will thanks xxx
 
It's too big to take in, you can't help but bury your head in the sand. Whatever you say will be right because they know that you loved her so its coming from the heart xxx
 
Sorry to hear :(

If possible it may be nice to offer her horse to be done for a bit. She may want to dive into the horse or it may be the last thing on her mind right now.

If you are happy writing a card that might be nice too. Other half and I both have kept all the cards from close family members dying. It's lovely to read back through and see how someone you loved touched so many lives even years later. We had lots of photos which we had never seen sent too which were really nice

Look after yourself too xxx
 
Yeah PJ i was thinking of offering to do her horse, just not sure when to give her a text as it only happened at 3pm today and i dont want to dive right in there. what do you think i should do?

thank you xxx
 
I had a lot of phone calls as soon as people knew and texts. In my situation I was very grateful that people wanted to send their condolances and offer help or just to listen. It was far nicer than the people who would look away when they saw me as they didn't know what to say. I also took a friend up on the offer to call any time day or night as it was sat up through the night I just needed to talk and not sit there thinking.

However I know other people would want to be left to it, so very personal.

Sorry that's probably not much help x
 
weesophz said:
... no idea what im going to say to any of them when i see them now...
Click to expand...

My brother-in-law used to be in the funeral business, and he has said that it usually doesn't matter that much what you say, only that you say something and that you don't avoid them or the subject. So just say something simple, like offering your condolences, say that you're sorry or that you don't know what to say.

Many years ago one of our neighbours died, about two weeks later my mother went out to our car, when the widow also came out to go to their car, so my mother just went over and said something like "How are you now?" And the widow became both sad and happy, because when she had been out walking she had seen friends, but they had walked over to the pavement on the other side or done other things to avoid her, and there came my mother, a neighbour that she only knew vaguely, and walks straight up to her and asks about how she is now. So whenever they happened to met afterwards, the widow usually said something about how nice and compassionate my mother had been that day.

(((Hugs)))
 
That is very sad. i would say too, do say something to the family. Even just 'i am so sorry about your mum, she was such a wonderful person'. IT makes a massive difference. IF you dont say something, it will be harder and harder to speak to the family. x x
 
Say what you feel.

"i'm so sorry........ Such a shock........ She was a fabulous person......meant a lot to me........ Very special......... If I can do anything...." Etc

What we found really comforting when we lost a close family member suddenly was hearing how many people loved him and hearing how special he was to so many. We had some lovely letters and cards.
 
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